The Lunacy Fringe

When I finally reached the tree, I found everyone precisely where they always were. Quinn was the only one who seemed out of place. He was no longer the center of attention but sitting off on his own, plucking grass and not talking to anyone. He’d been purposefully avoiding me since the accident. Refused to answer my calls and never came by with Crystal, Billie, or even Felix. And I was tired of it. So I marched over to him and stopped just a few feet short.

“Quinn, can I talk to you for a second?” I asked. He looked up and then sighed dramatically.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” he whispered. I glared and bit my lip, forcing myself to not yell at him in front of everyone.

“Just go talk to her, man,” Martin whispered from the other side of Billie. Quinn shook his head and resumed destroying the grass.

“Will you just talk to me?” I snapped. He finally looked back at me. “You have no right to ignore me. So if you don’t talk to me right now, I’m going to say what I have to say in front of everyone here, got it?”

He stared at me for a moment, and I motioned my free hand for him to move his ass. Finally, he stood up. I turned my back on him and walked toward the side of the building where we could talk behind the bushes. When I stopped and turned back around, he was behind me but looking off toward the bushes like he couldn’t stand seeing me. It looked like he hadn’t brushed his hair in at least a week and probably hadn’t slept either. He looked exactly as bad as Felix described, but he had no marks or bruises.

“I think you owe me an apology,” I started.

“You think I don’t know that?”

“I’m talking about how you’ve been ignoring me.” He was silent. “Why did you just ditch me like that?” I was hoping the guilt trip would make him pull his head out of his ass, but he just pinched his lips shut and closed his eyes.

“I couldn’t face you,” he said.

“Why not?”

“Because look at you. You’re covered in bruises and cuts, and your arm is in a sling, and you limped the whole way over here. I almost killed you.”

“But you didn’t. From what I was led to believe, you’re the reason I’m alive.”

“I didn’t even know I was helping you, alright? I just pulled you out because I thought you were dead.”

“You still saved my life.”

“It’s my fault you were even hurt in the first place.”

“We were both stupid. I shouldn’t even have let you drive. You’re a bad driver even when you’re sober, and I’m the one who never wears my seatbelt. It was just an accident.”

“No, it wasn’t.”

“Well, you obviously didn’t crash us on purpose, Quinn.” He sighed.

“There was a fucking rabbit. In the goddamn road. I should have just killed the stupid thing.”

“I thought it was a squirrel. Or a mouse.”

“No, it was a rabbit.”

“There are wild rabbits here?”

“There are probably more rabbits than squirrels.”

“I didn’t know that.” He seemed to catch on that I was changing the subject. Fixated on stupid rabbits.

“Well, it was in the goddamn road, and I should have just squashed it!”

“Well, you didn’t. And the rabbit got to live.” Then he slumped in defeat.

“It died of shock or a heart attack or something across the street.” I smacked my face with my hand.

“Oh, now I feel bad for the rabbit.”

“You’re telling me. I almost had two deaths on my hands.” I took a deep breath and let it out.

“At least it didn’t—you know—suffer,” I tried.

“No, it just died of absolute terror. I should have known better,” he said. I nodded.

“We both should have. But it’s too late to fix it now. We made a mistake. I’m still here. I’m alive. I feel bad about the rabbit, but there’s no sense in wallowing in guilt for the rest of our lives. You didn’t mean for it to happen. Get over it.” He looked offended.

“I can’t just ‘get over it,’” he snapped. “I barely got my sister back after like fourteen years, and the first thing I do is almost kill her!” I shrugged. Then a dam seemed to break, and that’s what I’d been waiting for. “I was stupid!” he said. “Unforgivable! And now I have to see you every day with that damn sling and those stupid stitches in your head, and I buried the goddamn rabbit in the backyard even though it’s super illegal. And Jade put a stupid little—painted rock on it. I hate myself for that!”

“I’m getting the stitches out after school today. I’m really sorry about the rabbit, but it was an accident.”

“I still did it.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me.” I was silent for a moment. He shifted on his feet. His cheeks were pink. He clearly just needed to get it out—someone needed to smack some sense into him.

“Quinn,” I started, but he shook his head as if he was going to cut me off again. “Just listen to me.”

“Fine.”

“It was an accident. We made a mistake. It’s over. There’s nothing we can do about it now. So you can either continue to ignore me even though I didn’t do anything to deserve it. Or you can talk to your friends and me again. You don’t have to forgive yourself, but you can at least stop being an asshole to everyone else.” He sighed.

“I’m sorry,” he said, running his hands through his long, tangled hair. “For everything. I’m sorry for letting you get in that car. I’m sorry for driving it. I’m sorry for not punching Felix in the face when he kissed you. I’m sorry for ignoring you.”

“And your friends,” I added.

“And my friends.”

“And Billie.”

“Especially Billie.” He sighed when he said her name like a man in love.

“Now hug me.” He shook his head.

“I can’t.”

“I wasn’t asking.”

“Fine.” He reached over and pulled me into a hug. I wrapped my free arm around him. He was tall enough to rest his chin on the top of my head.

“I’m so sorry, Ruby,” he said.

“I forgive you.” Then I pulled away and smiled. “Let’s go back to the tree, okay?” He nodded, and we returned. Quinn took his usual seat against the tree, front and center again. Still, I stayed hesitating on the outskirts of the group. I didn’t want to bring it to their attention. I didn’t even think about it. And I didn’t want a pity party.

“Ruby, sit next to me,” Billie said, moving my bag out of my spot and patting the grass beside her. I gave her a nervous smile.

“I uh,” I hesitated again. “I can’t.” Her eyes went wide, and she moved to get up.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” She tried to get back to her feet, but someone beat her to it. Felix was at my side in an instant, one hand on the strap of my sling and the other at my elbow.

“Need some help?” he asked.

“I’m afraid I won’t be able to get back up,” I admitted, whispering so only he could hear. He was the only one who’d actually seen how bad it was. Even when Billie came to visit, I pretended I was okay. But Felix had been there that first day. When I couldn’t even get out of bed.

“I’ll help you. Just let me know when you’re ready.”

“Okay.”

I wrapped my arm around him, and he helped lower me to the grass. It wasn’t as painful as I expected, but that was probably mostly thanks to him. Once I was seated, he nodded quickly to make sure I was okay and went to retake his seat. I watched him go and then noticed Quinn staring at me.

I mouthed the word “What?” and he just shook his head. So I turned back to Billie and decided to pretend it didn’t happen, and Felix didn’t just have his hands on me.

“What was that all about?” she whispered.

“Nothing,” I told her. But that wasn’t true. Even though it didn’t hurt as bad as I expected, my heart was pounding, and I felt weird and warm all over.