The Lunacy Fringe

“So, what was going on with you and Quinn today?” I asked Billie when we were trying to sleep later that night. She was lying in a cot on the floor beside my bed. She looked up at me.

“What was going on with you and Felix?” she countered.

“Well, we kinda kissed, and then Quinn interrupted.”

“Well—Quinn might have kissed me if you hadn’t run off with Felix.”

“Why is he such an asshat about it?” She sighed and looked back at the ceiling.

“I don’t know. Quinn used to go out with this girl that he was like—I don’t know—I think he was in love with her. But she was apparently secretly in love with Felix. Felix, of course, refused her. But she was really upset about it and spread all these nasty rumors about him. She basically made it seem like she cheated on Quinn with Felix and how he was a bad friend and all that.”

“But he didn’t?”

“No, definitely not. But she had pretty much everyone on her side. Quinn and Felix didn’t talk for a while, and I think I was the only one who really believed him. Mostly because I was really jealous of that girl, and I hated what she’d done to Quinn. But Felix opened up to me about it, and he was really upset. So I was eventually able to make them start talking again, and they worked things out. But they decided never to let another girl get between them.”

“How would I come between them? I’m Quinn’s sister.”

“Yeah, but—the thing is—I don’t think Quinn ever really truly trusted Felix after that. He said he believed that he didn’t actually do anything. But those rumors about him pretty much stuck, and Quinn hasn’t exactly acted like they’re untrue. And since Felix does have the bad habit of losing interest—I can kind of see why he’s worried about you. Quinn doesn’t want you to get hurt.”

“I don’t want to get hurt either.”

“But that’s not going to stop you, is it?” I bit my lip and shook my head.

“I don’t know.”

“So what should we do about Quinn?” she asked.

“Well, you do have the amazing ability to distract him,” I reminded her. She laughed and pinched her eyes shut.

“I can definitely try.”

“I just want enough time to see where it goes. Test the waters a bit, you know? But I can’t do that if Quinn keeps acting like he has to babysit me all the time.”

“I got you. We’ll figure something out. So whatever happened to your Detroit boyfriend anyway?”

“Ugh,” I replied. “I forgot about him until he called. Then I told him about Felix.” She winced.

“Harsh.”

“I felt awful about it, but he was cool. He’d already asked someone else out anyway. It was kind of mutual.”

“Did you like him?”

“I thought I did, but—it was different. He was cute and nice and my friend and everything. But there was no real….”

“Spark?”

“Yeah, exactly. No heat. No excitement. Like with Felix.” She nodded.

“That’s how it feels with Quinn. I mean—I’ve had a crush on him for a long time. But not the same way I had other crushes. I used to have a crush on Felix, too, you know?”

“Really?” She shot me a look.

“Yeah, of course.”

“Tell me about it. What happened?” I leaned on my elbow to look down at her. She hugged my flower pillow to her chest and got comfortable.

“Nothing happened. We did kiss once. But it was a game of spin the bottle in middle school, and I had headgear. It was terrible.” I laughed again.

“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.”

“No, it was bad. Like really bad. But it’s okay. It didn’t last long. Felix has always been my friend, and then one day, I realized that’s all I ever wanted from him. I thought about him actually really truly asking me out, and I realized it just wasn’t what I wanted.” I nodded.

“Do you think he and I could be friends like you if things don’t work out?” She shrugged.

“I don’t know. I’d like to think so. Felix and Quinn are like brothers. So I don’t really see him not being part of your life. I guess it depends on the situation. Now, can I ask you something else?”

“Sure?”

“What are you saving yourself for? Like your virginity.” I nearly snorted with embarrassment. I fell back on my pillows and looked up at the ceiling. I had a nightlight on, but my room was otherwise dark. The frogs were singing a chorus in the yard that was loud enough to drown out all other noise.

“I don’t know. I guess I just want to feel like it’s the right thing. Love maybe. I don’t want it to be with someone who isn’t important to me. I feel like I’ll just know when the time is right.”

“Do you think Felix could be the guy?”

“I think it might be a little too soon to know for sure.” She nodded slowly and looked off toward my open window. A breeze rustled the curtains, and the air was chilly and humid.

“I’m pretty sure Quinn is the guy for me,” she said. I smiled and turned back to her.

“I’m sure he is. He really does like you. You just need to stop being so hard on yourself.” She breathed deeply and sighed.

“It’s hard when all the guys you hang out with are your friends. They kind of had this unspoken rule that you don’t date your friends. I don’t think it’s ever been one of those ‘just one of the guys’ kind of situations. Just that I’ve never really been an option for any of them.”

“Or maybe it’s because they all knew you were supposed to be with Quinn and the other guys never asked you out because of it.” She laughed and shut her eyes again.

“That’s stupid.”

“It’s possible, though.”

“Then why didn’t they just tell me?”

“I’m telling you now.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“Me too.”