Everything I Didn't Say

Alexa had never been one for storms so as one raged outside her home she buried herself in her blankets holding her pillow over her head trying to soften the loud cracks of thunder and block out the flashes of lightening that lit up her room ever few minutes. Alexa was surprised at how Will and Ella slept through the storm with such ease, as if nothing was going on outside.

An extremely loud bang of thunder caused her to squeal and hold the pillow tighter around her ears and squeeze her eyes closed at the lightening the followed closely behind.

As she lay there burrowed in her blankets she couldn’t help the way her thoughts drifted off to the one thing that always helped her calm down, but at the same time caused her immense pain.

Louis.

The blue eyed singer and the way he would cradle her close wrapping his body around hers and whisper calm words to her soothing the fear inside her. As Alexa lay there she imagined his arm wound around her shaking body. His warmth enveloping her. His words a light whisper that calmed her.
Until another crack of thunder ripped through the sky pulling her back to reality, to the reality that he wasn’t there and he wouldn’t be again. Tears welled in her eyes and she sobbed into her mattress. The rain drowning out her hard, pain filled, sobs of agony.

Once the brunette had sobbed herself into a state of silence, a state where she no longer had the voice or energy to continue to sob, she let her eyes drift closed. Her body allowed her to succumb to the peaceful state of sleep.



It felt as if Alexa had only been asleep mere moments before she was roused to the sound of whimpering babies. Rolling over she desperately wished the monitor was like and alarm clock, with a simple hit it would silence the twins and lull them into a snooze mode. Unfortunately it didn’t work like that and Alexa was forced to drag her body from the bed.

Walking into their room she saw them, wide awake and standing in their cots. The young mother couldn’t help but smile it was a tired smile but it reached her eyes bringing them to life.

“Good morning my beautiful babies,” she smiled walking over and picking Ella up from her cot and then William who watched her with big blue eyes. She held the two close before laying them both on the change table.

Once the twins were changed she carried them out into the kitchen where she placed them on their playmate allowing them to either lay or sit while she made up their bottles. Alexa had just hit start on the microwave when the sound of her doorbell rang through her home. Groaning she walked to the door pulling it open just in time to see Arilia before she had pushed her way inside a mad flurry of movements.

“Have you seen the paper?” she asked her eyes wide.

“No,” Alexa shook her head before heading back to the kitchen, her best friend hot on her trail. “You know I don’t read the paper.” Alexa stated as she placed the two bottle on the kitchen counter before screwing the lids on.

“Well you should read this one.” with that Arilia slapped the paper down on the counter in front of her friend. Alexa allowed her eyes to linger over to the article that Arilia had open for her.

A gasp left her lips the bottle falling from her hands as she read. Snatching the paper from the counter she read the article. Anger and betrayal began to simmer inside the woman as she read.

Alexa couldn’t believe her mother, her own flesh and blood, would sell her out to The Sun. Disgusted she threw the paper back on the counter before bending down to pick up the dropped bottle muttering obscenities under her breath.

“Lex…” Arilia spoke carefully as she watched her friend. “What’s going on?”

“My fucking my mother! That’s what’s going on!” she cussed before turning and hurrying out of the kitchen to give the twins their bottle. She ran her finger through their hair as they began to suck happily before turning back to her dark haired friend who had a worried look spread across her face. “My mother has been dying to do something like this. She has always been a greedy cow. And me dating one of the most famous males right now was perfect for her. I always had a bad feeling that she would do something like this. But she has it all wrong… as usual.” Alexa had began to ramble, spitting off random information that was making no sense to Arilia whatsoever.

“Right I am making you a cup of tea and you are telling me everything… from the start,” with that she turned and walked into the kitchen leaving Alexa to sit with her children and silently seethe. William sensed her discomfort and crawled toward her resting his head in her lap, looking up at her. Alexa could’t help but smile before bending down and pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead.

“My beautiful Prince… I am not going to let anything happen to you.” she promised. The truth was the young woman wasn't sure how things were going to go now. If Louis would come back and demand to see his children or continue to live his life of stardom and fame and keep his distance. Alexa was too wrapped up in her thoughts to notice that Arilia had returned with two large mugs of tea.

“Lex,” her tone was gentle but it still snapped the mother out of her thoughts. “Come on, you need to get this out.” Alexa had never thought to share her story with anyone. She had kept it all to herself allowing it to bottle up but now that her mother had spilled her version of the story Alexa knew it was about time she told someone.

Getting to her feet she walked over taking the mug from her friend and sitting down on the long couch, Arilia sitting next to her.

