Save Me
Could it be it's too late for me?
Disclaimer: I do not own the song in any way, this one belongs to Hanson. And it’s an extremely beautiful song! I think you should listen to it!
*~ Save Me ~*
I’m loving you, like I’ve never have before
I’m needing you just to open up the door
If begging you might somehow turn the tides
Then tell me to. I’ve gotta get this off my mind
I never thought I’d be speaking these words
I never thought I’d need to say
Another day alone it’s more that I can take
As he laid on the bed, listening to some soft music, watching some old pics of him, his family and his best friends, some weird feeling came over him. He shuddered and looked over the windows thinking he maybe left one open, but they were all closed, maybe it was just the rainy night. Just then the doorbell rang and there was a faint knock. He jumped down stairs and opened the door to reveal a thin woman with a black mascara tear down her face, swollen eyes and flooding clothes. He gasped and let the female figure get into the house and cuddle into his chest crying harder. He placed his arms around her trying to calm her down, but more he tightened the hug, more she cried. After a while, he lifted her face up and looked at her eyes through the tears.
“Alex, what happened?” He asked softly.
“I just wanna die, Mike, please, I just wanna die.” She whispered sobbing again and going back to his chest.
“Shh, baby girl. C’mon.” Mikey led her upstairs to the spare room. Once there he changed her clothes, lending her some of his own. Alex’s head hit the pillow and she cried even more. Mikey didn’t know what to do and just sat by her side and caressed her wet hair. He started to think bout what could possibly have happened to her. Alex always had issues for a lot of things, and she wasn’t the type to cry so often. So for him seeing her like this was a real surprise. He had known her all their lives, but still there were some things he could feel she was keeping to herself. And he knew she trusted him more than on anyone else, so if she kept secrets from him, besides of being a big deal, she was keeping them from everybody. And that wasn’t good. Mikey caressed her face as she started to calm down a bit, Alex stayed so still for a while he thought she was asleep. Mikey retrieved from the bed, but her hand pulled him back.
“Please, don’t go.”
“Wanna tell me what happened?” He whispered lying by her side.
“There’s too much going on, Mike. I don’t even know where to begin.”
“I can be all night with you. Take your time.” Alex took a deep breath and looked deeply into Mikey’s eyes. “What happened?”
“Well, you know things with my mom aren’t going too well. Especially after the divorce, she had been blaming me for everything. And a few days ago that b/f she had left too. Why doesn’t she understand that I’m not 10 any more? I’m 20 for Christ’s sake!” Her fist buried into the pillow and tears came back to her face. “Today I went home trying to make up things but it ended on she saying that I wasn’t her daughter anymore. And she kicked me out again.” She ended the phrase with a whisper and her body shook with a sob. “But that wasn’t everything…”
“Oh, God! That was bad enough… What else happened?” Mikey wrapped his arm around her running his fingers through her hair.
“After a got out of that house I went to Bryan’s place.” Mikey frowned: Bryan was Alex’s b/f, but he was an asshole. “I know you never liked him, but--”
“I know, you love him…” His voice let out the disappointment he felt.
“Yeah, and I shouldn’t. When I got to his apartment I got in and I… I caught him…” Alex sobbed uncontrollably digging her nails into her own palms, making them almost bleed if it wasn’t cause Mikey took her hand between his. “He was fucking Pamela!!!”
“What!!!?? I’m gonna kill that fucker, I swear!” Mikey sat up on the bed.
“Is not worth it, Mike… it never was.” That faint tone was back. Mikey laid back on the bed. “Anyway, I stormed out and roamed the streets for hours. I didn’t know if you were here and then it started to rain…”
“And you got here… why didn’t you call me?”
“I couldn’t move my hands because of the bl--” Alex stopped.
“Because of the what?”
“Nothing. Mikey, I’m really tired.”
“You should get some sleep.” Mikey caressed her hands and stopped at her wrists. She was still wearing those bracelets and he tried to untie them, but she quickly pulled her hands away from him. He just looked at her: her eyes were hiding so much, but she was afraid. Afraid of what? He could never hurt her. But that was she, and he loved her anyway, maybe more than he should love her.
“Is not that…” She started.
