A Passion Crime to Take What's Mine

Heartbreak's Your Favourite Pain

Andy’s P.O.V:
Tears stream down my cheeks as I run from the wedding, my wedding. This wasn’t how today was supposed to end. I was supposed to be married to the love of my life, not running through the unknown streets of Missouri, hoping that Ash doesn’t find me. I should be in his arm, holding him close to me as we kiss, not wishing to be as far from him as possible and never to see him again. I wish I could believe Ash, and that what Josh said wasn’t true, but I have to admit, there has been quite a few nights that Ash has come home very late, claiming to have been to the bar, but still… I love Ash over anything in the world, and he was going to marry me, would he really do that to me?
I storm through the late autumn streets of Missouri, unaware of where I am going, but not really caring, nor thinking of a destination. Being about five minutes from the little town in which Ashley was brought up, I am sure that Ash will know each of these streets like the back of his hand so it won’t take long for him to find me… if he is looking for me, that is. I can’t even think about seeing ash right now, all I want to do is get away and calm down, away from the spotlight and attention.
When Josh ran in, screaming about how Ashley had stayed out late each night to talk to him because they were in love, I could feel my heart break into a million pieces. I know deep down that I don’t trust Josh one bit, but I feel so worthless, I always told Ash that he could find someone so much better, and it looks like he has. He hasn’t even bothered to come looking for me. Letting a fresh bout of tears fall from my face, I kick up a pile of autumn leaves, allowing them to float freely back to earth. An anguished scream sounds from my dry throat, and I carry on marching through the streets.
“Why the fuck does this always happen when I’m in a fucking state I don’t know?!” I curse, turning another corner and ending up where I started. What the fuck? CC was stood outside, looking just as confused as I was about the whole situation.
“ANDY! What’s happened?” He yells, running to me.
“I don’t have a fucking clue, CC, I don’t have a clue…” I mutter, staring down at the ground, unable to even look anyone in the eye. I feel ashamed that I brought everyone out for a wedding, and now no one knows what’s happened.
“Ash left to find you, or something. It was pretty heart-breaking to see him in tears in there after you left, I don’t know who to feel sorry for most.”
“Neither.” I snap, pushing past him, leaving him feeling somewhat hurt. But you know what? At least the love of his life didn’t just rip his heart out in front of everyone!
Jake was sat on the steps in front of the building, screaming into his phone,
“God damn it, pick up! I need to speak to you!” his voiced spiked with concern, which turned even stronger when he saw me standing before him. “Andy, how are you? I was trying to get hold of you!” tears cloud his eyes.
“Well… you know… my wedding just got crashed, and it was announced my love of my life was cheating… but all’s good,” I mutter, causing myself to smirk slightly. Yeah, trust me, I can be in the worst mood in the world, and yet I still can’t take it seriously if someone asks.
“Andy, you don’t have to put that brave face on for me, you know that.” Jake says, his eyes pleading for me to be honest and open up.
“If I don’t keep the wall around me, I fear I must admit this is reality and this is what has become of me.” I choke between spluttered breathes and gulps of pushing back tears.
“Andy, it’s going to be okay, we all care about you, and we hate Ashley for doing this to you,”
“Don’t. I don’t care if ash did what Josh says or not, either way I don’t want him to be hated; he doesn’t deserve it. I still love him… even if he doesn’t love me back” I shudder, crying onto Jake’s shoulder. “What do I do, Jake? How am I meant to go on tour with him tomorrow when all I will be able to think about is how much I love him, but how he doesn’t love me?” fearsome shakes take hold of my body, rocking me with self-hatred.
I was supposed to be spending my night in Ash’ arms, in Missouri, but now I am spending my night with the rest of the guys. Jake was driving me, Jinxx and CC back to the shared apartment we have, but thinking that Ash may return there we were trying to find somewhere else for me to stay. We turned on the Radio, and Trying Not to Love You by Nickleback came on. Great, I thought bitterly to myself. Could any more appropriate song come on? I sang along with it, hoping it would help to release some of my feelings, but all it did was choke me up so badly that Jinxx, who was sat in the back with me, grew ever more concerned.
“Hey, Andy, you know you could come and stay with me and Sammi Doll if you want, I know it may not be best, but the offer is there, and Sammi is happy to do all she can for you…” Jinxx said, eyeing me carefully to make sure I was holding up okay. I nodded weakly, flashing a soft smile, thanking him for the offer. “Oh, and Andy, I have your phone still, and it has been going like crazy,” smiling softly, I pick up my phone from Jinxx’ outstretched hand, looking at my missed calls. Not a single one was from Ash. Maybe he didn’t care about me. Maybe I don’t care about him. But the pain in my chest where my heart once was tells me otherwise. For a moment I think about sending ash a message, but after remembering that he could do so much better than I me I put my phone away and force myself not to think about Ashley; he is better off without the wedding. He’s better off not being tied to loving me.
