The Mixtape of Hatred

It wasn't as if seeing him in a relationship was painful at all. It really isn't but he did expect it.

"Um, hi, I guess, I-Um, I'm just gonna go," he stuttered, "It was um, really nice seeing you again."

Fuck, he should've listened to Verity.

"Wait, don't go!"

Jack stopped on his tracks, "Well, um, I got a shift tomorrow and I really think I should leave," he explained as he turned his head.

"How did you get here?" the other boy whispered curiously.

"Um," Jack paused, "I have a pass, and another pass for free merch, I was gonna pick one up before I leave but I got lost, I guess." lie, he wanted to see him.

He looked at the boy, he was visibly shaking and playing with his fingers, a habit that he knew by heart the boy only does when he's nervous.

It made him smile but the smile faded once he remembered that Tanner Anderson was the other's boyfriend, and even though he's a clinggy little bitch, he's a good guy that doesn't deserve another person stealing their significant other's heart, especially since they've been dating for a long time.

"You got the $200 tickets?" the other eyed him curiously, "But I didn't see you during the M&G."

The other boy was torn, should he lie? Should he tell the truth?

"Why are you here, Jack?"

Everything turned black.



"Why are you here, Jack?" a teary eyed, young Alex sobbed, "Why?"

"Alex, you haven't called me in a decade and I find you here with a gun in your hands, please, give me the gun." the younger him begged.

"Why the fuck are you here? Answer me! You don't care!"

"I do care, 'Lex, you're my best friend, of course I care."

It was absurd how he doesn't remember any of this ever happening.

That's cuz you surpressed it, doink.

And at that moment, Jack knew, that he hated Verity with all his might.

He continued to watch the horrifying scene, the other boy was a crying mess with a gun in his hands, and the other he recognised as himself were begging him to give him his gun.

"Alex, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

"Fuck you, my problem isn't fucking temporary!" he shouted, "Remember our friendship? Remember the start of it? How it was sickeningly one-sided like all of your stupid relationships?"

"I gave you, everything," he chocked, "I let you copy my fucking homework, I listened to all your stupid conquest stories about how Ana was too fucking easy and how Stacey was a slut that's not even tight at all, I-fucking-Goddammit Jack."

"I used to be so important to you, Jack. What happened to us?"

He bit his lip, holy shit, that was the line from the first song in the mixtape.

"You are still important to me, 'Lex, you always will be."

"Remember when you asked me what I wanted for my birthday? How you told me that love doesn't exist and how you don't believe in it? Well, Jack, I've loved you since Middle School, and by love, I meant the one you see in those sappy chick flicks where I want to kiss you and hug you and share my food with you because I can. I want us to be more than friends, because it's fucking painful seeing you chase after sluts right in front of my face, when all I want is to be the one that you chase after, love and cherish."

"Alex-"

"Y'know what, I already know your answer."

When he saw the younger visibly smile, he let out a sigh in relief.

"You don't return the feelings, right? You're not fucking gay and you don't believe in love. It's just a fucking fairy tale for little girls."

"No, Alex, please-"

"Fuck you, seriously, Jack, fuck you," he laughed dryly, "I'm glad I told you the truth, I really am, if I never did, I'd probably still be pining over you like a total idiot. What kind of moron am I, huh? Thinking that a person like you will actually feel the same way?"

"Listen to me," he heard himself say, "You're my best friend, and I will never stop loving you for being my best friend, but-"

"Shut the fuck up!" Alex cut him off, "I-I h-hate y-you, J-jack, you fucking asshole, I h-hope I never see you, ever again."



"Verity, what the fuck?" he asked, holding back his tears, "I didn't know you were going to go full asshole and make me pass out right in front of him!"

"Well," she shrugged, "You are way past your bedtime."

"Fuck you, woman, seriously," he sighed, "How come I don't remember this? I would've chased after him and told him that I fucking love him and he wouldn't be haivng sex with that sissy Anderson."

"You did, though," she said, "You chased after him, he cried and told you that whatever you guys had were over, you guys didn't talk until you'd graduated, fast forward to the future and here you are."

"Why didn't you warn me?"

"I did," she argued, "I told you that seeing him will trigger something, and it did. It triggered the memory your subconsious tried so hard to contain to burst out, it's all your fault, actually."

Jeez, he hates it when she's right.



"A-are you okay?" he heard the familiar voice of the man running through his dreams ask.

He found himself in a hotel room, with the worried face of Alex Gaskarth looking at him.

"Where am I?"

"Um, you're in my room," he answered, "I didn't know where you live, and um, you were shaking so I brought you here."

"What about-"

"Tanner? He saw how shaky and squirmy you looked, so he let me take care of you and went home, he said he'll have a surprised visit another time and told me to brace myself," the boy laughed lightly.

"What time is it?"

"Four-ish? I think? I dunno, point is, it's about three hours after the show."

"Why are you doing this?" he asked, genuinely curious, mainly because Alex could've just left him right there to suffer, but he didn't.

"Um, well, you're my friend, and, uh, I don't want to see you in pain."