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You could either live with the hurt or get past it. Not necessarily forgetting it entirely, just figuring out how to move farther but still keeping your feelings intact. I know this is what I should do, I do. I just wished that people would give me time, that’s all I’m asking. It’s not that easy to drop something and someone that’s been so significant to you for so long and just walk away like that, even if she already has. My head hurts from all the thinking, and the lack of sleeping, still. I managed to get myself out of bed and haul myself into my morning routine.

The sun was just high enough for some of its rays to peak through my bedroom blinds, creating a soft lighting just enough to let me vaguely see my surroundings. My phone buzzed- I woke up earlier than the alarm I set the night before again.

After getting out of the shower I heard my phone ring- it was Jared, calling to check if I was ready to leave for sound check. “Yeah, I’ll be there in about an hour.” I answered, and then he hung up.
We’ve been looking forward for this gig for months, on account that this was one of our favorite fests that we’ve been going to ever since we were high school kids. Never did we expect that after a few basement shows here and there that some producer would’ve heard us and we’d get invited to actually play a set there, so as soon as they asked there was no hesitation from our part. It was a big day for us; a fest means a bigger crowd. I just hope that more people would actually give us a chance and stop to listen to us play our songs even for just a while.

After making myself some breakfast, I made my way out and into my car to leave. The trip made me anxious, so mid-way I opened the radio to get my mind off of things I shouldn’t be thinking and premonitions I shouldn’t be imagining. Pop songs filled my ears, and for a second I caught myself humming the melody to a song I never even knew I’ve heard of before, let alone am familiar with. Nonetheless, it’s better than over-thinking.

It took me a while but I got there on time. With my backstage ID pass around my neck, I entered the venue with weak knees. Suddenly the place felt bigger to me as I stood there at the far end of the field facing the stage. It was if my feet were sinking down the Arizona canyon’s sands because of the weight on my chest pulling my heart down to my stomach. Jimmy Eat World played on that stage; Third Eye Blind, Foo Fighters, countless of amazing bands. A year ago I was just a kid in the crowd, now I’m headed to sound check with my band. It all seems overwhelming, just like the first time we ever played a show together in the dim hall of Chain Reaction.

Gazing upon the vast field, thinking about how this will be packed with people in about a couple of hours or so, I saw Pat staring at me from the side stage, waiting for me to see him there. “Hey Kenny, come over here, man.” He said over the microphone, addressed to me but everyone could hear him, but I guess everyone except me was too busy with their tasks to notice. I made my way to the front, and found the stage steps. Immediately as I got there a tech guy handed me my ear piece and told me where all my equipments were, and where the sound board was so I knew where to signal and who to signal to when I needed to tweak something with it. I looked at the guys and there they were, just as confused and excited as I am.

Then I saw Mae on side stage, sitting atop a Fender deluxe briefcase and fiddling on her iPod. Just as I noticed her, she looked up and our eyes met so I waved ‘hi’ and she did the same. I could hear someone speak to me from my earpiece, telling me to give him a thumbs-up if I could hear him, so I did. Then, I proceeded to follow his other instructions, strumming my guitar and talking into my microphone in his request. By the time he said we were done, John prompted us the first song that we were going to play for sound check, and then he started playing his acoustic and then we all joined in. I noticed Mae put down her Ipod and removing her headphones to listen to us.

There was a new girl in town,
She had it all figured out.
I smiled, thinking of her as John sang the lyrics. Her smile, her voice- I wonder if she could sing some of our songs with us on stage in the future during band practice. With all of the daydreaming, I forgot to do backup vocals on the first verse and chorus.

I had to find a way to get her next to me.

Damn sure.

After that, we played Everything I Ask For, and then Girls Do What They Want lastly.
It feels weird to be singing some songs that remind me of someone I’m supposed to forget, and knowing that I’ll have to sing them until God knows when if this thing goes smoothly and we continue to be a band. The person you wrote about can’t be changed, but maybe it’s possible for the person you sing it to.

Afterwards, we all headed to our tent to get some lunch and take a little break before the fest officially starts. All of us were pumped, and we couldn’t wait to get back and actually play for people.
“Do you think the crowd would actually listen to us?” Jared asked us.

“Maybe, probably- there’s bound to be a couple of them whom have seen us before.” Pat answered with uncertainty.

“What if the others that don’t know us don’t like us?” Garrett added.

“Well, then, fuck it, I guess. Let’s play for the ones that do.” John stated.

To which I added “and for us too. The point is whether or not they like us, we have fun doing what we love.”

We were still excited, but our nerves were getting to us with each question. Then Mae interjected, “You guys honestly sounded great back there. There’s nothing to worry about. If they don’t cheer you on, then I sure as hell will.”

Suddenly I thought about later, our time on stage. My brain pictured the crowd in front us, what it looked like with people shouting our names and singing along to our songs, and what if felt to actually have a stage big enough for us to jump around with all the adrenaline that will be streaming in our veins. I felt my heart drop again, but in a good way. My leg was jumping uncontrollably, and Mae saw it. She pulled a chair up next to me and sat on it. “You’re completely insane if you think nobody’s going to want to listen to you guys. Save that excitement for later when you’re on stage. I’m definite that you’ll do great and I can’t reiterate that enough.”

“Thanks. I just can’t help it.”

“Try placing both your feet flat on the ground and taking three deep breaths.”

I did, and after a while it stopped. Looking at her, I felt calm. She handed me a bottle of water and told me to drink up. “You’re looking kind of pale.”

“-didn’t get much sleep.”

“I know. Me neither.”

“You sure don’t look like it.”

She let out a faint laughter, “When you’re body gets used to it, it doesn’t faze you as much anymore. But, we insomniacs still gotta have each other’s backs. I got yours, Kenny. You can call me whenever you need to. Remember that.”

I nodded. “Same to you, Mae.”

“Enough of this sad talk, okay? Now’s not the time. You’re on in about five minutes, and I don’t want you to lose your energy.”

I stood up, jumped a little to shake off the nerves, and extended a hand towards her to pull her up. “Better get ready. You should chant with us.”

We made our way up to the guys. Pat was hitting his sticks onto every surface he could find, probably his way letting the nerves out. Garrett was with John and Jared, drinking out of red cups. A little booze helps loosen us up sometimes. Tim was talking to some of the tech crew for some last minute checklist of everything.

Two minutes left, and we all felt the bass of the speakers vibrate through our bodies. Somebody out there was introducing our band to the whole crowd, and we heard loud screams. The smiles the crept into each of our faces were hard to hide.

“This is it, guys. This is fucking it!” Tim shouted, pumping us up even more.
Huddling in a circle, we were all jumping with excitement, itching to go out and play. Our hands were in the middle, stacked up atop another, and then we shouted.

“We like to party! We like, we like to party!”

Our voices grew louder and louder each time.

“We like to party! We like, we like to party!”

The lights dimmed outside, and we could hear the crowd scream louder. It was if we were matching theirs with ours, and for the last time before heading out, we chanted.

“We like to party! We like, we like to party!”

Holy shit, the sea of people that greeted us was greater than what any of us expected. Almost everyone was looking at us, shouting our band’s name, waiting for us to play for them. Not prolonging it any longer, Jared started playing and then we gave it our all. The crowd went absolutely insane .