“Right start from the beginning.” Alexa took a deep breath as she thought back to when she met Louis for the first time.

“I met Louis on the 1st of August… remember that big party we went to, it was like a shared birthday and Ryan dragged us to it?” Arilia nodded her head, Ryan had dragged the two out of the house to attend his mates birthday. “Yeah he was there, I met him outside, you and Ryan were off doing god knows what and it was really stuffy in the club so I got out of there.
‘Louis was outside as well, he was having a smoke if I remember correctly. I can’t really remember how we got talking but I do remember we spent most of the party outside getting to know each other. We exchanged numbers.”

“Really? That was the night everything started?” Arilia couldn’t stop herself or the excitement that was bubbling inside of her. Alexa nodded her head. “Was it him you were always on the phone to when we went out?” A warm blush spread across Alexa’s cheeks as she remembered the silly messages the two had shared. “but you two didn’t start dating for ages…”

“We started dating on the eleventh of that month.”

“WHAT!?” Arilia nearly screamed. “Are you freaking serious? I didn’t think you guys got serious until like late September early October.”

“Show’s how much attention you were paying…” Arilia huffed causing Alexa to laugh, “No we tried to keep it on the down low for a while. It didn’t last long though. Yet somehow I was able to keep you out of the know…”

“Yeah… why was that?”

“Because you were too busy with Ryan and being madly in love and engaged.”

“Oh… sorry about that.”

“Don’t be sorry, I didn’t mind. After about three months we moved in together. As you know. Things were going smoothly, so smoothly, we even talked about the future, he even brought up marriage…” at the memory Alexa’s voice trembled and she felt her best friends hand on her shoulder. Taking in a shaky breath the young woman continued, “but things got harder when their tour came up”

“The Take Me Home tour?” Alexa nodded her head.

“Yeah that one… anyway it was true what mum said in the paper, I had just found out I was pregnant, when he broke it off that night…” a bitter laugh left her lips. “I had everything planned out, a romantic dinner, ice cream and then I would tell him that he was going to be a dad… but I never got the chance. As soon as he got home he broke it off before I even had a chance to say anything…” tears filled the females eyes as his words resounded in her mind. “He left that night, he let me stay in the house and get my things all packed. So that’s what I did and the next day I was out before he came back… I was so hurt and angry at him that I knew that if I saw him I would either hit him or burst out crying. So I just left without a goodbye and not even a note.
‘The thing mum got wrong was that I had more to do with dad then I did with her. I didn’t got to mum at all, she made all that up. I would have seen her about twice in the whole pregnancy and that was only because dad made me go and see her. I saw you more then I saw her.
She wasn’t even at the birth, she was at the pub drinking up a storm and being the slag that we all know she is.”

“Lex!” Arilia had never heard her friend talk of her mother like that.

“Well it’s true… I hate the fact that my children have to go and see her, I don’t want her anywhere near them and now that this has happened she is never going to see them again and I will make damn sure of that.
She makes herself out to be this perfect mother… she’s not… Stacey is a better mother then she was and she is my stepmother… normally it’s the other way around. Stacey was there at the birth… she held my hand along with dad while you and Ryan rushed there… these two weren’t waiting.”

“But your mum was there.”

“In the waiting area, I wasn’t having her in there with me. I wanted Stacey and Dad because they had been there for me through it all… and they had always been supportive and they never saw Louis as a cash cow… they saw him as a real person. Dad had held me through the night as I cried. Stacey reassured me that I would find someone else that would love me and my unborn children.”

“What do you think your dad is going to do now?” Alexa looked down at her semi cold tea and shrugged her shoulders.

“I honestly don’t know… probably go and yell at mum for being such a selfish, lying bitch.”

Suddenly the two girls were interrupted by the sound of the doorbell ringing through the house. Alexa looked at her friend before getting to her feet her stomach knotting together. “Arilia… what if it’s him?” she asked instantly ceasing her movements. “I-I can’t face him.” Arilia was quick to her feet.

“I’ll get it,” she squeezed her shoulder reassuringly before walking to the front door. Alexa gnawed on the inside of her cheek.

“Is she here?” a sigh of relief left her lips at the sound of her fathers voice. She walked through the lounge room and saw her dad entering, when his dark eyes locked with hers he strode up to her pulling her close.

“She’s gonna pay Princess, she is going to pay big time,” he whispered hotly into his daughters ears as she squeezed him tight allowing her tears to flow. Tears of anger, betrayal, and fear.