The Mixtape of Hatred

Jack fell asleep, yet Alex still watched over him. He felt like a creep, watching Jack sleep, but the boy looked so content in his sleep. Alex’s eyes were focused on his lips. The lips that had pressed to his own just a couple of days ago for no apparent reason. Sitting here, it was the one thing that he simply couldn’t figure out. Why did Jack do it? It seemed like it was a simple goodbye kiss, but why would he? Especially since Jack was fully aware that Alex was having a serious relationship with Tanner.

Trying to figure the kiss out frustrated Alex, but he didn’t exactly have anything positive to think about anyways.

Alex’s manager threatened to cancel the tour if Alex didn’t get back on his feet and touring. He already cancelled two shows, and would cancel a third if Alex refused to leave Jack’s side. There were only six shows left, so if the third got cancelled, then the rest of the tour would be off.

Alex was guilty. He truly loved his fans, and hated to disappoint them, but at times like this, he simply had to prioritize them as second. He was sure that, if they knew, they would understand. They always did. Tanner, however, was a different story.

Alex’s phone buzzed, and he sighed deeply.

He took one last look at his sleeping beauty before tiptoeing out of the room and gently shutting the door behind him.

“Hello?” He asked.

“Alex. You have explaining to do.” An angry Tanner shouted from the other side of the phone. Alex didn’t expect to hear a raised voice, and out of instinct, jerked his head away from the phone.

“Dude.” Alex frowned, keeping his ear a good distance away from the speaker. “Calm down. What-“

“Calm down? Calm down!?!” He laughed harshly. “You want me to calm down after finding out that my boyfriend slept with his old high school crush.”

Alex’s eyes widened. He completely forgot that he mentioned nothing to Tanner about Jack, nor did he remember that Tanner knew everything about him and Jack.

“Tanner. Nothing happened. He’s just an old friend and he needed help.” Alex replied calmly. He could picture Tanner pacing around the living room, throwing his hands around and making gestures that Alex couldn’t see.

“He’s hardly an old friend, Alex. I’m not an idiot. He was a jerk and you really liked him, and I mean really really liked him. He can’t just be an old friend. Besides, doesn’t he have anyone else to help him? Hell, does he even need help? He fainted. People faint. People faint and then an hour later they get up and they’re fine. What’s so special about him fainting? If I fainted, would you take me to a fucking hospital? Huh. Fainting.” Tanner scoffed.

Alex rolled his eyes, waiting for Tanner’s rambling to end, but it only got worse.

“Oh, and I checked your Hilton Honors account, and apparently you only had one bedroom. You took the ugly poopface to your hotel room. I remember. I thought that whoever it was, you’d just get them a room and be on your merry way, but oh no! You just had to invite Mr. Barakat to your room, which only has one bed! Alex fucking babe Gaskarth, what has gotten into you? Did you have sex with him? Do you really want our relationship to end?”

Alex inhaled sharply. He didn’t expect that to happen.

Tanner fell silent, and so did Alex.

“A-are you…?” Alex let his sentence trail off.

Tanner didn’t reply, and Alex felt sick to his stomach. He felt cold all over and started shivering uncontrollably.

His phone dropped out of his hands and hit the tile floor, the screen partially cracking as it did so.

He looked back at the door that led to Jack’s room. He wanted so badly to go back in and to crawl under the warm covers and hold Jack and never let go. Yet, he wanted to jump on a plane that would take him back to Tanner and kiss him and have make-up sex and pretend that Jack Barakat didn’t exist.

He ended up doing neither, because Rian was sprinting towards him. His stomps echoed throughout the cold, empty corridor.

Rian didn’t stop sprinting until he was about a meter away from Alex. He skidded to a stop when he was about ten centimeters away from being fully pressed up against Alex. Rian studied Alex’s face. His face dropped.

“Oh, Alex.” Rian muttered. “I’m so sorry.”

Alex didn’t reply. He just stared out into space: unable to think; unable to speak. Instead, he sat down, crossing his legs like a child.

Rian sat down in front of him and gently took Alex’s hands in his own.

“Alex, what happened?”

Alex frowned. “I-I…”

Rian waited patiently for Alex to put together his sentence.

“I think Tanner broke up with me.” It came out sounding like a question, like Alex was unsure of whether it really happened or not.

“I’m pretty sure he didn’t.” Rian countered.

“How would you know?”

“Because he said he wasn’t going to.” Rian said automatically.

Alex stared at Rian. “Wait, how did you even know about this?” His eyes narrowed. “How did Tanner know about any of this?”

Rian avoided Alex’s gaze. Everything clicked in Alex’s mind, and a second later, he was on his feet and backing away from his best friend.

“Fuck! You told him!” Alex tensed, feeling like he was suffocating. He couldn’t yell. He was in a hospital, but the desperate desire he had to let out his anger was struggling inside of him. “I can’t believe you. You and Tanner, just, just discussing Jack and I? That’s none of your fucking business!”

“Alex, he deserved to know.” Rian said quietly.

“Fuck.” Alex spun around and, without thinking, punched the door as hard as he could. “Fuck!” He repeated, this time in pain.

He bent over slightly, caressing his own bleeding knuckles.

“Alex let me-“ He heard Rian take a step forward.

“Get the fuck away from me!” He screamed the words out this time as his vision blurred.

He knelt there, sobbing, listening to the footsteps of his best friend grow quieter and quieter. He knelt there, knowing that the tour he was looking forward to for so long, would be cancelled. He knelt there, heartbroken that Tanner either broke up with him, or hated his guts. He knelt there, confused and torn apart by his own feelings for Jack, and what Jack could possibly be feeling for him.

He knelt there, and he had never felt so alone.