From the Shadows

Every so often, someone would come in an check on Teagan. Almost every single visitor asked if she was okay. They were awful at small talk, which made Teagan even more uncomfortable. She had a hard enough time socializing without every damn person slyly talking about what happened in Woodbury. After a handful of visitors, Teagan struggled to stand and closed her cell door. It was the best she could do to ask people to leave her alone without having to be verbally blunt.

No matter how tired she was, her mind wouldn't rest. She tried to scratch out Woodbury with every dirty fingernail she could, but nothing worked. She felt weak and vulnerable, and still did, even in the partial safety of her group. She couldn't stop seeing his face; his wicked grin burned onto her retina. She tried to close her eyes and fight the awful feelings. I'm just a fool. I've been nothing but shit this entire time. I guess The Governor showed me that... The confidence she built up piece by piece, after it was stomped to the ground during childhood, was ripped away again like a dying weed. She had a difficult time recognizing herself. No. Remembering. This is how I used to be. I guess... this is how I always was. I was just... pretending. No thought process was comforting. She wished she had a book or a CD player, anything to distract herself. She stood up and hobbled over to her cell door, still closed. She peered around for a bit until she saw the person she was looking for.

“Hey, Glenn. Can you come here a minute?”

Glenn jogged over to her. “Yeah, what's up?”

“Next time you go into town...” She hated having to ask for favors. “Can you pick up some books?”

Glenn was a bit surprised by her request. “Yeah, sure. What kind?”

“Anything.”

Glenn tried to make a joke. “Even boring old textbooks?”

“I did say anything, didn't I?” She replied with another bad joke.

Glenn smiled at her and left. Teagan sat back on her bed, but didn't lay down. It hurt to move, but she cramped up when she was still for too long. Damn double-edged sword. She decided it was better to lay down for awhile anyway. All she could do anymore to pass the time was sleep, but she was afraid to sleep anymore. Every night was filled with horror and reminiscence. She hadn't been outside in quite awhile, and her sleeping patterns were so erratic, she had a hard time determining how much time had passed. Sometimes she was asleep for twenty minutes but it felt like hours. Other times, she was asleep for hours and it only felt like minutes. She'd wake up when it was dark and wake up when it was light. Her inherent circadian rhythm was thrown out of whack, which proved to be not as inherent as she thought. She wondered how long Daryl was gone, when he'd come back, or if he was still alive. She tried to take a deep breath, but it rattled her chest. She felt like she'd never breathe the same again. She teetered between wanting to go outside and being terrified to leave her cell. She felt cramped and useless in her cell, not contributing and not doing a damn thing besides sleeping and waking up in cold sweats. Just the idea of leaving the prison's walls made her breathing accelerate and heart beat skip. She felt coddled and safe in the prison. Outside was too open, too exposed. She felt herself get weak in the knees at just the prospects of fresh air and open skies. She got angry again and wanted to cry; any extreme emotion to purge how she was feeling. She knew none of it would work. She'd just get angrier at her herself for feeling anything but calm, focused and strong. Even feeling nothing was better than frustration.

She started pacing her cell when there was a noticeable ruckus from the main part of the cell block, joyous sounds quickly followed by aggression. She hobbled to her cell door and struggled to get it open. She walked to the where everyone was and saw Daryl, alive and well. The joy. Merle was right beside him. The aggression. From what Teagan could gather, Daryl was trying to argue that Merle should stay. In audible opposition was Glenn. The room hadn't noticed her enter, and they probably wouldn't have for awhile if she didn't awkwardly and loudly sit down on a bench. Her muscles still weren't able to do normal tasks without shaking. The room heard the loud KERTHUNK and their eyes turned. They were surprised to see her out and about. They rearranged themselves around the dinner table, dragged from the cafeteria. Daryl sat across from Teagan, with Merle standing behind him. He was the only one who didn't sit down.

“We need to discuss this as a group.” Rick started off the conversation. It had previously been an unorganized jumble of yells. This time, progress needed to be made. Since no one started talking, Rick continued. “We need to discuss if Merle should stay or not.”

Daryl shakily started. “Look, he's my brother. He can help us. I'll keep an eye on him.”

“I don't trust him. He was reckless in the quarry, and he doesn't look like he's changed.” Lori spoke.

“He ain't gonna do nuthin', alright? You can use 'im as muscle and huntin'. He's just as good as me.” Daryl defended.

“Yeah, except you didn't beat the shit out of us!” Glenn brought back the same argument.

They babbled on for awhile before Merle spoke. Teagan had remained silent the entire time, catching vague glances of those who spoke. Merle cracked his neck and his rough voice spilled. “Listen here, I know I ain't yer friend. I ain't the most pleasant guy to be 'round. Let's be honest, I'm a downright asshole. But I know the Governor-” He paused and exchanged quick glance at Teagan that nobody caught but Daryl. Merle continued to speak before anyone caught on to the fact he made an awkward pause. “Know him better than you. If he knows where we are-”

“The Governor knows we're here?!” Teagan stood up quickly, with anger and surprise in her eyes. “How the fuck does he know?” She walked away from the table and slightly paced.

