Status: wrtten as I go
A New Dawn
Pt. 13: You Don't Know What Love Is
Everyone was quiet. I was quiet. For hours we sat there quietly. They must’ve even transferred all the calls to another wing of the hospital because not even the phones would ring outside of the room. Guards would come every now and again and sit, quietly, with only the constant beeping sound of the monitor to fill the air. Ezra was constant, only leaving for a few minutes to give orders I assumed. He was the only one that would speak to me. Simple things. Asked if I was hungry, if I was cold, if I wanted to go and lay down, if I wanted tea, if I was ok. I shook my head no to everything and stared lifelessly at Sam’s chest, watching inhale and exhale. It was the only thing keeping me tethered and sane. Otherwise Sam was still, quiet and unconscious; he had been for 28 hours and 38 minutes, after 9 hours of surgery. They say he died, they say he was dead for 23 seconds. I can hear the nurses whispering in the halls about how Dr. Newman wouldn’t give up, pumping the life into him for 23 seconds, they say Sam was dead, they say it was a miracle.
“It’ll be nothing short of miraculous if he wakes up… if he wakes up.” If he wakes up. All anyone could say. Didn’t they know I was in here, couldn’t they tell I was listening. ‘If he wakes up’ the words burned as they entered parts of my conscious mind and rang throughout my head like church bells.
“Ma’am…” I didn’t turn to look at Ezra as he entered the room. “People are beginning to create their own conclusions about what has happened to the king…” He spoke in soft statements at first. “I think it would be beneficial for the country to see someone of power reassure them, someone other than me.” I continued staring blankly at Sam’s moving chest. “Maybe a quick statement---“
“They should be worried,” I interrupted. “What if he dies? What will we do?” I asked still keeping my eyes on Sam. They were words coming out of my mouth before I had even realized what I said, how I felt, what it meant.
“My queen…” Ezra said, “Rose!” He said stern and eager. It had been the first time I had heard my name spoken since the shooting, the first time Ezra had ever even said it. It startled me so much I tore my eyes from Sam and turned to an angered Ezra. “You do not get to sulk, you do not get to be sad and hurt and weak. You took an oath to this county, so you do not get to give up on us and you do not get to give up on him. You give up on him so does the rest of this country quickly followed by the rest of the world.” Ezra had been pointing his big pointy finger at me with every statement. He kneeled down this time to my eye level, lowering his voice a little. “I know giving up is the easy thing to do but when Sam wakes up, he will be proud in knowing that his wife, his queen stood strong at his throne, patiently awaiting his return.” Ezra finished breathless and strong and then he bowed his head. I looked at Sam, whose body looked weak and pale. I turned back to a still bowing Ezra.
“Tell Lenny to bring me something to wear.” I ordered, rising out of my seat.
The cameras were relentless with their flashing and pestering into my personal life. I stared out into a crowd of vultures waiting to pick at my dead cold flesh. They waited like a pack of wolves ready to prey on the weak.
“I would first like to thank you all for being patient while we deal with the recent events that have taken place. I secondly would like to thank the men who were standing by and continue to stand by and protect my family through all this chaos. We are lucky to have such great men standing by our sides.” I took a deep breath and a sip of water. The crowd leaned in closer, panting at my every word. “Now, I hear there have been rumors circling around that are not only offensive in nature but dangerous and criminal in tone, so I am here to put them to rest. King Samuel Bordeaux is just that, your king, and he sits in that hospital room fighting a war none of us have ever seen, and he fights it for you. The heir to his royal throne sits alive and well inside me and we have not given up on him and neither will you. And we will give him however much time he needs because he has worked tirelessly to give us these freedoms. Do not waiver in your faith in him and do not waiver in your faith for me. Stand by your country in triumph and in tribulation. Thank you.” The wolves barked out questions as I exited the hospital steps, retreating back inside. Ezra was quickly by my side escorting me back in.
“How was that?” I asked.
“Not too shabby.” Ezra smiled, which made me smile, it had been the first time I smiled in 32 hours and 26 minutes.
The guards were in the midst of escorting a woman out when we arrived back to Sam’s room. Her young innocent eyes were watery and red. Ezra cleared his throat and I could see on the face of the guards they knew they were in trouble.
“What’s this?” Ezra asked David.
“One of the nurses...Sir.” David responded, sheepishly and with shifty eyes.
“Well if she is a nurse why are you escorting her out?” I asked removing my gloves and staring at her directly. Her eyes moved to me quickly then back to the floor even quicker.
“Ma’am, I’ll handle this, you can—“ Ezra started.
