Electric Blue

“I have some good news,” Lana said, smiling ear to ear.
“What is it?”
“Burley is coming home today,”
“Are you serious!? That’s awesome!”
“That’s why Laretta has been taking so long to come home, she’s was in the area the other day, and knew that it wasn’t long before he was getting out. Turns out they let him out a few days early anyways.”
“Wow, I’m so happy for you. You must be stoked. We’re gonna have to organize something to celebrate.”
“Yeah, I’ll call some people once he’s on his way home. With our family it doesn’t take long for good word to get out, especially when it’s a ‘homecoming’ party.”
“Uhm, by the way, I also called you in to ask you something else…” she paused. “On a serious note… Are you like, into my brother?”
I should’ve seen that, that question was coming. How was I to answer that? I wasn’t into him, but at the same time, I did enjoy his company a little more than I probably should, even before we kissed. “Poppy?” Yep, I paused for too long again, answering questions in my head before out loud again. This was never a good idea because then I struggled making sense of it enough to get it out into words.
“Uhm, well… No, not exactly.”
“Poppy, whatever’s going on in your head right now, there is no judgment here in this house, and secrets stay secrets.”
“My answer still doesn’t change, I like Lindon, a lot as a friend, and he’s family, you know. Just like you and Burley. He’s got a really good heart and we were talking a little this morning and we seem to have a lot of similar interest and dreams. He just seems to really have his head screwed on. There’s just something about him, he’s slightly intriguing still even though I feel like I’ve known him forever now.”
“Yeah, that’s Lindon. You’re right, there’s something about him.”
“I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, because believe me I’m so deeply in love with Laretta, but Lindon’s got something that Laretta doesn’t. I feel like intellectually we have more of a connection that Laretta and I do, and I know that it seems like a strange thing to say after all the things her and I have been through, but- I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I do like him a lot, I’m definitely not in love with him or anything like that, and I don’t want to be more than good friends with him, but I feel like at this point, maybe we’ve already gotten too close for comfort and it’s too late for me to start thinking about it now. I just don’t want Laretta getting any weird vibes when she gets back, because I want our friendship to last and I want my relationship to last too.”
“I know exactly what you’re saying, I do, and I swear to you on my own life and on everyone else I love that no one will ever even get a tiny inkling of this conversation or your feelings. I owe it to you, for being so supportive to me in the last few months, when things started to get really hard having Burley away.”
“Thank you for being so understanding of it all, and pulling me aside,”
“No, thanks for trusting me and being so honest. If anything was going on I just didn’t want to be caught off guard, if you know what I mean.”
“Yeah fair enough. But believe me, you don’t have to worry about any of that.”
“I’m not in the slightest bit worried. Poppy, if at any stage your feelings change towards anyone, be it Lindon, Laretta, Burley, myself or anyone you meet, as long as you express it in a tasteful manner I will always be supportive of your decisions. Even if you’re just fed up with anything, all you gotta do is talk about it.”
“Thank you, that means a lot. It really does.”
“Are you guys coming back out or am I going to drink this bottle to myself!?” Lindon yelled through the window. I wondered how long he’d been standing there for. It didn’t matter to me, because it would have been good for him to know how I feel but at the same time I hoped that if he did hear it, I wouldn’t have to discuss it with him face to face, I wasn’t really good with that kind of thing. Partly because of my cheerful, kind nature, it was often taken as mixed signals of flirtation and vulnerability, and telling Lindon I wasn’t interested maybe wouldn’t come across the way I wanted it to.
“Go away,” Lana said, smacking his face through the fly screen. “We’ll be out in a minute.”
We joined him in the pool once more, listening to music and drinking up, trying to make the time go faster so I could see Laretta and Burley. After my chat with Lana, it was like I suddenly became hyper aware of Lindon flirting with me. Or maybe he actually was flirting with me more than he normally was, which, to me was a clear indication that he would have heard our conversation, and he was actually trying to win me over. I will admit, it made me feel pretty special.
Lana, Lindon and I got high and decided that we’d get the party started early, so we pumped the music and put the word out. Lana was right, it didn’t take long for people to start showing up, some on bikes, some in cars. It was a crazy sight to see just how many people actually turned up.