“Don’t give me explanations. Get some sleep and we’ll talk in the morning.”
Won’t you save me?
Cause saving is what I need
I just wanna be by your side
Won’t you save me?
I don’t wanna be
Just drifting through the sea of life
Mikey walked out of her room and went to his own. He started watching the pics noticing that since her parents started with the divorce trial like 3 years ago and her mom had another man, she was wearing leather bracelets or wristbands. His mind raced all over his memories and those bracelets became part of her body already, then it was her earlier sentence “I just wanna die, Mike, please, I just wanna die.” And then his mind worked over time: could it be true? Alex was indeed the perfect princess: intelligent, captain of the cheerleader squad in high school and got into Law school. Physically, she was also perfect: tall and thin figure, but tight and shaped, a weird mix of colors on her hair and eyes sometimes green and sometimes orange. She was a desirable woman in all aspects, but her life was wrong and she had bore a lot. Suddenly Mikey realized of the truth and rushed to the room she was in. Trying to not wake her up, he took her hands and undid the lace of the right bracelet taking it off for the first time in 3 years. Alex felt the movement and woke up, but not in time to hide her wrist from Mikey. He had already seen the long scar she had over her arm. Mikey stared at her in disbelief.
“I… I…” She mumbled.
“Why?” Mikey took her left hand and undid the other bracelet revealing not only the old scar but also a new bandage. “This is why you couldn’t move your hand?” Alex looked down and nodded slightly. “God! Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was just too scared of how would you react.” She whispered.
“I knew you were hiding something, but I never expected this.” Mikey got up from the bed not really sure of what to say. “You can’t do this… you just can’t.”
“I know I shouldn’t, but I just can’t stand it.”
“I always thought you were so strong, but this changes everything.”
“Mike, there’s a lot of things you don’t know. I’ve always felt guilty of keeping them from you, but you’ve had this image of me and I just… didn’t wanna… blow it.” Mikey looked at her completely confused, and obviously hurted. “I’m really sorry…” She whispered.
“You know you can tell me anything, you know I won’t judge you.” He sat back beside her.
“It’s a really long story…”
“And I’ve got all night.”
Won’t you, listen please
Baby don’t walk out that door
I’m on my knees
You’re all I’m living for
I never thought I’d be speaking these words
Heaven thought I’d find the way
Another day alone is more that I can take
Alex sat straight on the bed and motioned Mikey to sit right next to her. She sighed not quite sure of where to begin. Mikey looked at her and held her in his arms trying to give her comfort knowing whatever she was gonna say it will be hard to be said.
“Start when you’re ready and if you wanna stop just say it.” Alex nodded.
“Well, you know it started when my mom found out my dad had another woman, back almost 4 years ago. And all the divorce trial started. Since day one when I said that it was better for me to live with my dad, she started hating me. It wasn’t my fault that she had other 3 kids. I just thought it was for the best. Then, my mom got another guy into the house.”
“I remember you came that night and you stayed here for over a week.”
“I just can’t stand that guy. It makes me sick only looking at him. But my mom made me go back to the house and my dad was too busy with his new kid to realize the situation my mom had us on. Well, there it comes the first thing that made me wanna do it. That guy tried things with me.”
“You mean he tried to like… rape you?” He said getting shocked.
“He was always touching me and stuff. He never did a thing because I didn’t let him and everytime he was there I would leave the house, but it was too much for me that my mom didn’t believe me when I told her and since then I’ve got these bracelets.”
“Why didn’t you tell me back then?”
“You were on tour when that happened and I didn’t think it was such a big deal.”
“You could have called me and I really don’t think this isn’t a big deal.” Mikey grabbed her wrist while saying this. “How many times have you tried after the first one?” She kept quiet. “Tell me.”
“Just a lot. Sometimes deeper than others, but several times.”
“Who else knows bout this?”
“No one, but you.” Mikey sighed gazing her again. “Then it started to get worse, the trial wasn’t over, my mom kept blaming me, my dad was out of sight and that guy was still on the house. Every single morning I wake up wishing I have died the night before. And I just kept everything inside, sometimes it explodes and I do stupid stuff. But it’s never enough to kill me.”
“That means you still have something to live for.” She smiled at him at hearing his words.
