Fragile Heart

'The lads are going to the pub tonight, care to join us? I don't like being the only girl.' Jodie said while silently sipping on her cornflakes. Her foot was dangling on the side of her chair, moving over her other foot to get a better grip.

Those chairs were the worst thing we had bought for our flat, even with our budget we could have gotten better ones but the choice was easily made. Cheap chairs and a flat screen, or expensive chairs and a newspaper subscription . The flat screen seemed to be the best option.

I remember what my mom told me while I was packing my things for London: 'Make sure you have everything necessary before you buy the luxury things!'.

A week later the flat screen was installed in the flat and my mother words had left my head. After five months living on my own, her words started to make more and more sense.

I missed her face, I missed the way she always seemed to see right true me. She and my stepsister were the hardest things I had to leave behind but from the moment I had set foot in London I knew that this was something where even my sister and mother could not be a part of.

'Who's coming?' I answered quietly, my voice not yet warmed up to answer anyone's question.

Mornings weren't my thing.

'Jake, Noah, Matty and Jake's cousin. Although I forgot his name.' She stood up, dumped the bowl in the sink and slowly stretched her arms behind her back.

Jodie had moved into me after a month of living on my own. There was a spare room and living together had brought me much joy. We paid half each and divided all the chores.

Today was Tuesday, my turn to do the dishes. Jodie would have to cook tonight and I would clean the living room. On these days I hated the fact that I had to be such a cleaning freak, even though that was the reason why the flat still looked tidy.

'Pete.' I filled in. Jake had told me about his cousin coming to visit. Pete lived with his parents in Florida and came to Jake as much as he could. Last time was around Christmas but I had left to go to my family so I had not yet seen him.

Jake was doing everything he could for us to meet. He was always looking for someone to date me, his explanation was that no normal human being is able to go five months without sex. It was almost six already and yet I was not missing anything.

A strong woman does not need a man to feel complete. I had seen my mother date every man possible and still nothing had come out of it. I had seen her love and devotion but also her depressions when it ended.

No human being is able to rely on anybody but themselves.
And I had no time for relationships, my life was complicated enough.

'Right! So, are you coming or not?' She said walking away, into the living room. Actually staying in the room, the most mesmerizing thing about our flat was the size of the rooms. The previous owners had taken down the wall between the kitchen and living room. Because of that there was a lot more room and the large sliding doors to our balcony made the space even bigger.

'Probably not, I have a lot of work to do and I still have to finish my book.' I said while emptying Jodie's cornflakes in the bin before filling the sink with hot water.

While putting the dishes into the water I thought about the story, once again I was reading Pride and Prejudice. I was obsesses with romantic novels and love stories. I adored how the main characters both hated each other before they even got to chance to properly have a conversation. The book showed me that perfect love does not have to be that perfect at all.

My thoughts made me sigh and for one moment I thought about what Jake had told me. Maybe he was right, maybe it was not so healthy to be alone for so long. Bullshit.

I blew the hair away from my face not able to tuck it behind my ears with my wet hands. In the corner of my eye, I saw Jodie rolling her eyes and murmur something. If I'm correct it was something like, ofcourse you're not coming.

After cleaning the last glass and putting it back on its place, I went to the bathroom to check my appearances for the last time. My hair was still a bit wet from the shower I had taken earlier but considering the fact that it was already raining outside I did not bother.

I brushed my teeth and splashed some water in my face. The bags under my eyes were getting close to being purple and my skin was extremely pale. Not being satisfied with what I saw I still had no other choice but to leave for work.

After having some problems with getting into my all stars and putting on my coat leaving the buttons open, I finally took my bag and opened the front door. I called out to Jodie that I was leaving for work I closed the door. I silently walked to the staircase fixing my earphones and putting on a good song. I Didn't Mean It, The Belle Brigade.

Our flat was on the third floor and since December the lift had been broke, leaving me no other choice but to take the stairs. After carefully making it down I took a look at the large mirror in the hallway to take one final glance at my outfit.

I looked at the skater dress hanging loosely around my body and the small necklace dangling on top of it. I was already running late. I closed the buttons on my thick coat and opened the door. The January wind blew in my face and made my nose feel painful. It warned me that today would be just like all the other days. Cold, wet and incredibly boring.