Starting Over...

"What's that?"

My muscles tensed up at the sudden question coming from the other end of the tunnel. The smudged up paper crinkled as my fingers tightened, and I looked up to see Daryl, ducking underneath the chain links and making his way over to me. He always seemed to sneak up on me in the most random moments.

Behind me, the hungry walkers kept pressing themselves into the fence, still persistant as ever. They squealed and hissed as they caught sight of Daryl tromping closer, stepping over the stiff bodies of their fallen comrades.

"Nothing good..." I sighed in response as I read the short sentence over again, "Look."

Daryl reached out and snatched the paper from me, and I watched as his sky blue eyes flashed over the words. His scruffy face twisted up in a mixture of confusion and anger as he glanced back over into my puzzled eyes.

For some reason, I had wanted more of a reaction out of him. But what more could he do, really? He was as clueless as I was.

"Why is this... Govenour guy trying so hard to kill us?" I started blurting my thoughts outloud as Daryl folded the piece of paper and tucked it into his back pocket, "If what Michonne said was true, he's got an entire town. Why does he need a prison, too? Why does he want this place so bad?"

Daryl raised an eyebrow at me as I said this.

"Think about it." He said, "Why do we like it here? Why do we need it? It's a fuckin' fortress, anyone in'eir right mind would want to live in a prison these days... I mean, you did, didn't ya?"

My cheeks flushed at his comment, remembering how we met almost two weeks ago now. I really couldn't believe Daryl was the same man that had chased me through the woods, and sometimes I wondered what had kept him from taking the easy route and just shooting me on the spot... Now, we were starting to become friends.

"I guess you're right..." I muttered as I turned to look at the undead crowd on the other side of the safety barrier.

They really were distracting. They made so many strange, repetitive sounds and eerie, unnatural movements.... It was hard to believe they were regular people once.

I heard Daryl curse under his breath, knocking the toe of his boot against one of the bodies. He put his hands on his hips as he surveyed the rest of the corpses in the confined space.

"We'll worry about this damn note later... Rick's already havin' a nervous breakdown..." Daryl grumbled as he ran a hand through his hair, "Right now, let's get these geeks cleared outta here... I got 'is arms, you grab 'is legs."

He had a hold of the walker laying at his feet, grasping one boney arm in each hand. I followed his instructions, wrapping my fingers around the body's ankles. I made a face and tried to ignore the moist, slimey feeling of the decaying flesh against my hands.

We hobbled quickly to the right side of the lot, hurling the raggedy body over the fence and into the deep pit with the others.

I made a face as I wiped my hands on my torn up shirt, smearing black smudges all over the front. It was ruined, anyway.

When I glanced up at Daryl, he was smightly smirking at me. In the dim light of early morning, I could see the rugged, masculine age lines to his face; On his forehead, and around his eyes and mouth.

But he didn't look old... He was caught in that period of time between young adult and middle-aged. The blonde flecks in his scruffy goatee held onto the younger man in him.

"What?" I asked him as my eyes narrowed, and his smirk faded a little.

"You squimish, girly?" Daryl teased as he nodded toward my still slimey palms.

"No," I shot back defensively, my cheeks starting to feel warm, " I've killed those things with my bare hands before, I am not squimish."

Even though the disgusting, rotting walkers really did make my skin crawl, I never showed it. If it was one thing I hated, it was being seen as 'weak'.

I never wanted to be protected, not even by my own brother. So when the world changed, I had to charge head first straight into every fear I ever had.

Daryl chuckled a little at my brave sounding voice. As he turned around to walk away, I caught him rolling his blue eyes.

"Alright, hot shot." He said over his shoulder sarcastically, "Let's just git the rest'a these geeks outta here, huh?"

By now, the sky was starting to blend in hues of pinks and oranges, a sign that the sun was on its way. I scurried after Daryl to keep up, and we worked for about 45 minutes more with the rest of the group.

xxxxxx

The sun was halfway up in the sky, bleeding through the gaps of the tree trunks and illuminating the fog by the time all the bodies were gone. I stood by the watchtower next to Maggie and Jessie. Hershel had taken Beth inside where Carol was still hiding out with the baby.

Glenn and Danny had gone to the storage in the basement of the cafeteria to grab a few more shovels, which left Rick, Daryl and Zach out in the lot with us.

Jessie whipped out her inhaler and shook it a few times as we watched Rick tromp over to the side of the cafeteria. He snatched up a cannister of gas in each hand, walked over to Zach and Daryl, and set them down on the ground in front of them.

Jessie inhaled a puff as Rick's hushed voice drifted over us, instructing them to dump the gas over the bodies. He would strike the match and drop it into the pit, and they would let the bodies burn for a few minutes before packing more dirt over them, when Glenn and Danny returned.

