The Anarchist's Heart

“What do you mean I’m not going to like it?”

I’d never felt more frozen or more trapped in my life. My fate was about to be toyed with, and I didn’t know when or how, or what the consequences would be.

Jax stood up and began pacing a little in front of me.

“Jax, you need to tell me something,” I urged firmly. “I’m kind of losing my damn mind right now.”

“Clay, he...” Jax sputtered. “He wants to humiliate you; degrade you, in the only way he knows how. He’s going to use you for club benefit. He’s going to put you in the middle of danger.”

I shook my head. “I...I don't understand,” I stammered. “Danger?”

“He’s going to put you in a sketchy spot with bad people. If you live, the club gets what they want and you get put right into the position you ran away from. If you don’t make it out...the club still gets what they want and he gets the revenge he planned for.” Jax kept his voice low as he paced throughout his little monologue. I was still a statue, although I was beginning to crack.

“But Clay wouldn’t gamble like that,” I shook my head. “He wants me dead, we both know that. He’s aiming to get what he wants, like always. If he wants me to die, I’m going to die.”

Jax looked at me and shook his head, returning to my side. “No, no, I’m going to be right there watching you the whole time. I’ll make sure nothing happens to you.”

I sighed, finally allowing my body to relax a little. I kept trying to take everything in but I just couldn’t bring myself to believe it, let alone comprehend it. How did it get this way? I had to ask myself. I honestly had no clue how I’d let myself get this way again.

“I’m sorry, Ella,” Jax whispered. “I really tried but he needed some sort of retaliation. I couldn’t push him off of that.”

“No, it’s okay,” I assured him, placing my hand over his. His eyes flicked down to where I touched him. “You tried. I can appreciate that in and of itself.”

I let my eyes fall to our hands, considering it had all his attention suddenly. I felt his thumb move gently beneath my palm. It brushed along the side of my hand a little, very gently. Then he pulled away and he was straight back to business. My head swam.

“The deal goes down tomorrow at 10:30 pm. I’ll take you to Luann, she’ll get you in, um, costume.”

I blinked at him. I knew who Luann was, and it didn’t mean anything good was coming my way at all. “Costume?”

He heaved a sigh. “We need you to dress and...act like a...” His voice faded off but I knew what he meant. Whore. “We just need you to lure one guy into the back room of this place, that’s where the club will meet him. It’s gotta go down in the back. We’ve caused too much trouble in the place already.”

“What did he—this ‘guy’—do?” I whispered. I felt sick.

Jax refused. “I can’t tell you that right now, I’m sorry.”

I swallowed. If he was bad enough to piss off the Sons, then he was really bad. Probably even worse than I could wrap my head around. If Jax wasn’t telling me, I knew there was a good reason.

“He’s going to hurt me,” I admitted quietly, more to myself than anything.

“No, he’s not,” Jax said firmly. Some of his fire still remained. I always used to think that when he got mad enough, when someone had really pushed him over the edge, he got this viscously serious look on his face. It always looked like he was trying to hold back but failing miserably. I always used to call it his lion face. He reminded me of a lion because when I saw that face, I always knew Jax was in a deadly mood. A mood where, if anyone messed with him or the people he loved, he was ready to strike and kill. He had that face for a short moment on that bed. He hadn’t directed it at me, but I still saw it before he wiped it away.

“I’m going to be close,” he growled. “If he so much as touches you wrong, I’ll finish this shit.”

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. I had to be dreaming. All of this, it was all a bad dream. I’d wake up soon. I wished, at least.

“Why this, Jax?” I asked. “I just don’t get why Clay took this route. I don’t trust it. If he wanted to humiliate me, there’s other ways he could’ve done it.”

“Maybe, but he doesn’t want to just humiliate you,” Jax said through stiff lips. “He wants to get at me, too. He knows by making me watch everything, it’ll get to me one way or another. Revenge for bringing you too close to me; too close to the club.”

