The Lunacy Fringe

The next day, Billie took me on another adventure, just like she did for prom. She'd gone to homecoming without me. Mostly because I'd refused to go, and Jake had been too nervous to ask me yet. So she would make up for it by forcing me to go get my hair done with her.

While they were styling Billie, the hairstylist asked me what I wanted done with mine.

"Do you have time for a dye job?" I asked, running my fingers through my natural brown.

"My next appointment canceled. I can probably fit you in," she replied.

"That'd be great."

"What color were you thinking?"

"Red. Bright. Fire engine red."

"I'll see what I can do."

She got everything set up, and I didn't see Billie again until later. She was getting her makeup done while the woman led me back to the chair beside her.

"Holy crap. Your hair is red," Billie said as the girl pulled the towel off and began to brush through it.

"I know," I said with a grin.

"Why did you dye it back?"

"I missed it."

"Awesome. I always liked that color on you." I smiled.

"Me too."

It took a little longer to dry and style it. Billie was pretty much done by the time I was ready. She'd set it in a long ponytail with loose curls that swept over my left shoulder. Then she pinned it with fake white flowers that looked like jasmines. It was perfect.

"Wow, Ruby. You look gorgeous," Billie said when we were done.

"Thank you. So do you."

"No, I mean, you look like you."

"I looked like someone else?"

"You just didn't look—well, like Ruby." I nodded slowly. I knew what she was getting at, and she was right. I hadn't been myself. I knew it was stupid to lose myself over a boy. But I wasn't doing it for Felix or anyone else. I just wanted to be me again.

"Maybe I'm feeling more like me again, too," I told her. She grinned.

"It's good to have you back, Ru."

"Good to be back." She reached out to squeeze my hand.

When I got home, my dad was surprised to see me. But he'd smiled and nodded and said, "Nice hair." And then went back to the TV. I headed upstairs to finish getting ready.

San Diego wasn't super cold during the winter. It got cold at night just because it was humid. But it was never freezing during the day. I'd chosen a knee-length dress that was solid white. It made me feel a bit like a princess. Or like I was getting married. But Billie wanted to stick with the "ice/snow" theme. It looked great with the flowers in my hair.

Once I finished up, I grabbed my matching sweater and the purse I'd probably never use again and then headed downstairs to wait for Jake. The doorbell rang while I was on my way down. My dad got up to get it, grunted at Jake on the front steps, and went back to his bowl of noodles.

Jake's eye had turned an ugly shade of purple. And he still didn't seem very happy, even though he was picking me up for a dance. We said goodbye to my dad, who reminded me about the pepper spray, and then we headed out to the car in silence.

"Why'd you change your hair color?" he asked after a few minutes of agonizing silence.

"It's my favorite hair color," I told him.

"I liked the other color better." I sighed heavily. "When can we talk?"

"Not now, please, Jacob."

"When did you start calling me Jacob?"

"That's my 'I'm annoyed with you' voice."

"Ah, I see."

"Mm-hmm."

And the silence returned. He didn't even put on music. Which was probably for the best since he didn't really have good taste. I knew music taste was subjective, and I generally liked just about everything—but it wasn't pleasant.

We pulled into the parking lot a few minutes later and headed into the gym. All without having said a single word to one another. Even though it was San Diego and hadn't snowed in probably fifteen years, the entire gym was decorated with paper snowflakes and wintery decorations.

"Do you want to get a picture?" he asked, pointing to the photographer set up near a winter wonderland kind of scene.

"Oh—not really—maybe later," I said. He nodded and led me to a table instead. I sat down, and we waited. In more silence. Until Billie and Quinn found us.

"Hey, guys," I said, perking up as they plopped in beside us. Billie was wearing a pretty ice-blue dress, and she had silver snowflake clips in her hair.

"You look so pretty, Ruby," she said. I laughed.

"Me? Look at you, Ice Princess," I replied.

"I like your hair that way," Quinn commented. And I grinned.

"Thanks, guys. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Jake seemed slightly annoyed that I was more excited to see them than him. He stayed quiet while we talked and hung out, and I was feeling a little bit glad that he finally got a taste of his own medicine. It was how I felt every time we hung out with his friends. But eventually, he asked me around to dancing, and we agreed on a slow song. So when one finally came on, he took my hand and led me out onto the dance floor.

I watched the floor and just tried to focus on not tripping when he suddenly jerked to a halt and squeezed my hand. Felix and Candy were standing a few feet away from us. We all froze like we'd been caught doing something terrible.

And Felix looked really nice. Unfairly nice. He was wearing a black suit, and his lip was puffy where Jake had hit him. But otherwise, I couldn't tell he'd been in a fight. The only thing that caught me off guard was that he was looking right at me. Not at Jake. Not at Candy. Just me.

I hated how it made my heart beat faster, and I hoped and prayed that he thought I looked pretty. I wanted him to like the red. Like the jasmines in my hair. I wanted him to be as done in by me as I was by him.

But then Candy, in her pretty gold dress, grabbed his hand and dragged him away.

"I hate that guy," Jake said, continuing out onto the dance floor. "I'm surprised they even let him come after what he did to my face." I didn't have anything to say to that.

We found a good place to dance, and he led me into it. He held me awkwardly for a moment before we found our footing. But my eyes drifted over the crowd of dancers, and it didn't take long for them to settle on Felix and Candy, dancing a few yards away. He disappeared behind Jake for a moment as we moved around, and when he came back into sight, he was looking right back at me.

"So, can we talk about this now?" Jake asked. I sighed. I knew it was the only reason he'd asked me to dance. So he could get me out onto the floor, away from my brother and Billie. Where we could discuss his desperation to get his hands on my body. And my complete reluctance to let him.

