I Guess You Always Understood

"Did you not hear me? I know about you and Joe, I saw you two getting friendly during lunch, I had to find out through my girlfriend, about my brother and best friend!"

"You didn't have to hear anything from anyone, you complete and total idiot! There's nothing to tell!" I exclaimed.

"That's not completely true," Joe muttered.

I glared at him, shutting him up. "This is what I mean Nick! You've become this...this robot, you barely have thoughts of your own anymore!"

"I saw you, with my own eyes! You were holding hands, and hugging and-"

"It's not what you think!" I protested, "It wasn't what it looked like!"

"Then tell me, what were you doing? Why...why was he touching you like that?" he asked, his voice suddenly soft.

I looked over at Joe, who nodded at me to go on. "I-I don't know if I can tell you," I confessed, "I mean I wanted to...but-"

"Belle, please, tell me," he pleaded, "you know you can tell me anything."

"I don't know that!" I whispered, worry evident in my voice, "I want to tell you, so badly, but I'm scared for our friendship."

"Northing has ruined our friendship in the past," he replied encouragingly, inching closer to me.

"Catelyn came pretty close," I mumbled bitterly.

"She never has and never will Belle, get that out of you head and please just tell me. Maybe this will explain everything that's been going on lately, with you, with us."

I nodded, finally ready to come out and say it. "OK," I breathed, "let's walk."

"Fine, but first-"

"No worries!" Joe cut in, before Nick could even apologize. "I understand."

Nick nodded, shame written across his face. I took his hand, dragging him away from the scene and we started slowly down the quiet street.

"I've been a bit...off lately," I began nervously. "I know I've acted like a witch-"

"It's okay, I get that you don't like Catelyn."

"Nick, no, you don't know okay! Stop saying that please, and just listen already," I pleaded, my eyes burning with tears already. "I don't hate Catelyn. OK, wait that's a lie, yes I do, but that's besides the point! I've been acting this way lately for different reasons, reasons that I haven't been able to come clean with." I took a deep breath, the knots in my stomach tightening as I stopped to face him. "It's not about me hating her Nick, it's about you loving her."

"Belle, why are you crying? Tell me, just come out and say it, I can't take seeing you this way."

I nodded, the tears never ceasing, even as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders. "Now," he whispered, holding me at arm's length, "I'm listening."

"It's about me hating her, because you love her. I've never had a valid reason to hate Catelyn, other than the fact that she has you and she takes that for granted. She has my everything, and it's nothing to her. I-I can't help it, I'm jealous! When I see how far you go to make her smile, all I can do is wish that you were doing it for me! When you tell her you love her, I'm screaming inside Nick. I'm screaming that it's me! That I'm the one that loves you! Ever since you started dating her, I realized how much I really do love you. In the past, I saw you with girls that made you happy, and knowing you were happy made seeing you with another girl worth it, but when I saw you were sticking around, after she constantly betrayed your trust, I couldn't control my feelings! It was impossible for me to watch you two together without feeling like my heart was being-"

"-torn right out of you?" he finished for me, softly. "Like at the moment you see her with someone other than you, you realize that you can't let that happen, because you're the only one that's right for her."

I watched him in confusion, as he spoke like he was in a daze. "A-and no matter how hard you try not be upset about the situation, because let's face it, she isn't really yours, you can't help but wanting to attack him. Y-you can't help it."

I nodded, agreeing with every word leaving his mouth. He wasn't looking at me, but directly over my head as though he was in a trance. "Nick," I said quietly, reaching up to touch his face.

He put his focus back on me, his eyes shining. "Belle, I-I can't do anything without you. I can't be me without you, I need you. I love you, I think I always have. Seeing you with Joe...it just destroyed me. Thinking you had chosen him, triggered something inside me."

"But Cate-"

"I've had enough," he breathed, shaking his head. "I've had enough of her games, of her cheating and lying. I've had enough of not listening to what you say, and allowing myself to be walked all over. I'm so sorry Belle, I'm so sorry I've been doing this to you."

I wrapped my arms around his neck, laying my head on his shoulder. "Why are you crying?" he asked, half amused.

"Because I'm an idiot," I replied, "because we wasted fifteen years of our life being in denial. Because I let you go back to Catelyn, and because it's taken me so long to realize all of this."

"Look at me," he said sternly, "you didn't let me go back to Catelyn, I refused to listen. I recognize now that I was wrong, so don't blame yourself for anything, okay baby."

My stomach squirmed as I heard him refer to me that way. I realized that this was the start of something new. But the hard part was over, the fresh feeling of heartache had already been conquered.

"And Belle," Nick continued, bringing his face near mine, "thank you, for being by my side through everything."

He pressed his lips down against mine, causing fireworks to set off in my heart. I ran my hands through his hair, keeping him close to me at all costs, it was all I wanted.

He pulled away, taking my hand in his, and lead me down the street once again.

"You know what?" I said suddenly, breaking the silence.

He looked down, smiling happily. "What baby?"

I squeezed his hand, entwining our fingers. "I always believed that the thought of you loving me was crazy, that you would never know just how much you've always meant to me. But I guess, I guess the truth of it is, you always understood."