“That’s unfair,” I replied.

“We’re outlaws, Ella. We don’t do ‘fair’, not if we can help it.”

“Jesus Christ,” I whispered.

He stood up suddenly and started to leave the room.

“At least you’ll be pardoned after this. I got you all I could.” He said.

“Jax,” I called out. He stopped in the doorway and looked back at me. His face was a blank slate again, wiped free of any sign of emotion. I didn’t know how he did that, but it almost made me sad that he was so good at it.

“Yeah?”

“Are you...are you coming to bed, or are you...?” I asked. I felt awkward about it, but I still wanted to know. I figured maybe his closeness would take some of my frustration away. It’d worked before.

He looked at me for awhile, stone cold. He shook his head and, looking me dead in the eyes, he said, “No. I probably shouldn’t do that again.”

Then he walked out. I guess I couldn’t really act shocked; I’d kind of asked for it. I’m sure he felt played with, and I knew that wasn’t a good feeling. But still, I couldn’t change the fact that I’d let him in. It’d just been a bad idea letting him get that close to me again, even for a little while. Our relationship was like a stick of dynamite: once a spark was lit, it’d explode. Anything could send us both plummeting into a commitment of disaster and blood. The idea scared me so much; I knew I had to be careful. It was just so hard when I was so emotionally wrecked. I was lonely and I just wanted someone nearby. I let it get the best of me though and I had tortured Jax. I couldn’t let that happen again.



I was exhausted by the time Jax came into the kitchen and eyed me as I sat at the table marking assignments. For the entire day I’d felt like I’d been fighting through the thick sludge of anxiety and dread at a snail’s pace. When I caught Jax’s eye and noticed the pain and dread in his own face I could hardly bring myself to move. It was time.

“Now?” I asked quietly.

He nodded.

I let out a shaky sigh, setting my work aside. I wondered if I’d make it back to finish it or not.
Still, for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to move from the chair. As soon as I got up, I’d be ushered outside and driven by motorcycle to a porn castle where I’d be dressed down and sent off to potentially die. I felt as though I couldn’t be blamed for feeling resistant.

When Jax walked away from me I knew it was the only chance he was giving me. I knew he wouldn’t baby me through it anyway. No, he was going to sit back like a good Vice President and do as he was told. If I died, so be it. I’m sure that’s what Clay had told him. I managed to get up and walk out the door, even though my feet felt like they were made from lead.

When Jax handed me a helmet I didn’t put it on right away. I can’t really explain why; it was just another one of those moments where everything just froze. I just needed a minute. The whole scheme was still sinking in for me. But there was a sudden warmth on my hand and I watched as Jax’s fingers gently squeezed mine. I looked at his face, intent on taking in the only moment tonight where he was likely to be warm to me.

“We gotta go,” he murmured.

I nodded slowly and put the helmet on. I kept my eyes closed for the entire ride to Luann’s. When we stopped I wanted to cry. My grip tightened slightly around Jax’s midsection. I thought if I just held on, if I just didn’t move, I wouldn’t have to do it. Truth be told, it more than likely wasn’t the worst thing Clay could make me do, but it was like hell to me. Jax had been right; this was what I ran away from. Not only was it absolutely humiliating, degrading, and disgusting, but it was also life-threatening. I could die and Jax wasn’t doing anything to stop it. I wondered if he would at all, if by chance a gun was pointed at me.

“Ella?” Jax asked. “You’ve got to let go. They’re waiting.”

“I-I can’t, I…”

He pulled my hands off of him and got off his bike, forcing me to sit up. I didn’t raise my head. I couldn’t look him in the eye. I felt like he was betraying me. What’s worse, I felt like if I did look him in the eye, I wouldn’t like what I’d see there. I felt like I’d meet a cold gaze, one disassociated with me and everything that was happening. I would look into the eyes of the Reaper if I looked at Jax. I couldn’t submit to that.

