The Lunacy Fringe

I wasn’t sure when the guys would get back. They were only supposed to be gone a month at most, but every time I talked to Quinn, there was always some new thing they had to do that ate up all their time. So by the time summer drew to a close, I gave up on spending time with them before school started again.

I tried not to think about Felix at all. For the most part, it was easy. He wasn’t around anymore. So I mistakenly believed I’d gotten over it until I walked out of the house one day to take the dog out, and there he was. Standing by the fence in the sunlight. As beautiful and perfect as ever.

“Ruby, I—I need to talk to you,” he said. I paused in my place.

“I have nothing to say to you,” I snapped. His dark eyebrows furrowed. It wasn’t the reunion I’d planned in my head, but I was angry and hurt, and I didn’t regret it.

Not yet.

“Well, I have a lot to say to you,” he retorted.

“You had plenty of times to say it over the summer. I don’t want to hear it now.”

“Ruby, please…?”

“Save it for someone who cares.”

I turned quickly and went back into the house. Luckily, my dad had spent most of the summer putting up a new fence out front. So I no longer had to worry about Cerbie running off toward the street. I went right for the phone to call my dad’s office.

“Why didn’t you tell me they were coming home today?” I asked once I got through to him. Technically I wasn’t supposed to call at work unless it was an emergency. But my heart was pounding in my chest, and I didn’t know what else to do.

“Ruby, what’s wrong?” my dad replied.

“You didn’t tell me! I just walked out there completely unprepared. You should have told me!”

“I didn’t know exactly when they’d be home. I knew it would be sometime this week, but I didn’t think it would be today.”

“You still should have warned me.”

“You have to face him sometime, Kid.”

When I hung up, I dialed Crystal’s number, too. Just to see if Quinn was home. I mostly just wanted to take my anger out on someone.

“Hello?” he answered before anyone else.

“Thanks for the warning, Asshole,” I replied.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming home today?”

“I thought I’d surprise you.”

“Well, it was a wonderful surprise walking outside and finding HIM standing out there. You could have warned me.”

“I didn’t know how bad it was.”

“Bad enough that I don’t want to see his stupid face.”

“Alright, alright. I get it. Maybe it’s for the best.”

“That’s easy for you to say!”

“All the more reason why you should be grateful it didn’t go any farther.”

“Well, maybe I should have! Then I’d be able to explain why I’m so angry!” I hung up and stomped back up the stairs to my room.

I didn’t cry again after that first day, but I didn’t want to talk to anyone anymore either. Billie was the only one who tried. She said she understood why I was upset and didn’t blame me. Even though part of the reason I was so angry was just that I’d been warned in advance. I knew it wasn’t entirely Felix’s fault. He did what he apparently always did. But I was stupid for getting attached even though I knew.

I didn’t see him again until the first day of school. Whenever I took Cerbie out, I stayed in the kitchen and waited for her to come back on her own. Sometimes she didn’t, and there were a few occasions where she’d bark furiously at the frog bush instead of coming back, and I’d have to rush outside and get her. But he never came out.

It was just harder to avoid him at school. Quinn gave us a ride, and I pretended not to notice someone was sitting in the front seat. I stayed silent in the back until we picked Billie up. And as soon as we got to school, I hopped out and didn’t turn back.

Maybe I was petty and stupid. I’d been warned, yes, but he asked me to give him a chance despite the warnings. And I did. I let my guard down because he asked me to. He made me believe he actually cared. I was his best friend’s sister, and that still didn’t matter. I wasn’t any different than Meg or any other girl.

Billie walked with me to homeroom to collect our schedules, and then we went to class early. I had Music first period, so I waited there alone. I went right to the piano like I always did. When I had nothing better to do during the summer, I worked on a new song on my little lap piano. Piano Sonata Number Fourteen in C-Sharp Minor, also known as Moonlight. It felt better being able to play it on a real piano. And this was why I loved music so much. I didn’t have to think beyond what I would play next or what my hands had to do. I could make something beautiful out of all the anger I was feeling.

The classroom door opened, and I ignored it. I was hoping Felix and I wouldn’t have the same period again, but part of me knew we would. Miss Kay liked us together. She was going to be disappointed when I refused to work with him.

He stayed quiet. When the bell rang, I shut the lid and stood up to find a seat. Felix was sitting on the other side of the room. He studied me for a moment before I turned and found a spot on the exact opposite side of the classroom.

I thought it would be easier to get over it. We hadn’t gone very far. I didn’t think I was in love with him. We could have tried to be friends. I could just talk to him and move on. But I didn’t think it would work. He would worm his way back into my head. I’d fall for it all over again. And then I’d get more than just a bruised heart.

I wanted him to know I was angry. I wanted him to feel guilty. I didn’t want to have to pretend to be his friend just to avoid the drama. I was allowed to be petty and stupid about it. He hurt me. And I wanted him to know. I wanted to hurt him back.

So I’d spent just about the entire day avoiding him. I had Economics with him later, but he sat toward the back, and I decided to sit toward the front just to be far from him. So that’s where I was when I was pretending to be busy with my notebook.

“Hey, Ruby,” someone said, sitting beside me. It was that Jake kid that asked me to prom the year before.

“Oh. Hey, Jake,” I replied. He smiled, obviously pleased that I’d remembered his name.

“It’s cool that we have a class together again, huh?”

“Yeah, it’s great.” We’d literally never spoken in a class before.

“Well, I guess I’ll talk to you later.”

“Alright, it’s a plan.”

At lunch, I went to the tree as usual and was grateful when Felix wasn’t there. He didn’t show up at all, actually. I tried not to act like I was looking for him. I tried to focus on everyone else. Amy and Martin had graduated and were gone. I didn’t really get to hear about their summer in LA from anyone other than Quinn. He stayed quiet while everyone else talked. And once I realized Felix wasn’t going to show up, I relaxed.

After lunch, Billie and I walked to class together.

“I think he’s hurt,” she said. I shot her a glare.

“Poor thing. I can’t imagine what he’s going through,” I replied sarcastically.

“He’s never ditched us at lunch before.”

“I really don’t care, Billie.”

“Yes, you do.”

“No. I really don’t.” I turned around to face her and sighed. “I know everyone warned me that this would happen, and I hate myself as much as I hate him for it. But I really believed him, you know? I really thought I’d be different. Maybe even special. I could have forgiven him if it had just fizzled out. But he didn’t even try. Things were going well, and then they just weren’t going at all. He really made me think I was special.” I shook my head and kept walking. She followed me.

“Maybe if you just talked to him,” she said. “Maybe there’s a perfectly good explanation for why he didn’t call. I mean, he probably just got scared. Felix has always been kind of afraid of getting too serious with someone.”

“Okay, and how would you feel if Quinn abandoned you?”

“So that’s what this is? An abandonment thing?”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore, Billie.”

“You’re mad at him because he abandoned you. It’s about your mom.”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it!” I usually never snapped at Billie, but digging into my deeper traumas was the last thing I wanted to do in the school hallway. She didn’t say anything else for the rest of our walk.

Fortunately, I didn’t have any more classes with Felix, and I successfully ignored him on the way home from school. I jumped out of the car before he could even throw a “Detroit” at me.