From the Shadows

Teagan recognized the voice as Daryl's. She swallowed hard and stiffened. Daryl inhaled deeply and flicked ash off his cigarette. “You can sit down if ya want. I ain't bitin'.” Teagan relaxed slightly and slid down to the floor with her back against the wall. There were several feet between Teagan and Daryl. “Want one?” Daryl held out his half-empty box of stale cigarettes, but didn't make eye contact. In his peripheral vision, he saw Teagan's shadowed figure shake her head “no”. Daryl scoffed, and spit. “Ain't many who'd see that in the dark. Speak up.” He flicked his cigarette again. He slowed his pace as the ember inched towards the filter.

Teagan's voice caught in her throat. “S-sorry.”

Teagan watched as Daryl's cigarette reached its end, and he put it out against the floor. Daryl coughed and kept his voice low. “What'd Rick want?”

“He, uh, just wanted to talk to you.”

“Figures.” He coughed again. “Did you bring in my crossbow?”

“Yeah. Thought you'd want it.” Daryl responded with a grunt.

Heavy silence fell. It was so quiet, Teagan could hear crickets from the ground. The sky was clear, but the moon was small. She sat wit her knees up, and her arms propped onto her knees. No words were exchanged for what felt like hours. When it seemed the world wouldn't make any more sound, Daryl spoke.

His voice was soft and hesitant. “You were wrong.” Teagan quickly turned to look at him. She couldn't really see him. He was a fuzzy, dark mass among the night. Teagan didn't know how to respond; she didn't know what he was referring to. “I don't hate you.” The phrase slipped from his lips as clumsily as they had from Teagan's. “Don't think I could.” His words seemed like accidents falling from his mouth. He still meant every word.

“Daryl, I'm sorry. I-” Teagan felt like she was choking on her own voice.

“No.” His voice was stern. Almost angry. He took a deep breath in and calmed down. “Ain't yer fault.” After a few minutes of silence, Daryl grabbed for another cigarette. Teagan watched his hands shake. The flame vibrated beneath the cigarette, finally lighting it. “How long was he...?” He couldn;t finish the sentence; couldn't finalize Merle's fate.

Teagan wrung her hands nervously. “Not too long. Her turned only a few minutes before you showed up.”

Daryl took a long drag from his cigarette and held the smoke in for several seconds. He slowly exhaled and stared at the ember. “Why'd you tell me ta stop?”

“What?”

“He was gonna kill you, but you told me to stop. Why?”

“You shouldn't have had to do it.”

“What's that mean?” He sounded defensive.

“He's your brother. You cared about him. You shouldn't have to do that to family.”

Daryl scoffed at his projected sensitivity. “He was long gone. Wasn't 'bout ta lose another.” Daryl finished his cigarette and put it out next to the cigarette from earlier.

Teagan tried to lighten the mood. “He saved my life.”

“From what I saw, he nearly killed ya. How's that savin'?”

“Before that. He had me in the car and... he let me go. Basically kicked me out of the car and told me to start running. Wasn't a damn thing I could say to convince him to come with me... I wasn't fast enough, though.” Her voice was sad towards the end.

“What'd you tell 'im?”

“What do you mean?”

“He wasn't gonna let ya out fer free. He's stubborn as shit.” Daryl slightly winced at the idea of bad-mouthing his deceased brother. “What'd ya tell him ta let ya go?” Teagan looked down at her hands, and started chewing her lip, avoiding the question. “C'mon. Can't be that bad.”

Teagan could feel tears start to form behind her eyes. Instead of falling down her face, they caught in the back of her throat and changed her voice. It cracked and shook, growing more and more unsteady with each breath. “I begged him not to tell you I left.” Daryl didn't respond, but Teagan felt him stare at her. “I didn't care what he said, what excuse he pulled to explain why I wasn't there. It just couldn't be that I left you. I told him I had left enough already and that he wasn't the only one who...” Her voice stopped working. The words fought hard against the back of her teeth.

“Who what?” Daryl's voice dripped with sadness, but had a spark of curiosity.

“Cared about you.” Teagan breathed deeply. She shuddered against the growing cold. She tried to process what had happened that day, and what had been said. Daryl has never talked this much before. And neither have I...