“We need to go now.”

He took my hand and pulled me off the bike. He unclasped my helmet and took it off and still I didn’t meet his gaze. Part of me hoped the fact that I wouldn’t look at him was wounding him in some way or another, as bad as that sounded. I knew I shouldn’t blame Jax for it; he didn’t want it to happen any more than I did. But I couldn’t help but feel a little hurt at the fact that he was getting behind everything despite how horrible it was. I guess it just made me notice exactly how much the club had changed him.

I followed him meekly into the building. It was a big white building with black double doors. When they were opened and I walked in, warm air and the stench of incense being used to cover up the smell of sex hit me like a brick wall. I blinked as my eyes began to water. It was a large, open area with different sets in each corner and half-naked men and women walking around everywhere. The women would look at Jax hungrily and they would look at me quizzically, like they didn’t understand what I would be doing there with him. Quite frankly, I don’t think I did either.

“There you are,” Chibs said in his thick Scottish accent as he walked over to us. He put his arm around Jax’s shoulders and began to walk with him to the back of the building. “We’ve been waiting for you. Took long enough, Jackie-Boy. Clay’s been getting impatient.”

Jax looked over his shoulder at me and beckoned me to follow. I only caught his eye for a split second, enough to see his gesture, and then I dropped my gaze again and began to fall in behind the two men. I had never felt more out of place in my entire life. I felt anxious and uncomfortable, and thus my fight or flight senses were kicking in—mainly flight. I wanted to run away, out those black double doors and down the street. I wanted to run away from Charming, like I had so many times before since moving back. But there were eyes on me everywhere and if Jax didn’t catch me, someone worse would.

We entered a separate room through a large heavy door at the back of the building. The room was long, rather narrow, and painted white with mirrors all along one wall, all outlined with lightbulbs. Makeup and hair accessories cluttered the countertop. I swallowed nervously. This was not what I wanted. I didn’t want to be there.

My eyes fell away from the mirrored wall and found the rest of the club, all of whom were staring at me. There was a woman sitting in one of the chairs by the counter, too. She had long, tan legs exposed from her mid-thigh to her ankle, where she covered up with a pair of expensive-looking wedge sandals. She had long, blonde hair, the top half of which was pulled up into a ponytail. She wore pink lip gloss and was appraising me with a critical eye. I shied away from her eyes, too.

“’Bout time,” Clay muttered, looking sternly at me for a moment and then to Jax. “Was your little crow a bit stubborn, Jax? You should really learn to reign your women in, especially this one.”

“She’s here, isn’t she?” Jax replied harshly. “Just get on with it. We don’t have a lot of time.”

Clay shrugged and pointed at Luann. “Make her look good, Luann. She’s gotta be convincing for our Nazi friend.”

“I’ll try my best,” Luann answered.

I felt a hand wind its way around my elbow, followed by Jax’s voice in my ear. “Ella, I promise it’ll be okay. I won’t let anything—”

I pulled myself free of his grip. “Please don’t touch me.”

I could feel him next to me for what felt like another hour but was only half a minute or so. The way he was breathing sounded like he wanted to say something but no words came out. Eventually he was smart and left, shutting the door behind him.

Luann got up out of her chair and walked over to me. She began to move my hair around to the front of my body, so it hung down my chest.

“You know, you should be a bit more careful with the words you choose around these guys, especially Jax,” she said. I’d forgotten for a second that Luann was an Old Lady. Her man was in Stockton, rotting in a cell for the rest of his life, but the fact of the matter still stood, I supposed.

I didn’t reply to her. I just stood there whilst she toyed with my hair, trying to figure out if she wanted it up or down.

“Although,” she continued, “I suppose it’s because of that mouth o’ yours that you’re in this mess, isn’t it? Well, if what goes down tonight doesn’t make you a bit more careful, then sweetheart, you might as well get out right now.”

