The Mixtape of Hatred

Alex shoved open the double doors leading to backstage, eager to see his touring band.

Tanner insisted that Alex leave home as late as possible so that they could spend more time together, resulting in Alex arriving at the venue ten minutes before the show started.

He entered the dressing room, and a smile instantly lightened up his face.

“Rian! Zack! Matt! It’s so good to see you guys!” He ran up to the man closest to him, which happened to be Zack, and gave him a huge hug.

“Alex!” Zack yelled excitedly and returned the hug, making sure to not squeeze the little guy too tightly. “Where have you been? Show starts in less than ten minutes!”

“Tanner.” Alex explained.

Matt laughed loudly and pointed a finger at Zack. “I told you so!”

Zack let go of Alex and stuck his tongue out at Matt, before running at him and picking him up. Matt squealed like a girl and clutched on to Zack, fisting his shirt.

Rian rolled his eyes at them, but Alex watched the couple with a gentle smile. Matt and Zack were so perfect for each other. Alex hoped that Tanner and him fit together the way Matt and Zack did.

“Dude, I know I’m not gay like you guys, but don’t I get a hug too?” Rian interrupted, fake pouting.

“I’m not gay!” Matt shouted from Zack’s arms.

“Just gay for me.” Zack replied, finally setting Matt down.

Alex gave Rian a hug, as he had requested.

“Better?” He asked, pulling away.

“Better. Okay, cute reunion, guys. The show starts in five minutes, so how about we do a little soundcheck now? Since someone decided to arrive late.” Rian looked at me.

Alex shrugged. “Tanner.” He repeated before jogging off to fetch his guitar.

*****

They were a little over halfway through the show, and everything had been running perfectly despite the lack of preparation Alex had put in. Alex silently thanked the fact that they had such an organized, responsible crew.

They were at the point in the show where Alex was more or less the only one on stage. Rian sat behind one of the speakers out of view, while Matt sat on Zack on the side of the stage.

Alex looked out at the crowd, clutching his acoustic guitar.

“You guys having fun so far?” He spoke into his microphone.

He was answered by thousands of screams. He smiled.

“Good, cause this entire tour would crash and burn if the first show wasn’t good.” He joked. “Anyways, happy Monday everyone. This song’s called Remembering Sunday.”

The crowd screamed as one in pure excitement, and Alex shifted his attention to his fingers as he strummed the first chord.

Alex closed his eyes and began to sing. He was like the pied piper and the crowd like mesmerized little mice. The crowd scream-sang along, knowing all the lyrics by heart. In the middle of the first verse, Alex stopped singing, but it was barely noticeable. The people in the enormous crowd were singing their hearts out. It made Alex want to hug each and every one of them. He loved his fans so much.

“Now this place seems familiar to him
She pulled on his hand with a devilish grin
She led him upstairs, she led him upstairs
Left him dying to get in”

Alex thought of Jack. Jack who led him on but never let him in.

“Even though she doesn't believe in love,
He's determined to call her bluff”

“Love doesn’t exist.” Jack had laughed at Alex, ruffling his hair. “You’ll learn someday.”

“It does!” Alex had argued, staring in exasperation at the boy he’d fallen in love with.

Alex let the flashbacks and memories take over him as he let the lyrics flow through him. His mind was flooded with images of Jack Barakat and he couldn’t get them out.

He continued to sing and sing.
“Forgive me, I'm trying to find
My calling, I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother,
But have you seen this boy?
He's been running through my dreams
And it's driving me crazy, it seems
I wanna ask him to marry me.”

Alex continued playing, fully prepared to begin the bridge when he noticed that the crowd had fallen silent. Why weren’t they singing along?

Being slightly surprised, Alex automatically stopped playing. The venue fell into an eerie silence. It’s not often that you’ll be in building with thousands of people and musical instruments, and hear absolute silence.

Suddenly, realization hit Alex. He had just screwed up his lyrics.

“Shit.” Alex whispered, forgetting that there was still a microphone before his lips. He panicked slightly and racked his brain for something to say. “Uh, oops. Ha. Um, got a little carried away with thinking about my boyfriend, ya know? Heh. Love you, Tanner!” He stammered, knowing fully well that Tanner would be watching the recording of his first show.

He shook his head in an attempt to shake the thoughts of Jack out of his mind. What was he doing? Great. Now Tanner thought that Alex wanted to marry him, and so did the rest of the world. Alex really liked Tanner, but the thought of marrying him made him feel sick. What was wrong with him?

“I-“ Alex coughed and stood up, knocking the microphone stand over. The microphone smashed against the stage floor, making a loud banging sound that was projected from the speakers. He set his guitar down on the floor.

Alex felt his eyes tear up. He didn’t know why he was crying. It wasn’t because he’d just messed up the show, but that’s what he’d have to pretend it was.

“Sorry guys.” He said to his fans, though they couldn’t hear him now that he didn’t have a microphone.

He covered his face with his arm and hurried off stage, rushing past Zack and Matt to the safety of a locked bathroom stall, where he proceeded in crying his eyes out and silently begging for Jack to come back to him.