My eyes fog up, bursting their banks and spilling heartless tears down my already tear stained face.
“Andy, we’re nearly there, Sammi is going to meet us outside the apartment, and then you can stay with us tonight, that way you will be relaxed and rested for the tour tomorrow.” Jinxx’ caring voice breathed, as he pulled me into a comforting embrace, stroking and soothing my hair.
“Thanks, Papa Jinxx, it means a lot to me…” I whisper, allowing myself to glance out of the window, and watch as the cars zoomed past, just like the scenery. “I still love you, Ash,” I mouthed out of the window, hoping he will know that it is true.
Jake pulled into the drive in front of the shared apartment, next to another car. At first my heart leaped into my throat, sure it would be Ash sitting in the car, then remembering that Sammi had come to pick up Jinxx and I, I relaxed into my seat a bit more, as I breathed a sigh of relief. I won’t have to face Ash just yet. I swung the car door open, and clambered from the back seats, turning around to thank Sammi Doll for the kind offering, but stopping short because Jinxx has his arms wrapped around her, and kissed her. I couldn’t ruin their moment.
“Hey, Andy,” Sammi said, pulling away from Jinxx to greet me, “How are you?”
“I’m okay, honest…” I say, putting on the best smile I could manage through the lies.
“Come on then, Hun, let’s get you home,” she says with a smile, reassuring me that everything will be okay. Oh, how I wish I could believe her.
It’s only a five minute drive from the shared apartment to their house, but hell, it looked as if we were in a completely different town. The shared apartment was wrecked, and run down, but this house looked as though real care had been taken on it; it was a perfect romantic home. I couldn’t help but smile slightly when I looked over to see Jinxx reach for Sammi’s hand. How could they look so cute together?! We all then walked into their house and Jinxx showed me to my room before sitting me down in the lounge with Sammi as he prepares tea.
“I…Err… I guess you have been made aware of the outcome of today?” I mutter,
“Yes, dear, I know what happened, and I am very sorry that it happened. I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now,” comforted Sammi with her soft voice.
“I… I just want to know the truth, about what actually happened, if Ash loves me or not. But what I want more than anything is to be able to see him and tell him that I still love him, but I understand if he doesn’t care; he could do so much better than me,”
“No, honey, don’t ever think that. Ash couldn’t do better than you, he loves you, and I bet you he is hurt and upset about it all as well. He may even think the same as you, saying that you could do so much better, but neither of you could. You both love each other and that’s all that matters.” She said, wiping away one of my tears then standing up to check on Jinxx and the food. After a few moments she came back telling me to come to the dining room, where she then sat down a bowl of stew in front of me.
“Thank you,” I spoke silently, staring down at my food as I thought of Ash once again. Stop it Andy.
I can’t tell you most of this evening because, for the best of it, I was switched off; I couldn’t stop thinking about Ash, thinking that maybe, possibly, he could be missing me half as much as I was missing him. Feeling my eyes start to well up, I excused myself from their company and made my way to my room where I sheepishly pull of my suit and slid into bed. I lay awake for a vast amount of the night, just listening to the clock tick and a mumbled conversation between Jinxx and Sammi. But it wasn’t the excitement that kept me up, like it has been every night before tour, instead it was the thought of what Ash had said. When Josh ran into the wedding, Ashley didn’t deny anything, in fact, the first thing he said to him was “How the fuck did you get in here, Josh?” okay, so he seemed pissed with him, but he didn’t scream out about the lies… was it lies? I just couldn’t be sure what to think right now.
A loud wrapping at the door brought me out of my restless dreams.
“Yes?” I groaned, still half asleep, and as the door opened in stepped a just as tired Jinxx.
“Come on, buddy, it’s time to go on tour. I arranged it for the guys to pick up your stuff, so just get changed into this and we can go,” he said throwing me a KISS band tee, and leather skinnies. Pulling on my clothes, I stop for a second to look into a mirror and fix my hair and make-up. Good. Hopefully now no one will see how much I have been crying.
Soon, we bundle into the car, which Sammi then drives to the airport, staying with us until the rest of the guys turn up so we can get our flight to Europe. Great, I’m going to have to work out what is happening with Ash and me whilst in a different continent, just perfect, I sigh sarcastically to myself. I spend the next ten minutes tearing myself apart, dreading Ash’ arrival, but also wanting to see him so I can make sure he is okay; I would hate for him to be upset. After all, he is still the love of my life.
There were a clicking of cowboy boots, indicating the arrival of Ashley and the rest of the guys. I swallowed, hard, drawing together all of my confidence and turn around to face him.
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Guuuysss, I have updated now :D