Chasing After Something

Madeleine was walking through the gardens of Sandringham as an attempt to escape. Her head was spinning and spinning with the events that had just transpired.

It had been two days since she landed in England. In just those two days, her life was something she could no longer call her own. Her mother, Elizabeth, Charles, Harry and her had made the so called ‘terms’ of their engagement.

Madeleine could no longer sit quietly at the table, allowing her life to be controlled right down to how many children she would have with Harry. She choked back tears as she continued to stroll through the gardens. The unpredictable English weather cooled her through her thin sweater.

She seated herself on a wooden bench, crossing her legs as she thought back to the minute’s prior.

“And as per our agreement. Harry and Madeleine will become engaged on –“ Madeleine’s mind drifted from the conversation at hand. She stared at the piece of paper that held terms of Harry and hers marriage.

Her heart sank when she looked across to Harry. He sat there in silence as his mother’s eyes stared back at her. She mouthed ‘do something.’ This was after all their life.

The old Madeleine would never sit there in silence, as her life would be mapped out for them. She willed that woman to come back, but truth was that woman had been gone for longer than she had known.

Harry’s head fell to the ground. Her pleading eyes tugged at his heart. He could not do anything, no matter how hard he tried. Deep down inside of him he wanted to do nothing. It would be easier this way.

The chair pushed back against the tile making a screeching sound. His head rose to find Madeleine rising out of her chair. She glared back at him. “Doesn’t any one want to hear what I want?!”

She looked around the table slowly. Making sure that she looked into the depths of each person. Her gaze ended on Harry. She shook her head in disappointment as silence over took the room. The man she used to know would be outraged at this.

The only thing she knew for sure was that Harry was a complete stranger to her. With that thought she quickly exited the room as her mother yelled at her. “Madeleine Therese Amelie Josephine! Do not leave this room!”

She halted as she reached the door. Looking back over her shoulder at them. Madeleine expected Elizabeth to be appalled at her actions. She smiled instead, giving her a subtle nod as if she was commending her for her actions. Madeleine continued on her way out, leaving her mother in a state of shock.

Elizabeth watched the door behind her close. She expected this action of her grandson, but not of Madeleine. Internally she was grateful that someone would fight for them. She looked to her grandson beside her as his gaze followed hers to the closed door.

What neither of them knew was that she saw the exchange between them moments prior. Harry had let Madeleine down more than he understood.

From beneath the table she nudged his leg breaking his concentration off of the closed door. She pointed her head towards the closed door, signaling that he should follow her.

Harry reluctantly got up; sighing deeply shaking his head at what he was about to do. He did not want to deal with an emotional Madeleine.

End Flashback

“Is this seat taken?” Harry’s deep voice cut through her memory. She looked up at Harry with a furrowed brow, but internally her heart had just skipped a beat knowing that he came to check on her.

“Depends” she replied in an upset tone. Harry chuckled lightly as he took the empty seat beside her. “Madds, I’m sorry.”

Madeleine turned her head sharply at Harry. “You cannot call me that anymore…” Her voice was low and quiet, laced with regret. In all honesty, she loved that he called her that, she was just too angry to show it.

Harry started to play nervously with his hands as they fell into an uncomfortable silence. Madeleine was the first to break the silence. “Why didn’t you say anything Henry?” Madeleine crossed her arms as she stared at the ground waiting for his response.

It was not quick. Truthfully he did not know why he didn’t say anything. It was as if he just gave up. He looked up from his hands, sighing deeply trying to think of what to say to her but Madeleine beat him to it.

She stood up, turning to face him. Her mouthed opened to speak but no words came out. Madeleine shut her eyes, feeling the tears betraying her as they trickled down her cheek.

“Henry.” Her voice broke. Harry stood and took a step forward to her. “Don’t” she put her hand out, not wanting him to come closer. “How could you just sit there and let them do that to your life Henry?!”

“It’s like I don’t even know who you are anymore! The man, wait no the boy I knew would never allow anyone to do that to him!” Tears were streaming down her face. All she wanted to hear was Harry say that he would fight for their life, but he just stood there.