I looked to Jessie as I heard her shake the inhaler again. It clicked around, reloading for another puff.

"Whoa, Jess," I said in a warning tone as she placed the contraption to her lips and inhaled, "Take it easy, you only have one left..."

"I know..." Jessie breathed back, flashing me a weak smile, "I saw the one in the box... Thanks, by the way. I can't help it, though... My chest is really tight, and I just feel... sick."

"If you feel sick," Rick's voice echoed from across the lot where he was leaning into the driver's side window of the Tuscon, "I wouldn't stick around out here. If you think the smell's bad now, wait till they start burnin'."

Jessie gagged at Rick's statement, and Maggie frowned in concern.

"You sure do look pale..." She observed as Jessie groaned, brushing her blonde curls out of her face. "Come on inside, I think my daddy's got somethin' for nausea."

Maggie looked up at me and noticed the worry all over my face. She smiled and patted Jessie's back in a motherly way.

"Do you want to come with us, Kayla?" She asked me softly.

I glanced over to the pit where the guys were busy dumping the gasoline all over the walker bodies. I scrunched my nose up, knowing what was going to happen next, and thought for a second.

"Um... No, that's okay. I kind of want to clear my head." I decided with a dry smile.

Maggie nodded and led Jessie toward the cafeteria door while I turned and stared at what was happening with the guys... It wasn't exactly helping to 'clear my head', but I just felt drawn to watch them.

Zach and Daryl had shaken what was left of the gasoline over the pit full of decaying bodies, and set the canisters to the side to be refilled later. Meanwhile, Rick strolled over with a book of matches.

I watched as he scowled into the hole in the ground. As he struck the match, the flame flashed and fizzled for a split second, then burned in an even, glowing orange. Rick wasted no time in tossing the burning match into the pit, igniting the gasoline soaked corpses in a bright, roaring flame.

On the other side of the mass grave, Daryl simply stood with his arms crossed, squinting emotionlessly at the flames. My brother pulled the arm of his grungy red long sleaved shirt over his nose and mouth, acting as a shield from the putrid smell.

It was starting to waft over to me now, and I was standing at least fifty yards away. I fought back the urge to gag as I yanked the collar of my shirt up over my freckled nose, which only helped a little bit. I held the shirt in place, feeling goosebumps rise all over my skin as the humid morning breeze tickled my midriff.

The sound of the cafeteria door creaking open from across the lot caught my attention, and I turned to see Glenn and Danny emerging from the building, each with a large shovel in hand. Thank God, they were going to put an end to this horrible stench.

Glenn led the way, propping the shovel over his thin shoulder as he made a path over to the pit, with Danny close in tow.

They stood and stared down at the burning bodies, both looking disgusted, as they waited for Rick to give them the signal. Zach leaned into Rick's right side, mumbling something into his ear. Rick's face twisted up in sorrow, but he quickly clenched his jaw and nodded sternly, recollecting himself.

He turned to my brother and extended his hand, grasping Zach's when he returned the gesture. Rick then patted my brother on the shoulder... and I tilted my head to the side as his shoulders shuddered a little bit.

From where I was standing, it looked like Zach was... crying... Something he never, ever did. Rick continued to talk to him, seeming like his voice would sound tough and firm, if I could hear it.

Suddenly, as quickly as he had broken down, Zach caught his composure. He looked to Rick, then Daryl, uttering a few small words before excusing himself. Glenn and Danny were given the signal to bury the bodies as Zach trailed away from the group, quickly crossing the prison lot and disappearing inside the cafeteria without even noticing me.

I breathed a sigh of relief once Danny and Glenn had shoveled enough dirt into the pit to smother the flames and almost completely extinguish the smell. The collar of my shirt dropped away from my face, and I tested the air...

Still a tinge of burning flesh, but not too horrible. I could tolerate it.

Rick stared off into the distance, totally in a different world, while Glenn and Danny finished up. I noticed Daryl calmly making his way to Rick's side, pulling out and unfolding a familier square of smudged up paper.

My stomach leapt up into my throat. He was going to show Rick the message I had found where the fence had been breached! I didn't know what to expect... Was he going to explode with rage? Would he bottle his emotions? Would he even have the slightest idea what to do, or would he just roll over and give up?

I stared wide eyed, my heart pounding as all these scenarios racked my brain. Daryl pulled Rick away from the other two just slightly, gingerly revealing the note to him.

When Rick reached up and took the paper, Daryl mumbled to him and pointed to the spot where I had found it, which was behind them and to their left.

It seemed to take a minute for Rick to absorb this information, but when he did, he simply folded the paper, and placed it in his breast pocket. Then, without a word, he turned on his heel and dismissed himself to the cafeteria, leaving Daryl looking confused.

