The Lunacy Fringe

Billie and I were standing in the lunch line a few weeks later when a small group of girls approached us. I knew them in a vague sort of way. I'd seen them around, but I didn't know their names. I was pretty sure I had a class with at least one or two of them, but we'd never spoken before. They usually stuck around Jake and pretended I didn't exist. So I was mildly startled when one of them said, "Hi, Ruby."

"Hi," I replied cautiously.

"So, are you going to Jake's game later?"

Jake had a lot of friends. A lot. A whole group of them took up half the cafeteria at lunchtime. I had a nagging suspicion that it was why my group never hung out in the cafeteria. Even though Felix was the prettiest boy I'd ever seen and thus very popular, the rest of them were dorky enough to be bullied by people like Jake and his friends. This probably explained why Felix detested him so much.

"I guess so. He asked me to," I told her.

"You guys are so cute together. How long have you been together now?" I blinked a few times. We'd only gone out a few times. And sometimes, he walked me to class and held my hand, but I didn't realize we were "together." I didn't really know how it worked if the other person wasn't entirely upfront about the relationship status.

"Like three weeks?" I answered anyway.

"So cute! I'll look for you at the game, okay? Then we can sit together."

"Yeah, alright."

"Bye." She and her friends continued on into the cafeteria to join the group, and I turned back to Billie.

"Wow," she said, watching them walk away. "They completely ignored me. It's like I wasn't even here."

"To be honest, I didn't even think they knew me," I admitted.

"It's because you got into their club. Going out with Jake puts you up toward the top."

"I didn't even know we were 'together.' Is he my boyfriend now?" Her eyebrows rose, and she nodded slowly.

"I think he is, Ruby. You go out like every week. He walks you to class and holds your hand. I think that makes you his girlfriend."

"Well—don't take it to heart. They don't even like me." I turned to pay for my lunch, and Billie wandered behind me.

"What makes you say that?" she asked.

"I overheard them talking about me the other day on the way out of school. I don't think they realized I was behind them. Or at least, I hope they didn't know I was there."

"What were they saying?"

"They were talking about how if Jake and I kept seeing each other, they were going to have to give me a makeover. They said they could tell I was raised by a single father."

"That doesn't necessarily mean they don't like you."

"They also said they couldn't understand why he liked me because I wasn't even pretty. They said it's probably only because I'm still new, and he'll get bored quickly."

"Wow. That really is rude. Even if they didn't know you were listening. I'm going to kick their asses." I laughed.

"It's not worth it."

"I think it is." I stepped back and waited for her to pay for her lunch. I really hoped she didn't get revenge.

"You'll go to the game with me, right?" I asked once we were free of the lunchroom.

"Of course," she decided. "I wasn't going to, but I can't leave you to the wolves by yourself. It wouldn't be fair."

"Thank you so much."

"Don't even mention it. Unless Quinn suddenly gets very popular and drags me to the top of the food chain with him, and I need you to back me up. Then you'll owe me."

"It's a deal. But Quinn's a huge dork, so don't count on it."

"At least he's a pretty dork."

"If you say so."

We took our seats at the tree with the others, but Felix wasn't there. We hardly ever saw him anymore, actually. According to Quinn, Felix claimed it had nothing to do with me. But I wasn't so sure. I still felt a little guilty about it. I pictured him sitting by himself somewhere, eating lunch all alone, writing sad lyrics in his notebook. I really didn't mean to take his friends from him, but whenever he DID show up, I sort of couldn't stop myself from completely ignoring him, either.

As the end of lunch drew near, Billie asked me to walk with her to class early to turn in some extra credit. So I picked up my bag and followed her back in. We were walking along, talking, and not paying much attention to whoever we passed in the hall. That is until we ran into Felix. And it turned out he was telling the truth when he said he wasn't avoiding the tree because of me. He wasn't alone.