She searched his eyes for an answer which he gave none, nor spoke a word. “Say something. Say anything…” Madeleine yelled through heavy breaths.

Harry’s expression formed into one Madeleine had never seen before. His blue eyes clouded over as darkness settled within them. He stepped with purpose towards her as she felt her foot taking a step back in defense.

His lips formed a straight line as anger coursed through him. “YOU WANT ME TO SAY SOMETHING? HUH?! ANYTHING MADELEINE?!” He stepped closer to her.

“Ok let me say this then!” Harry threw his arms in the air. He became menacingly quiet as he enclosed the tight knit space between them. His close proximity made Madeleine tremble. She had never seen him in this state before.

“I didn’t say anything because I don’t care! I do not care about you anymore! This is just a marriage of convenience and I will live my life however I choose. Those ‘terms’ are just for YOU!” Harry’s hot anger breathed tickled her skin sinking deep within her. “I will never love you. I will only do what is asked of me and nothing more. I will have children with you and love them, but I will never… never love you.”

Madeleine just stood there in silence. She knew what this meant. Harry would only act like her husband when he needed to, nothing more. Her head slowly fell to the ground in defeat.

Harry watched as her head fell to the ground. He could see the hurt cloud her blue irises. Tears filled her eyes as she willed them not to betray her. She locked up at him, surrendering. Nothing she could do or say in this moment would help either of them.

“Ok.” Madeleine’s hand covered her mouth trying to conceal the strangled breath leaving her lips. The look she gave him tore at his heart. It was a combination of disappointment and acceptance. Accepting the life that would now haunt not only her dreams but her reality.

She angled her body away from him, leaving his eyes. Madeleine took one step but halted. As Harry’s eyes were watching her intently, regret coursed through him. He did care for her, more than she knew. In truth, he hated seeing her slowly crumbling inside and knowing that he was the source of her struggle hurt him even more.

“Harry.” Madeleine spoke quietly, trying to formulate her words. She never used that name; she had always called him Henry. In that moment he knew that he had lost any chance of forgiveness from her. Madeleine did not need to say another word; that one word told him everything.

“If you won’t fight for me…” Her head rose lightly as her gaze softened towards him. She sighed deeply as her mouth parted again. “At least fight for yourself.”

It took Madeleine all she had within her to take that step towards him. She reached out for his hand, wrapping her soft warm fingers around his. “The man I knew would.” Madeleine gave his hand a squeeze as both their eyes fixated on their entwined fingers.

Madeleine came to realize how much Harry had changed. He was no longer the same man she knew. No matter how much she wished for him to be that man again, deep down she knew he was gone. Harry was a stranger. A stranger she would have to tread in deep waters with. Her heart told her to trust him and she desperately wanted to, but she did not want to get her hopes up knowing it would end in hurt.

Madeleine would do the duty asked of her and marry him, no matter her own personal struggle. This was what came along with her title… sacrifice. She would stand beside him through whatever came even if he did not care about her, she deeply cared for him. Madeleine just hoped that one day his heart would change. That he would see it.

She released his hand. Turning away from him she started to walk inside to finish the terms of the agreement. Harry willed himself to stop her, to tell her that he would fight for her but something inside of him stopped it.

All he knew was that he could not go back in there and watch her agree to a life she never wanted, let alone a life he never wanted.

--

Madeleine sat up in her bed startled at the banging sound on her door. She slipped out of the covers searching for her house coat blindly in the dark room as the pounding at the door continued. Her bare feet stepped quietly on the cold wooden flooring making her way to the door.

She reached for the handle and opened the door slowly. Harry was the source of her rude awakening. He had not followed her back inside to finish their meeting earlier that day. He had disappeared, showing further his unreliability.

Madeleine looked behind her at the clock. 3 AM. She shook her head and took a deep breath inhaling his scent of scotch and cigarettes. “Madds” Harry slurred as he held onto the doorframe for balance.

Clearly he had way too much to drink. His hair was disheveled and liquid stains covered his blue button down shirt. His blue eyes were glazed over in a hazy filled state.

