Song!fics

I've written songs

Alex sits in his room, the lights turned off and his eyes shut. His spine is in pain from lack of proper posture, but the boy ignores it, digging his nails in his palm and dragging across pale arms. Words breeze through his
mind, possible songs that he could write, that he should write, but tries to ignores them.

I've felt inspired

He's cold and trembling, but his mind is in a rush of thoughts. He wants to
be calmed down. He wants to be okay. His warm breath is heavy against the cool air and opens his eyes, seeing pitch blackness surrounding him.

I hide myself

He remembers times when he'd feel scared. Everything was too much, so he'd go into his room and close the blinds, shut his eyes and pretend there was no sun or light in his pained world. It gave him a sense of security and
comfort. It was home. Dark was his home.

I used to be afraid

Every child is once afraid of the dark. The dark is unknown,. Even Alex,
one who obsesses over darkness, used to be afraid of it, afraid of what he
loved.

Those in the light know we're dead

Jack thinks Alex is mentally and emotionally unstable. Alex doesn't feel
anymore. Darkness made him numb, unaware of touch. He goes where he can connect with the unknown. Alex is darkness. Jack is light.

There’s only artificial light here

Alex pretends that he's normal, like he's okay. He fakes his happiness so
people don't pester him with ignorant questions. Light means happiness and is difficult to obtain. Alex hates light.

My flaws hide well here

Not many people know that Alex is a freak. A dark-obsessed, light
despising, silent fearing freak. When Alex closes his eyes, nobody bothers
with him. They know that Alex would probably kill them if they did. In the
dark, nobody can see how fucked up, scary, and horrible Alex truly is.

I used to be afraid of cluttered noises

Alex used to hate it when people would be talking all the time. Normal
things like subway stations or stores would drive Alex to the point of
tearing at his flesh, covering his ears and pleading to make the noises
stop. Now, those noises soothe him.

Now I’m afraid of silence

Silence means he's alone. Silence means nobody cares. Silence is cold.
Noises means people are there, even if you can only hear them. Alex hears things. The doctors say the noises aren't there, but Alex knows they're real. They have to be.

Fill this space

His mind is so cluttered, yet so empty at the same time. He's banging his
head against the back of his wall, muttering, "Fuck," over and over
again. His heart, if he has one, is black and empty. It refuses everything.

Idle words

Sometimes the voices stop, but they always come back. If they never came back, he would go insane. He hates silence.

I’m scared to death of light and silence

He hates light more than anything. Its so quiet, so peaceful, and so fucking
terrifying. Anything could happen in broad daylight. Alex barely comes out
of his room anymore. When he does, the lights turn on and people stop
talking to view the disgrace named Alex Gaskarth. Alex knows that Jack
would look at him with sorrowful eyes and Alex would have to listen to the
voices that he hears that tell him, 'Go back to the darkness, Alex.
Close your eyes, Alex. You'll be safe, Alex.'

Jesus, kill me inside this

Jack used to tell Alex that he prayed for him. The younger boy would say, 'I went to church last Sunday and I prayed to God and Jesus and I asked 'em if they could cure you, 'cause I love you Lex, and I want you to be happy.' And of course, Alex replied with a bitter, 'I don't believe in G
od, Jack,' and left.

Raise me up to live again, like you did

Jack would beg Alex's parents to let him take Alex to the church so they
could fix him, expel the demons from him. Jack wanted Alex to be fixed so
they could live again.

Now I am mute despite myself

Alex keeps these memories tucked far away in the back of his mind. He hates remembering them. Sometimes one thought will trigger another and its some kind of ripple effect, making all these thoughts appear in Alex's mind and even though there are so many words to be said, he stays silent. Alex doesn't say a word, even though he hates silence. If he dared speak about memories, Jack would come back.

All of them are gone

The only friend Alex ever really had was Jack. Sure, he had Rian and Zack,
but once they found out about Alex's true behavior and his obsession with
morbidity, they left him, ditched him, friendless and alone.

The silence overtakes me

Alex obviously hates silence. The voices have kept him company for so long, feeding their words into Alex's brain, that he relies on them for security. He knows he's not truly alone when he hears them, and that's why he won't see a doctor to fix it. He doesn't want to be fixed. Nobody gets it. He doesn't want to get better.

The idle words forsake me

Everybody's words lack meaning. Alex hates that. Everyone's words cut
Alex's skin, deeper and deeper as the words continue to lose their meaning and value. Worthless, empty words.

