Entwined

You know those days where you feel like you shouldn’t have gotten out of bed because you feel like the cosmic forces are plotting against you? If you haven’t, then you can count yourself as one of the lucky ones. But if you’ve had one of those days where nothing seems to be going right and progressively just gets worse and worse, you know that I’m not crazy.

It first began when I arrived at school and realized I had left my English essay at home. Normally, I would have shrugged it off, but the fact that I stayed up until the early morning trying to finish it irked me. Then, in science Mrs. Farguson decided to pick my lab report to criticize. No one would have known that it was mine except for the fact that the dirt bag, Will Larkson, blurted out, “Hey, isn’t that your lab, Juliette?” in which I turned bright red and he grinned with satisfaction.

Sure, these are just some minor problems , but the big finale happened in math . Ms. Mann handed out our last graded tests, which I passed up a party in order to study for. My percent was so low that she wrote the dreaded, “We need to talk.”

Now I’m sitting here contemplating how in the world I’m going to tell my parents that I failed a test I spent hours studying for. The minutes crawl by as I wait for her to sit down from her lecture. I can’t even concentrate on what Ms. Mann is saying because I know that when I get home my parents will give me their disappointed headshake, as if in their minds they are thinking about what a failure I am and of how I could have possibly failed that test. They won’t understand; they never do. Nothing is worse than the guilt they give me, nothing except their comparisons to my perfect older brother whom out shines me in most every category possible.

She finally ends her lecture and walks back to her desk. I take a deep breath and stand up, but as I walk closer to her desk I feel the ball and chains around my ankles weighing me down. As I approach her desk I chant in my head, “Just don’t say I can’t take calculus next year. Please, just don’t say that.”

I mutter that she wanted to see me. Her hand gently pushes back her long blonde hair and her green eyes pierce through me. “Miss Liang, I noticed that you signed up for calculus next year.”My heart starts beating faster and faster. “As you may very well know, the grade required to move on to calculus is a B. The last test brought you down to a C+.”

“Ms. Mann I’m sure I can bring it up! I’ll study even harder for the final!” The words come out of my mouth so fast that I could barely process what I had said.

Her eyes soften, but gaze past me. “I’m sorry, dear. I’m afraid you won’t get that chance, but don’t fret. Fate works in weird ways.”

I can feel myself on the verge of tears. I take my seat and can’t help but stare blankly at my paper without any idea what I’m going to do. Her words about fate stay with me though thinking that it was an odd thing to say. Was she simply implying that I was meant to not get into Calculus? That I’m too dumb to take the class? I felt despair rise within me. I hate high school sometimes.

The bell rings and I leave quickly before anyone can say anything to me. A knot in my stomach stops me as I realize what is awaiting me when I arrive home; my parents. My feet slow and I can feel the anxiety build up in me. They’ll kill me. Literally. Okay, maybe not literally, but I know for a fact that I won’t be seeing anything else but books for the remainder of my life in high school.

A hand touches me on my shoulder pulling me away from my thoughts. I turn to see my best friend Kali. “Oh hey.”

“Wassup? You doing alright? You don’t look too well.”

Kali was one of those girls who is both book smart and sassy. She’s easily one of the smartest people I know, but despite our intellectual differences, I know she won’t laugh at me.

“I can’t take calc next year.” I can tell by the look on her face that she feels for me.

“Yikes. Want to come over?” It’s also nice because she’s known my family since 2nd grade; she knows how they can be.

“I wish! I better just tell them when I get home so I can get it over with .” We stop on the sidewalk next to the parking lot. She always parks the farthest away possible for some insane reason that I will never understand.

“It’s like ripping off a band aid. Or in your case it may be like setting off an atomic bomb.” She grins at me. “But hey, my door is always open and I’m sure if you escape in time you won’t feel the affects… too much at least.”

I roll my eyes, but feel myself start to smile. “Thanks Kali.”

She does a quick wave and heads to wherever she parked. I get to my car and start driving home. Darrin’s coming home tonight. I groan hoping that I’d mistaken the day and that my older brother is not actually coming to dinner .

Sometimes I wish I could disappear. Maybe since perfect Darrin is home they won’t notice that their daughter is there and maybe they’ll just forget about me. I guess it’s only annoying to have Darrin home if I have something good to share and he gets all the attention with his “I did this at Berkeley” and “Guess who made it on the Dean’s list?” Sometimes I wish I were adopted and not part of my family. It feels like my parents’ care more about my grades and if I am fulfilling the dreams they have planned out for me. Sometimes though, I wish I could just be me whether that’s failing precalc or not wanting to become a doctor.