“You’re right. And you don’t even imagine what it is.”
“I don’t think is Bryan…”
“No, it never was him. I mean, maybe I was in love with him, but after what I saw tonight I guess I didn’t love him as much as I thought. Actually I think I was with him for other reasons: Not to be alone. And that’s stupid.” He looked at her weirdly and she smiled again taking his hand. “I’ve always had you.”
“Me?”
“Yeah, you. You were the one that gave me strength, the one who could make me smile even in my darkest moments, you were the only one that with just a hug could make everything disappear. And I know how much I mean to you, so I just couldn’t do that to you.”
Won’t you save me?
Cause saving is what I need
I just wanna be by your side
Won’t you save me?
I don’t wanna be
Just drifting through the sea of life
“I never thought you felt like that.” Mikey said after a while in silence.
“About what?”
“About everything. I mean, how could you have the attitude you have feeling all that inside? And how can you feel all that bout me?”
“Pretending to be happy it’s easy to me. You reach the point where you can’t be any other way. And I do feel that way bout you, so feel proud you’re the one who’s keeping me alive.”
“But if you feel that way bout me how comes you never told me bout all this?”
“Believe it or not I was scared. Scared of loosing you if I told you anything.” Mikey held her.
“You’re never gonna loose me, girlie. No matter what you do, I’m gonna be there.” Alex gazed deeply into his eyes watching something she never saw before on his eyes, the hazel had changed and they were filled with something new, something bright. Their eyes locked for what it seemed to be an eternity. The messages they sent were weird for both of them, at first neither of them wanted to believe it, but it was there. “I love you, Alex.” Mikey whispered so softly that it was almost impossible to hear, but she did.
“I love you too, Mikey.” She said back in another whisper. Time froze then and all they did was staring into each other’s eyes still on a hug, not daring to move or look somewhere else. The rain hitting the window became a distant murmur, the lightening was just a blink, the thunder wasn’t even heard and they were inside their own bubble. Nothing but this constant gaze came between them. No one knew what to say, but in three words they said it all. It was a fact that Mikey knew for a long time, but he never expected for her to feel the same way. Alex didn’t know she was feeling that way, but it wasn’t a new feeling either; she knew she loved Mikey, but now she knew she loved him more that she ever loved anyone else. Their eyes talked bout their feelings and their fears. She sensed the calmness coming from his and he for the first time sensed all the pain she had been going through; he felt it was the first time that she allowed him to watch her soul live and direct. It seemed that nothing could break that moment, that entire conversation between their eyes, but a stingy pain came through her, burning into her wrist’s fresh cut. She tilted her head down closing her eyes tight and holding her wrist. Mikey snapped out.
“What? What happens?” He asked.
“Is nothing, is just…” Again that burning sensation. Alex hissed in pain.
“Let me see it.”
“No.”
“Let me see it!” Mikey took her arm strongly but without hurting her and saw the open flesh starting to bleed again. “We have to cure this.” He stood up from the bed and helped her to stand as well leading her to the main bathroom.
“Mike, no, it will go away. It always happens.” She explained, but the last phrase made Mikey angry.
“It always does?” He stopped and looked at her with now cold eyes. “What happens if it doesn’t the next time? Or even this one? What happens if now it doesn’t close up and you bleed to death?” She faced down. He got up the bed and dragged her out to the bathroom. “I guess that’s what you wanted when you did it, but not now. No, if you have me there to prevent it, it won’t happen.” Mikey kept walking despite her efforts to let go. “You can’t do this to yourself! You’re not gonna do this to yourself anymore.”
“Mikey, you don’t understand. All of this is just too much for me.” They were already in the bathroom and Mikey was cleaning her slashed wrist.
“No!” He gazed her again. “As long as you have me there. If you were strong enough to get this far, you will for the rest of the way.”
“I’m not…”
“Yes you are! If you were to get where you are. And if it was because of me, you have another reason, because I ain’t going anywhere!” Mikey’s eyes flooded with tears. “And as selfish as this might sound, I need you with me. You can’t leave me.” Alex looked at him starting to cry as well. “Please, if you can’t do it for yourself, at least do it for me.” His voice faded with every word till the last one was just above a whisper. Then, he got back to cure her wound.
