The Difference Between California and New York

“Yes?” I squeaked out, much softer and shyer than I wanted it to sound. His features were soft once I was allowed to look straight at them without glancing away every two seconds. His eyes were bold and blue, and his hair was pushed to the left.

“Can I ask you for your opinion on something; or just advice, or just any genuine insight from a woman’s point of view?” He sounded so casual and outgoing, as if we had known each other for years. Yet there was a hint of annoyance to his tone, like whatever he wanted my help on had been mulling around in his mind for some time. But just like relationships, advice had never been my strong point either. But I wasn’t about to shoo him away.

I nodded at him.

“Ok so,” he began, “my best friend and I have been friends since high school, and her birthday was just two weeks ago. We’re so close; she’s practically my sister. And ever since high school, every year on her birthday I would bring her a bouquet of lilies, which are her favorite flower.” He put his hands up in a stop motion; I had to keep myself from smiling at him. “Now keep in mind that she is my best friend, and there is absolutely no romantic agenda hidden behind it; it’s just something I’ve always done.” He put his hands back down on his lap. His lips seemed to curve around every word he said; it was quite tantalizing. “About a year and a half ago, I met my girlfriend,” he said before he paused slightly. I felt a ship sink in my stomach. I should have guessed he had a girlfriend. When a guy looks like how he looks, it’s hard to imagine him without a girl slung over his arm. “I’m sorry, ex-girlfriend that is.”

His voice grew rougher when he spoke, as if he still held resentment against her for whatever reason they broke up. “Her birthday and my best friend’s birthday are on the same day. When she found out that I gave my best friend flowers on her birthday, she completely flipped out. We fought for three days before she ultimately broke up with me.” His situation sounded like something scripted right out of a romantic comedy, in which case he would eventually realize that he did love his friend and they would live happily ever after. But maybe that was just me and my access to too much late night TV. “Now, am I actually wrong or is she just genuinely insane?” His eyes were expectant on me, hoping for me to say what he wanted to hear, or didn’t want to hear.

I never had much experience with crazy ex-girlfriends, but I had heard enough stories from other people to know when they’re just angry most of the time and don’t fully understand what their emotions are doing. Or they’re just completely psychotic. My gaze was on the streetlight before going back to him. I didn’t like to look at people when I thought. I shrugged innocently at him, trying to convey interest in his predicament.

“From where I stand, I don’t think you did anything life threateningly bad.” He let a breath of hot air come flying out, as if it was sent out by relief. He leaned back on the bench and wiped a hand across his face. He suddenly looked very tired. When his hand came down, his eyes and mine met again.

“Thank you. You don’t know how helpful that was. I’ve been mulling this over in my head for a week now.” The wind blew fiercely again, whistling through the trees and chilling every bone in my body over again. His hair and jacket got caught on the breeze, and bantered slightly as it passed. I buried my hands deeper into my pockets as a reflex until it let up.

His face was now forward, but his mind still seemed to be in our conversation as he discreetly shook his head back and forth. He was clearly mad about this whole situation, which meant on some level that he still cares for this girl. Not that I would have a chance anyway. It was evident I was just a simple third control party.

“Can I throw another one at you really quick?” he asked when I thought the conversation was over. His head had turned back in my direction; his eyes between sincere and determined. Without any reason to stop him, I replied:

“Sure, go ahead.”

“And you’ll still give me your opinion?”

“If you would like it.” I couldn’t stop a small smile from seeping out that time. It seemed to mirror slightly, as his face brightened if only by a bit.

“More than like, I need it. This has literally been keeping me up at night, and I really need a good reunion with my bed.” Not only was he attractive, but he was funny, and sweet, and everything that books and movies like to make the guy be. It was actually impressive in a way to find such a guy here. I repositioned myself firmly, as if readying myself.

“Then I will give you my opinion.” He shifted his weight as well; now he was practically facing towards me on the bench, and I couldn’t help but notice.

“I gave my girlfriend a diamond necklace for her birthday. Does that change your opinion at all?” I tried my best to really think everything through, and give him my most honest opinion. I cocked my head slightly and eyed him.

“Did you give her the necklace first?” He had started nodding at the beginning of my sentence.

“Of course. I live with her.” A small humorless chuckle escaped his lips. “I’m sorry; I mean I lived with her. She kicked me out. Today.” I couldn’t stop my face from making a shocked expression, if only for a moment. When I first came and sat down next to this man, I had no clue who he was, or what was going on in his life. It’s amazing what someone could be going through and no one could ever know.

“Today?” His head nodded as he looked at the ground.

“An hour ago to be specific. Been waiting here ever since.” Great; that means the bus is running late. However, in a way that I didn’t want to admit it but did at the same time, I wasn’t really in a rush to go anywhere at this point.

“Where will you stay?” It crossed my mind to offer my apartment to this man for the night, but shortly after it crossed, it got run over by a bus. I couldn’t do that, no matter how bad I felt for this man. I didn’t know him or anything else about him besides the fact that he’s been dumped and homeless. I didn’t even know his name.

He shrugged his shoulders slightly, before pointing over his shoulder with his thumb.

“My cousin lives downtown. I’m just going to crash with him.” It baffled me that he wasn’t worried about where he would live. He acted like it was absolutely no big deal that technically he was homeless right now. The fact that it didn’t bother him bothered me. “Besides, it’s not that big of a deal. I move around all the time with what I do. I’m sort of a modern day nomad.”

I felt my head get cocked to the side as I scrunched my eyes, just as a dog would do if its master did something unexplainable.

“What do you do?” In the far distance, the sound of a train whistle echoed over the city tops, somehow personifying the feeling that the city was much safer and homier than it actually was. It felt like we both took a moment to admire the sound.

