Happy Anniversary.

My alarm broke me out of my barely-asleep state as the sun was rising the next morning. Slowly, I turned it off and got up, stretching and cracking my joints. Looking up at the ceiling, I groaned. Could I just never go to school again?
It wasn't necessarily that I didn't like school, it was more that I hated the people there. Rian and Vic were cool, but I wasn't feeling like talking to anyone today, not even them. They knew what yesterday was. Everyone knew what yesterday was, and that terrified me. It made me want nothing more than to curl up in my bed and sleep forever. But I think my parents would kill me if I missed another day of school. The school had already contacted them about my...habit of skipping class on multiple occasions.
Rolling out of bed, my feet padded across the soft blue carpet floor of my room. Pushing my bathroom door open, I stripped, took of the gauze from last night and hopped in the shower. Thank goodness, none of my cuts got infected. That had happened once before and it was not an experience I wanted to repeat. From there, it was choosing my clothes - black skinny jeans, Nirvanna hoodie, black beanie, and yellow vans - and rebandaging my now cleaned cuts. I ran back to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I hated that there was a mirror attached to the wall above my mirror. I was so trapped that I couldn't even do something as simple as brush my teeth without being ridiculed by my own mind.
Disgusting.
Fag.
Emo.
Fat.
Ugly.
Not good enough.
Even if I didn't hear these in my own mind, I would hear them at school anyways. Statistics say that bullying is the worst in grades 5-8. Yet here I was, a junior in high school, and I got bullied more than anyone I knew, younger and older alike. I never got physically bullied, but somehow, that was worse. I knew how to deal with physical wounds, and they faded much faster than mental wounds.
Finally ready to go, I ran downstairs, passing the kitchen without a second glance. Don't you dare eat, fattie.
I wouldn't dream of it.
The chilling mid-October morning air had me shivering. It sucked that Rian lived on the other side of town, so he couldn't pick me up and I was stuck walking. I would probably ask Vic, considering we were neighbors, but...it just wouldn't end well. Pulling the sleeves on my hoodie and clenching them in my hands, I continued the trek to school, thankful it was only a twenty minute walk, fifteen if I hauled ass. Pulling my iPhone from my back pocket, I went through my music until I found my favorite album, Deja Entendu by Brand New and putting it on shuffle. The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot was the first to come on. I shoved both earbuds into my ears and turned the volume up as loud as my ears would allow.
If it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again...
Shit, I never checked my tumblr inbox! I probably pissed off Jack for being a slow responder - something Rian constantly complained about. I bet he was already regretting trying to be friends with me. Who knows, maybe he was in a weird mood last night and he actually has no interest in talking to me on a daily basis. Regardless, my quickly numbing hands opened up tumblr and immediately went to check my messages. My heart stuttered when I saw I had a new message.
Good morningggggg Alex! Hope you have a good day at school :) I hope you're feeling better than you were last night. If you text in class, feel welcome to bug me all day. I don't really pay attention, like, ever. My day was made in those four sentences. I could feel my grin stretching from ear to ear. I probably looked really creepy to any passerbys, that's how happy I felt. He still cared!
Hey Jack! Honestly, I'm not feeling that much better, but I guess a little better is better than not at all.
I was too busy wrapped up in the world of Jack to see the trouble approaching me in the form of Vic's old green VW bug. It's not the car I would expect him to drive, but he loved it. He called her Cara and he cared more about her than he did his boyfriend.
The horn of his car made me jump about five feet in the air. I pulled one of my earbuds out as Vic rolled down the passenger seat's window so he could talk to me."Alex, hey! Need a ride?" Vic yelled over his boyfriend, smiling. Kellin, his boyfriend, smirked from the passenger seat and I faintly saw his brother, Mike, sitting in the back with a similar look.
Damn it.
"Yeah, Alex, get in!" Kellin commanded tauntingly. My breathing went shallow. How could I possibly get out of this? The way he looked at me and the tone of his voice told me I had no way to deny his offer.