"Listen, Jake. I'm not really comfortable with the whole groping thing. Let alone sex," I admitted.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I'm a virgin, and I don't think I'm ready, okay?" I looked up at him, and he pinched his lips shut.

"I didn't know that."

"Why is everyone always surprised?"

"It's just that we've been dating for a while. I hoped things were progressing, but it feels like we're just crawling along. It took you forever to even let me kiss you, and now you're holding back even more. Is it because I said I was falling for you? What is it?"

"It's—not just one thing—it's a lot of things." I glanced over his shoulder at Felix again. He was still watching me over Candy's head.

"It's not about any of those things, though, is it?" Jake asked. He stopped dancing, and I looked back up at him. We still had our arms around each other, but it was obvious he was done dancing.

"What are you talking about?"

I couldn't help it. My eyes betrayed me. Felix was still just beyond him. All it took was one glance for me to tell Jake everything he needed to know. Felix and Candy had stopped dancing too. He looked worried. As if he'd have to come to my defense again.

"Maybe there are a bunch of contributing factors, but I'm willing to bet anything that he's one of them." He motioned toward Felix, knowing full well where he'd been the entire time we danced. And likely why my eyes had been drawn there. Felix saw this exchange and finally took Candy's hand, disappearing with her into the crowd.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said.

"You must think I'm really stupid, don't you? I get it, alright?" He pushed my hands off of him. "I see it when you look at him. You never look at me like that. With longing. Even when you're kissing me, you don't look like that. It's all starting to get a lot clearer. Why he acted the way he did the day I asked you out. The way you're always looking for each other. Why you won't let me touch you. What was it he said yesterday, 'Isn't it obvious?' You're in love with him. I'm not fucking stupid."

"I never said you were."

"Why did you go out with me in the first place? Was it to get back at him?"

"Jake, no. I'd never do that to you."

"But you stayed with me even when you didn't want me."

"I didn't—it's not like that."

"Then what the fuck is it? Goddamn it, Ruby. I told you I loved you."

"I know—I'm sorry—I just…."

"Just what? Lied to me the entire time? Thought about him whenever I kissed you?"

"Jake…."

"No—I actually don't want to know the answer. I don't want to hear it. I thought you were different and special, but I was wrong. You're going to waste your time on a guy who only wants to fuck you." He shook his head. And then I snapped. He wouldn't let me talk, and now he was throwing accusations at me like he cared about me.

"As opposed to a guy who doesn't want to even know me?" I asked. "Don't tell me you haven't noticed it too, Jake. There's no chemistry between us. There never has been. You don't love me, and you never would have. We barely get along. We barely know each other. Don't tell me you're here with me now because you actually like me. Tell me something special about me. Tell me something interesting. You can't. Because you never bothered to try and know me." He just scoffed.

"Likewise," he said. Then he turned and stalked off.

I was pretty sure I wouldn't find him again. So I just stood there in the middle of the dancefloor, unsure of what to do next. I knew Quinn would give me a ride home. But I wasn't sure I wanted to be there anymore. I didn't want it to end like that. I wanted it to happen differently. And now I was just embarrassed. People had undoubtedly heard it. People were looking. And they would talk and tell their friends and by the time school started again, everyone would know that Ruby and Jake broke up at Winter Formal.

I immediately got hot in the cheeks and spun around to find Billie. I didn't want to ruin their date by asking them to take me home. But I could at least go find a payphone and call my dad. I just couldn't leave without letting them know.

But when I turned around, Felix was already standing there. Alone this time. I stopped abruptly. Neither of us said anything for a moment. But I couldn't pull my eyes away, and neither could he.

"I always liked that color on you," he said. I nodded without a word. Of course he did. It was exactly what I'd wanted to hear.

"Alright, we've got a request coming up," the DJ said over the loudspeaker. "This one is for you, Ruby." I held my breath as the song started. It wasn't the one we'd danced to initially. But it was something. The song he said he might have chosen as a first dance if the other one hadn't come on by chance. It was Your Song by Elton John.

"I know it's not Vanilla Fudge," he said, stepping closer. "But I thought—maybe I can do better this time around." My chest got heavy, and my eyes felt watery.

"It's perfect," I decided.

And then I did what I swore I'd never do again. I went right to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. I rested my head on his chest and breathed in the scent of him. His arms came around me, and his head came to rest on top of mine. We danced along to the entire song. We didn't speak. I was just enjoying the feel of him and his arms around me again. The way his fingers caressed the back of my neck. The way it felt right and perfect and wonderful.

How wonderful life is while you're in the world.

"Why didn't you call?" I asked as the song came to a close. We didn't let each other go, even though the next song was faster. We just stopped dancing, hugging on the dancefloor like we needed each other to breathe.

"I was afraid," he admitted.

"Of what?"

"Falling in love with you."

"Would that have been so bad?" He took a moment to answer, his fingers twisted in my hair.

"No—but that doesn't mean I wasn't afraid."

"How do I know you won't do it again?"

"You don't," he said. "All I know is that—since I met you—I haven't wanted anyone else."

"Where's Candy?"

"Gone. Jake?"

"Gone."

"Good."

I finally lifted my head to look at him. My heart jumped into my throat when he leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. I couldn't help but think of all the times I'd kissed Jake over the past few months. And how it just never felt like this. My whole body was tingling. My heart was pounding. I didn't want this night to ever end. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to be with anyone else.

"Let's get out of here," he said when our lips parted. I nodded quickly.

"Yeah," I told him. "Let's go."

We headed back to my table so I could grab my things. Quinn and Billie had gone out dancing, so they weren't there to question why I'd left with Jake and returned with Felix. I got my stuff, and he led me out of the gym and into the chilly winter air.