"Oh, um—sorry," I said when he finally pulled his lips off the girl. I didn't really know who she was. I knew she was a senior like us. But otherwise, I knew nothing about her at all.

But when I saw her standing there with her arms still around his shoulders and a big goofy grin on her face, I felt something I hoped would fade with time. Anger. Pain. Mostly pain. It hurt. Bad. And I didn't want to see any more of it. So before I could stop myself and play it off, I turned and took off in the other direction.

"Ruby!" Billie shouted from behind me. I slowed once I passed into another hallway. I leaned against a locker to catch my breath. My heart was pounding, and my throat ached. I could barely breathe, and I hadn't even run that far. I wasn't sure if it was bad lungs or just the agonizing pain in my stupid traitorous heart. Billie shuffled into the hallway after me. "Are you okay?" she asked, not nearly as out of breath as I was.

"I'm fine," I said with what I hoped was a perfectly chipper tone. I leaned against my knees. Why the hell couldn't I catch my breath?

"Are you sure? Because—I swear. I didn't know."

"I'm fine. I'm okay. I just…."

"Just what?"

"Wasn't expecting it. That's all."

"Me either, to be honest. Hey, you're not going to cry, are you?" My eyes were definitely watery, and my stomach was twisted in knots. But now that he wasn't in front of me. With a girl in his arms and on his lips. It was easier to play it off as no big deal. I shrugged.

"No, I'm perfectly fine. Just ran a little too fast," I explained. "Bad lungs. You know. I don't cry over him anymore." My voice was wobbling anyway. I hated that it wobbled. I hated that he could still make me so angry and hurt all at once. I shut my eyes and took a few deep breaths as if I could shove the emotion back down and far away.

"You said you were over him," she reminded me. I thought of all the lies I could tell, but I knew it was pointless. My eyes were still watering. My voice kept wobbling. She knew damn well it wasn't because I'd run too fast. I wouldn't have run at all if I was fine. I shook my head.

"I don't know," I admitted. "It comes and goes. I really liked him, you know? Like I thought I could even love him." She nodded. "But I still don't know if I'm angrier at him for lying to me or at myself for falling for it."

"I understand. C'mon. I'll walk you to class. We can talk about something to take your mind off of it."

"No, it's fine. You need to turn in your paper. We can go around."

"Forget my paper. I'll hand it in later. It's fine."

"Are you sure?" She answered by lacing our arms together and turning me toward my classroom.

"I just have one more question before we pretend that never happened, and you didn't just admit things to me," she said.

"Sure, okay."

"Do you really think you should be going out with Jake if you still have feelings for Felix?" I sighed deeply.

"I don't know. I like Jake. I don't think I can love him, but I think he can help me forget."

"Do you think that's fair to him?" I shrugged.

"No. But maybe I can learn to love him."

"Maybe you can't."

"I don't think I want to break up with him yet."

"Just make sure you don't let it go too far. Don't let him love you if you don't love him back." I bit my lip and nodded to agree.

Later that night, Billie went to Jake's game with me. We sat on the bleachers out by the field. It was hot and loud, and even though my dad liked football in a distant sort of way, I couldn't focus on the game. My mind kept bringing me back to Felix and his lips and how he had them on someone else.

The girls from the lunch line found us just like they said they would. But they sat down on the other side of me and didn't really talk to us. Billie looked miserable. She said she hated sports, and even if Quinn never became popular overnight, I still owed her one.

Jake seemed to be really good at what he did. I was guessing. I caught a glimpse of his number every once in a while, and sometimes the girls would get excited and cheer for him, but I wasn't paying enough attention to know for sure. It seemed to be taking all of my energy just to keep my mind from wandering back to Felix. And I wasn't doing a very good job of it.

When the game finished, I left Billie to go find Jake. He was leaving the field just as I approached from the bleachers. He took off his helmet to greet me. His sandy blond hair was damp, his cheeks were pink, and I decided I liked this look on him much better than the usually clean-cut version I saw every day. He looked more natural and real. And I wondered if I hadn't fallen for Felix first, would I have been able to love Jake? Would I have fallen for him just as fast?