“It’s easiest to do things for someone else instead of yourself.” She said quietly.
“But this time you’ll end up doing it for yourself.” He looked at her again and she saw a single tear ran down his face, although he smiled.
Suddenly the sky is falling
Could it be it’s too late for me?
If I never said I’m sorry
Then I’m wrong, yes, I’m wrong
And then I hear my spirit calling
Wondering if she’s longing for me
And then I know that I can’t live without her
“Thanks.” Alex watched Mikey put a clean bandage on her wrist finishing his work. Neither said a word till they were back into her room. Mikey laid her down and covered her with the blankets and made the attempt to leave. “Wait! Please, stay with me tonight.” He looked at her and nodded before slipping under the sheets.
“It’s obvious you haven’t slept too well. C’mon. I’ll make you sleep.”
“I can’t thank you enough now, Mike.”
“Hey, I meant what I said earlier. I do love you, girlie.” He kissed her forehead and she tilted her head up. “I love you so much …” He whispered in the trance they both got in when their eyes locked again.
“I love you too, Mikey.” He caressed her face smiling down to her. He leaned in so slowly that everything seemed to be in slow motion. Both closed their eyes as their lips were getting closer, till they touched. Moving his mouth slightly, he invited her to join his moves and she did. The kiss developed softly becoming a little more forceful at the second. Alex placed her arms around his neck pulling him closer as their tongues met each other. Mikey ran his hands down her back wrapping them around her waist making the space between them disappear. Their mouths crashed together, their lips and tongues moving at the same beat. And they couldn’t stop, like they couldn’t get enough of each other. Their hands woke up too and started to roam each other’s skin. Mikey slipped his hands under her shirt caressing her back, then pulling the shirt out of her, breaking the kiss for 2 seconds to toss it away. His mouth diverted to her neck and her hands did the same his did. His shirt met the floor soon enough. Alex caressed her chest as he rolled them over so he was now on top.
“Are you sure bout this?” He asked, concerned of how would she feel.
“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.” Alex gazed deeply into his eyes and he smiled, returning to the kiss path he had on her neck.
“I feel like I’ve been waiting all my life to do this.” Mikey whispered into her ear, then unclasped her bra and tossed it away. Both pair of hands worked on each other’s pants tossing them away too as they kissed hungrily once more. Neither noticed when their underwear weren’t there anymore, but they weren’t complaining either. Their hands kept roaming their bodies, Mikey touched her skin so softly that she was melting with the feeling. He caressed her tighs and going up from there reaching her face and kissing her again. “Please, Mike… I need you.” His kisses went back to her neck and he smiled against her skin at hearing that.
“I already know that.” He breathed onto her making her shiver. He slid into her so smoothly that all the sensations were swiping her body from hair to toe. She gasped. “Are you ok?”
“I’m fine, Mike.” She said relaxing a little bit. Then, he started his moved kissing back to her mouth and their lips crashed again. Her hips joined his movements and the feeling inside them both built up strongly. They rolled all over the bed, never breaking the kiss nor stopping their moves. They got to the edge at the same time and exploded in incomparable bliss. A wave of power overwhelmed their tired bodies and both collapsed together on the now wet sheets with a last whispered “I love you.”
Won’t you save me?
Cause saving is what I need
I just wanna be by your side
Won’t you save me?
I don’t wanna be
Just drifting through the sea of life
Mikey rolled off her after a long time without moving. Alex rolled with him just to place her head onto his chest hearing his heart beat. He entangled his fingers on her hair and caressed her bare back. She laughed suddenly.
“What?” He asked. She propped herself on one elbow and placed a lock of hair behind his ear.
“I was just thinking… This just felt so right!” She smiled it him. Her smile was glowing.
“I know. I guess this is how it’s meant to be.”
“Otherwise we wouldn’t feel like this.” She got back to her earlier position. “I love you, Mikey.”
“I love you too.” Mikey, held her tighter against himself. “Just promise me that you’ll never do that again.”
“I promise you I’ll never try it again if you promise me you’ll be there.”
“You know I will.” Mikey kissed her forehead. Then watched the sun coming up weakly outside the window as finally their exhausted eyes claimed to sleep.
