It's Gonna Be My Year

Christmas had been fantastic. My parents had gotten me and Jack a new acoustic guitar. Each! I think they are still feeling kinda guilty. Especially my Dad considering I haven’t really talked to him at all. And Jack had gotten me a Blink 182 album and was ecstatic over my present. I texted Rian and told him too and he said he’d tell Zack because I still didn’t have his number.
We drove to New York for New Year’s Eve so we could watch the fireworks there and they were amazing. We drove home the next day and I was so glad. I mean yeah I love road tripping but it was nice to be at home on a bed with a frame! I guess I was gonna have to get used to it if we were going to make it as a band one day. Hopefully we’d spend most of our time on the road touring. That was still my biggest dream and I couldn’t wait for it to be a reality.
If we worked hard, we could make it.
School was going to start up again in a few days and I had to say I was a little excited. Now that bullies weren’t a problem I could just spend my time with Rian and Jack. I had to say I missed Rian. I haven’t seen him for about a fortnight with all the shit that was going on and he was my first real friend in this place.
I was fucking excited because the band was going to meet up tomorrow and it would be the first time in what felt like ages. I think we had to convince Zack a bit more because he still seemed kind of wary of us. But that’s ok because I’m sure our winning personalities would convince him round. I’m sure.
I was having issues sleeping because this was the first time I hadn’t slept with Jack in the same bed for quite a while. It was about midnight and I was staring at my ceiling, thinking. Mainly about Jack. Pretty much just Jack. And his sister. I still wasn’t really sure what we were going to do about that but Rian said he had some news on that front so I guess we’ll deal with it then. I missed Jack. I doubted I’d get much sleep tonight unless I went to his room and slept with him.
My door squeaked so I looked to the side and saw it opening. Jack walked in, looking exhausted and I realised he was probably having just as many issues trying to sleep as I did. He shut the door then just stood there, pouting a little bit. I lifted a hand and beckoned him over and he ran to the bed and dived under the covers. I put my hand on him and realised he was fucking freezing. It’s like he’d been standing out in the corridor for an hour. Knowing Jack he probably had been.
“Oh my God, Jack you’re freezing,” I whispered, pulling him closer to me to warm him up. I knew my parents probably wouldn’t approve of us sleeping in the same bed now that we didn’t have to but what they didn’t know couldn’t hurt them.
“Well it is winter,” he replied. Smart ass.
“How long were you standing out there? You should know by now that you can just come in,” I said, concerned. I had thought that this wasn’t an issue since the holiday.
I’m so glad my parents organised that. The last couple of days Jack had been opening up a bit more and telling me more about his family. Mostly his brother and sister but one or two stories of his dad at a happier time. Nothing about his mom though. I’m pretty sure that’s because he doesn’t really consider her to be family because she just left him. I really didn’t want to meet any of Jack’s family because I think I’d just fucking throttle them.
“Yeah but I shouldn’t have needed to come in,” he whispered harshly, his attitude taking a sudden turn. “I shouldn’t need you so much.” He sat up and pushed away from me. I sat up too, hurt. He’d never pushed me away before.
“I need you just as much. And I was about to get up and go to your room.”
“Really?” He drawled, not believing me.
“Yes, why would I lie?” I asked surprised. I had never felt the need or want to lie to Jack. I truly thought lying was the worst possible thing you could do to a relationship and Jack knew my stance on lying.
“To spare me the pain of it? Make sure little Jacky’s feelings aren’t hurt.” He said sarcastically. Oh my God what has gotten into him? I decided to find out before one of us said something we didn’t mean.
“Jack, are you ok? Seriously what’s wrong?” I asked, concern evident in my tone.
“I shouldn’t need you Alex,” Jack stated, sounding tired. Of everything. It was kind of scary to have my boyfriend sound like that.
“Uh, do you not want to need me?” I asked confused. And even worse thought occurred. “Do you… not want to have me?”
“No of course not. It’s not like that.”
“Then what is it like?” I asked, fearful. God I didn’t want this relationship to end. I mean I was really starting to fall for him. I mean seriously. And why did he want to leave me? Did I do something wrong. Oh god what did I do? What do I do to fix this?
“Alex!” Jack whisper-yelled, shocking me out of my thoughts.
“Sorry, I’m sorry,” I whispered back. Fuck, I needed to get a handle on this. I have been doing so well with my anxiety!
“No, I’m sorry for getting all snappish with you. I just… I need you more than you need me. If I left, sure you might be a little heartbroken for a while but I easily get more out of dating you than you get out of me.”
“And why do you say that? Do my feelings mean nothing? I’d be more than ‘a little heartbroken’ if you left Jack.”
“Why? I live with you, steal your time and money and I made your family fall apart! I would be nothing without you and you could be everything without me!” Jack yelled. I was so shocked.
“That’s not true. I’m everything with you!”
“Oh I’m sure. Why are you with me then? I don’t see any advantages for you.”
“Jack what are you talking about? What advantages? Is that what you see me for? You didn’t have to pretend to like me to continue to live here-“
“God Alex no it’s not about that!” Jack cut me off. “You’re such a fantastic person. You’re smart and funny and brave and I’m just Jack. Stupid. Annoying. Family ruining, Jack. So why do you date me?” He sounded defeated. I was getting pissed. Where was he getting these ideas?!
“You want to know why? Really?” I asked. I was the one who sounded tired this time.
Jack nodded.
“It’s because I love you Jack,” I stated.
Jack stood there, his mouth and eyes wide. I bolted. Even though it was fucking freezing outside I grabbed my shoes and just… ran.