"Good game," I said when he stopped. I wasn't sure if it was or not, but they'd won. So I assumed that meant it went okay.

"Thanks," he replied. "I'm glad you came."

"Me too."

I reached out to hug him, and he wrapped his arms around me, lifting me off of the grass. He squeezed me tightly for a moment, and I didn't feel so sad about Felix any more. It was a good squeeze. The kind that assured me I was cared for by someone. Even if it hadn't been who I wanted. Felix made his choice, and someday it wouldn't hurt anymore. I had Jake. And maybe I didn't love him yet, but it was still so early in our relationship.

Hugging wasn't entirely unusual with us anymore. Even when he took me out, he would hug me goodnight. Or hug me in the morning when we met before school. But he'd never hugged me like this. And he'd never kissed me beyond a few pecks on the cheek, and the one time, he'd surprised me with a quick one on my lips. I heard him drop the helmet so he could hold me tighter, clearly understanding that I needed the hug and didn't want to let go. But then he set me back down on my feet.

He was smiling, and his blue-gray eyes were bright in the afternoon sun. I decided that I wouldn't let Felix ruin what I had with Jake. He was moving on, and I should do the same. So I reached onto my toes and pressed my lips to his. He kissed me back, eagerly pulling me back into his arms and parting my lips with his. I threw my arms around his shoulders, and for a moment, everything was fine. Just fine.

And then I heard a very loud "Ahem." We pulled apart, and he stepped back to put even more space between us.

"Oh, sorry, Mom," he said to the woman standing a few feet away, dressed entirely in white. I immediately pulled my arms to myself and hoped I wasn't blushing too bad.

"You must be Ruby," she said. Her hair was golden blonde, not as natural looking as Jake's, and she looked far too young to have a son his age.

"Ruby, this is my mom," he told me.

"Nice to meet you," I replied. She reached out to shake my hand. She was studying me. And not being very polite about it. She did a once over, starting from the tips of my sneakers and all the way up to my messy brown hair.

"You too," she said, just a little too late. I got the feeling she didn't mean it. The corners of her mouth were tight, and she didn't look pleased until she turned toward Jake and lifted her arms to hug him. "Congratulations, Winner!" she said. I stepped back to give them their space, and she immediately turned her back on me.

I ended up waiting patiently as she fussed over how dirty his hair looked and praised him for what a great job he did and how proud his dad was going to be. I figured out fairly quickly that she was doing everything she could to keep me out of the conversation. Whenever Jake looked longingly in my direction, she found a way to draw him right back to her.

I'd only met Felix's mom a few times, but she was always genuinely kind to me. Even after I yelled at him in the yard. She always said hello and asked how I was doing. Then I regretted thinking about it. So what if Jake's mom didn't like me? That didn't mean anything significant.

"I'm going to head back to Billie," I finally said since I was clearly not wanted. Jake looked over his mom's blonde head and back at me.

"Alright, I'll come find you once I get cleaned up," he told me. So I nodded and hurried back to the bleachers.

Billie was right where I had left her, looking even more miserable than before. I'd left her alone with the wolves. They had their backs to her, almost the exact same way Jake's mom had done to me. She gave me a look of complete desperation when I approached.

"Hey," I said, dropping beside her.

"Shoot me," she responded.

"Let's do a murder-suicide then because I just met Jake's mom."

"Oh, God. Was that horrible?"

"She scared the crap out of me."

"You met Jake's mom?" one of the other girls asked, flipping around to finally pay attention to me. Which led me to believe she'd probably listened to every word we said since they got there. "Isn't she just the sweetest? We love her so much." I nodded slowly.

"Oh yeah. She's great. A real-life angel." I looked back at Billie and quickly shook my head.