“Actually I will handle it.” I kept my eyes on the woman as I spoke. “David would you be so kind as to remove your grip on this young lady.” The girl looked up at me again now, this time holding my stare. I looked up at David as to see what was taking so long, who was staring at Ezra with wide eyes. “David… now please.” David’s hand regretfully loosened on the woman’s arm and fell to his side. I gestured to the woman to enter the room and followed behind her.
“That’ll be all Ezra.” I said as he took steps to follow us inside.
“Ma’am?” He looked at me confused and aggravated.
“Thank you.” I said closing the door behind me. I stopped at the door for a minute taking a few breaths and laying my gloves on the chair next to me. Once I turned her eyes began to shift from me to Sam. “Have a seat.” She sat immediately, quickly and terrified. I sat on the edge of Sam’s bed, unbuttoning my jacket as I did allowing my swollen abdomen to show. “I can’t tell you that I ever thought I’d be here 8 years ago” I started, she tore her eyes off my stomach and then to my eyes. “Sam would probably tell you different.” I chuckled a little. “But me? No, not here, not like this.” I said this time turning to Sam, watching his chest move up and down rhythmically. “Some would say I am one of the most powerful woman in the world…in the world. Isn’t that crazy?” I turned the woman who shifted her eyes back to the ground as I attempted to look her in the eyes.
“So you can imagine my surprise when the woman my now vegetated husband fucks from time to time, appears from his hospital room?” I made sure to emphasize the word fuck so it stung a little coming from my lips. “As if you have no respect for me and my family. You appear with red eyes and a sorry face as if you know what it is to love him. As if you were me… and you know I just can’t have someone just coming in here pretending to be me.”
“My queen, I never—“
“You will speak, only when I tell you too.” I interrupted and stood. I was getting angry, beside myself. I took a breath. I walked over to he, stood and stared above her.
“You think you love him huh?” I said. “You think he loves you?” I waited, then gently grabbed her chin and turned from the floor to me. She looked at me, her eyes even redder and tears streaming down her cheeks. “Of course you do…” I laughed “They all do.” I said releasing her cheek. I squatted down to her level, my face uncomfortably close to hers. “I catch you in here again, I find out you come anywhere near him or me, I will have you charged, and I will watch you burn.” I said and she turned her eyes back to me, eyes stricken with fear. I rose from my squatting position, standing slightly over her again. “Do yourself a favor, go to school, marry a nice boy, and have a lot of kids. Trust me…” I said looking over to Sam. “It’ll save you a lot of heartbreak.” I walked over to Sam and held his hand, smiled a little.
“Now get out.” She ran out quickly, her lanky legs galloping across the room and the door slamming behind her. I could hear Ezra stepping in, closing the door behind him. He cleared his throat, almost a way of letting me know he was there, and that I could talk when I was ready. I sat there for a minute and allowed one tear to escape, and only one.
Sam isn’t so perfect after all, I thought to myself. We knew that.
Sam doesn’t love me as much as he says he does? Well we knew that too
“It’ll be nothing short of miraculous if he wakes up… if he wakes up.” If he wakes up. All anyone could say. Didn’t they know I was in here, couldn’t they tell I was listening. ‘If he wakes up’ the words burned as they entered parts of my conscious mind and rang throughout my head like church bells.
“Ma’am…” I didn’t turn to look at Ezra as he entered the room. “People are beginning to create their own conclusions about what has happened to the king…” He spoke in soft statements at first. “I think it would be beneficial for the country to see someone of power reassure them, someone other than me.” I continued staring blankly at Sam’s moving chest. “Maybe a quick statement---“
“They should be worried,” I interrupted. “What if he dies? What will we do?” I asked still keeping my eyes on Sam. They were words coming out of my mouth before I had even realized what I said, how I felt, what it meant.
“My queen…” Ezra said, “Rose!” He said stern and eager. It had been the first time I had heard my name spoken since the shooting, the first time Ezra had ever even said it. It startled me so much I tore my eyes from Sam and turned to an angered Ezra. “You do not get to sulk, you do not get to be sad and hurt and weak. You took an oath to this county, so you do not get to give up on us and you do not get to give up on him. You give up on him so does the rest of this country quickly followed by the rest of the world.” Ezra had been pointing his big pointy finger at me with every statement. He kneeled down this time to my eye level, lowering his voice a little. “I know giving up is the easy thing to do but when Sam wakes up, he will be proud in knowing that his wife, his queen stood strong at his throne, patiently awaiting his return.” Ezra finished breathless and strong and then he bowed his head. I looked at Sam, whose body looked weak and pale. I turned back to a still bowing Ezra.
“Tell Lenny to bring me something to wear.” I ordered, rising out of my seat.
The cameras were relentless with their flashing and pestering into my personal life. I stared out into a crowd of vultures waiting to pick at my dead cold flesh. They waited like a pack of wolves ready to prey on the weak.