Won’t you save me?
Won’t you save me?
Won’t you save me?
*~ Save Me ~*
I’m loving you, like I’ve never have before
I’m needing you just to open up the door
If begging you might somehow turn the tides
Then tell me to. I’ve gotta get this off my mind
I never thought I’d be speaking these words
I never thought I’d need to say
Another day alone it’s more that I can take
As he laid on the bed, listening to some soft music, watching some old pics of him, his family and his best friends, some weird feeling came over him. He shuddered and looked over the windows thinking he maybe left one open, but they were all closed, maybe it was just the rainy night. Just then the doorbell rang and there was a faint knock. He jumped down stairs and opened the door to reveal a thin woman with a black mascara tear down her face, swollen eyes and flooding clothes. He gasped and let the female figure get into the house and cuddle into his chest crying harder. He placed his arms around her trying to calm her down, but more he tightened the hug, more she cried. After a while, he lifted her face up and looked at her eyes through the tears.
“Alex, what happened?” He asked softly.
“I just wanna die, Mike, please, I just wanna die.” She whispered sobbing again and going back to his chest.
“Shh, baby girl. C’mon.” Mikey led her upstairs to the spare room. Once there he changed her clothes, lending her some of his own. Alex’s head hit the pillow and she cried even more. Mikey didn’t know what to do and just sat by her side and caressed her wet hair. He started to think bout what could possibly have happened to her. Alex always had issues for a lot of things, and she wasn’t the type to cry so often. So for him seeing her like this was a real surprise. He had known her all their lives, but still there were some things he could feel she was keeping to herself. And he knew she trusted him more than on anyone else, so if she kept secrets from him, besides of being a big deal, she was keeping them from everybody. And that wasn’t good. Mikey caressed her face as she started to calm down a bit, Alex stayed so still for a while he thought she was asleep. Mikey retrieved from the bed, but her hand pulled him back.
“Please, don’t go.”
“Wanna tell me what happened?” He whispered lying by her side.
“There’s too much going on, Mike. I don’t even know where to begin.”
“I can be all night with you. Take your time.” Alex took a deep breath and looked deeply into Mikey’s eyes. “What happened?”
“Well, you know things with my mom aren’t going too well. Especially after the divorce, she had been blaming me for everything. And a few days ago that b/f she had left too. Why doesn’t she understand that I’m not 10 any more? I’m 20 for Christ’s sake!” Her fist buried into the pillow and tears came back to her face. “Today I went home trying to make up things but it ended on she saying that I wasn’t her daughter anymore. And she kicked me out again.” She ended the phrase with a whisper and her body shook with a sob. “But that wasn’t everything…”
“Oh, God! That was bad enough… What else happened?” Mikey wrapped his arm around her running his fingers through her hair.
“After a got out of that house I went to Bryan’s place.” Mikey frowned: Bryan was Alex’s b/f, but he was an asshole. “I know you never liked him, but--”
“I know, you love him…” His voice let out the disappointment he felt.
“Yeah, and I shouldn’t. When I got to his apartment I got in and I… I caught him…” Alex sobbed uncontrollably digging her nails into her own palms, making them almost bleed if it wasn’t cause Mikey took her hand between his. “He was fucking Pamela!!!”
“What!!!?? I’m gonna kill that fucker, I swear!” Mikey sat up on the bed.
“Is not worth it, Mike… it never was.” That faint tone was back. Mikey laid back on the bed. “Anyway, I stormed out and roamed the streets for hours. I didn’t know if you were here and then it started to rain…”
“And you got here… why didn’t you call me?”
“I couldn’t move my hands because of the bl--” Alex stopped.
“Because of the what?”
“Nothing. Mikey, I’m really tired.”
“You should get some sleep.” Mikey caressed her hands and stopped at her wrists. She was still wearing those bracelets and he tried to untie them, but she quickly pulled her hands away from him. He just looked at her: her eyes were hiding so much, but she was afraid. Afraid of what? He could never hurt her. But that was she, and he loved her anyway, maybe more than he should love her.
“Is not that…” She started.
“Don’t give me explanations. Get some sleep and we’ll talk in the morning.”
Won’t you save me?