“I’m a photographer. But I travel with the modeling agency I work for, and they move around all the time.” His voice sounded different when he spoke; it was almost like a sad happiness. It was light, but also gloomy, and completely unable to decipher. “That’s ironically how I met my girlfriend too.” Just as before, his voice was sickeningly melancholy.

“You met her when you moved around?”

“No,” he said shaking his head. “She’s a model.”

I kept a smile on my face, but felt my heart not only fall into my stomach, but also get burned and singed and digested by all the acids. I knew I had little to no chance with this guy from the beginning, but now realizing that his last girlfriend was a model makes me both look and feel completely pathetic.

“It’s funny how ugly a beautiful person can be, you know?” I did know, but I didn’t want to say anything, so I just smiled at him slightly. I had lost my will to continue trying.

I began hoping the bus would come soon.

I turned back forward. I felt embarrassed. This guy clearly had expectations from girls and I could just image him looking at me and seeing nothing but another face. I bet he went after girls with perfect bodies and dead personalities. I keep forgetting that I do not know this man. For all I know, he could be some womanizing jerk. I didn’t want to think so, but I know not everything goes according to what I want.

Then again, he seemed so genuine when he talked about his ex girlfriend. He was so troubled by the fact that she broke up with him; and the fact that he has a friend that he gives flowers to every year without fail can say a lot about someone, like commitment and loyalty. Maybe I’m getting this guy all wrong.

I was good at reading people, but just general people. When it came to someone who I was interested in, or really anyone who was entranced in the love spectrum, they became like a ghost to me. I couldn’t read them at all.

Who am I kidding? It doesn’t matter how I read him. He doesn’t want me. Get it through your head Annabel.

The man beside me resituated himself slightly, a now clear sign that he was about to speak to me. I turned to look towards him, which confirmed my guess when his eyes were already on me. “I’m sorry I talked your ear off. It’s just nice to talk to someone normal for a change.” There was no faking it; his words were sincere. My lips curved upward and my eyes found his exactly.

“It’s alright. I don’t mind.” For the first time since we entered each other’s lives, he gave me a full smile, and I felt my heart begin to hum a song I had never heard. It was like a Hollywood smile, perfect in every way, except it was genuine.

“I’m Luke by the way.” He extended his hand out to me with that smile still on his lips and his eyes still on mine. I reached my smaller hand and placed it in his, and a thousand butterflies created a tornado in my stomach.

“Annabel,” I nearly said; I had almost forgotten my own name for a second. His touch was electrocuting and exhilarating in ways that I had never known to be possible through one solitary touch of the hand. But listen to me, I was talking like one of those lovesick puppies in those romance movies. This is ridiculous. Maybe it’s just been a long time since I interacted with a guy. Yeah, that was probably it. Has to be.

“Well Annabel, you are a fantastic listener.” I liked the way he said my name. He pulled his hand away from mine and I released as well. I felt my mind instantly take back everything I had thought about him only minutes earlier. He couldn’t be this horrible womanizer; he felt too kind to be like that.

Everything about Luke screamed at me. His hair was only slightly above his eyebrow and swept to the left, and the color of dark chocolate. His eyes were the color of a clear aqua, and looked as clear as the Hawaiian oceans. In a sense, he was breathtakingly beautiful, but at the same time he was just a man. There was a small set of freckles on the bridge of his nose, and a cut on his lip, but each imperfection seemed to only add to his beauty.

I had never believed in love at first sight, and still don’t. But infatuation at first sight is a different story.

“Well, I’ve practiced all my life.” His eyes examined me, as if trying to understand what I was thinking through just one look. Dismally, my words weren’t just for mere filler space. Ever since I was little, I had always been the one to listen more than speak; to watch more than do. I never understood the reason to voice every woe or make note of every inconvenience. I didn’t like talking. I didn’t like letting people in. I still don’t. That’s the other half of the reason I’m alone so much.

“What do you mean?” I eyed him. I was infatuated with him, yes, but that didn’t give me the out to tell him the whole story of my childhood, which he probably wouldn’t want to hear anyway. No one should want to hear it; I barely want to remember it.
I flashed my eyes downward at my fingers. I had been so distracted with Luke that I hadn’t realized how blue my hands were from the cold. I shoved them back deep into my pockets when my eyes came back up.

“I was just a really quiet kid; the kind to listen more than talk, you know.” His sight veered from me and towards the street, where I heard it and saw the headlights out of the corner of my head, but I didn’t want turn. If I didn’t turn, I wouldn’t have to see it and get up and leave. The bus was a blessing and a curse in this moment. But I guess shouldn’t be so dramatic. I knew the bus would come, that’s why I was here. Besides, Luke and I would have to go our separate ways anyway.

It pulled up closer and came to a stop on breaks that could shatter the sound barrier. The address flashing on the front of the bus signified that this was my time to leave. I got myself to my feet and rewrapped my jacket around my torso. I looked back down, and he and I exchanged a weird sort of glace with each other before a curve appeared through his lips.

“Well, this is me,” I said pointing to the bus. He nodded.

“It was really nice talking to you and meeting you. And thank you, you helped me a lot.” The sound of the rickety bus doors opening caused me to subconsciously begin walking closer to them.

“Glad I could help.” He didn’t move nearly an inch, but his eyes followed me the entire way from the bench to the doors, a grin always there.

“Goodbye Annabel.” He tossed a wave momentarily before his hand replaced itself on his lap again. His voice was out of place. He had sounded like he knew he was never going to see me again, yet his face hinted at otherwise, as if he was sure he would see me again.

I placed one foot on the bus step.

“Bye Luke.” I had no puzzles in my voice or face. I knew I wouldn’t see him again. New York is too big a city, and even more so, too big of a trickster to allow that to happen.

I made my way up the small steps as the bus doors closed behind me.