By the time she was done I was half-naked, painted, and ashamed. She’d put me in this white and pink lacy push-up bra and matching lace panties, with thigh-high stockings and a garter belt to match. My feet were already aching in five-inch white heels and my face felt heavy under the weight of the makeup. She’d put false eyelashes on me, which was something I never did, and I hated the feeling of it. She’d curled my hair and left it in bouncy waves. I didn’t even look like myself by the time she was done. She was just heading for the door when I called out behind her.

“Could you…do you have a sweater or something, so I could cover up at least until we get where we’re going?” I asked. My hands kept fluttering about my body in an effort to hide myself, although they weren’t doing much good.

Luann sighed and gave me a saddened look. “Sorry, honey. Clay figured you’d ask that and he, uh, well he told me not—”

“That’s okay,” I interrupted. I should’ve guessed.

Walking out of that room to a building full of porn stars and bikers was, to me, enough humiliation for one night. Some of the girls smirked at me, others seemed to empathize. Clay grinned like a wolf when he saw me. Some of the other guys stared openly at me while others only allowed themselves to gawk for a short period of time. Jax, however, could hardly look at me for a second. I saw him. He turned to see me and his mouth tightened into a hard line and he turned away. I guess he really was angry about the situation. Maybe he fought with Clay a little harder than I thought.

“Perfect,” Clay said, patting Luann on the back. “You’re a genius, Luann. A true master of your craft.”

“Thanks, Clay. Now get her out of here, I feel awful.” Luann replied. She walked away.

“Well I sure don’t feel awful,” Clay muttered, giving me another hard stare. “C’mon boys, we’ve got an appointment to get to.”

I didn’t move at first when everyone else was heading for the door. I thought if I just stayed stationary maybe they’d leave without me and not notice. But, that was wishful thinking of course. Jax shuffled over to me, removing his leather cut and handing it to me to hold. I watched as he began to lift his hoodie over his head, leaving nothing but a ratty old long-sleeved shirt underneath.

“What are you doing?” I asked, a bit numb.

“Giving you my sweater,” he responded after he’d pulled it off. He thrust it into my hands and took back his cut.

“But Clay said I wasn’t supposed to have one,”

“I don’t give a shit what he said,” Jax answered. “Put it on and let’s go.”

With trembling fingers I did as I was told and pulled the warm sweater over my head. It covered most of me, leaving only my legs from about mid-thigh down showing. It was better than nothing, to say the least. I followed Jax out to his bike, where the other men were waiting. I noticed Clay furrowed his brow and grimaced when he saw me. He looked at Jax and gestured towards me.

“What the hell is that?” he demanded.

“It’s me messing up your torture fetish,” Jax answered. “Let’s go, we’re wasting time.”

Jax was the first to peel out of the parking lot, with me clinging desperately to his midriff. My heart was pounding in my chest and I couldn’t stop shaking. I felt like I might be sick and twice on the way over I was extremely close to asking Jax to pull over so I could puke. Somehow I managed to keep my meals in my stomach, although I have no idea how. Once I looked up over Jax’s shoulder and I noticed his knuckles were white with how hard he was gripping the handles. I could feel how tense he was just by where I was touching him, even through the leather. Do you know that feeling when you’re around someone and you can just tell they’re poisonously angry? That was the feeling I was getting from Jax. He was full of rage. It scared me. I could tell he had his lion face without even looking at him.

It was completely dark when we pulled into the parking lot of what I can only call a brothel. I knew there were other names for it now, but it didn’t seem right calling it anything else. Why give it a fancier name if everyone knew what happened there anyway?

I took off my helmet and remained on the bike, looking at the building I was about to walk into. I guess I was trying to get into character. I had to act like one of the girls that worked there, so I might as well pretend like it was a place I saw everyday. When Jax got off the bike I followed suit, hanging the helmet off one of the handles.

“Are you ready?” he asked in a grim tone.

“Can you just tell me something…anything about this guy I’m supposed to…I don’t know...?”

