Hacked Off
2
Despite his lack of interest in the computer, James found that it was good for one thing. It had a disk drive that also played CDs. One morning, about a week after they had had the PC, James was up quite early. He wanted to listen to his CD player but, glancing across at the bed next to him; he saw that Jason was still fast asleep.
Hm, if I wake that fucker, he'll be like a bear with a fucking cactus up his ass, James thought. I'll go and put some music on downstairs, on the PC. I shouldn't wake anyone up if I don't have it on too loud.
James pulled on his trousers and socks, grabbed an Iron Maiden CD and made his way downstairs. Booting up the PC, he yawned as he took the CD out of its case. James was just about to insert it, when the desktop appeared.
There were no dustbunnies there. Instead, James' eyes were greeted with a photograph of Lars. A naked, full frontal photograph.
"WHAT THE FUCK!" James screamed, falling off the computer chair with a bump.
He sat on the floor for a moment, rubbing his eyes to try and heal them from the shock they had just received. Then, cautiously, he peeped through a gap in his fingers, just in case the background had vanished.
It had not.
"Ugh, what the hell?" James groaned. "What a fucking thing to wake up to in a morning".
Maybe it'll go away if I reboot the computer, James thought. Trying not to look at naked Lars, he logged off and then back on again. As he waited for Doors to load, he heard footsteps approaching. Then the living room door opened and Kirk entered.
"Morning James", he said. "Did I just hear you yelling?"
"Yeah!" James scowled. "It's that asshole Lars!"
Kirk looked round the room. "Where? I can't see him".
"Not in here", said James. "On the PC! That little fucker has hacked into the computer and when I logged on, the desktop picture was a photo of him, naked!"
"Really?" said Kirk, eyes wide.
"See for yourself", said James, waving towards the monitor. Doors loaded up and sure enough, the revealing photo of Lars returned to the desktop.
"See!" James exclaimed. "It's coming up AGAIN!"
"I...uh, think I know what you mean", said Kirk, glancing down at his crotch.
"Huh, well I aint having that", James snorted. "I'm gonna go upstairs, wake that cockring up and demand that he takes that fucking image off!"
The door opened again and this time, Lars entered the room. "Hi James, hi Kirk", he said cheerily. "How's things?"
"AHEM!" said James, pointing at the monitor.
Lars began to giggle. "Hehehe, so you've found the new desktop background then."
"Yeah, found it with the same pleasure as finding a scorpion in my fucking underwear drawer!"
"Oh come on James", Lars chuckled. "It's funny! Besides, it's better than dustbunnies".
"I agree", said Kirk.
"Shut up, asswipe!" said James. He folded his arms and glared at Lars. "Take that picture of you off. NOW!"
"Nope", said Lars, shaking his head. "Me and Kirk think it's cool. Two against one so it stays".
"I...what the fuck?" James spluttered. "Right, fine! I'm gonna go wake Jason and force him to take my side in this".
"That'd still only be two against two", Lars pointed out.
"Yeah but me and Jase are bigger so we win".
"I am not taking it off", Lars said sweetly. "And if you try and make me, I'll sneak downstairs at night and put something even worse on there instead".
"Ha, what the hell could be worse than seeing you in the buff? James demanded.
"Want to try my imagination?" Lars giggled. Then he beckoned to Kirk.
"Come on Kirky, let's go and make something appetising for breakfast".
Kirk gave James an apologetic grin and followed Lars into the kitchen. James stood by the computer, fuming. He was NOT happy at Lars having got the better of him.
"Alright then", James muttered under his breath. "You wanna play like this, Ulrich? This means...extreme measures!"
James went into the hallway, where the phone was. Picking it up, he screwed up his nose as he tried to remember a familiar number from a few years ago. Nodding at last, he quickly dialled said number.
"Hi", said a sleepy voice on the other end. "Dave Mustaine speaking..."...
"Dave, this is James", said James in a low voice. "Can I speak to your best friend and computer literate bassist please?"
Hm, if I wake that fucker, he'll be like a bear with a fucking cactus up his ass, James thought. I'll go and put some music on downstairs, on the PC. I shouldn't wake anyone up if I don't have it on too loud.
James pulled on his trousers and socks, grabbed an Iron Maiden CD and made his way downstairs. Booting up the PC, he yawned as he took the CD out of its case. James was just about to insert it, when the desktop appeared.
There were no dustbunnies there. Instead, James' eyes were greeted with a photograph of Lars. A naked, full frontal photograph.
"WHAT THE FUCK!" James screamed, falling off the computer chair with a bump.
He sat on the floor for a moment, rubbing his eyes to try and heal them from the shock they had just received. Then, cautiously, he peeped through a gap in his fingers, just in case the background had vanished.
It had not.
"Ugh, what the hell?" James groaned. "What a fucking thing to wake up to in a morning".
Maybe it'll go away if I reboot the computer, James thought. Trying not to look at naked Lars, he logged off and then back on again. As he waited for Doors to load, he heard footsteps approaching. Then the living room door opened and Kirk entered.
"Morning James", he said. "Did I just hear you yelling?"
"Yeah!" James scowled. "It's that asshole Lars!"
Kirk looked round the room. "Where? I can't see him".
"Not in here", said James. "On the PC! That little fucker has hacked into the computer and when I logged on, the desktop picture was a photo of him, naked!"
"Really?" said Kirk, eyes wide.
"See for yourself", said James, waving towards the monitor. Doors loaded up and sure enough, the revealing photo of Lars returned to the desktop.
"See!" James exclaimed. "It's coming up AGAIN!"
"I...uh, think I know what you mean", said Kirk, glancing down at his crotch.
"Huh, well I aint having that", James snorted. "I'm gonna go upstairs, wake that cockring up and demand that he takes that fucking image off!"
The door opened again and this time, Lars entered the room. "Hi James, hi Kirk", he said cheerily. "How's things?"
"AHEM!" said James, pointing at the monitor.
Lars began to giggle. "Hehehe, so you've found the new desktop background then."
"Yeah, found it with the same pleasure as finding a scorpion in my fucking underwear drawer!"
"Oh come on James", Lars chuckled. "It's funny! Besides, it's better than dustbunnies".
"I agree", said Kirk.
"Shut up, asswipe!" said James. He folded his arms and glared at Lars. "Take that picture of you off. NOW!"
"Nope", said Lars, shaking his head. "Me and Kirk think it's cool. Two against one so it stays".
"I...what the fuck?" James spluttered. "Right, fine! I'm gonna go wake Jason and force him to take my side in this".
"That'd still only be two against two", Lars pointed out.
"Yeah but me and Jase are bigger so we win".
"I am not taking it off", Lars said sweetly. "And if you try and make me, I'll sneak downstairs at night and put something even worse on there instead".
"Ha, what the hell could be worse than seeing you in the buff? James demanded.
"Want to try my imagination?" Lars giggled. Then he beckoned to Kirk.
"Come on Kirky, let's go and make something appetising for breakfast".
Kirk gave James an apologetic grin and followed Lars into the kitchen. James stood by the computer, fuming. He was NOT happy at Lars having got the better of him.
"Alright then", James muttered under his breath. "You wanna play like this, Ulrich? This means...extreme measures!"
James went into the hallway, where the phone was. Picking it up, he screwed up his nose as he tried to remember a familiar number from a few years ago. Nodding at last, he quickly dialled said number.
"Hi", said a sleepy voice on the other end. "Dave Mustaine speaking..."...
"Dave, this is James", said James in a low voice. "Can I speak to your best friend and computer literate bassist please?"