From the Shadows

Teagan went into her cell and flung her body on the bed. She stared at the bunk bed above her. She closed her eyes and swam through her thoughts, almost drowning. She felt like an emotional wreck. Remnants of her previous breakdown lingered, and her current guilt was boiling her alive. She heard quiet footsteps approach her cell. Thinking it was Daryl, she ignored them. The steps stopped by her door and didn't leave. She sat up slowly and saw the silhouette of a figure much shorter than Daryl's.

“C-can I come in?” The voice was clouded with choking tears.

“Carl? Is that you?”

“Yeah.” His voice was quiet.

“What's wrong?” Shit. Dumb question.

“Is it okay if I talk to you?”

“Y-yeah, what is it?” Teagan feared what the young boy had to say. She expected a barraging of blame and anger, like his father.

Carl took a few steps into her cell and stared at the ground. “I just wanted to say that... I don't... I don't blame you.”

“What?” Teagan couldn't believe her ears.

“It's not your fault. It was that man... You warned us about him, and we didn't listen. I know my dad got angry but... he doesn't blame you. Honest. She wouldn't b-blame you either...” At the end of his statement, his face was covered in tears. He sniffled between each word. Teagan stood up and hugged the boy. He buried his face into her and sobbed. She couldn't help but begin to cry. She pulled away from him and knelt down to be at his eye level.

“Carl... I can't even begin to say how sorry I am. I just... nothing I say can fix this or make it better. We'll get that man, okay? He won't get away with this.”

“He hurt you, too, didn't he?” He rubbed his running nose on his sleeve.

“It's nothing to worry about. Just a scratch.”

“Y-you'll be okay though, right?”

Teagan smiled. “Yes, I'll be fine.” Carl sniffled in response. They heard loud sounds as the rest of the group slowly filtered back into the prison. Rick saw how close Teagan was to Carl and glared. “Go check on your dad. He needs it more than me.” Carl childishly nodded and ran to his dad. They entered their cell, and the rest of the prison stood around looking lost and confused. Teagan stood from her kneeling position and was approached by Glenn. He had a hard time looking Teagan in the eye.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” Actually, no. But that's beside the point.

“Good, good. Well... I'm glad.”

Teagan didn't know how to approach what was on her mind, so she blurted it out. “Has anyone... taken care of her?”

Glenn's eyes grew wide. He shook his head. “Wh-what?”

Teagan sadly sighed. “She was shot in the stomach.”

Glenn quickly caught on and stared at the floor. “Yeah... Carl did.” Teagan's eyes widened and her brows furrowed. “Rick... he uh... couldn't do it. Carl didn't want anyone else to, either.”

Teagan's heart shattered and splintered her stomach. She closed her eyes and held them shut tight. No child should lose their mother... especially like that. She opened her eyes again but avoided eye contact. “Did anyone...” She gulped and lowered her voice. “...start digging her grave?”

Glenn shook his head. “Bit soon, don't you think?”

“She deserves to be buried. She deserves respect.” Teagan grew slightly angry.

“N-no. That's not what I meant. I just... don't think anyone is quite ready for that yet.”

“Then I'll do it.” Her voice was stale.

“What? No. Why?”

“It's the least I could do... I mean, more my fault than anyone's. I'll be damned if Carl or Rick have to do it, especially Carl. He's done enough.”

“But you're hurt and-”

“Please. Just... let me do that much.”

“Hershel said you got shot, too. You're in no shape to be digging graves.”

“I've dug graves before, I can do it again.” She was a bit irritated and left Glenn standing alone. He realized her reference and decided it was best to leave her alone.

Hours passed by quickly, and as the temperature dropped and outside grew more tolerable, Teagan went outside to start digging Lori's grave. She didn't know where Carl or Rick would want her, and she didn't want to ask. She chose a spot close to where T-Dogg's cross was. She looked at a divot in the dirt where her cross used to stand. Should be me they're burying. She started to dig, and part way through, Daryl came outside.

“Was lookin' fer you.”

“You did a mighty job at finding me.” Her tone was more annoyed than she intended. She wanted to focus on the grave, not on conversation.

“The hell you diggin' for?”

“If you hadn't noticed, we lost people today. They... she deserves a final resting place.” She was huffing between every few words.

“Din't you just get shot? Have some'n else do that.”

“I can handle it just fine.”

“Don't sound like it.” He smirked at her slight struggle.