Jax looked down at his feet when he spoke. “His name is Alvin Brandt. He’s a real neo-Nazi fucker; SS tattoos and all. So if you can, tell him you come from a pure German family line, he’ll like that. He stole from us and he’s a rat, that’s all you need to know. He deserves what he’s going to get tonight.” He raised his eyes to mine. “And for what you have to do and what you’ll see, I’m sorry. Just be careful around him, Ella. You need to be as convincing as possible. If anything goes wrong, I’ll be sitting close-by watching. Speaking of which, I’ll need my sweater back.”

“Oh,” I answered. That was all I could think of to say. Regardless, I removed his sweater and passed it back to him. He put it on over his cut this time. Before we could say anything else, Clay interrupted.

“You a little cold out here in your outfit?” he asked, eyeing me up like I was the funniest thing he’d seen in years. “I hope so.”

“We don’t have time for this shit, Clay.” Jax growled.

Clay ignored him and pointed a finger at my chest. “You better not screw this up for us. If you mess up, you’re dead. Either he’ll kill you or I will. You hear me? Ain’t no one gonna miss you, either. You’re just another crow-eater.” He spat at my feet.

I didn’t respond but instead let his words sink in. I knew what a crow-eater was and I also knew I wasn’t one of them. His provocation only started a fire in me, which was probably a good thing. I’d do this damned thing and I’d do it good, and then I’d get to go back home, never speak of it again, and distance myself from the club for good. So I focused on that as I followed Jax and the guys in through the back door.

The rest of the guys went through a curtain into a hallway and after that I lost them. Jax directed me over through another door into the same hallway, but we were facing towards the main room. It was dark in there, lit dimly by a few hanging light fixtures over the tables. It was full of people, though. Jax pointed to one of the men that we could see. He was sitting near the bar at his own table, alone, drinking a beer. He was a heavier-set man, with a bald head and a mean-looking face from what I could see.

“That’s him,” Jax whispered in my ear. “Now I want you to wait right here until you see me come in the front door, right over there.” He pointed. “When you see me, walk over to the guy and start chatting him up. It’ll give you a few seconds to think of what to say while you’re waiting for me to go around. All you’ve gotta do is convince him to go into the back. We’ll be waiting in room three. Remember, I’ll be right there if anything goes wrong. I’ll be watching.”

“Okay,” I answered. I was barely listening anymore. I was just trying to think of what to say so I could get the whole ordeal over with.

“Ella,” Jax murmured, turning my chin to face him. “Be careful. I’m so sorry you had to do this.” He kissed my forehead and walked away. The game began.

I watched the door attentively, waiting for Jax to walk through it. The music was loud; pounding in my ears and thrumming in my chest. My eyes flickered from the door to my target. Finally Jax entered with his hood up to hide his face better, in case anyone should recognize him. But I recognized him. I took a deep breath, fixed my skimpy outfit, and strutted out onto the main floor.

I walked over to his table while he was mid-gulp into his beer and his eyes drifted up to me. They widened only slightly. Now that I was closer I could see his face better. He had almond-shaped eyes, dark-coloured. His nose was crooked, like it’d been broken more than once. He had a long scar from his left ear to the middle of his hollowed cheek. Tattoos decorated his arms and chest, which were visible behind a stained wife-beater. Swastikas trickled down randomly amidst other Nazi slang and decoration from his shoulders to his wrists. He set his beer down in front of him.

“Mind if I sit with you?” I asked. My flirty tone made even me want to throw up, but I held it down again. Before the night was through I was positive it’d all come up, though.

“Do as you like,” he responded. His voice was raspy, tainted by chain-smoking no doubt. “Just don’t annoy me. I don’t like annoying broads.”

“Oh, I’m certainly not one of those,” I answered, taking a seat next to him and resting my chin in the palm of my hand. “I sense you’re no annoying fellow, either. What’s your name, handsome?”