The clock was still ticking slowly, even though we were laughing and having a good time. After meeting a few people, I went back downstairs to call Laretta. I knew she wasn’t far off but I missed her.
Her phone rang out.
“Ok,” I said to myself. Then I guess the drugs were getting to me, I threw my phone across the room and it smashed on the tiles. “Fuck you.” I said out loud, remembering that there used to be a time where I could always contact her, where she was always by my side.
“You okay, Poppy?” I turned around to see Lindon at the bottom of the stairs, as usual with a smoke hanging out of his mouth.
I took a deep breath in and out, “yeah, I’m okay. Sorry if you saw me having a moment.”
“All good honey, don’t stress.” He came over. “Did you want a hug? Or is that the opposite of what you want at the moment?”
I sort of just glanced at him and said, “I don’t know what I want anymore.” I didn’t want my emotions to get the better of me but I cried anyway, and he hugged me. “Stop crying, you’re far too beautiful for that. Come back upstairs, stop stressing and we’ll party hard. We got the band here, and I KNOW you can sing girl. I’ve heard you walking around singing. You should get up and have a sing with Lana.”
“Oh I don’t know…” He grabbed me by the arm and yanked me up the stairs. “Wait Lindon, at least let me put some clothes on. I can’t go up in my bikini, I think people have seen half my body enough for the night.”
“Some people maybe,” he whispered to himself, again I couldn’t find a reaction to that, so I let him have that one and pretended to not hear it, even though we both knew I heard it. I went and got changed, locking the door behind me, just to be cheeky and make a point.
I got changed, and was half way through my makeup when there was a knock at the door. “Have you honestly been sitting there for that whole time? Give up,”
“POPPY, It’s LAAAANA BURLEY’S HOME!”
“YES! Alright wait for me, and I’ll be out in a second.” I tied my hair up and joined Lana.
“Sorry to disappoint you, but Lindon’s upstairs with Burley.” She drunk winked at me, and grabbed my hand, “No secret kisses for you.” then she abruptly left, stumbling up the stairs. All I could do was laugh and shake my head. I was actually really nervous about seeing Laretta again, but I was excited. I had missed her. I saw Burley first, in the kitchen, getting himself a beer.
“Welcome home,” I gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek, “You’ve tanked out.” I said, poking his biceps.
“That’s what happens when you got nothing to do but eat and work out for two years.”
“True, true. We’ve missed you heaps, especially Lana, it’s really great to have you back.”
“BURLEY!” –a loud welcoming call came from down the hall.
“I’ll leave you to it, but before that, have you seen Laretta?”
“No, not yet.”
“Okay, thanks.” I walked away, before realising what he’d said. ‘not yet’
I thought she was the one who picked him up. I went outside, looking for Lindon, couldn’t find him either. Lana was up on the stage, singing with the band, and she pulled me up, against my will of course, but I joined in. I was glad I did, because I saw Lindon at the other side of the pool, grinning like an idiot. When really, I was the one who felt like an idiot. I jumped off stage at the end of the song and downed some shots, to help me relax just a little. “Ah tequila, my best friend” I thought to myself. I joined Lindon and lit up a smoke for the both of us.
“Thanks,” he said.
“No problem,”
“Actually, I’ve got a present for you.”
“Uhm, okay? I won’t protest.” He put his hands over my eyes and told me to hold my hand out.
“Surprise,” he said, removing his hands from my eyes. In my hand layed a packet of cigarettes. Cheeky fuck.
“Oh how thoughtful, just what I wanted.” I smirked. “But these are MINE mister.”
“Okay, okay… Bitch.” He playfully punched me in the arm.
“Oh starting this are we?” I put the packet in the back pocket of my jeans, and bridged up. “Come on then,” I said, swinging playful punches in the air, just inches from his face. He caught one of my arms, as I went in. twirled me around, like we were dancing or something and left me standing now so that my face was closer to his, and stroked my hair from my face.
“Are you still pulling those moves, Mr. Smooth?” Lana interrupted. I blushed. “Listen, uhm we need to talk to you, we were going to wait, but we think it’s important you know now rather than later.”
“What is it?”