He dropped his head to the ground for a moment and shook it, slowly raising it back up onto his shoulders.

I could see Daryl visibly exhale, turning to Glenn and Danny and motioning for them to follow him back into the fence.

I scrambled away from where I was spying through the chain links, scurrying across the lot and propping myself up against the rough bricks of the cafeteria building.

As their shuffling footsteps drew closer, I instinctively reached into my backpocket and pulled out my cigarettes and lighter. 305's today... Almost as bad as Newports, but they would have to.

My motions were fluid as I transported the cigarette from the pack to my lips, ignited the lighter's flame, and puffed. The lighter and the purple cardboard pack were safely hidden in the back pocket of my shorts, and I exhaled the first drag of smoke right as Daryl rounded the corner, leading Danny and Glenn.

"Everything good?" I asked the lot of them, my eyes bouncing from one to the other.

I earned a shrug out of Glenn as he tapped the tip of his shovel against the ground. Loose dirt and mud caked to the metal chipped away and littered the already bloodstained cement. "Nothing I haven't had to do about ten times already..."

Glenn's voice was glum as he stared off in the direction of the walker pit. He seemed troubled by his thoughts, but I decided I wouldn't press.

"Waste of gasoline, if you ask me." Danny added in flatly as he tossed his own dirty shovel over his shoulder, then looked to Glenn "You still got the key to that storage room?"

"Yea. I'll go with you, I wanted to find Maggie." The young Korean man flicked his dark eyes over to me as he turned to walk away, "Is she inside?"

I nodded as Daryl motioned to the cigarette in between my fingers, a sign that he was asking for one.

"Yea, she took Jessie inside to get some medicine a little while ago." I confirmed while I held the pack of 305's out to Daryl.

He snatched one of the five remaining cigarettes out of the pack, then I tossed him the green Bic lighter in my other hand.

"Thanks." Glenn replied softly, then headed for the door of the cafeteria.

It was very easy to see he was exhausted and disturbed, usually he was peppy and bubbly.

As Danny trailed along behind Glenn, I caught the slightest hint of a scowl on his face as he watched Daryl and I take silent puffs off our smokes.

I tried to ignore it, though... I didn't understand why he was so jealous. I mean, Hell, if he smoked cigarettes, I'd be offering them to him, too.

Instead of trying to figure it out, I waited until he was out of sight before I let out a long sigh.

"What's eatin' you?" Daryl asked in a grumble, earning a strange look from my end, "Eh, sorry. Bad choice'a words."

I smirked just slightly, shaking my head as I took a long drag off my cigarette. I held it firmly and tapped the white ashes away. I pursed my lips as I noticed the cigarette was halfway gone already, and I foresaw a second one in my near future.

"But seriously," Daryl spoke up again, his gruff voice a little more gentle this time... Just a little, "Everything all right... Y'know, with you?"

I inwardly rolled my eyes, but couldn't stop my smirk from widening. Daryl really wasn't the best at trying to console a person, if that was even really what he was trying to do.

Human interaction deeper than a "hello", "good bye", or "fuck you" seemed pretty difficult for him to manage... But, hey, at least he was trying, and that's all that mattered.

"Yea, I guess... Can't really tell if the shock's worn off yet." I replied as looked to my right and stared off distantly, "... What about you?"

Daryl paused, scuffing his dusty boots against the pavement as he walked over to where I was sitting. He propped himself up on the brick wall about three feet away from me, leaning on his shoulder and squinting in the early morning sun, now bright and fully visible in the sky.

"Death's always been a part'a life," Daryl mumbled after his short silence, the burning cigarette bobbing between his lips, "It's just a bigger part'a it now... Can't let it crush ya. Just gotta do all ya can to prevent it."

I nodded at his chilling words, sucking the last big of smoke out of my own cigarette. I exhaled and tossed the filter, reaching into my pack for a fresh one.

Images of Tina's skull splitting apart as she pulled the trigger of her handgun flooded my brain, and I felt a single tear pool in the corner of my left eye; the green one. I kept my cool as I reached up and wiped it away without a trace.

I patted my pockets for my green lighter, but didn't feel the usual rectangular lump under the denim. I glanced on either side of me before Daryl's palm extended out to me, the lighter nestled in the middle.

"Thanks..." I mumbled as my shoulders released tension that I hadn't even noticed, reaching up and gingerly grabbing the lighter.

Daryl's palms felt exactly as they looked, rough and leathery, stained with dirt and oil... But there was something about just that brief moment of our skin connecting that was comforting.

I suddenly remembered those few days ago when I had helped Daryl skin his catch of squirrels, and the same thing happened... Our fingers touched, and it had felt like a bolt of lightening had struck my spine.

But, this time, I felt some sort of... comfort. What did that mean?