Cause saving is what I need
I just wanna be by your side
Won’t you save me?
I don’t wanna be
Just drifting through the sea of life
Mikey walked out of her room and went to his own. He started watching the pics noticing that since her parents started with the divorce trial like 3 years ago and her mom had another man, she was wearing leather bracelets or wristbands. His mind raced all over his memories and those bracelets became part of her body already, then it was her earlier sentence “I just wanna die, Mike, please, I just wanna die.” And then his mind worked over time: could it be true? Alex was indeed the perfect princess: intelligent, captain of the cheerleader squad in high school and got into Law school. Physically, she was also perfect: tall and thin figure, but tight and shaped, a weird mix of colors on her hair and eyes sometimes green and sometimes orange. She was a desirable woman in all aspects, but her life was wrong and she had bore a lot. Suddenly Mikey realized of the truth and rushed to the room she was in. Trying to not wake her up, he took her hands and undid the lace of the right bracelet taking it off for the first time in 3 years. Alex felt the movement and woke up, but not in time to hide her wrist from Mikey. He had already seen the long scar she had over her arm. Mikey stared at her in disbelief.
“I… I…” She mumbled.
“Why?” Mikey took her left hand and undid the other bracelet revealing not only the old scar but also a new bandage. “This is why you couldn’t move your hand?” Alex looked down and nodded slightly. “God! Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was just too scared of how would you react.” She whispered.
“I knew you were hiding something, but I never expected this.” Mikey got up from the bed not really sure of what to say. “You can’t do this… you just can’t.”
“I know I shouldn’t, but I just can’t stand it.”
“I always thought you were so strong, but this changes everything.”
“Mike, there’s a lot of things you don’t know. I’ve always felt guilty of keeping them from you, but you’ve had this image of me and I just… didn’t wanna… blow it.” Mikey looked at her completely confused, and obviously hurted. “I’m really sorry…” She whispered.
“You know you can tell me anything, you know I won’t judge you.” He sat back beside her.
“It’s a really long story…”
“And I’ve got all night.”
Won’t you, listen please
Baby don’t walk out that door
I’m on my knees
You’re all I’m living for
I never thought I’d be speaking these words
Heaven thought I’d find the way
Another day alone is more that I can take
Alex sat straight on the bed and motioned Mikey to sit right next to her. She sighed not quite sure of where to begin. Mikey looked at her and held her in his arms trying to give her comfort knowing whatever she was gonna say it will be hard to be said.
“Start when you’re ready and if you wanna stop just say it.” Alex nodded.
“Well, you know it started when my mom found out my dad had another woman, back almost 4 years ago. And all the divorce trial started. Since day one when I said that it was better for me to live with my dad, she started hating me. It wasn’t my fault that she had other 3 kids. I just thought it was for the best. Then, my mom got another guy into the house.”
“I remember you came that night and you stayed here for over a week.”
“I just can’t stand that guy. It makes me sick only looking at him. But my mom made me go back to the house and my dad was too busy with his new kid to realize the situation my mom had us on. Well, there it comes the first thing that made me wanna do it. That guy tried things with me.”
“You mean he tried to like… rape you?” He said getting shocked.
“He was always touching me and stuff. He never did a thing because I didn’t let him and everytime he was there I would leave the house, but it was too much for me that my mom didn’t believe me when I told her and since then I’ve got these bracelets.”
“Why didn’t you tell me back then?”
“You were on tour when that happened and I didn’t think it was such a big deal.”
“You could have called me and I really don’t think this isn’t a big deal.” Mikey grabbed her wrist while saying this. “How many times have you tried after the first one?” She kept quiet. “Tell me.”
“Just a lot. Sometimes deeper than others, but several times.”
“Who else knows bout this?”
“No one, but you.” Mikey sighed gazing her again. “Then it started to get worse, the trial wasn’t over, my mom kept blaming me, my dad was out of sight and that guy was still on the house. Every single morning I wake up wishing I have died the night before. And I just kept everything inside, sometimes it explodes and I do stupid stuff. But it’s never enough to kill me.”
“That means you still have something to live for.” She smiled at him at hearing his words.
“You’re right. And you don’t even imagine what it is.”