“Come inside.” Lana lead the way, back downstairs and into my room, Lindon followed, holding my hand. At that stage I wondered if I was paranoid from the shots kicking in or I actually knew something was really wrong. Everything went through my head. I thought for sure, I was going to be kicked out. Burley was already on the bed waiting. “I think you’d better sit down for this.”
I complied.
“I’m just gonna get straight to the point Poppy, no point fucking around… Laretta’s not coming home.”
SHOCK hit my system like a fucking lightning bolt. “She’s dead?” was the only thought that I could conjure up. I could feel that my eyes were wide, I had let go of Lindon’s hand.
“Why, where is she?”
“I’d really like to help you there sweetie, but we don’t know. All I know is that, she’s safe. She called about ten minutes ago, she only said that she was safe, and she needed to go ‘home’ now.”
“I am home.” I whispered, going back through my memories, remembering our time at the lake, and when she told me that no matter what, she’d never leave me. I cried my eyes out, but I felt pretty stupid and angry with myself for letting her manipulate me for so long. I suddenly felt real anger towards her, like nothing mattered anymore. I was just another game played.
“We’re sorry, Poppy.” Burley said.
“Don’t you be sorry, it’s not your fault. She left her family.” I wiped my tears, and realised there was no point crying about it. I knew that it was going to end sometime, somehow it was just a matter of when, but I thought that maybe there was a good chance that it would last a little longer than it did and would end for a legitimate reason.
“Why don’t you come back upstairs, and try and enjoy the night. I’m really sorry we had to bring it up now like this, but we thought its better you find out sooner rather than later.”
“I will, I will definitely come up and try and keep it out of my mind until I’m sober and can process my thoughts and emotions in a proper way. But can I just have five minutes please?”
“Take as long as you need, you know where to find us.”
Burley and Lana left, Lindon followed behind them, after taking my hand and squeezing it once more.
“Wait,” I said. “Lindon, can you stay?”
“If that’s what you’d like.” He sat back down on the bed next to me. It felt weird confiding in him because of everything that had happened between us in the past few days, but I needed someone.
“I feel pathetic,”
“It’s not your fault Poppy,”
“I know it’s not my fault. I just don’t even know if I can talk to you about this.”
“Of course you can. Let’s put all the bullshit behind us, start afresh and pretend like nothing ever happened between us, no biased comments, nothing like that. Just a friend lending a shoulder.”
“Sounds good. I’m just so angry, I just can’t understand why she didn’t tell me first, or even have the heart to come back and tell me there was a problem, she didn’t even come and get her stuff. I just don’t get it. I know that I’ve done some stuff I shouldn’t have done while she was gone, but I was ready to tell her. I was accepting of her ending it with me if that was the case, but the fact she had no clue and just up and left without a word. It hurts, I thought I meant more to her than that.”
“The only thing I can really say to you is, don’t be angry at her. It truly is a fucked up situation she’s put you in, but you know, everyone has their reasons for doing what they do in their life, and you never know what hers was. It doesn’t make it right, for your sake, but I’m sure there was a reason. It might be as hard for her as it is for you.”
“I’m trying to understand that. I really am, it’s just from my point of view there IS no reason for her to do this and just pretend like I don’t exist or something anymore. I’d be able to handle it if I just knew. I’m an understanding person and I knew that at some point things would end but I never thought like this.”
“Give it time, you never know. She might explain eventually.”
“I hope so. I’m really sorry, I didn’t want to drag you into this.”
“You’re not dragging me into anything, there’s the door, I’m free to leave at any point.”
“I just know how hard it must be on you, because obviously you have some kind of feelings towards me, and here I am crying over someone I supposedly ‘love’ while I’m here leading you on. The whole situation’s fucked.”
“Let’s leave it at no hard feelings, we’ll go back upstairs, enjoy our night and I’ll help you as much as you need in the morning, when we’re sober. I don’t think any less of you for any of this, you’re a beautiful person and will have me by your side for as long as you need it, friend or not, I won’t do what she did and just leave, you have my word on that.”
“Yeah, thank you. I’m glad that someone cares.”
We rejoined the party, and the first hour or so felt like multiple and at first, the more I drank, the more I kept thinking about her coming back, forgetting that she wasn’t. I sat with my feet in the pool, gazing over the water, involved in nothing but my thoughts and my alcohol. I knew I was coming down from the drugs earlier too, and I needed more, I didn’t need to be upset still.
