Hacked Off
1
Disclaimer: It's all fictional and I don't own Metallica. No harm or offence is meant to Metallica or any of their friends and families.
"Hehehe, this is gonna be awesome!" Lars said, pressing the switch on a light grey computer tower. "Our first ever PC!"
"I can't believe we've finally got one", said Jason. "It's so ace, don't you think, James?" He nudged James, who was drinking beer nearby.
"Yeah, I'm really pleased about it", James said. Lars raised his eyebrows.
"Really? I didn't think you liked computer that much James".
"I don't", James replied. "But now you've got that thing with its own monitor, it'll free up the TV, allowing me to watch anything whenever I want to".
"Can't argue with that", said Jason, helping himself to James' beer while James wasn't looking.
Lars sighed happily. "I can't believe how state of the art it is. 16 MB of RAM, a 2GB hard drive and a processor chip, running at 66MHz. Technology has come on so much since I had my first computer in 1980".
"Think of all the games that will run", said Jason.
"I know, I can't wait", said Lars. "I'm going to...OHHH! Look, Jase, look! Doors 1992!" He pointed at the monitor, where an image of a colourful door had appeared.
"So cool! It's the best and most advanced operating system available", said Jason.
James rolled his eyes.
"The only doors I like are the ones that lead into bars", he said.
"You're such a dinosaur", said Lars. He sat down in the computer chair and Jason crouched by him, leaning on the desk. "OK, let's see what kind of stuff Doors can do!"
Kirk entered the room and James hailed him. "Hey Kirk, where have ya been?"
"Washing my hair", replied Kirk.
"Ha, well you're just in time to see Lars and Jase fornicating over the new fucking computer".
Kirk frowned. "James, are you sure that's the right word?"
"James Hetfield always uses the right words for the right occasion", said James.
Kirk approached and listened to the conversation between his computer literate band mates.
"It's so rad", Lars was saying. "It's got a built in office suite and the word processor has fifty different fonts".
"Oh good", said James. "Fifty different ways for me to write fuck off then".
"James, shush. Ha, it's also got a clock icon that you can view as analogue or digital".
"Oh, the excitement", said James, clasping a hand to his chest. "Be still, my fucking heart".
"James!" Lars scolded.
"Wow!" Jason exclaimed. "Noughts and crosses. How cool is that!"
"Infinitely cool", Lars agreed. "And, oh, what is this? Desktop background bumper pack".
"It sounds like it might be beer", said James.
"How the fuck can it be beer in a computer?" Lars asked, clicking on the folder.
"Yeah", Kirk agreed. "The wetness would spill and short circuit the electronics".
The folder opened and inside, were many different pictures. Lars began clicking through them swiftly.
"A washing machine. A blade of grass, upside down. Dustbunnies", he announced.
"The excitement is palpable", James remarked.
"No it's not", Lars pouted. "They're all shit".
"Super shit", Jason agreed.
"With sour cream and shit sprinkles on top", said Kirk.
"Ouch!" James winced. "Everybody is agreeing with me. THAT'S hard to fucking swallow".
"I'd make a rude joke about that if I wasn't so disappointed with the fucking backgrounds", Lars sighed. "I don't wanna look at any of them while I'm on the comp".
"Can't you change them?" Jason suggested. "Like, mod the computer and put your own pictures in".
Lars looked thoughtful.
"You know, I bet I could", he said.
"Well, anything's gotta be better than fucking dustbunnies", said James. He tipped his beer can up and scowled.
"Where the fuck has all my fucking beer gone?"
"Hehehe, this is gonna be awesome!" Lars said, pressing the switch on a light grey computer tower. "Our first ever PC!"
"I can't believe we've finally got one", said Jason. "It's so ace, don't you think, James?" He nudged James, who was drinking beer nearby.
"Yeah, I'm really pleased about it", James said. Lars raised his eyebrows.
"Really? I didn't think you liked computer that much James".
"I don't", James replied. "But now you've got that thing with its own monitor, it'll free up the TV, allowing me to watch anything whenever I want to".
"Can't argue with that", said Jason, helping himself to James' beer while James wasn't looking.
Lars sighed happily. "I can't believe how state of the art it is. 16 MB of RAM, a 2GB hard drive and a processor chip, running at 66MHz. Technology has come on so much since I had my first computer in 1980".
"Think of all the games that will run", said Jason.
"I know, I can't wait", said Lars. "I'm going to...OHHH! Look, Jase, look! Doors 1992!" He pointed at the monitor, where an image of a colourful door had appeared.
"So cool! It's the best and most advanced operating system available", said Jason.
James rolled his eyes.
"The only doors I like are the ones that lead into bars", he said.
"You're such a dinosaur", said Lars. He sat down in the computer chair and Jason crouched by him, leaning on the desk. "OK, let's see what kind of stuff Doors can do!"
Kirk entered the room and James hailed him. "Hey Kirk, where have ya been?"
"Washing my hair", replied Kirk.
"Ha, well you're just in time to see Lars and Jase fornicating over the new fucking computer".
Kirk frowned. "James, are you sure that's the right word?"
"James Hetfield always uses the right words for the right occasion", said James.
Kirk approached and listened to the conversation between his computer literate band mates.
"It's so rad", Lars was saying. "It's got a built in office suite and the word processor has fifty different fonts".
"Oh good", said James. "Fifty different ways for me to write fuck off then".
"James, shush. Ha, it's also got a clock icon that you can view as analogue or digital".
"Oh, the excitement", said James, clasping a hand to his chest. "Be still, my fucking heart".
"James!" Lars scolded.
"Wow!" Jason exclaimed. "Noughts and crosses. How cool is that!"
"Infinitely cool", Lars agreed. "And, oh, what is this? Desktop background bumper pack".
"It sounds like it might be beer", said James.
"How the fuck can it be beer in a computer?" Lars asked, clicking on the folder.
"Yeah", Kirk agreed. "The wetness would spill and short circuit the electronics".
The folder opened and inside, were many different pictures. Lars began clicking through them swiftly.
"A washing machine. A blade of grass, upside down. Dustbunnies", he announced.
"The excitement is palpable", James remarked.
"No it's not", Lars pouted. "They're all shit".
"Super shit", Jason agreed.
"With sour cream and shit sprinkles on top", said Kirk.
"Ouch!" James winced. "Everybody is agreeing with me. THAT'S hard to fucking swallow".
"I'd make a rude joke about that if I wasn't so disappointed with the fucking backgrounds", Lars sighed. "I don't wanna look at any of them while I'm on the comp".
"Can't you change them?" Jason suggested. "Like, mod the computer and put your own pictures in".
Lars looked thoughtful.
"You know, I bet I could", he said.
"Well, anything's gotta be better than fucking dustbunnies", said James. He tipped his beer can up and scowled.
"Where the fuck has all my fucking beer gone?"
♠ ♠ ♠
Rated R for lots of potty language xD