Everything I Didn't Say

Alexa was ripped from her dream. Her dark eyes shot open. She was greeted to the early morning sunrise and the sound of Ella and William crying over the baby monitor. Sitting up she couldn’t shake the pain that had formed in her chest and the urge to cry. It was the fourth night in a row she had had the same dream, the same beginning and the same end. Shaking her head she tried to rid herself of her strong desire to cry and got to her feet exiting her bedroom and making her way toward the twins room.

Running her fingers through her hair she pushed on the door only to find them both standing up in their cots cries breaking from their lips.

“Hey,” she cooed hurrying over to William and lifting him out and sitting him on her right hip before walking over to Ella and lifting her into her arms. Their cries quietened as their mother held them. She smiled down at the two of them pressing a kiss to each of their heads. “How’s my Prince and Princess this morning?” she asked. The two made gurgling sounds earning a smile from their mother.

Alexa walked over and placed the two of them down on their large changing table. “What surprises have you got for Mummy this morning?” she asked grabbing two fresh nappies before tickling their chests earning two smiles.

Once the twins were changed and dressed the brunette lifted them and took them down into the lounge room. Placing them on their play mats she grabbed two bottles out of the fridge and put the kettle on to boil.

Sighing Alexa placed her hands on the bench leaning forward slightly and closing her eyes thinking over her dream. Was her mind trying to tell her something? The brunette wasn’t sure, but it couldn’t have been a coincidence that she had relived that same dream four nights in a row. Hearing the kettle click she grabbed a large saucepan and placed the bottles inside before pouring the boiling water around them.

Walking over to her children that were sitting up playing with several of the toys that were scattered around the brightly coloured mat. She placed a gentle kiss on their head sitting back and watching as they happily played.

As Alexa sat on the mat watching Ella and Will she was caught by the sound of three loud knocks on her front door. Snapping her head around a feeling of dread stirred in the pit of her stomach. Slowly she got to her feet and padded toward her front door.
Her dream flashed before her eyes and she had to try and calm her breathing, there was no way Louis would be standing on her doorstep he was too busy being famous.

The sequence of knocks resounded again through the house, the brown haired mothers hands shook as she reached out unlocking the door and pulling it open.

“MORNING!” A puff of air left Alexas’ lips when she saw her friend standing at the door her daughter in her arms while her son held onto his legs.

“Morning Arilia,” Alexa smiled opening the door wider for her friend to walk inside. However Arilia didn’t miss the strangeness in her friends’ behaviour. “Hey Flynn,” Alexa smiled bending down to the boys height and giving him a hug. “Ella and Will are in the lounge room,” the brown haired boy smiled widely before running toward the lounge room. “Morning Miss Clare,” the little girl leant forward holding out her arms for Alexa to take her, giggling she took her into her arms before walking into the house Arilia following her.

“How are you this morning babe?” Arilia asked as the two entered the lounge room. Alexa placed Clare down on the play mat where she instantly grabbed a plush toy bunny.

“I’m good,” Alexa smiled looking at Arilia.

“Hmmmm…” Arilia hummed her cerulean eyes locking with Alexas’ darker ones. “Now tell me the truth,” Arilia stated. The woman could be very mothering, even though she was only twenty-three she had the mother persona down pact. Sighing Alexa grabbed her friends’ arm and pulled her into the kitchen.

“I had the dream.”

“Again?” Alexa nodded her head, “What is it three times now?”

“Four,” a short whistle left Arilias’ lips as she ran her fingers through her long, chocolate coloured hair. “Is my mind trying to tell me something?”

“I don’t know babe, but it is kinda weird that you’ve had the same dream four times in a row… was it exactly the same?”

“Yes, same start,” a dreamy smile spread across the young mothers lips as she recalled the events. “Same middle, he heard Ella crying and he looks confused to start with, then it morphs to pain…” tears welled in Alexas’ eyes, “and then he leaves, he doesn’t say anything, he just gets up and leaves,” quickly the brown haired woman swipes her eyes to stop the tears from spilling onto her cheeks. “God!” she exclaims.

Arilia quickly wraps her arms around her friend to console her. “It will be alright Lex,”

“Every morning I just want to curl up and cry, I miss him so much.” Alexa sobs letting her emotions flow free.

“How long-”

“One year and seven months today.” Alexa only knew the precise time because she had been four weeks pregnant with the twins when Louis had left her. It had been the eleventh of January, before he went on the Take Me Home Tour with the guys.

“Have you ever tried to contact him and tell him about Ella and Will?”

“At the start I tried every second day but he was too busy, off being famous… after a while I just gave up, sick of hearing his message bank. Then he got back with Eleanor and I refused to tell him.”

“Why?” Arilia asked gently trying to pry into her friends’ thoughts.

“Because he has her, and he has his fame, he doesn’t need me and his two children weighing him down, and why should I go out of my way again to make contact with him.” this time Alexas’ tone was filled with bitterness. It was true for months she had tried to get in contact with Louis to tell him that she was expecting, that he was going to be a father, but every time she got his message bank she slowly started to give up on the brown haired, blue eyed singer that had captured her heart. Then when the news broke about him getting back with his ex Eleanor Calder, the whole reason the two of them had begun dating, and that just broke her heart. She decided that she wouldn’t try to contact him again.

So she went through all the amazing things, like feeling her children kick for the first time, the name picking, the baby shopping, the birthing everything without him, instead she had her mother, father and best friend to lean on. They had been with her through thick and thin and she knew that there was no way they would leave her.

Arilia simply held her friend the two standing in silence before the sound of Will grizzling came from the lounge, moving out of her friends embrace she grabbed the two bottles testing the temperatures on her wrist before walking out, Arilia grabbed one of the bottles picking up Ella while Alexa picked up will, he took the bottle hungrily and placed it in his mouth suckling away happily.
Ella and William were Alexas’ pride and joy, they were the reason she got up every morning, they made her smile, laugh, filled her with joy and overwhelming happiness.

Each one had received brown hair from both their mother and their father but they had been blessed with the most beautiful blue eyes, a gift inherited by their father. A reminder to Alexa about all the good times her and Louis had shared.