“Alvin,” he responded shortly.

“I like that name,” I said. “I really do.”

“What’s yours?”

“Alice,” I lied. “Alice Braun.”

His eyes narrowed. “Braun? You German?”

I nodded. “Ja. I come from a very long and ancient line. I believe the family castle still stands over there.”

“Castle, eh? You full or half-blood?”

“Full. My mother was born in Munich.”

“’Course she was,” He smirked. “Alright, you can stay. What’re you lookin’ for?”

“What else does a working woman look for in a place like this?” I answered coyly. “A nice, attractive man to pleasure for as long as he desires.”

“More like as long as he can pay for, right?”

I giggled. “Maybe.”

“What’s that s’posed to mean?”

“I might make an exception for you.”

“Ain’t that what they all say?”

“Not at all. If it was, none of us would be employed here.”

“Hmph.” He shook a finger at me. “How come I never seen you around here before? I’ve been here tons of times and never once came across a German girl named Alice.”

“I just started,” I lied. “This is only my third night working here.”

“You’re that new, eh? How good can you be?”

“Good enough that the owner begged me for months to come work for him,” I began to draw loose patterns on the top of his hand. “I received letter after letter, phone call after phone call. I guess this place needed to make some extra cash and the owner heard a thing or two about me, all good I suppose.”

“Is that so…”

I gave him my loveliest smile. While he was taking another drink from his beer I looked around behind him until I saw Jax. Although most of his face was shadowed, I could tell he was beyond rage. His fingers were tapping the tabletop and his mouth was set in a hard line again. No wonder Clay had appointed him to watch duty. He really did want him to suffer too and clearly it was working.

I stood up and walked around behind Alvin. I started massaging his shoulders and neck. I thought if Jax couldn’t see my face it might make it easier on him. He could just pretend I was someone else for a little while.

“Is this good?” I asked, leaning down to murmur in his ear. His hair was greased back and black as pitch. It smelled like nasty cigarettes and something else I couldn’t place, but I didn’t like it either.

He rolled his neck from side to side. “Mm, yeah, it does.”

“You’re tense,” I purred. “We’ll have to work out these muscles for you.”

“I been workin’ my ass off lately,” he answered. “I hardly get any recognition for it. I guess you could say I’ve been under a lot o’ stress ’cause of it.”

“Oh well that just won’t do,” I answered. “Why don’t we go into a back room and I can really work out these knots for you?”

He half-turned in his chair and grabbed my arm. When he did so his wife-beater lifted slightly and my eye caught a flash of silver: a gun, set in a holster near his hip. My heart jumped.

“Not just yet,” he said. “Sit back down.”

I did as commanded, a little more shaken up than before. I did my best not to let it show, though. If I did, it would all be over. He was a suspicious man, I could tell, and I didn’t want to give him any reason to suspect me.

“You said your family had a castle. I’m assumin’ that means you’ve got money in the bank; inheritance and the like. So what’s a girl like you doing workin’ in a place like this?”

“Well, my mother always told me to find a job that I enjoyed, and it just so happens that I enjoy the company of men, very much.” I answered. Holy shit, I was a lot better at this than I thought I’d be.

“And you want my company, eh?” he asked. He sounded sceptical.

“If you feel like I’m worth your time,” Maybe if I sounded like I didn’t care much he’d be more inclined to go with me. I just didn’t want to do anything to make him mad; the image of the gun at his hip kept flashing in my head.

“I might feel that way,” he replied. He scratched his chest, right over one of the tattooed swastikas. “Why don’t you convince me a little more, huh? Give me a little kiss, maybe.”

My stomach turned in knots. There were a million things I’d rather do than kiss that man. Just the sight of him made me sick. I looked over at Jax again, as nonchalantly as I could, and I saw him watching me. He didn’t give me any sign like a nod or a head shake, he only stared. I took in a slow breath and regained my composure.