“Like I said before, I'm no stranger to digging graves. At least this time it isn't raining.” The last sentence was quiet, for she hadn't intended it to be heard. Daryl's sharp ears caught it anyway, and his smile dropped. He knew she referenced to Dale. Felt guilty about that, feelin' guilt 'bout this.

Daryl sighed. “How 'bout I help? Make it go faster.”

“Don't need your help; almost done.” Her breathing was harder and she was moving slower.

“You call barely half-way 'almost done'?”

“I can do it myself.” Daryl recognized those as being the exact words she said last time he tried to help. Her previous tone crept into her new voice.

“Stop feelin' guilty.”

Teagan stopped and stuck the shovel in the dirt vertically. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. Ya felt guilty 'bout Dale and ya feel guilty 'bout Lori. None of that was yer fault.”

“The Governor killed her because of me.” Teagan was both angry and sad.

“No. The Governor killed her. Not you. Him.” Daryl raised his voice slightly, his body tense.

“If I left-”

Daryl cut her off. “Bullshit. If ya left, he'd still come here and shot someone down. That grave would still be for someone, no matter where ya were! Stop blaming yerself for things you-”

“Carl could still have a mother!” Teagan's voice cracked, and she was on the verge of tears. Daryl heard the break in her voice, and knew it meant more than just Lori dying. He took in a deep breath and relaxed his stance. Teagan was slightly ashamed of her outburst and went back to digging. She couldn't make eye contact with Daryl.

Daryl didn't really know what to say. He put his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth on his feet. He coughed. “He'll be 'lright ya know.”

“Yeah, just like the next twelve-year-old boy whose mother was murdered.” Teagan huffed. She wanted Daryl around, but didn't want him talking about Lori anymore. She tried to distract herself with digging.

“I turned out alright.” Daryl's comment surprised Teagan. Daryl usually never talked about himself, especially with things as personal as his family. Teagan was so stunned, she stopped digging just to look at Daryl. He kept talking. “I mean, wasn't quite the same. Dead weren't walkin' er nothin' but...” He shrugged, hands still in his pockets. “All the same.”

Teagan wiped the sweat from her forehead. She looked Daryl in the eyes. “Sorry to hear about your mom.”

Daryl could hear the sincerity in her voice, and he got anxious. He felt strange talking about himself intimately. He reverted to old coping mechanisms, trying to shrug it off. “No big deal anymore. Almost twenty years ago.”

“No child should lose a parent they care about.”

Daryl chuckled. “That's oddly specific.”

Teagan's face went sour, and she went back to digging. “Not all parents are good.”

Daryl could sense her frustration from her digging. She stomped harder and flung the dirt farther. He shrugged again. “Don't gotta tell me that.”

Teagan looked back at Daryl and sighed. In the short conversation, she learned a lot about him. Mother died when he was young, father not so decent... She knew personal stories made Daryl uncomfortable, and her, too. She decided to change the subject. “Want to, uh, help me out? Don't think I'll finish before nightfall otherwise.”

Daryl smiled. “Yeah, sure.” He went to get a shovel and returned quickly. Along with the shovel, he brought a sheet from a bed from an unused cell. When the grave was finished, they both crawled out of the ditch.

“Should we put her in here?”

“Dunno. Maybe Carl and Rick would want to?”

Teagan's voice got quiet. “I think Carl might need a break. He's done enough.” Daryl nodded.

They walked over to where Lori's body was. Teagan tried to suppress her shaking. She couldn't help but focus on the wounds, bouncing back and forth between her abdominal and cranial head shots. Daryl commented on Lori's head.

“When'd that happen?”

Teagan kept her voice neutral. “I meant it when I said Carl's done enough.” She couldn't bring herself to use more descriptive language. Teagan knew Daryl understood her vagueness when an “Oh shit” slipped out from under his breath. They carefully carried her body to the grave and lowered her gently.

They went to shovel the dirt back into the grave, but hesitated.

“Feels too final...” Teagan stood in silence for a few minutes before Daryl spoke.

“Sure we should be doin' this?”

Teagan nodded. “I don't want her just... sitting out here.” She paused for a moment and her voice got quiet. “He'll have other things to be mad at me for, other than burying his wife.”

Daryl slightly winced at the sad tone in her voice. They continued to bury her in silence. Once done, Daryl started to press the dirt down with the shovel, to make it more aesthetically pleasing. When he turned around, Teagan was gone.

“Damnit.” He dropped the shovel and started to run around, looking for her.