“Can I asked you a question?” With all that was already said, Teagan was surprised Daryl spoke.

“Yeah.”

“If I hadn't been there...” He hesitated. He rolled the box of cigarettes in his hands without actually taking a cigarette out. “If I didn't show up... would you have... killed 'im?”

“Yeah, probably. Didn't have much of a choice.”

Daryl clenched his fists hard, crushing the cigarette box in his fingers. “Say it an' mean it.” His voice was harsh. “He didn't try an' let ya go fer no damn reason. So don't mock him by not knowing fer sure you'da killed him had I not been there.”

Teagan sighed deeply. “I know... That's what he told me to do; to not hesitate. It's what he wanted.” Her voice went very quiet. “It's what they both wanted.” Shit. Didn't mean to say that.

“Both? The hell you mean both?”

“Look, I meant nothing by it. Really. I must be tired. It was just-”

“Tell me.” His words were demanding, but his voice needed comfort. He knew how Merle died; now he needed to know why.

Teagan closed her eyes and spoke slowly. “The Governor knew torturing me wasn't going to be good enough. He had a fair shot last time, but I made it out alive, and relatively intact. He wanted to dig down and actually hurt me...” She spoke faster. Each word was on rhythm, and her hands jabbed at the pace. “He knew the only way to do that would be to make me hurt someone I cared about... or force me to hurt someone who was cared about by someone I cared about.” She took a deep breath and slowed her voice. “He didn't have you. Merle was the next best thing.” Her voice shook and she closed her eyes. “He Teagan clenched her teeth hard, and tears formed behind her eyes. “He just knew. He knew how to get to me and he fucking took it. Merle died because I-”

Daryl swiftly interrupted. “Ay. Listen ta me. None of it is yer fault. Ya hear me? Merle knew what he was gettin' into when he agreed to the damn plan. He knew when he let you go and went in alone. Only two people ta blame, and ain't none of 'em sittin' here.” His voice grew angry towards the end.

“You blame Rick.” Teagan's voice was calm and smooth.

“Fuck yeah I do! The reason that deal even happened, the reason Merle is dead, the reason you got hurt an' held up... because of fuckin' Rick.” When Teagan didn't share in his angry enthusiasm, he became confused. “Don't you blame him?”

“I don't know who I blame.”

“I saw you handcuffed to a goddamn chair with a walker at your face, and you don't know who ta blame?”

“I don't agree with Rick. I mean, realistically, I hardly ever agree with him. He's emotional and irrational... but that's just it. I don't agree, but I understand. He tried to do the math, and he went with the plan that lost the least number of lives. Had the Governor not attacked anyway, maybe nobody would even be mad at him. He was running out of hope and clung to a stranger. A dangerous, unreliable, impulsive one... but he tried. He saw the lives of everyone in our group hanging on his decision. Ten lives wins over two everyday.” She took a pause and tried to lighten the mood. “And if nothing else, he isn't the leader anymore. We are. Everyone learned a lesson today, even Rick.”

“And the hell is that?” Daryl didn't want to verbally argue with her, but his tone of voice did anyway.

“We are a team, a unit. We work together. We each have strengths and weaknesses that need to be woven into to all our survival. We contribute equally.”

“And Rick?”

“That we are all equally important. Lives are immeasurable, and most importantly, not expendable. He can't make those kinds of decisions anymore, and he knows it.”

After several moments of silence, Daryl asked a question he was afraid to ask. “Think he's gonna keep coming after you?”

Teagan knew he meant the Governor. “Yeah. He'll keep coming until he knows I'm dead. Until he sees me bleed out and turn. He won't give me the courtesy of a headshot. He might even let me become one of them and set me lose... to rot and wander until some other bastard puts me out of my misery.”

“I hope it don't come to that, but if it does, I'll be that bastard.” He had a slight smile on his face, but it hid true concern for her actual demise.

Teagan chuckled. “Same to you.” She shivered, and brought her arms and legs closer to her body.

Daryl shook his head. “Do you ever remember to bring a damn jacket?”

“Didn't really think about it.”

Daryl sat up, took off his jacket, and handed it to Teagan. “Here.”

“I'm fine. You keep it.”

Daryl sighed audibly and was annoyed. “Really? We're past this shit. Take it.” He kept his arm out, holding the jacket.