I got in the pool with Lindon, he really helped me feel better about everything, we laughed and joked, and splashed and messed around. I went up to his face this time, so our noses just touched, my legs were wrapped around him and his arms were around my shoulders. We grinned, huge idiotic grins at each other, and made faces. He was like a best friend that I could turn to whenever I wanted, a peaceful place away from home. He leant in, and whispered in my ear, “You know I have an idea,”
“Oh really?” I smiled and whispered back.
“You know what makes swimming feel a thousand times better?”
“No, what?”
“Being… NAKED!!!” he shouted, taking his pants off and flinging them through the air, everyone else in the pool joined in, also taking off their clothes. I stood and stared at Lindon; laughing through shock and embarrassment.
“Come on then, take it off.” He whispered again in my ear, soon a chant followed, “TAKE IT OFF, TAKE IT OFF!” I could feel my face going red and I shook my head. Lindon leant in to whisper in my ear again, “well, if that doesn’t float your boat, I’ve got another idea.”
“What’s that?”
“Come inside,” our faces returned to their original positions; nose on nose.
“I thought it was quite clear I didn’t want to get naked.” I smirked.
“Don’t be silly, we’re not getting naked. Just trust me.”
“Okay,” he put his pants back on, grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the pool.
“Where are you taking me?” I said, expectantly.
“Would it kill you to be patient?” He dragged me downstairs, past my room and into the spare bedroom at the end of the hall. “I’ll be back in a second, take a seat.” He said, walking into the ensuite and closing the door. I sat, legs crossed, and sung to myself, rocking back and forth, and finishing mine and Lindon’s champagne while I waited.
“Close your eyes,” he called.
“Okay, they’re closed.”
I heard the door open and his footsteps approach.
“Keep your eyes closed.” I could feel him next to me on the bed, as he placed one hand over my eyes. “Do you trust me?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Okay good, because you have to trust me with this, and can I trust you to keep your eyes closed?”
“Yes, just hurry up.”
“All haste and no speed with you isn’t it Poppy?” He grabbed my arm and told me to relax. I kept my eyes shut tight. I felt a tight band around my arm and I knew instantly what was happening, so I relaxed into it as much as I could. I could still feel myself twitching slightly. I could already remember how I felt before. The needle pierced my skin slowly, and I felt Harry connect to my blood as my arm dropped, eyes opened slightly and Lindon let go. I slumped back onto my bed, and stretched my arms out, Lindon soon joined me. Not a word was spoken.
Sweet bliss.
And with that, in the midst of chaos, beauty defined itself.
We continued to lay next to each other, looking into each other’s eyes, Lindon occasionally brushing the hair from my face.
“You said it made swimming feel better, so let’s go.” I said, quietly, grabbing him by the hand and pulling him up, I always loved how his chin was always at my eye level, it made me feel safe in his company, having a big man around.
I stroked his chin, and got up on my toes, looked him in the eyes and kissed him on the lips.
“What was that for?” he asked, with a slight smile on his face, eyes barely open.
“cause,” I smiled back.
We stopped at the fish tank and gazed for a while, then finally returned upstairs, the party was quiet now, with a few stragglers asleep by the pool. We waded in, spending a lot of time under the water, gazing at the fish yet again, through the bright blue and purple lights, lighting the water.
The mix of alcohol, smack and holding our breath underwater after a while made it super hard to breathe and in retrospect the drinking and smack could have killed us alone, but in that moment, everything felt so good.
Not much was said between us for an hour or so, we just swam and cuddled… and kissed, a few times.
“I think we should call it a night soon, Burley will probably be putting us back to work tomorrow.” Lindon said.
“Good point. Well, let’s go to bed then, you can sleep in my room on the water bed.”
“That would be nice,” he smiled, before kissing me again. We held each other tight, feeling each other passionately.
“That’s better,” I thought to myself, I loved spontaneity but maybe this was what I craved all along with Lindon. It had felt right at the time, anyway.
We both dragged ourselves to bed, laughing and carrying on, rolling around in the bed like children. Before we knew it we were both asleep, it’s funny how something can make you go from wide awake to crashed out in a matter of seconds.