Maggie regrettably raised her hand. “I-I told him. I had to, I thought-” Maggie stopped talking when she saw Teagan's head fall to the floor and fists clench.

“You just got us all killed.” Teagan's voice was cold and a bit terrifying.

“I-I had to, he said-”

“Doesn't matter what he said. Did he say he'd let you and Glenn go if you told? That nobody would get hurt? He was going to kill you. Both of you. If Rick and them hadn't showed up, you'd have been on your knees with a rifle to the back of your head with no seconds left for a damned prayer.” She simulated a gun to her own head with fingers.

Maggie hesitantly spoke. “Any chance to get Glenn-”

“GLENN WASN'T IN THAT ROOM!” Some members of the group jumped. She hadn't spoken much in the days since she returned, and there was a fire in her eyes very few people had ever seen. Teagan put a hand to her temple and shook her head. She collected herself and redirected the conversation to Merle. “If that fucker knows where we are, we need every man we can get. Only two people here know him well and-”

“Two?” Carol asked.

Teagan bit her lip and shifted her weight. Shit. Spoke too soon. “Yes.”

In ignorance, Carol kept speaking. “Merle and... Michonne?”

Teagan sighed, but Merle spoke for her. “Me and.. well, yer lookin' at her.”

“You know the Governor? How?” Rick asked.

Teagan braced the situation, knowing she couldn't get out of it. She looked at Merle who simply nodded at her. “When Daryl and Glenn found me, I had been running from a group of guys who had been following me for quite awhile. Daryl and Glenn helped me kill them and essentially escape. Those men weren't bandits...” She paused and took in a shaky, painful breath. “They were sent by the Governor to find me and bring me back dead or alive, preferably alive.”

“Why would he do that?” Rick asked.

“What did he want?” Carol asked.

“Why alive?” Glenn asked aloud, thinking it was in his head.

Teagan answered the spit of questions in succession. “Because he felt like I betrayed him. He wanted me to pay the consequences. And alive so...” She paused again. “So he could essentially do what he did several days ago.” She was getting overwhelmed.

“How did you betray him?” Rick questioned in response to the answer to his first question.

“Before I met you guys... I was in a group run by the Governor. Even then he was sadistic and cruel. He killed the living for fun, even when they surrendered and were no threat to him. When he asked me to kill for him, I knew I had to leave. He told me if I left, he'd hunt me down. I wasn't allowed to leave. He felt I knew too much.”

“What do we do? If he knows where we are, then-” Glenn tried to speak, but Teagan cut him off. Every mentioning of the Governor knowing their whereabouts made her angrier.

“All I can tell you, is he will not stop until we are dead. Men, women...” She gulped nervously. “Even children.” Teagan watched the horror on Lori and Carol's faces. Even Rick shied away. “By rescuing us and injuring, and probably killing, his men, we betrayed him. His punishments are torture and execution. That's it. We can either pack up and leave, or try to defend this place. I don't know what kind of artillery he has or how many men he can whip up into soldiers.”

“How are we supposed to know?” Glenn asked.

“That why we need Merle.” Teagan's voice was stern.

“How could you want him here? He beat the shit out of you, too!” Glenn raised his voice.

“He also saved my life. As I recall, he saved all three of ours asses, and the four who came in and tried to rescue us without a damn game plan.” Teagan kept her voice surprisingly calm.

“He saved Daryl, not us.” Glenn was angry, his fists on the table.

“Who gives a shit? You are still alive because of what he did. In case you didn't hear me before, the Governor kills those who fuck him over. Do you think he'd let Merle live if he ever saw him again?” Glenn bit his lip without a response. “Why would Merle help a man who is after his head? Nobody who knows the Governor is dumb enough to think they'd be able to get back in his good graces after letting go three fucking hostages.” Glenn unclenched his fists. “I'm not picking sides, here. I'm choosing to survive. Whether you want to believe it or not, we need Merle. Even if Merle is only here for his brother, as long as Daryl is with us, Merle is with us, too.”

Nobody spoke. Daryl sighed a sigh of relief, but his shoulders were still tense. Nobody had anything else to say, so Rick called for a vote. In favor of Merle staying: Daryl, Teagan, Hershel, Carol, Rick, Oscar and Axel. Opposed: Glenn and Maggie. Lori and Beth abstained.

“We will let Merle stay, Daryl, it's up to you to keep him out of trouble. And Merle, any major screw ups and you are out.” Rick established basic rules

Daryl and Merle nodded in agreement.