And I am left to face me

"Fuck, I hate this." Alex mutters though chapped lips, squeezing his eyes
closed with more force than necessary. It's so... quiet. It's disturbing.
He pounds his head on the wall behind him, "Come back." He pleads,
willing the tears to stop. He wants the voices back. Silence needs to stop.

I’m held accountable for every idle word

People uselessly talk about Alex, making up things that aren't even true
most of the time. He's the center of attention in all of this, isn't he? After peoples' false accusations target Alex, the others are left wondering what is true and what is not.

Curse the idle words

Alex gets up from his spot in his room. Slowly, he opens his eyes and
adjusts to the faint light in the room. He's going to change everything
today. Everything. He pulls out a box from under his bed, revealing a
six-shot gun. In his pocket it goes.

I’m scared to death of light and silence

He opens the door of his bedroom and immediately gets a migraine from the pounding light in the hallway and the fucking silence. He sees his mother running towards him, but the only noise he hears is a loud and soothing, monotonous ring. He focuses on the gun in his pocket, a shiver crawling down his spine.

Jesus, kill me inside this

He wants to see Jack. He wants to thank him, kill him, hug him, fuck him,
show him every emotion possible. Why? Because today is the day that Alex is going to change.

Raise me up to live again, like you did

"Get off me, mother." He says, pushing his Isobel away. He walks to the
door, ignoring his mother and ignoring the lights and ignoring how quiet it
is besides her incessant voice of worry, wanting to just close his eyes and
escape. But he's not going to. He's going to change.

Glory shows up

Alex walks outside, greeted by the freezing rain pouring onto his caramel
hair, blurring his vision and making it difficult to walk, but he knows
where he's going.

Exposes us

He sees Jack in the distance, at the old park they used to play at. Alex
walks towards to teen who is oblivious to his presence. Once he's close enough, the elder's warm breath hits Jack's ear as he says softly, almost pleadingly, "Jack."

I’m naked here

Jack is startled and turns around. "Alex?" Said teen sighs and brushes the
younger's hair out of his face. "Come with me."

Forsaken here

Alex takes Jack by the hand, leading him to a very special place. A place
that makes Alex so happy, so safe, so secure.

In the dark

There's no light anywhere once they arrive, they can't see each others
faces at all, but Alex is so used to this. He gets close to Jack, placing
his hands on his cheek.

In the dark

"I know I pushed you away." Says Alex, connecting their lips for the first
time, "and I'm sorry."

Damn the dark

"I can't see you," Jack mumbled once their lips were free. Alex replied
softly, "Yes you can. You can always see me, you always have been. You see all of me."

I’m scared to death of light and silence

"What do you mean?" Jack said with fear, reaching out to touch Alex, but he could not find him or feel him anywhere, even though there lips were
connected mere moments ago. "Lex? Please..." He was growing desperate as Alex walked in circles around Jack and easily avoided his searching hands, knowing that the younger was looking for him.

Jesus, kill me inside this

"I have to do this, Jack. The voices won't come back and I'm afraid that
they're gone forever." Alex said hoarsely. He backed away each time Jack
reached for him in the darkness.

Raise me up to live again, like you did

"D-do what?" Jack whispered. He couldn't trust his voice, not right now. He
had just gotten his best friend back and now Alex is acting like something
bad is going to happen.

In the dark

"I'm sorry Jack. You know I'm afraid of silence. I need the voices, and
they're not here anymore." Alex said. He reached in his pocket, feeling the
cool metal of a gun brush his fingers, closing his eyes while doing so.
"Jack, you are the light. I am the dark."

In the dark

Jack was so unaware of what Alex was going to do. He couldn't even see him. Alex pulled the six-shooter from his pocket, pointing it to his temple.
"I'm sorry, Jack."

I used to be afraid of the dark

"W-what do you mean? Sorry about what? Alex, please come here, your scaring me. I want to hold your hand." Jack whimpered. Alex could only imagine that he was crying. Everything was too quiet though.

Now I'm scared to death of light and silence

"You know I always loved you." Alex said, squeezing his eyes shut tight, feeling the tears build up. "I just didn't know how to show it."

In the dark

"Alex, wait." Jack cried, still looking for Alex in the darkness. "Stop."

Damn the dark

Jack cried.

Damn the dark

Alex pulled the trigger.

Damn the dark

Alex isn't afraid of the light anymore.