“Ah, for that kind of treatment you’ll have to come into the back with me,” I said, in the most sultry voice I could muster. “In the back, you’ll get a lot more than just a kiss.”

“Oh, you’re one o’ them modest whores,” he laughed and spittle flew from his mouth.

“Mm, not behind closed doors I’m not.”

There was a long pause where he seemed to be considering it. He finished his beer with a loud gulp, burped, and pushed away from the table.

“Alright, let’s go. I expect a damn good night out o’ this.”

“And a damn good night you’ll get,” I promised.

I took his hand—it was rather sweaty—and began to lead him into the back. I tried to contain my trembling but when he dared to lay a hand on my behind I jumped. He narrowed his eyes at me so I gave him a smile and continued to pull him along. Finally, after what felt like a painful eternity, I found the white door with a red 3 nailed to it.

“Here we are,” I said, raising my voice only slightly. For some reason I felt like I should warn the murder clan waiting behind the door that we were about to enter. “Are you ready?”

“Let’s just go, alright?” he grumbled.

I pushed open the door and led him in. As soon as he was through the doorway, the sound of guns being cocked greeted our ears. He froze and for a second looked like he was ready to bolt.

“Move, and you’re dead,” Clay warned.

There was a momentary pause where the room was so silent I could hear my heart pounding in my chest. My stomach was twisting and turning and I felt sick. Where’s Jax? I wondered. Suddenly I felt an arm tighten around my throat, pulling me backwards into a body. I tried to scream but something cold pressed against my lips: a gun.

“Don’t try anything,” Alvin yelled near my ear. “I’ll blow her goddamn brains out.”

Clay didn’t move an inch, but he didn’t seem worried one bit. A few of the other men clenched their fists when he grabbed me, but no one moved towards us.

A gun clicked from behind us. I shuddered and gasped. Alvin stiffened.

“Take the gun out of her mouth,” Jax. His voice was pure murder; cold, deadly, and furious.

Alvin hesitated. The gun shifted slightly between my teeth and for a second I thought he was going to pull the trigger anyway. I winced and whimpered, but my fears were for naught. Eventually, he dragged the gun out of my mouth, but he didn’t let me go right away. Clay waved his gun at him, motioning for him to do just that, and so he did, but not without a bit of pain on my part. The gun collided with the side of my head, making my vision blur. I was shoved out of the way so roughly that I hit the floor. My head was ringing and the room was swimming in front of me. When I regained my senses, Alvin was on his knees on the floor, groaning in pain. Jax had hit him with his own gun and kicked him to the floor. He was standing over him with pure anger written all over his face and body. Lion face.I pushed back away from the two men. Everyone had their weapons out, and they were all pointed at Alvin. Clay was glaring at Jax, who had his foot pressed onto the centre of Alvin’s back.

“Let him up, Jax,” Clay warned. “This isn’t your kill.”

“He stole from my club,” Jax replied in a low voice. “It’s as much my problem as it is yours.”

Alvin lifted his head and spit out a laugh. “So this is what it’s come to, eh, Clay? Sending your whores out to do your work for you instead of manning up and doing it yourself?”

Jax kicked him in the head so his face bounced off the ground with a grotesque thud. Blood seeped from Alvin’s face into the carpet, staining the off-white floor with dark red.

“Call her a whore one more time and I’ll cut your disgusting tongue out,” Jax snarled. I watched as he withdrew his knife from its holder at his hip. The steel glinted menacingly in the light. I watched in horror, wanting to believe everything I was witnessing was nothing but a bad dream. The pain in my head told me otherwise though.

“Jackie-Boy,” Chibs warned, “we had a plan, remember?”

I didn’t doubt that they had formulated an entire plan of attack. I didn’t have to know the details to know that Jax was compromising the entire situation, though. Clay was furious, I could tell by his facial expression. Jax didn’t seem to care one bit, though. He was only focused on Alvin, the knife he held in one hand, and the gun he held in the other.

