Everything I Didn't Say

Alexa hummed the tv tune while she waited for her kettle to boil, Will and Ella were sitting in their chairs while they waited for their bottles. The children's eyes were glued to the TV as they watched the characters move across the screen. The kettle clicked Alexa grabbed it off the boil and poured a little into each bottle when the sound of knocking on her door stopped her briefly. Shrugging her shoulders she went back to what she was doing, they could wait. It was probably only her dad, he said he was coming over to spend some time with her while Stacey was out of town on a business trip.

The brunette tested the temperature of the milk on her wrist before walking over and handing them to the twins who took them happily. Smiling at each of them she made her way to the front door where another set of loud knocks resounded.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” she called a smile spreading across her face, she never understood why her father never used the spare key under the doormat. Reaching up she pulled twisted the lock before turning the door handle and pulling it open. “Hey Da-” her words stuck in her throat when she saw who stood before her. “Louis… what are you doing here?”

“Alexa where are they?” Alexa sighed looking down at her bare feet while the shaggy haired singer stood on her doorstep trying to hide from possible paparazzi.

“Inside,” the brown haired woman sighed defeated, slowly she opened the door allowing him to step inside. Quickly she looked outside making sure there were no hidden cameras or lurking paparazzi, she didn’t need that. Quickly she closed the door as if to conceal the fact that Louis Tomlinson was standing in her house.

The silence between the two was stifling and incredibly awkward. Alexa didn’t know whether to say something, as much as she wanted to snap at him she chose not to. Instead she walked in the direction of her lounge room where the twins were. She felt Louis beside her emotions were racing around her body but she had to try and hide them as best she could.

“Uh… I’ll just…” she didn’t finish her sentence before she walked over undoing the clips on their chairs and taking both of them into her arms. Looking up at the male she saw that he had removed his sunglasses and his light eyes were scanning over the children in her arms.

“Louis, this is William, and this is Ella… your children,” it felt strange saying the words to him. William had his head resting on her shoulder his bottle still in one of his hands while Ella being the curious one was looking at her father with bright eyes.

Slowly the brown haired male walked toward her and Alexa saw the moisture that was gathering in his eyes and a small, uncertain smile was spreading across his face. Ella whimpered before wriggling in her mothers arm reaching out for the Louis. Automatically Louis reached out his arms for her, Alexa unwound her hold allowing him to hold her.

“Hello,” he spoke and almost instantly a wide grin broke across the girls face and she wound her arms around his neck hugging him tightly. Alexa allowed herself a smile at the sight of father and daughter.

“I think she’s a daddy’s girl,” the words left her lips before she had even realised what she had said. Quickly she shut her mouth and began gnawing on her bottom lip.

“But she barely knows me?” it came out as question as Louis eyes darted from his daughter to his ex girlfriend.

Alexa shrugged her shoulders, “Child instinct,” was the best thing she could think of. A light chuckle left the males lips. Once again the two were swallowed into a silence.

“Did you want a coffee? Tea? Vodka?” another chuckle left the males lips at the mention of alcohol.

“A tea will be fine,” Alexa nodded her head.

“Alright… I am just gonna put Will down and I will get your tea,” with that she walked out of the room heading up the flight of the stairs to the twins room. “Alright big boy, time for your sleep.” she whispered as she pulled him away from her and lay him in his cot. Taking his half empty bottle she replaced it with a soft moose toy that was a gift from Stacey. Squeezing the toy it began to play a soft melody. Alexa watched as he slowly drifted off to sleep before pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead.

She was lost in her thoughts about everything that was going on when she was startled out of it by the sound of Louis voice.

“Hey… I think she’s nearly asleep.” Smiling the woman walked over taking her daughter in her arms before walking over and placing her in her cot and gently kissing her forehead.

“Come on,” she whispered retreating out of the room and pulling the door leaving it slightly ajar. “So a Yorkshire Tea?”

“Yeah,” the males tone was a little softer, flicking her eyes back she saw that he was staring at her but she chose not to say anything until they were in the kitchen.

“So… uh… how have you been?” she asked trying to start a conversation to get rid of the painful awkwardness that they had been swallowed into. Grabbing two mugs down from her cupboard she placed tea in one and coffee in the other.

“Lex…” his tone was soft, it sounded as if it had a note of hurt to it, “Why didn’t you tell me?” the young mother took a deep breath as her eyes fluttered closed.

“I was going to… but… I didn’t really get the chance to… my happy bubble was popped when you ended it.” Louis didn’t have a reply to that, “And I tried even after you broke it off, after you kicked me out… I tried to contact you on tour but every time you rejected my calls and never answered my texts so how was I supposed to get a hold of you?” she asked turning to look at the male who was now looking down at the ground. Anger was slowly beginning to stir inside her. “And what hurt the most Louis wasn’t the fact that you broke up with me and basically kicked me out of the house. What hurt the most was finding out that you had gone back to Eleanor not even three months after we broke up. Louis we had been together for almost a year, we had even talked about getting married, starting a family and then I find out that you and your ex, the girl that so badly broke your heart, are back together. No that was what hurt the most and that was when I gave up. I stopped calling, stopped texting and stopped trying to bend over backwards to tell you that were going to be a father.”

“I’m sorry,” his voice was small as he began to draw a circle on the floor with his foot. A bitter laugh left the brunettes lips.

“Sorry doesn’t cut it Louis. I loved you so much, I was willing to give up everything for you. To travel the world if I had to and then you go and throw it back in my face.” the bitterness and anger was getting a hold of her and tears welled in her dark eyes as she looked at the male. Everything that she had wanted to say to Louis was slowly coming out.

“But the paper, why?” he asked looking up at her.

“That wasn’t my doing that was my mutt of a mother!” She stated hotly, “She just wanted her five minutes of fucking fame and boy did she get it. I never wanted you to know…” the words tumbled from her lips before she realised what she had said. Quickly she pressed her lips together and pulled her gaze away so she was now looking at the ground.


“Y-you what?” the singer stammered at the news. “You never wanted me to know… you never wanted to tell me that I have two children.”

“Why should’ve I? You left, you were back with Eleanor you didn’t want me which was obvious from the way you cut yourself away from me by ignoring every time I tried to make fucking contact with you.”

“I didn’t know.” Louis retaliated quickly

“Because you didn’t pick up the fucking phone!” Alexa was just as quick her anger seeping into her words. The two were too busy arguing with each other to realise the brow haired woman that had walked in carrying a bag of shopping. “You moved on and I did the same!” which was a lie, Alexa had never really moved on from the blue eyed singer that had captured her heart all those years ago.

“Lex…” Arilia’s voice was gentle quickly snapping the womans’ attention away from Louis.

“Lia, what… what are you doing here?” she stammered trying to get her wits about her.

“You’re dad wanted me to give you these… but I can come back… if…”

“No it’s okay… he was leaving now anyway.” Alexa’s eyes shot over to the male who stood in kitchen his eyes were locked on her.

“I am coming back,” was all he said before walking out of the kitchen. Alexa listened as the door closed before dropping her facade and sighed as her chest constricted with pain.

“What have I done?” her voice wavered as she looked at her best friend. Instantly Arilia dropped the bag and hurried over taking her friend into her arms.

“It’ll be alright… It’s going to be fine…” she reassured her, Alexa wasn’t so sure about that.