The Conductor

I do not want to wake up.
I do not want to face today.

I want to move on.
I want to forget.

However, the empty space next to me in bed was a reminder enough.

I could still feel her lying next to me.
I could still hear her call my name with such adoration.

She still haunts my dreams.
She still haunts my memories.

She will always haunt my memories.

I opened my eyes, spotting a pair of white Chrysanthemums sitting upon the nightstand with a black ribbon tied around them – freshly picked.

I slowly stood up from the bed and made my way into the bathroom.

Freshen up. Get dressed.
I combed my hair so that it would look somewhat decent.

I grabbed my flask from the desk before I made my way downstairs.

Tyler was already awake, working on another marionette.

“Morning, Michael.”
He gave me a small smile; I didn’t return it.

I hummed as a response as I slipped on my shoes and pulled on my jacket – I stuffed the flask into the inside pocket of the jacket.

“Where are you going?”
I didn’t answer.

“Do you not want to eat first? I made you breakfast—”
“I’m not hungry.”

I walked out before he could say anything else.

I don’t have to explain myself to him.

I shoved my hands into the pockets of my pants before heading towards the trail through the forest that led to the outskirts of town.

I stopped, an uneasy feeling rising from the pit of my stomach.

This is where I found…

I grit my teeth together.

No matter how uneasy I am, no matter what may remain here; I have to get through this forest.

I continued my pace, starting slowly but gradually picking up speed over time.
However, the uneasy feeling returned, and when I stopped, the sound of two footsteps followed.

No one is there. No one is there.

I started walking again with a faster pace – I could hear the footsteps grow louder and louder.
I was now running and the footsteps were still following.

Until there was a loud thump! and a small cry in pain shortly afterwards.

I stopped running and turned around, not knowing whether to be angry or relieved.

“Tyler! What in God’s name are you doing?!”
He slowly sat up from the ground, rubbing his arm before letting out a small whimper.

I sighed and helped him up off the ground, dusting the dirt off of him as well.

“Why are you here, Tyler? Why did you follow me?”
I questioned him calmly this time.

“I didn’t want you to go alone…I don’t want you to be alone today.”
“What do you mean?”

“I’m your only friend. I’m obligated to be there for you in your time of grief, whether you want me to or not.”

When I didn’t respond, he placed a hand onto my arm and spoke up again, staring straight into my eyes.

“I will not let you grieve alone anymore.”

I moved away from his touch and continued walking.
When I didn’t hear footsteps, I stopped and turned around.

Tyler stood in the same spot, his gaze to the ground as if he was defeated.

“Are you not coming with me?”

He looked up, a small smile appearing on his lips, before he quickly came to my side.

“You never told me where you were going.”
“…You will see soon enough.”

| x | x | x |

“Were you planning to spend the whole day here? By yourself…?”
“Most likely…”

I’ve done so for every holiday for the past two years.

I knelt down and gently traced the words engraved into sandstone.

‘Elizabeth Antoinette Bohn. Twenty-three years old.

A wife and an expecting mother.

Wrongfully taken from this world, but will be missed and remembered regardless.’

“You…You were…going to be a father?”
I nodded slowly, sitting onto the ground. I took off my jacket, pulling out the flask first before setting it aside.

“If it was a boy, Elizabeth and I would have named him ‘Alexander’. ‘Annabelle’ if it was a girl.”

I unscrewed the cap of the flask and brought it to my lips.
However, Tyler’s hand on my own stopped me from drinking.

“I don’t want to face my memories sober…”
“What makes you think that facing them intoxicated is any better?”

“The pain is dulled when I do…”

He managed to take the flask from my hand; I didn’t protest.
I stared numbly at the tombstone in front of me.

“It has been three years now. Is it still wrong for me to hold on? Is it wrong for me to still grieve?”

I felt two arms wrap around me from behind, slightly pulling me into a warm embrace.

“You loved her, Michael. You loved her very much. It’s never wrong to grieve over someone you love.”

I relaxed against him, letting the tears flow freely.

“It was not her time…We were only wedded for two years…! We were going to start a family…! Our child hadn’t even breathed his first breath yet…! And Elizabeth…! Poor, poor Elizabeth…!”

I shook my head over and over again, trying to will away the horrid memories.

“The sad truth is…I cannot even remember what had happened beforehand…No matter how hard I try, I cannot remember. Could I have prevented it? Could I have stopped the madman who murdered my wife…?”

Tyler tightened his hold as he rested his forehead on my shoulder.

“They never found the man…and because of that, I was the only one accused…but I wouldn’t harm Elizabeth…I loved her…!”

I ran a hand through my hair, tugging at it slightly.

“Tyler…?”
“Yes?”

I bit down on my lip.

“Do…Do you think…that I would have been an acceptable father?”
A small laugh.

“You would be a wonderful father.”

With that, the tears stopped.

I moved away from his embrace and stood up, picking my jacket up from the ground.

“Let’s go back home.”
Tyler hummed in agreement, and soon we were back on the trail through the forest.

A long walk in silence, and we finally made it back home.

It wasn’t until we stepped inside that I glanced at Tyler, quickly noticing red on the sleeve of his shirt.

“Your arm…!”
“I know.”

I quickly dragged him to the bathroom, grabbing a roll of gauze, and a wet washcloth with soap.
I sat him onto a small chair and pulled off his shirt – a large gash on his arm, still bleeding.

“Why didn’t you say anything?!”
I gently rubbed the wound with the washcloth, causing him to flinch.

“You already had enough troubling you…”
“Don’t be an idiot…! Who knows how much blood you had lost…! Your body still might be fragile…”

I dried the wound and tightly wrapped the gauze around it.

“There. Now you have to be a little more careful—”
Before I could finish my sentence, I was tackled to the floor.

“Tyler…What are you…?”
A kiss on my cheek and a small smile.

“Thank you.”
“Why? I only treated your arm.”

“You’re always taking care of me and watching over me. I never thanked you for that.”

He moved off of me and helped me up to my feet before he walked towards the door.
I looked at the nightstand, the Chrysanthemums still there.

“Tyler…”
He stopped and turned to look at me.

“Thank you for the flowers. They are beautiful.”

He smiled and nodded slightly before leaving.
I walked over to the bookshelf and pulled out the journal before walking over to the desk and sitting into the chair.

The flask was missing – I must have left it –, but it didn’t bother me much.

I picked up the pen and opened the journal.

“May 13th,

There is not much to write about Tyler this time.

I’m just glad that he followed me today.”