"Ri-right." Kellin went to a different school than Vic, Mike, and I, and I was thankful I didn't have to deal with him usually. Although, when he was around, he made my life ten times worse than Mike ever had. The two of them have hated me since...I can't even remember when, and their goal was to make my life a living hell. They were a team, those two. I'm not sure which was worse, the fact that even though Vic was one of my best friends, I couldn't tell him any of the stuff his boyfriend and brother did to me, or that he had absolutely no idea what they did to me. You tell Vic, I will end you, were Kellin's exact words on the subject.
"How are you?" Vic looked at me suspiciously in his rear view window. That was why I hated this time of the year; everyone looked at me like I was some time-bomb that would explode with one wrong breath. And maybe I was; I could never tell.
I crossed my arms and slouched in my seat. "I'm okay." The sound barely passed my mouth, but regardless Vic nodded and turned his attention back to the road. Opening my window, I let the cold air cool the hot car. I put my earbud back in and reopened tumblr. Of course, Jack had already responded.
I'm sorry :( I'm here to make you feel better, if you'd like to talk about it... I had to bite the insides of my cheeks to keep the wide grin begging to stretch across my face at bay. I did not want to answer any of Mike's prying questions this morning, especially when I knew he would just use them against me later. The only person I even partially felt like talking to was Jack. I couldn't put my finger on what it was, but for some reason even the smallest words he sent me put butterflies in my stomach.
I didn't really want to talk about it, but somehow I found myself spilling my guts to this guy. My brother died on October 16th two years ago. Since yesterday was the anniversary, it was a really bad day. Idk, I hate living like this. I just hate living period, ya know? I knew it was a bad explanation, a bad excuse, but it was all I had.
One second, I was about to send my message to Jack, the next, my phone was getting snatched from my hands as Mike read my message. "No!" I meant to yell, but it only came out as a soft whine.
Vic and Kellin both looked back at us. Vic's face was confused, and Kellin's angry. I learned long ago that Kellin didn't need any reason to be mad around me except for the sheer fact that I was in his presence. You disgust me, I remember him telling me. I didn't take it too personally; I disgusted everyone and honestly, it was one of the nicer things he's said to me. "Mike? What are you doing?" Vic asked, his authoritative big brother tone coming out.
Mike scoffed, throwing the phone back into my lap. I grabbed it immediately and clutched it to my chest. "Nothing. Jeez, can't a guy just mess with his friend?" He lied smoothly.
Vic didn't respond, as we were pulling into Kellin's school to drop him off. "I loooove you, Victor Vincent." Kellin cooed in a sugar-sweet voice.
Cupping his lover's cheek in his hand, he pulled Vic in for a deep, open-mouthed goodbye kiss. "Damn it Kellin, can't you at least make out when I'm not fucking looking?!" Mike groaned, shielding his eyes. "I'm going to end up blind one of these days!"
Kellin laughed as he pulled away from a blushing Vic. "Love you too, Michael." He teased. "See you after school?"
"Of course." Vic grinned, grabbing a pair of dark sunglasses and sliding them on. "I love you too, babe."
Kellin slung his bag over his shoulder and smiled at the two brothers. passing my seat, he slapped a hand down on my arm, which I had sitting in the open window. "Ah!" I cried out in pain, pulling my arm into my chest and doubling over. He hit right where some of the worst of my cuts were. "Fuck," I moaned under my breath. Kellin was gone before I could look up, walking towards a large circle of people whom I assumed to be his friends.
"Alex?" Vic asked. I heard him unbuckle and turn around to me. Suck it up, Alex. Don't make a scene. Fucking drama queen.
"I'm fine, Vic. Just drive. We're gonna be late soon." I gasped. The stinging sensation had me squeezing my eyes tightly shut, willing the tears beginning to form away. I clenched my teeth and I felt Vic pat my back in comfort before he turned around.