As I pull into my driveway dread fills me. There sits the perfectly shiny, unscratched Ford Focus that my brother owns. Not drives, owns. I always thought that once my brother moved to college that I may get some perks, but it hasn’t happened yet, and I doubt it ever will. All I get is “no dating until college” and “try harder like Darrin”. It annoys me so much to be compared to him, I’m not him, and I never will be.

I call out that I’ve come home just in case they’re too absorbed to notice. I even slam the front door to add the extra effect of my presence.From the doorway I can already hear my parents gushing over Darrin. “Oh my goodness, she is just gorgeous! And you said she is studying bioengineering?”

I groan and feel my muscles loose. I hate hearing them gush over him, but I hate knowing that they’ll never do that for me even more. My parents are huddled around Darrin’s Samsung Galaxy S5 staring at some Asian girl. I sigh and set my backpack down. “I’m home.”

My mom waves me over. “Come here Juliette! Darrin’s met a girl.”

She emphasizes the word girl like it’s the most rare thing in the world. To me though, it’s no surprise because out of all the things Darrin is good at, wooing women is at least in the top five. It’s disgusting and I hate thinking about it.

I peer closer at the picture. She has the same giddy, smiling expression that all the girls have around my brother. I roll my eyes and take a seat at the table. “So you actually picked someone with some substance this time?”

My brother gives me a genuine smile, which makes me hate him a little bit more. As much as I try to backhand him, he doesn’t take it. He literally kills me with kindness. “Yeah. Sara is not only beautiful, but she’s wicked smart. Actually for spring break I was hoping to have her stay with us for a couple days. She would really like to meet everyone.”

Normally this would be taboo in my family; no one outside of the family is allowed to stay at our house. My father even has qualms about Kali staying over. He looks at my brother and nods. “That would be fine.”

Although both my mother and father are second generation Chinese, they are still pretty traditional in their beliefs and rules. Except when it comes to Darrin, because you know, the perfect one always gets to avoid the rules.

My mom squeals with excitement. “I just can’t wait! Juliette, this could potentially be your sister-in-law! How exciting!”

She often gets carried away. My enthusiasm overcomes me. “Yay.” I say as I manage to sneak an eye roll.

My parents go into the kitchen to prepare dinner leaving me alone with their perfect son.

“You could at least seem happy for me. I have a really great feeling about this one!” For the first time in a while, Darrin actually seems hurt that I’m not jumping out of my seat like mom is. He is a pretty good actor though; he was the lead in the play “Anything Goes”.

A meek sorry was all I could muster. We sit in silence until dinner is served. Darrin continues to tell our parents all about the amazing life at Berkeley and how he couldn’t be happier. The look on my parent’s faces says it all; he is their pride and joy.

As the evening drags on, I simply don’t have it in my heart or guts to tell them the bad news. Dessert passes without a word from me and as the plates are cleared away, I book it to my room. I check my crappy iPhone 3 and see that Kali has texted me:

How ya holding up? Anything new in the world of Perfect Darrin?

Although she tries to hide it for me, I know that she’s always had a crush on my brother. I don’t really care though; It happens so often that it’d be weird if a girl didn’t fall in love with my brother. I text her back:

Didn’t have the courage to tell them. He has a new girlfriend :P She sounds perfect just like him. I hate her already. Gonna go to bed though. TTYL!!

I shut off my phone and get ready for bed. As I climb into bed, I hear a knock on my door. “Hey honey, you going to bed already?”

“Yeah. It’s been a long day.”

My mom comes and sits on the edge of my bed and looks concerned. “Anything you want to talk about?”

I look away knowing this could be my chance. “No, not really.”

She sighs and says, “You know, I got an email from your teacher today. She told me you can’t take Calculus next year unless you get your grade up. She said that because it is close to the end of the year, it will be nearly impossible though.”

So she already knew. The air grows still and silence feeds my already guilty conscience. Nothing she or I can say will make this situation any different or any less stressful.

"I don't know what to say Juliette. You know I'm disappointed. You should have stayed after school the days I told you to. If it were Darrin, he would have stayed after regardless of if I had told him to or not. I really expected you to try harder." There are definitely things that can hurt me more than silence and that was one of them.

I can feel the tears springing from my eyes. As nonchalantly as I can, I say, “So what’s my punishment?”

“I’m going to have to tell your father and we’ll figure it out from there.” Figures.

I roll over so she can’t see my face. “Do what you have to do.”

She pats my back gently and leaves in silence. I close my eyes and pray that my father is as calm as my mom. Even though she said exactly what I didn't want her to say, it wasn't unexpected and it definitely wasn't the kind of talk my father gives out. I yawn and decide to save the worrying for tomorrow.