“I don’t think is Bryan…”
“No, it never was him. I mean, maybe I was in love with him, but after what I saw tonight I guess I didn’t love him as much as I thought. Actually I think I was with him for other reasons: Not to be alone. And that’s stupid.” He looked at her weirdly and she smiled again taking his hand. “I’ve always had you.”
“Me?”
“Yeah, you. You were the one that gave me strength, the one who could make me smile even in my darkest moments, you were the only one that with just a hug could make everything disappear. And I know how much I mean to you, so I just couldn’t do that to you.”
Won’t you save me?
Cause saving is what I need
I just wanna be by your side
Won’t you save me?
I don’t wanna be
Just drifting through the sea of life
“I never thought you felt like that.” Mikey said after a while in silence.
“About what?”
“About everything. I mean, how could you have the attitude you have feeling all that inside? And how can you feel all that bout me?”
“Pretending to be happy it’s easy to me. You reach the point where you can’t be any other way. And I do feel that way bout you, so feel proud you’re the one who’s keeping me alive.”
“But if you feel that way bout me how comes you never told me bout all this?”
“Believe it or not I was scared. Scared of loosing you if I told you anything.” Mikey held her.
“You’re never gonna loose me, girlie. No matter what you do, I’m gonna be there.” Alex gazed deeply into his eyes watching something she never saw before on his eyes, the hazel had changed and they were filled with something new, something bright. Their eyes locked for what it seemed to be an eternity. The messages they sent were weird for both of them, at first neither of them wanted to believe it, but it was there. “I love you, Alex.” Mikey whispered so softly that it was almost impossible to hear, but she did.
“I love you too, Mikey.” She said back in another whisper. Time froze then and all they did was staring into each other’s eyes still on a hug, not daring to move or look somewhere else. The rain hitting the window became a distant murmur, the lightening was just a blink, the thunder wasn’t even heard and they were inside their own bubble. Nothing but this constant gaze came between them. No one knew what to say, but in three words they said it all. It was a fact that Mikey knew for a long time, but he never expected for her to feel the same way. Alex didn’t know she was feeling that way, but it wasn’t a new feeling either; she knew she loved Mikey, but now she knew she loved him more that she ever loved anyone else. Their eyes talked bout their feelings and their fears. She sensed the calmness coming from his and he for the first time sensed all the pain she had been going through; he felt it was the first time that she allowed him to watch her soul live and direct. It seemed that nothing could break that moment, that entire conversation between their eyes, but a stingy pain came through her, burning into her wrist’s fresh cut. She tilted her head down closing her eyes tight and holding her wrist. Mikey snapped out.
“What? What happens?” He asked.
“Is nothing, is just…” Again that burning sensation. Alex hissed in pain.
“Let me see it.”
“No.”
“Let me see it!” Mikey took her arm strongly but without hurting her and saw the open flesh starting to bleed again. “We have to cure this.” He stood up from the bed and helped her to stand as well leading her to the main bathroom.
“Mike, no, it will go away. It always happens.” She explained, but the last phrase made Mikey angry.
“It always does?” He stopped and looked at her with now cold eyes. “What happens if it doesn’t the next time? Or even this one? What happens if now it doesn’t close up and you bleed to death?” She faced down. He got up the bed and dragged her out to the bathroom. “I guess that’s what you wanted when you did it, but not now. No, if you have me there to prevent it, it won’t happen.” Mikey kept walking despite her efforts to let go. “You can’t do this to yourself! You’re not gonna do this to yourself anymore.”
“Mikey, you don’t understand. All of this is just too much for me.” They were already in the bathroom and Mikey was cleaning her slashed wrist.
“No!” He gazed her again. “As long as you have me there. If you were strong enough to get this far, you will for the rest of the way.”
“I’m not…”
“Yes you are! If you were to get where you are. And if it was because of me, you have another reason, because I ain’t going anywhere!” Mikey’s eyes flooded with tears. “And as selfish as this might sound, I need you with me. You can’t leave me.” Alex looked at him starting to cry as well. “Please, if you can’t do it for yourself, at least do it for me.” His voice faded with every word till the last one was just above a whisper. Then, he got back to cure her wound.
“It’s easiest to do things for someone else instead of yourself.” She said quietly.
