Learning to Love My Soul Mate.

Today was the three year anniversary of my sisters death. My mother and father and I walked slowly to her grave. I sat some flowers on her grave and my mom put flowers on her boyfriends grave. Just a few short months after she found out who her soul mate really was they were in a horrible car accident after she tried to kill herself after loosing their baby, who had a small grave in between theirs which my father was putting flowers on.

Every year, my family rights a little piece so recite to them at their resting place. After I said mine I said my goodbyes and started walking to the car, leaving my parents to finish. I hated coming up here. I hated grave yards. I wanted to oppose coming but my parents wouldn't let me.

I looked up into the mid-summer sky and watched the clouds float by as I approached the car. I found myself face to face with someone elses' grave when I tripped, not watching were I was going. I got up and looked around to see of anyone saw when I notice a little figure behind the tree my parents were standing near. I figured it was just another person who was visiting a loved won and continued walking.

I got into the car and put in my headphones. I looked out of my passenger seat window and saw a woman, not to much older than me, probably in her mid twenties walking up to a grave. She stood next in front of the grave and uttered a few inaudible words before she sat on her knees and put a hand on the grass. I watched as her hand slowly started flickering, until it was in full glow.

I felt tears come to my eyes as she sobbed holding her hand to the ground. I thought of my sister, and how she was lucky to have died with her match. That would have been depression she would have never gotten out of.

The car started shaking and I looked up to see my parents getting into the car. My mom had tears in her eyes and my dads face was just expressionless. I stared at everything passing by out of the window on the way home.

The ride home was completely silent so I left my headphones in. Once we reached our house I got out of the car and went directly to my room. I hated days like these. I missed my sister. She didn't have to die. I hated myself for going to camp that summer. I hated leaving, I rarely left my house now because I was afraid of someone else dying while I was gone.

My mom knocked on my door and opened it a little,"Hey I'm going to order take out, do you want any?" She asked.

"I guess." I said.

She came in and sat on the edge of my bed,"You know, it's okay to go out with your friends right?" She said.

"What friends?" I asked,"I was home schooled remember?"

"Well, that was your decision, and I respect that but you'll be 18 soon. I want you to get out and have fun." She said.

I scoffed,"Don't remind me. What if my Searcher doesn't work like Rians' didn't?" I asked.

She sighed,"I've worried about that ever since her 18th birthday, but it will. That is a promise." She said.

I nodded and she stood up,"I still want you to go out." She said before leaving.

I sighed. There was no reason to leave my house. I'd have no one to see out there. I sat in my window sill and looked at the neighborhood around me. I watched a rusty car drive by my house slowly. I payed no mind to it and continued staring out of my window, then I saw a man, a few years older than me walking towards the back of my house. He was tall with read hair. I got up and walked downstairs to the back door.

"Where are you going honey?" My dad asked.

"Out back." I said.

I opened the door but didn't see anyone, so I took a look around the back until I saw something around the corner of my eye at the side of my house.

"Hey!" I said running over to the corner of my house,"Hey wait!"

I saw the man starting to run until I caught, up to him and grabbed his shoulder,"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He said.

I looked into his deep green eyes,"What are you talking about? I watched you walk around the side of my house." I said. There was something about him that made me so..curious.

"I was just walking around." He said.

"Around the back of my house?" I asked,"Who are you?"

That question made him really nervous,"My name is Jasper."

I was quite for a second, which made only made him even more nervous,"Hm, that name sounds really familiar..." I looked at the little brown freckles on his face and my eyes almost bulged out of my face.

I gasped and he covered my mouth,"Hey, I'm not here to hurt anyone I swear. Please don't scream." He said.

I freaked out for a second and then calmed down.

"I'm not going to hurt you, alright?" He said. I nodded and he slowly let go of my mouth.

I pulled him away from the windows,"Why the fuck are you hear?" I asked angrily now.

"I come by, once and a while. I want to find the means to apologize but I-I just can't." He said.

"No fucking way! You killed my sister's baby, prompting her to kill herself." I said.

"I know. I was stupid then but I'm better now. Why do you think they let me out of prison?" He asked.

I was furious, staring into the eyes of the man who practically killed Rian. I wanted to strangle him, right here, right now. I also wanted to sit him down and talk to him for hours. I couldn't fight my curiosity, I also couldn't fight my anger.

"Get away from here." I said,"If I ever see you here again I'll call the cops."

He back away and walked out of view. No one ever told me about what happened between them, no one ever had the heart to tell me anything except the fact that he killed my sister's baby and then she tried to kill herself and then she and Channing died when he ran a red light going to the hospital. I wanted to know more. I wanted to know every detail, but no one speaks of it.

I walked into my back door and into the living room as the door bell rang. I sat at the table when my dad answered the door and payed for our food.

I ate and went back up stairs thinking things over. I'd just met the reason for my sisters death, and my 18th birthday was just two short weeks away. My anxiety kicked off as I went into full panic attack.

what if it doesn't work?

what if Jasper is trying to get into my mind like he did to Rian?

what if his not a bad guy and some people make horrible mistakes?

what if he's trying to get close to you and kill you?

what if you're over-reacting?

what if your Searchers match?

what if you don't even have a Searcher?

I sat down on my bed, hyperventilating and crying. Everything was fucked up and moving so fast. I couldn't stop it. Soon, I felt the room spin before I fainted.