Once I sat back up, finally able to deal with the pain, I felt Mike's eyes on my arm, a quizzical expression on his face like he was trying to see through my jacket and figure out why I had reacted so badly. Vic was looking back at me every few seconds with a sympathetic look, almost like he...understood.
No.
My stomach burned with worry. Not Vic, this happy, hyper guy who would always put everyone else before himself. "Alex, can I talk to you for a second?" Vic asked as we pulled into our school. Our town was pretty big, so they had to build two schools to house all of the students. Kellin went to the other, bigger school in our district, only about ten minutes away from ours.
Sweat pooled on the back of my neck. As cool as Vic was, I couldn't trust him. I knew Vic and Mike were close and that they told each other everything. Mike would positively use it against me if he found out about that.
I didn't answer as we got out of the car; I simply followed behind the boys until they went their separate ways.
"Have a good day, Alex." Mike whispered as he grabbed and squeezed the same arm Kellin had. I gasped softly, and by the time Vic turned around to face me Mike had already disappeared into the sea of awkward, hormone-crazed bodies we call high-schoolers.
Vic bit his bottom lip. "Come with me." He started walking quickly down the hallway. I struggled to keep up with him, even though my legs were much longer than his.
He took me to the old part of our school that no one used anymore. It was considered unsafe and I kept looking over my back expecting to see a teacher behind us to give us detention. "Calm down, Gaskarth. No one comes back here."
"How do you know?" I asked skeptically.
He looked at the ground, abashed. "Kellin and I like to skip school sometimes..." My nose scrunched up as I filled in the blanks.
We ended up in something that resembled a dilapidated room. There was a thin covering over the entire room of dust and cobwebs. Chairs and desks were stacked haphazardly and one side of the ceiling was caving in. I saw why they deemed this part of the school unusable. "Why did you bring me here?" The look he gave me told me he knew I knew exactly why we were here.
"I think you know."
"Please, enlighten me."
He rolled his eyes at me as he stood right in front of me, slightly too close for comfort. Almost like he was going to hold my hands, he pulled my wrists up so my forearms - only covered by my hoodie - were right in between us. "Do you wanna show me your arms, or should I look myself?" He whispered, his voice sad.
Suddenly, I was angry. I didn't want to be here, and I certainly didn't want Vic's sympathy. Whether he knew it or not, this was hurting me more than it was helping. I knew he would tell Mike everything we talked about. I couldn't let Mike know another secret part of myself. He already knew enough. I jerked my arms away from him and stepped back. "Don't fucking touch me." I growled, surprising even myself.
"Alex, calm down. I just want to help you. I probably shouldn't tell you this, but Kellin used to cut. I was the one who stopped him. I understand." As angry as I was, I couldn't stop the rush of relief I got from knowing Vic hadn't done this to himself. He was too...nice to be that sad.
"Don't act like you understand!" I exploded. "You don't, Vic. I'm sorry, but you really don't, and you won't ever. I don't want your sympathy and I don't need you to 'help me'."
Vic kept a calm demeanor, but crossed his arms and sighed. "Please, Alex. Don't shut me out. I know you don't think I can help - or anyone, for that matter - but I can. Just give me a chance." And I almost told him. The words wanted to dance off my tongue and my body wanted to collapse in relief that someone did notice, someone cared enough to notice that I was not alright. Then I remembered he was - for lack of better term - sleeping with the enemy, and the urge disappeared instantly.
My jaw clenched as the warning bell rang, signaling I had three minutes to go across the entire school to get to my first period math class. I spun on my heels, desperate to escape. "Alex! Hang on a second!"
I turned and got in his face. I saw my hot breath fan across his face, blowing a few strands of hair falling from his hat. "Don't tell anyone about this. I'm handling it." I said, slow and threatening before throwing open the door. "And you can go fuck yourself, Victor." I mumbled as I nearly sprinted down the hallway, thinking this little conversation was definitely not worth the detention I was sure to get for being late to class.