Oh, Calamity

I finish styling my hair by giving it a last all-over spray with the hairspray and jog out to open the door as the doorbell rings.

“Hey. Ready to go, princess?” Jack says.

“Yep. And don’t ever call me that again,” I say sternly, pointing a finger at Jack as he smirks.

“Alright, let’s go. We don’t wanna be late for our reservation.”

Jack’s taking me out on a date tonight for dinner at a restaurant. It’s one of many nice things that he’s done for me since I agreed to give him a second chance, I guess to say thank you and sorry.

“You look nice,” he tells me, and I blush a bit. I feel a little overdressed next to him, because even though I’m still wearing black skinnies I’ve got a black suit jacket on over a pale purple dress shirt and a black bowtie. Jack’s wearing black skinnies too with just a black dress shirt, but he still looks amazing.

“So, where are we going?” I ask when we’re both seated in the car.

“I dunno, I didn’t ask what the place was called when I made the booking. And why else do you think I’m using Google Maps to get there?” I roll my eyes at him. I should have known better than to expect him to be so organised.

When we arrive at the restaurant, it’s a very nice surprise because it’s seriously nice in here. It’s dimly lit with thick wine coloured carpet, intricate gold designs painted on the walls and cute little round tables dotted everywhere, each with a dark red table cloth and a vase of roses in the centre.

We go over to the counter first so Jack can check in for the reservation, and then we’re led by a waiter to a table up the very back of the restaurant. We get a few weird looks from straight couples because we’re clearly two gay guys on a date together, but neither of us give a fuck.

A waiter comes over a little while later to take our orders, and we both have to order some fancy sounding shit because apparently they don’t do chicken nuggets and they don’t have a kids menu.

The meals turn out to be pretty good, though. We manage to eat our way through an entrée, everything on our plates for the main meal (except the salad), a big slice of chocolate cake each for dessert and a whole bottle of champagne.

“Shit!” Jack exclaims when we get the bill. “We should have just gone to McDonald’s.”

“At least if we went to McDonald’s we wouldn’t be getting all these glares,” I say, glancing around the room. There’s an old couple sitting near our table that keep throwing death glares at us and our hands which have been linked the whole time we’ve been here.

Jack notices them and flips them the bird. “Jack!” I hiss, grabbing his finger as the elderly couple look highly affronted and angry. “You can’t do that in here!”

“Come here,” he says, and leans over the table to kiss me. It’s not just one kiss though; he’s intent on pissing that couple off to the max. Oh well, they probably deserve it for being so homophobic. So I get up from my seat and sit on Jack’s lap to continue making out with him with my arms around his neck.

We’re startled back into reality by someone clearing their throat loudly right next to us. “Excuse me, sirs,” says the waiter who served us earlier. “We’ve had some complaints from other customers in the restaurant, and I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“Oh, I see how it is. The gay couple gets asked to leave and not all the fucking homophobes in this restaurant, because being gay is way worse than being an asshole,” Jack retorts.

“I’m sorry, sir, but I must insist,” the waiter says stiffly.

“Fine,” Jack says dramatically, flicking his fringe out of his eyes. “Come on, baby. We’ll go back to the car and fuck in there.” He gives me one last kiss, glares at everyone in the restaurant who’s staring at us and flounces out, dragging me along behind him by the hand.

As soon as we get outside, we both double over with laughter. “Did you see that couples’ faces?” I wheeze.

“Yeah, that was so f-fucking hilarious,” Jack laughs, wiping tears from his eyes. “Sorry the date didn’t go quite to plan, though.”

“Are you kidding me? That was the best date I’ve ever been on!”

“And the best part was that we didn’t even have to pay!” Jack grins.

“Jack!” I exclaim. “You forgot to pay the bill!?”

“I didn’t forget.”

“Shit, Jack! Quick, let’s get out of here before they come after us.”

“Yeah, let’s go fuck in the car.”

“Wait, you were being serious?”