From the Shadows

Everyone went their separate ways in relative silence. Teagan's adrenaline dropped again and she started to feel light headed and a bit sick to her stomach. She realized she hadn't eaten much the past few days, but she also never felt hungry anymore. She decided to hobble to her room and lay down. She hadn't done much that day, but she still felt exhausted.

Once everyone was out of the main part, Glenn pulled Daryl aside.

“Hey, got a minute?”

“This better not be about Merle.” Daryl's voice was gruff.

Glenn's eyes grew wide and he shook his head. “No. It's about Teagan.” He kept his voice quiet.

Daryl's body tensed and his brows furrowed. “What's the matter?”

“I don't exactly know. None of us do, actually. Ever since she got back from the Governor and woke up... I don't know.” He moved his lower lip from side to side nervously. “She hasn't been herself. According to Hershel, she's hardly eaten. The first time she actually spoke was today at the meeting. She's been stuck in her cell for days now.”

“She's been through a lot, what ya expect?” Daryl got defensive.

“I know, believe me, I do. Just... something seems off. She's usually so insistent on going outside and doing stuff...” Daryl narrowed his eyes at this comment, and Glenn quickly defended himself. “Not that we want her working. She's still injured, but... I think she just... shut down.”

The words jabbed Daryl in the side. Nobody knew what exactly happened between her and the Governor; not even Merle. Daryl knew she was strong. He also knew that even the strongest people have a breaking point. He didn't exactly know what to do with this information. He wanted to help, but didn't know how. He was never good at that sort of stuff. He hated talking about his feelings immensely, and knew Teagan did, too. He was also really awkward around emotionally open people. His strategy was always to shut things out. He coughed and his voice was shaky. “What you want me to do about it?” His words were bitter, but his voice was drowning in concern and uncertainty.

“I don't know. Maybe talk to her? You know her better than anyone here. We're really worried about her.”

Daryl grunted and nodded his head. Teagan was one of the few truly strong people he knew. In the past few months, he kept himself going by using her strength as a motivation. He didn't want to admit it, but he kind of needed her. He was afraid to see her weak. Not weak... preoccupied. He feared that if she broke down, he would, too. He took in a deep sigh and mentally paced. He wasn't sure what he'd say. Neither of them talked about their feelings. Even after all this time, he still didn't know that much about her. He forced his legs to move, and he approached her cell.

Teagan laid with her eyes closed for awhile. Then, there was a knock on her cell door. She opened her eyes and sat up quickly. Daryl. When she hadn't said anything, Daryl spoke.

“Mind if I come in?” He coughed and shifted his weight. He felt compelled to talk to her. He felt there was so much he needed to tell her and hear her say, but he didn't know what.

She became strangely nervous and fiddled with her hands. “Yeah, sure.” She bit her lip and couldn't keep eye contact.

Daryl sat down in the only chair in her cell. He coughed again and leaned back in the chair. “So, uhm-”

Teagan recognized the awkwardness. She had seen it in nearly every visitor that came to see her the past few days. She was fed up with it. She cut him off and spoke instead. “Don't.”

Teagan saw the confusion on his face, and she sighed heavily. “Every damn person that walks in here says the same damn thing. If you are here to apologize or ask how I'm feeling or some other bullshit, then leave.”

Daryl's eyes grew wide and he swallowed. He didn't have a conversation plan. He knew asking her if she was okay was an awful way to start, but he had went with it anyway, considering he didn't have a better plan. He jumbled some more ideas through his head. He bit his lip. Fuck it.

He couldn't look at her in the eyes. He kept his voice real low, and spoke somewhat slowly. “I ain't gonna apologize. I want to, but I won't. I ain't gonna ask you how yer feelin'. I know it ain't good. Glenn told me-”

“Glenn doesn't know shit. None of them do.” She took a deep breathe. “Including you.” Her words were icy and sharp.

Daryl looked into her eyes. He saw fear and pain. He wasn't used to seeing that in her eyes. She was stronger than he was, but something was different now. “Look, I-”

Teagan felt like a cornered animal. She cut Daryl off. “No, you listen. As far as anyone needs to know, I'm fine. I don't need you or anyone else coming in here with eyes looking at me with fucking pity. I can take care of myself!” The words felt foreign in her mouth, like they didn't belong.

Daryl sighed and rubbed his neck. His legs were antsy, telling him to leave. I've left her enough He looked straight into her eyes, without looking away. “You don't gotta act tough all the time.”

“Excuse me?” Her facade was weak, but she felt a bit offended that he managed to see through it.

“Ya bin through a lot. Imma tell you what I wish someone had told me long ago. It's okay to be scared. I don't know what The Governor did, and I don't need ya ta tell me unless ya want to. But ya need to know that it ain't normal to come outta that like nuthin' happened. Yer human. Yer allowed to feel something other than anger all the damn time. It ain't good fer ya to shut down. Yer strong; you always have been... because ya had to. You don't have ta be that way no more. Not with me.” He winced at his mistake. Shoulda said 'us'.

Teagan was at a loss for words. She didn't know what to say. She'd trained herself since childhood to keep to herself; her problems weren't things to share. She had built layers of walls to not only keep people out, but to keep herself in. Daryl had done the same, but with his last statement, he tore one of those walls down. Teagan's hands began shaking and small tears formed behind her eyes. Her breathing quickened. As much as she wanted to just let go and talk to Daryl, she couldn't bring herself to do it. “Just get the hell out.” Her voice was shaky and unsure; her mouth quivered.

Daryl knew this defense mechanism. Hurt them 'fore you get hurt even more. He opened his mouth to speak, but decided to not say a word. He knew better. He didn't know exactly how she felt, and he figured he never would, but he could sympathize. She was drugged, kidnapped, and beaten nearly to death; it would take a lot of time before she was back to her old self. Daryl winced at the idea she may never recover. The best he could do would be to give her space and time to herself, and to most importantly, treat her normally. He took one last look at her before leaving, and it nearly crushed him. He saw what Glenn described: a seemingly broken woman. He could only hope she either had the strength to build herself up, or the humility to ask for help.