“Reign in your dog, Clay,” Alvin croaked, blood sputtering from his lips.

Clay pointed his gun at Jax. “Stop thinking with your dick, Jax. Back off.”

The scene unfolded in slow-motion, it seemed. I watched as Jax lifted his eyes to Clay, his mouth pressed in a hard line. His icy eyes narrowed as the hand that held the knife lifted into the air above his head. I wanted to scream out his name to try and get him to stop, I tried to, but nothing came out but a gasp. And then I watched the knife make its descent into Alvin’s back, again and again and again until blood soaked the carpet all around his body. He stopped making those horrible cries of agony and his screams faded off into gurgles and then silence. A nasty smell filled the air and I choked on it. Everyone ran towards Jax, who was still forcing the knife into Alvin’s chopped-up back, and pulled him off. Clay, however, walked over to me instead. With one hand he grabbed my hair and hauled me up into a standing position, only to backhand me so hard across the face that I fell back down again and tasted blood on my tongue. I raised a trembling hand to my stinging cheek.

“This is your fault,” Clay growled. “You and the vile pussy of yours, getting in his head again. You’ve screwed him up for the last time.” He spat on me.

After that everyone left. It was just me and a dead body in the room, and that horrid smell. Somehow I managed to stagger outside, gripping the outer wall for support. I only got a few paces out of the door before I fell to my knees and vomited. It felt like I puked until I had nothing in my stomach, and then I stayed there retching loudly. My mouth was full of a sour taste matched by the coppery, salty flavour of my own blood. I touched the back of my hand to my mouth to wipe away the excess and blood came away. I crawled away from my puddle of throw up and blood, my entire body wanting nothing but to curl up and sleep for days. But then I felt a hand on my shoulder and I jumped, screaming. Chibs grabbed me and held me to him, shushing me and telling me it was alright.

“Hey, easy now,” he murmured by my ear. “You’re alright, lady. I’ve got you.”

“W-where’s Jax?” I stammered. It was the only thing I was thinking on repeat and thus it was the only thing that came out of my mouth.

“He left. He told me to take you back to his house, though.” Chibs answered. His accented voice was gruff and warm and I went limp in his arms, having no strength to keep myself upright anymore.

“Okay,” I whispered feebly.

He helped me stand and supported me while he walked me over to his motorcycle. He put his helmet on me as if I was a baby, clipping it up under my chin. It felt different than Jax’s helmet. Chibs’s bike felt different than Jax’s too, even though they were both Harley Dyna’s. My arms didn’t fit around Chibs the same way they fit around Jax, but I leaned into his back nonetheless. I was exhausted, my stomach was empty, my mouth still tasted of vomit and blood, and my head was aching.

I wasn’t sure, but I might’ve fallen asleep on the way to Jax’s. All I remembered was Chibs shaking me gently and my eyes opening to Jax’s house. I realized I was shaking.

“Come on, darlin’, let’s get you inside,” Chibs said. He picked me up and carried me inside. “Can you stand?”

“Yes,” I croaked. He set me down on unsteady feet. It took me a second, but I gained my balance.

“Do you need me to stay with you?” he asked.

I raised my eyes to his face and gave him a weak smile. He was a nice man. He deserved some sort of thanks and appreciation for that, at least.

“No, thank you,” I replied. My throat hurt when I spoke, but I pushed through anyways. “I’m just going to have a shower and go to bed, I think.”

“Alright,” Chibs nodded and backed away.

“Thank you for bringing me home,” I said. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Aye, I did. I wasn’t about to just leave you there. I would’ve brought you back even if Jax hadn’t asked.”

“Well I appreciate that.”

He gave me a nod and headed towards the door, but before he left he turned to me and spoke. “Don’t worry about Jackie, he’ll be alright. He just needs some time is all.”

I gave him a little nod. “I know. Thank you.”

And then I was alone.