Your Life

Look Jack, I get it. You want me to tell you about my life. You're hoping for this ridiculously stupid cliche note. You want me to be open. You want me to be honest. I'm sorry I can't word as well as I write, and I don't even write that well.

I'd like to tell you that I love you. I'd like to tell you that you mean something to me. I wish I could mean it. I'm not that person. My home is my bones, not your lips. I dwell in your mind, but I'm not really living there. The world around me can burn but I'd be okay.

You could say I'm heartless. You're even probably right. But my real problem isn't my lack of heart, but my over use of soul and mind. I don't know what half way means. I either drown or die of thirst. I do not just do. I over think and over do and over love and over act and over react. You could just say I'm over and you got it. I don't know what you find in me. It's just a matter of my archnemesis, time, until you're over me too.

I'm not insecure, don't get me wrong. Don't be so quick to psychoanalyze me. I simply look into the future more than the past, and you are no more than a walking fire, waiting to set me up.

You can't have everything. You can't have me. You know what I show you. Am I that philosophical artist to you? Am I that funny sarcastic child? Am I your lover? Wrong. I am none of it. I simply am. I reflect.

You want me to show you my life. I know you do. You wish I'd call you back don't you?

Time doesn't exist here. I'm insane but since I have a fantastic mask no one cares. Then again, its not that I'm crazy, just that I'm so normal.

I can't show you my life okay. I'm just going to spend the next 657 words talking in riddles so I can tick a yes on writing a 1000 word note.

I can tell you hundreds of facts, sure. In fact, I'm begging you to ask me, so I can describe my life in the worse or best fashion. Not an okay life, an amazing perfect life, I'm so so happy, I wouldn't change anything, a horrible shitty life, I hate it so much, I want to kill myself.

I'm not bipolar don't worry. I used to hope that though. I used to believe anything to make sense of me. Not anymore. Then I met someone with bipolar disorder and now I'm positive I don't. Lack of control isn't my problem, too much control is the real problem.

I don't know what else to say. You probably know a lot more about me than you think. I doubt anyone actually reads until here. If it doesn't relate to you, why look at it? No sex here, no fluff, no smut, just me. Not particularly interesting.

I doubt this is going to be that love note you were expecting. This is just another dull story about a person who isn't going to be remembered in a few years. Come on, Jack, you really asked me about fame and I gave you my answer. I'll never be famous. I wouldn't want that. I can't stand eyes. You'd know that, I talk about them a lot. I don't want you to look closer.

I wonder what I'll have to write here to make you run away.

You said you cared but that's only because I listen. I understand. I care. You can tell me you haven't been happy for three years and I will understand. You tell me you feel lost in your skin. I understand.

I used to cut my skin because I believed something was deep down wrong with me.

I love reading Plato because he has a view of perfection which I will never achieve.

I hate class presentations but I will gladly go onstage in front of 300 people, as long as I have a character that isn't me.

I probably would have been a murderer in another life, but thanks to a good upbringing, I'm an artist. It's remarkable how similar these are. I don't kill other people, I kill myself and paint with my guts. You clap your arms instead of handcuffs.

I'm as honest as I'll ever be and I'm not close to it.

I have a temper. I don't forget.

I love you okay.

It's funny, because humans are wired to hate and use but I love you. I don't know how else to say this. Sometimes I look at you and feel happy. Not for any special reason. Just because you're alive and smiling. I look at you and I feel warm. It's as cliche as most of this challenge but thats how I feel.

And I'm so so happy. I'm looking at the top 10 words used in this thing and here they are ; life, love, happy, feel, note, write, problem, wrong, show, hate. That's basically it.

Oh god Jack, you make me feel at home. I feel happy with you.

When you read sometimes the world around you disappears. It's just you and the characters. Sometime when you're on the bus, it's rainy, and you're listening to music, it feels like the world is yours, and you're happy to share. Sometime you're sitting with people you love and you're laughing and every problem you ever had didn't exist.

That's how I feel when I'm with you.

You are that quiet spot in the world. You are the one that accepts everything and makes it better. I do care. It's just hard to say.

I change, you see. Who I am now is not who I will be soon. I don't believe in time, did I mention that?

You asked for my life.

I can't give you anything better than this.

Oh look 1000 words, as promised.