The Lunacy Fringe

My dad was right. They didn’t care about a high school love triangle, and Felix never had to deal with court. But it was obvious the entire school knew what had happened even though the only witnesses were my friends and me. Felix and Jake were both pretty banged up and glared at each other whenever they passed or had to share the same classroom. It was also no secret that I was the cause of the fight. Since I was apparently the horrible she-devil who had broken poor Jake Froud’s little heart by leaving him for Felix Kanellis. A choice I was told I would someday regret.

Unfortunately, the rumors and fighting obviously indicated it was unfinished business. Jake had hashed it out with Felix but not me. I was sitting outside waiting for Felix to meet me for lunch when Jake found me. He sat beside me on the steps, and my eyes went wide.

“Hey, can we talk for a second?” he asked.

“Uh—sure. If that’s what you want.”

“I just wanted to apologize for what happened.”

“Why are you apologizing?” He seemed a little offended.

“I’m trying to be decent about it. I called you some names that were kind of inappropriate.” I shrugged.

“I mean—I know I hurt you, and you hate me for it. It wasn’t unexpected.”

“I don’t….” He paused as if he had to collect himself. He looked out over the grass and the benches where other people congregated with their lunches. “I don’t hate you. I just—I spent a lot of time trying to get you to love me or at least to just open up to me. And it hurt to see you so open with someone else. You never kissed me like that unless you were drunk. You never said things like ‘You’re incredible’ or whatever it was. I can see that you love him, and it just—got under my skin. I lost control, and I acted out.”

“I really am sorry for hurting you.” He shrugged, but he still wasn’t looking at me. Just gazing off at the picnic benches.

“At first, I thought something bad happened to you. Like you were abused or something.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I thought that’s why you were so emotionally distant. I guess I was just fooling myself. My friends tried to warn me.” My eyes narrowed.

“What exactly did they say about me?” He heard the chill of my tone and shook his head.

“Nothing bad, I swear.” Liar. “They just said we weren’t compatible. They were right. I was stupid. But can I ask you something?” He turned to face me, finally showing off his many bruises.

“I suppose,” I told him.

“Did you go out with me just to hurt him?”

“No. I mean that honestly. I did like you. I did want things to work out between us. I wanted to try. I just—I was having a hard time getting over him. And I didn’t mean for it to go on as long as it did. I really did have the best intentions.”

“Were you lying when you said you were a virgin?”

“I don’t see how that’s relevant. But no, I wasn’t lying. I was a virgin. Not that it’s any of your business.”

“You were?”

“Yes. What’s your point?”

“You were, but now you’re not.”

“Excuse me?” He sighed and looked away again.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m just—still jealous, I guess. I never liked him. He’s always been some fucking hotshot. Acts like he’s better than everyone else. Girls always like him, and he goes through them like they’re nothing. Sticks his dick in goddamn everyone. So how do you think it made me feel when the girl I thought I was in love with ran off to be with him?”

“Well, first of all, none of that is true. You clearly don’t know him like I do. And second, what I do with him is still none of your goddamn business.”

“I still want to know.”

“Well, sorry to disappoint.” I reached around my other side to start collecting my things. He was pissing me off, and I was ready for this conversation to be over. Felix could just meet me at the tree with everyone else.

“I just want to know if it was that night. After you ditched me at the dance to be with him. My friends saw you leave together. After you stuck your tongue down his throat less than five minutes after I walked away from you.”

“You left me at the dance by myself, and Felix lives next door to me. Just because I went home with him doesn’t mean I went home with him.”

“I just want some fucking answers, okay? I want to know if you fucked him right after you told me you had no immediate plans to lose your virginity.”

“The state of my virginity has never been, and will never be, your fucking business!” I snapped. I finally got my stuff together and stood up sharply. “You’re a grade-a asshole, you know that? I’m really sorry you got hurt. But we’re in high school, man. It’s not like you’re looking for a wife. Just move on already.” I turned and walked toward the bushes that separated the side area from the front lawn. Felix and I only planned to meet there so we could make out before joining everyone else. I figured he’d know where to find me.

“So I’m going to take that as a yes,” Jake said before I could get far enough away. I spun back around. He was lounging on the steps like he was enjoying this. I knew he was baiting me just like he did with Felix. But I was done playing his little game. I wanted him to hurt. Unlike Felix, I didn’t have to use my fists.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I’m going to take that to mean you did fuck him.” He looked so cocky and mean. Nothing like the boy I used to think was nice if a bit dull. But I was done making excuses for him. I shook my head and laughed.

“Wow. How pathetic do you have to be to try and bait me into a fight? You want the truth? You’re right. I did fuck him. Less than an hour after I got done telling you I had no immediate plans to. And I loved every fucking second of it, and I am so glad it wasn’t you. Now move the fuck on with your life.”

“You know he’s a man-whore, right?”

“I know that my life is my business, and you can eat a bag of dicks.” He smiled again.

“I’m not gonna be here to comfort you when he breaks your heart again.”

“Oh, please. You’re the last person I’d go to. You burned that bridge. Bye, Jake.”

I turned on my heel and made for the tree. I hoped he was long gone by the time Felix got there. I didn’t want to have to worry about them fighting again. But when I passed the bush, I heard someone say a quiet “Hey” and then grab my hand. I almost jumped, but then he drew me in, and I melted into his chest.

“Were you spying on me?” I asked.

“Technically, no. There was a spill in the hall, so I had to come around the other way. I saw you sitting with him, and I was seconds away from coming to your rescue when Billie stopped me. Then we spied. Together.”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“It’s true, Ruby,” Billie said. Then I really did jump. I didn’t even see her behind Felix. “The spying was also my idea. You know how I love spying.” I laughed.

“You’re a regular James Bond, Bill.” She beamed, and I looked up at Felix again. “So if you were listening the whole time—did you like what you heard?” He smiled.

“Of course. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about, and I still want to punch him in his dumb smug face. But yeah. Sometimes I’m afraid you’ll realize you’re too good for me, and you’ll find someone else.” I almost laughed.

“Not Jake. That’s for damn sure.” He laughed, and it lit up his whole face.

“That’s a relief. Anyone but him.”

“Then Jack, maybe?” He clutched his heart.

“Jesus, Ruby. Don’t do that to me.” I laughed and reached up to pull him in for a kiss. Billie made a retching sound and walked off, leaving us to continue with our original make-out plan.

“Ruby, Ruby, Ruby,” he said against my lips. It took me a couple of times to realize it was actually just his way of saying he loved me. I sometimes wished he was brave enough to say the actual words, but it was kind of growing on me. It was just so—him. So I smiled and took his hand.

“Felix, Felix, Felix,” I replied.