My mind wandered as I flicked the lighter's flint, igniting the flame and watching it dance at the end of my new cigarette. When I felt the thick smoke burn the back of my throat, I let off and slipped it back into my pocket.

"First death." I said flatly, raising my eyebrows a little. Smoke leaked from my lips as I spoke.

"What?" Daryl asked, sounding confused.

When I turned my head to the side to look at him, I could see his facial expression matched his voice... A tight lipped frown, puzzled, misty blue eyes, and furrowed eyebrows.

"Tina was the first of our group..." I clarified, pausing to inhale the numbing nicotine before I uttered the inevitable, eerie words, "... To die. She was only 19."

My heart wrenched as I listened to my own voice, but I just focused on the snake of smoke slithering from my throat and dispersing into the outside air.

"Really?" Daryl asked, sounding a little surprised, "Hell, we've lost three 19 year olds..." He paused and pulled at the cigarette between his lips, "... an 8 year old girl. Searched for 'er for days..."

I noticed the soft, sad tone Daryl's voice fell into and searched his face for some sort of emotion.

"That's awful..." I whispered, and Daryl shrugged, flicking the butt of his cigarette away from him.

"It might be awful, but that's what happens now. It ain't like it was before." He countered, sounding so... indifferent.

I scowled up at him, suddenly feeling the slightest bit offended.

"Well, you might be okay with just accepting people dying," I said curtly, twiddling my half burned cigarette between my fingers, "But I can't do that. You make it sound like those people didn't matter. Or Tina. And what about T-Dog?"

Daryl held his hands out in front of him as my voice rose.

"Whoa, I never said any'a that." He defensively snapped at me, "That ain't what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?" I questioned him as I took the last drag off my cigarette, exhaled, and stubbed the butt against the cement.

"I meant you gotta learn to grieve and move on." He stated bluntly, "There ain't nothin' you could'a done."

I stared up at Daryl, and he never wavered his gaze for a second. Slowly, I felt the intensity in my eyes dull. He was right... There was nothing I could have done to save Tina.

Finally, I heaved a sigh, running my fingers through my long, tangled hair. I cringed at the uncomfortable tugging feeling, the humidity only matting my hair even more. I gave up and simply tied my hair into a tight but messy bun at the back of my head.

"Look," Daryl's voice rattled my eardrums, breaking the silence that I wasn't even aware of, "I didn't mean to offend ya, or nothin'... Do you need ta get outta here for a while?"

I stood up and quizically stared Daryl in the eyes. Even through his squinting eyelids, I could see the sparkly, pale blue color.

"Get out of here?" I repeated slowly, "What are you talking about?"

"Outta here?" He said, his eyebrows raising, "You know, outside the fence, away from the prison? If yer anything like me, ya get a little tired'a the constant gloom and doom 'round here..."

"...Okay," I replied, studying Daryl's mature face to see if this was a joke, "Where are we going?"

"Well, I'm goin' huntin'... Maybe a few other places. Prob'ly gonna be gone most'a the day." Daryl said as he started walking toward the cafeteria door. "Just gotta grab a few things... You comin' with me?"

I grinned. "Really? You want me to go with you?"

"Hey," Daryl said sternly while cocking an eyebrow at me, "Offer ain't gonna last forever."

"Duh, I wanna go." I told him, rolling my eyes.

"Alright, well go git yer stuff. Wait for me right here when yer done."

I nodded and skipped up the stairs to my cell, eager to get out of these walls for a little while... It was just going to be a little weird being completely alone with Daryl.

I grabbed my backpack, unzipping it and examining the contents. In the front pocket I knew I had cigarettes and a few lighters, and as I patted the left side pocket, I confirmed that I had four strawberry granola bars left. In the main section, there were two bottles of water, some bullets, and a raincoat.

I shrugged, that seemed like a good pack for a day's trip. So, I zipped the pockets up and and slung the bag over my shoulder, bounding out of the dingy cell and down the stairs.

I stepped lightly as I made my way back outside, leaning against the wall in the spot Daryl had told me to wait. I tapped my Chuck Taylor's against the ground absentmindedly.

I wasn't standing there long before Daryl emerged from inside, armed with his crossbow and a small backpack of his own.

"All right, let's go," Daryl grumbled, "But there's two rules: One, don't do nothin' stupid, like git yerself bit. Two, I ain't takin' the heat when yer brother gets pissed off that you left."

I huffed in frustration as Daryl led me to an exit point in the fence, where there were little to no walkers.

"I don't care if he gets mad." I scoffed, "I'm a big girl, he knows that."

Daryl shook his head a little as we ducked through the fence, scooting quietly through the grass and into the woods, somehow avoiding the few walkers around us.

"Whatever. Just watch yer back, little girl."

-To Be Continued-