“I would first like to thank you all for being patient while we deal with the recent events that have taken place. I secondly would like to thank the men who were standing by and continue to stand by and protect my family through all this chaos. We are lucky to have such great men standing by our sides.” I took a deep breath and a sip of water. The crowd leaned in closer, panting at my every word. “Now, I hear there have been rumors circling around that are not only offensive in nature but dangerous and criminal in tone, so I am here to put them to rest. King Samuel Bordeaux is just that, your king, and he sits in that hospital room fighting a war none of us have ever seen, and he fights it for you. The heir to his royal throne sits alive and well inside me and we have not given up on him and neither will you. And we will give him however much time he needs because he has worked tirelessly to give us these freedoms. Do not waiver in your faith in him and do not waiver in your faith for me. Stand by your country in triumph and in tribulation. Thank you.” The wolves barked out questions as I exited the hospital steps, retreating back inside. Ezra was quickly by my side escorting me back in.
“How was that?” I asked.
“Not too shabby.” Ezra smiled, which made me smile, it had been the first time I smiled in 32 hours and 26 minutes.
The guards were in the midst of escorting a woman out when we arrived back to Sam’s room. Her young innocent eyes were watery and red. Ezra cleared his throat and I could see on the face of the guards they knew they were in trouble.
“What’s this?” Ezra asked David.
“One of the nurses...Sir.” David responded, sheepishly and with shifty eyes.
“Well if she is a nurse why are you escorting her out?” I asked removing my gloves and staring at her directly. Her eyes moved to me quickly then back to the floor even quicker.
“Ma’am, I’ll handle this, you can—“ Ezra started.
“Actually I will handle it.” I kept my eyes on the woman as I spoke. “David would you be so kind as to remove your grip on this young lady.” The girl looked up at me again now, this time holding my stare. I looked up at David as to see what was taking so long, who was staring at Ezra with wide eyes. “David… now please.” David’s hand regretfully loosened on the woman’s arm and fell to his side. I gestured to the woman to enter the room and followed behind her.
“That’ll be all Ezra.” I said as he took steps to follow us inside.
“Ma’am?” He looked at me confused and aggravated.
“Thank you.” I said closing the door behind me. I stopped at the door for a minute taking a few breaths and laying my gloves on the chair next to me. Once I turned her eyes began to shift from me to Sam. “Have a seat.” She sat immediately, quickly and terrified. I sat on the edge of Sam’s bed, unbuttoning my jacket as I did allowing my swollen abdomen to show. “I can’t tell you that I ever thought I’d be here 8 years ago” I started, she tore her eyes off my stomach and then to my eyes. “Sam would probably tell you different.” I chuckled a little. “But me? No, not here, not like this.” I said this time turning to Sam, watching his chest move up and down rhythmically. “Some would say I am one of the most powerful woman in the world…in the world. Isn’t that crazy?” I turned the woman who shifted her eyes back to the ground as I attempted to look her in the eyes.
“So you can imagine my surprise when the woman my now vegetated husband fucks from time to time, appears from his hospital room?” I made sure to emphasize the word fuck so it stung a little coming from my lips. “As if you have no respect for me and my family. You appear with red eyes and a sorry face as if you know what it is to love him. As if you were me… and you know I just can’t have someone just coming in here pretending to be me.”
“My queen, I never—“
“You will speak, only when I tell you too.” I interrupted and stood. I was getting angry, beside myself. I took a breath. I walked over to he, stood and stared above her.
“You think you love him huh?” I said. “You think he loves you?” I waited, then gently grabbed her chin and turned from the floor to me. She looked at me, her eyes even redder and tears streaming down her cheeks. “Of course you do…” I laughed “They all do.” I said releasing her cheek. I squatted down to her level, my face uncomfortably close to hers. “I catch you in here again, I find out you come anywhere near him or me, I will have you charged, and I will watch you burn.” I said and she turned her eyes back to me, eyes stricken with fear. I rose from my squatting position, standing slightly over her again. “Do yourself a favor, go to school, marry a nice boy, and have a lot of kids. Trust me…” I said looking over to Sam. “It’ll save you a lot of heartbreak.” I walked over to Sam and held his hand, smiled a little.
“Now get out.” She ran out quickly, her lanky legs galloping across the room and the door slamming behind her. I could hear Ezra stepping in, closing the door behind him. He cleared his throat, almost a way of letting me know he was there, and that I could talk when I was ready. I sat there for a minute and allowed one tear to escape, and only one.
Sam isn’t so perfect after all, I thought to myself. We knew that.
Sam doesn’t love me as much as he says he does? Well we knew that too