Dear World

Dear World,

Today I left the toilet paper roll off of the toilet paper holder. Now this is no different from any other day really. I don't give a flying monkey if the toilet paper is on it holder or not, it;s not something I think about. To me the stand that it sits on is a perfectly fine place to keep the toilet paper. But this morning when I went into do my girly business, powder my noes and reapply lip gloss duh there are no other reasons to go to a bathroom, and I noticed that the toilet paper was sitting behind the toilet. So I picked the roll up off of the floor, assuming one of my dogs had just wandered in and bumped into the stand that it had been sitting on knocking it over, and put it back on the stand. I then proceeded to do my girly business. And left the bathroom.

A few hours later I was sitting in my room watching Netflix when there is a single knock on my door. Before I answer it swings open and my uncle is standing there glowering at me.
"Get your ass into the bathroom and put the toilet paper on the toilet paper holder!" He shouts. And before I can respond continues "I know you used it because I put it behind the toilet to prove that you haven't been putting it on the fucking holder." as I blinked dumbfounded he shouted "Stop being so god dammed lazy all of the time!" before slamming my door shut and stomping down the hall. What the fuck?

For those of you who don't know, which is all of you, I live in a house with my grandparents and my uncle. My grandparents pay for everything, food electricity water and most importantly the wifi. My uncle and I live here free of rent or any expenses really. I do this because due to my depression and crippling anxiety, I can't get behind the wheel of a car without shutting down and having a massive panic attack, combined with a lack of public transportation in my area the I am unable to acquire a job. My uncle does this because he's a fucking asshole, he unlike myself is a licensed driver who not only has his own vehicle but a job that pays him a steady income that he receives at least twice a month.

My grandmother lets us live here because she refuses to deny anyone a place in her home. I am asked to cook dinner, go grocery shopping with my grandmother, unload put away and organize the food in the pantry and fridge after every trip, dry and put away dishes with her every night, feed the 6 cats and two dogs, take out the garbage, take care of my grandfather when my grandmother is driving her friend to the hospital, and generally do anything that needs to be done if my grandmother doesn't want to or cant handle something. I don't say this because I feel I'm being over worked, I only say this to show the contrast in workload.

My uncle is asked to do one thing, and if he is asked to do any other thing he starts shouting at my grandmother for her to get me to do it, he is asked take care of the front yard's lawn and flower beds so we don't have a trashy looking house. This wouldn't be a hard job for him, because that is literally his job, he works the grounds at a country club he takes care of lawns and plants all the time. NEVER ONCE HAVE I SEEN HIM DO THIS At OUR OWN HOME. In fact my grandmother got so tired of her front yard looking like ass that she had to hire a man to take care of it twice a month. Not only is he not doing the one job he was asked to do but because he neglected his job my grandmother has to PAY SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT. As much as I would love to take that price down for her every green thing I touch dies, its a well known fact in my family.

No rewind to him calling me lazy. The man could have EASILY taken the toilet paper roll and put it on the holder himself, but instead, he took it off of the stand and placed it behind the toilet. He went through the effort of entrapping me so he could yell at me for not doing something that HE HASN'T BEEN DOING EITHER. That Toilet paper roll has been sitting on that stand for three days! THREE WHOLE DAYS and not once did he lift a finger to put it on its holder either! If he was so bothered by it WOULDN'T IT MAKE SENSE TO DO IT HIMSELF!?

This is an example of the type of situations that I deal with on a daily basis, this kind of setup is something that he does all of the time to get me into trouble with my grandmother or just have another excuse to yell at me. I used to have to walk my dog every night, so he would hide her leash around the house, and if I couldn't find it, or I hadn't taken her out that night because I had a migraine he would burst into my room and yell at me for it.

He makes me so angry, but when I'm angry I cry, and it's hard to have an argument when you're sobbing. So I just buried my face in a pillow and cried for half an hour. Then I went into the bathroom and put the toilet paper on the fucking holder. I hate him. I hate him so much that I contemplate murder on an almost daily basis, but then I realize that I would go to jail. So its on the days that he makes me blindingly furious that I contemplate shaving one of his cats and slitting its throat on top of his bed. Which is terrible because I love animals. I would never hurt one, but HE MAKES ME WANT TO COMMIT KITTYCIDE.

He is also one of the reasons I consider killing myself on a daily basis. He goes out of his way to make my life miserable. And will scream and yell at anyone who tries to get him to do something he doesn't want, or anyone who tries to defend me. One day I want to fight him back. I want to make him so mad that he hits me. At least then the family will get so angry that they'll make him leave the house, and if they don't then I can just report him for assault. I have no other place I can go. I cant even leave the house when I want to.

I need to get away from here