“But this time you’ll end up doing it for yourself.” He looked at her again and she saw a single tear ran down his face, although he smiled.
Suddenly the sky is falling
Could it be it’s too late for me?
If I never said I’m sorry
Then I’m wrong, yes, I’m wrong
And then I hear my spirit calling
Wondering if she’s longing for me
And then I know that I can’t live without her
“Thanks.” Alex watched Mikey put a clean bandage on her wrist finishing his work. Neither said a word till they were back into her room. Mikey laid her down and covered her with the blankets and made the attempt to leave. “Wait! Please, stay with me tonight.” He looked at her and nodded before slipping under the sheets.
“It’s obvious you haven’t slept too well. C’mon. I’ll make you sleep.”
“I can’t thank you enough now, Mike.”
“Hey, I meant what I said earlier. I do love you, girlie.” He kissed her forehead and she tilted her head up. “I love you so much …” He whispered in the trance they both got in when their eyes locked again.
“I love you too, Mikey.” He caressed her face smiling down to her. He leaned in so slowly that everything seemed to be in slow motion. Both closed their eyes as their lips were getting closer, till they touched. Moving his mouth slightly, he invited her to join his moves and she did. The kiss developed softly becoming a little more forceful at the second. Alex placed her arms around his neck pulling him closer as their tongues met each other. Mikey ran his hands down her back wrapping them around her waist making the space between them disappear. Their mouths crashed together, their lips and tongues moving at the same beat. And they couldn’t stop, like they couldn’t get enough of each other. Their hands woke up too and started to roam each other’s skin. Mikey slipped his hands under her shirt caressing her back, then pulling the shirt out of her, breaking the kiss for 2 seconds to toss it away. His mouth diverted to her neck and her hands did the same his did. His shirt met the floor soon enough. Alex caressed her chest as he rolled them over so he was now on top.
“Are you sure bout this?” He asked, concerned of how would she feel.
“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.” Alex gazed deeply into his eyes and he smiled, returning to the kiss path he had on her neck.
“I feel like I’ve been waiting all my life to do this.” Mikey whispered into her ear, then unclasped her bra and tossed it away. Both pair of hands worked on each other’s pants tossing them away too as they kissed hungrily once more. Neither noticed when their underwear weren’t there anymore, but they weren’t complaining either. Their hands kept roaming their bodies, Mikey touched her skin so softly that she was melting with the feeling. He caressed her tighs and going up from there reaching her face and kissing her again. “Please, Mike… I need you.” His kisses went back to her neck and he smiled against her skin at hearing that.
“I already know that.” He breathed onto her making her shiver. He slid into her so smoothly that all the sensations were swiping her body from hair to toe. She gasped. “Are you ok?”
“I’m fine, Mike.” She said relaxing a little bit. Then, he started his moved kissing back to her mouth and their lips crashed again. Her hips joined his movements and the feeling inside them both built up strongly. They rolled all over the bed, never breaking the kiss nor stopping their moves. They got to the edge at the same time and exploded in incomparable bliss. A wave of power overwhelmed their tired bodies and both collapsed together on the now wet sheets with a last whispered “I love you.”
Won’t you save me?
Cause saving is what I need
I just wanna be by your side
Won’t you save me?
I don’t wanna be
Just drifting through the sea of life
Mikey rolled off her after a long time without moving. Alex rolled with him just to place her head onto his chest hearing his heart beat. He entangled his fingers on her hair and caressed her bare back. She laughed suddenly.
“What?” He asked. She propped herself on one elbow and placed a lock of hair behind his ear.
“I was just thinking… This just felt so right!” She smiled it him. Her smile was glowing.
“I know. I guess this is how it’s meant to be.”
“Otherwise we wouldn’t feel like this.” She got back to her earlier position. “I love you, Mikey.”
“I love you too.” Mikey, held her tighter against himself. “Just promise me that you’ll never do that again.”
“I promise you I’ll never try it again if you promise me you’ll be there.”
“You know I will.” Mikey kissed her forehead. Then watched the sun coming up weakly outside the window as finally their exhausted eyes claimed to sleep.
Won’t you save me?
Won’t you save me?
Won’t you save me?