After realizing Daryl would not stop until she took the jacket, Teagan complied. “Stubborn.”

Daryl scoffed. “Stubborn is refusin' a damn coat when yer cold.”

She put the jacket on, and folded her arms over the front to keep it closed. “Thanks.”

“Glad ta see it ain't a damn blanket this time.”

Teagan laughed. The warmth from the jacket spread across her back and down to her legs. She was shamefully comfortable. Her muscles stopped clenching and her body relaxed. She felt her eyelids getting heavier and heavier. She closed her eyes for what she thought was a second, and was woken up by Daryl shaking her shoulders lightly.

“Wake up. Carol 'n' Michonne are comin'. Shifts over.”

Teagan groaned and stretched. “We haven't even been here that long.”

Daryl chuckled. “Says you. You went out like a light. Only out for an hour or two.”

“Why didn't you wake me up?”

“Yer exhausted. And nothin' happened I couldn't handle. Let's go.”

Daryl stood up and held out his hand to help Teagan up. She took the offer, and Daryl hoisted Teagan to her feet. They passed Michonne and Carol in the prison yard. Daryl marched past them. Teagan rolled her eyes and headed towards the prison. Before she got too far, she was stopped by Michonne.

“Hey.” Teagan turned to her. “You seem to be feeling better.”

“I am. Thanks.”

“Glad to hear it. Get some rest.”

“Will do.” They departed and Teagan kept walking towards the prison. She saw Daryl was waiting for her by the door. When Teagan got within fifteen feet of him, he continued on inside. She hesitated, walking slowly behind him as she followed Daryl to his room.

Daryl reached the top of the stairs and looked back to see how slow Teagan was teetering along. “Hurry up. Com'on.” Teagan jogged up the stairs and entered into the bedroom after Daryl. “Yer always hesitatin'.”

“Just don't want to overstay my welcome.”

Daryl scoffed. “You'll know damn well when yer not welcome no more. Won't be hard ta tell.” He sat down abruptly and grunted as he took off his boots off. Teagan took off Daryl's jacket and hung it on the makeshift door hanger. Teagan sat down more gently next to Daryl and took off her own shoes. The room was dimly lit, but Daryl could still see every line of exhaustion on Teagan's face. Her hair had grown a lot longer since the first time they met. She kept it in a ponytail, which was currently falling out. Strings of loose hair stuck to her sweaty face. The whites of her eyes were red, and the greens was dim and dull. The scars from the previous Governor encounter had not quite faded, and stuck out against the contrasting dirt caked to her skin. Daryl watched as her bandaged wrists twisted and turned while she untied her shoes. After she put her shoes on the floor, Daryl reached over and gently grabbed her arms. He turned her arms so her palms faced up. He gently rubbed his thumbs over the bandages on her wrists. “Do they hurt?” Teagan shook her head no. Daryl stopped rubbing her wrists. “I wouldn't have believed 'im.”

“Who?”

“Merle. If he told me you up-n-left, I wouldn't believe 'im.”

“He was going to follow whatever story Rick had planned.”

Daryl shook his head. “Him neither.”

Teagan inhaled deeply. “Thanks.”

“Fer what?”

Teagan shrugged her shoulders. “I don't know... trusting me, I guess.”

Daryl returned the shoulder shrug with his own. “Only one I can.” His voice was low, and he couldn't make eye contact.

“That can't be true.” Daryl turned his head slightly away and bit his lip nervously. Teagan sighed lightly and turned her hands so she was touching his. She rubbed her thumbs over his wrists and hands like he had done to hers. “Thanks for that, too.” The energy from her pseudo-nap was running out. Her head was gently bobbing up and down, and the circles she was drawing over his skin were slowing down and becoming less rhythmic.

Daryl smiled to himself. “Let's get ta bed.”

Teagan jerked awake for a second and groaned in agreement. Daryl stood up to allow Teagan to sleepily crawl to her side of the bed. She flopped down on her side and was asleep instantly. Daryl crawled next to her and listened as her breath slowed down, and slipped into near silence. He snaked his arm over her side and reached for her hand. He laced his fingers into hers and took a deep breath. Don't want ta lose her. Yer all I got left... an' the only one I want. He closed his eyes and feel asleep almost as quickly as Teagan had.