Behind him stood his RPO, the same one that had been the gentleman when Harry hadn’t been. “Ma’am I tried to convince him to just go to bed, but he insisted on talking to you.” He spoke in an apologetic tone.

Harry could barely keep himself upright. Madeleine opened the door wider as Harry stumbled through giggling to himself. She rolled her eyes at him. Great he thought this was funny.

“Thank you umm-“ Madeleine locked eyes with Harry’s RPO. “Charlie ma’am.” His dark brown eyes softened as he spoke his name. Her lips twitched into a nervous smile. “Please Charlie called me Madeleine.” She replied, sticking out her hand to shake his.

His hand was a tad sweaty, shaking a bit from nerves. She grasped it warmly as she looked down at his rough hands. The sensation that coursed through her veins startled her.

Madeleine quickly looked down to the floor in embarrassment. Charlie took a step back and cleared his throat. “Umm I will just be out here if you need…” Charlie began to turn away.

“Wait!” Madeleine’s voice rose in an attempt to stop him. She looked back over her shoulder at the man lying on the floor behind her. “I need help getting him into the shower…” She chuckled knowing how hard the task would be.

As Harry’s RPO she couldn’t imagine all the things Charlie had to put up with. She took a step to the side as he walked through the door.

--

Eventually she had gotten Harry in the shower and into her bed with the help of Charlie She closed the door behind her and made her way into the kitchen finding Charlie sitting on the sofa.

She avoided his eye contact, feeling him watch her every move. Madeleine began to make her self a cup of tea. “Madeleine… what he said.” Charlie started to speak as Madeleine turned around swiftly.

“Is none of your business Charlie!” She screamed at him. Truthfully, he was not the one she was angry with. It was Harry…

She pinched the bridge of her nose. It was the middle of the night and she was exhausted. “I’m sorry. I am not mad at you. Just –“

“I won’t say anything. I never have, never will.” Charlie stood up slowly making his way to her. His left hand rested on the counter. The gold wedding band he wore made Madeleine’s heart skip a beat.

Internally she felt jealously building within her, confusing her thoughts. Why was she feeling this way? Charlie was Harry’s RPO. Sure he was polite and was always there for her when she needed him, but he had to be off limits.

She shook her head lightly, as she buried that feeling within her. Madeleine looked stood across from him over the counter, looking up at him through the rim of her cup as she took as sip of her tea.

“So who is the lucky lady?” Madeleine smirked at him. He swayed slightly dropping his head down as he bit his lip nervously. She became fixated on what they tasted like as his chuckle filled the kitchen.

Charlie began to twirl his ring around his finger. “Well it’s sort of complicated right now…” He confided. Madeleine’s expression softened as she set her cup on the counter. Her hand reached out and covered his without thinking of her actions.

After a few seconds she pulled her hand back sharply. “I’m sorry. If you want to tell me you can…” She offered, hoping he would. She craved to understand his situation. Knowing he had to spend ridiculous hours away from friends and family, having a wife would prove difficult for him.

He stood up straighter, debating whether to take her up on her offer. Charlie ran his fingers through his hair. He began to speak, but closed his mouth shaking his head. “You really want to know? You seem exhausted Madeleine…” concerned for her laced in his tone.

It felt good for a change to know that someone was genuinely thinking of her well-being. “I’m sure. I will be up now for a while” she answered, pointing to her tea giggling lightly.

Chalrie pulled up the stool on the other side of the counter and sat down slowly. Madeleine gave him time to process his thoughts, waiting patiently in silence. “Well umm, we have been married for three years and I found out she was sleeping with another man…”

Madeleine’s brow furrowed in anger. She fully understood what he was feeling at that moment; what it felt like to be betrayed and cheated on. Charlie sighed heavily and continued.

“So right now we are taking a breaking and I am trying to figure out my next steps. I just don’t think I can take her back after this.” He confessed, feeling the weight lift off of his chest.

“I uh.” Madeleine’s voice fell quiet as she looked up at his waiting brown eyes. “I know what it feels like… to be… to be cheated on.” She saw his eyes change from anger to a gentle kindness.

“Oh god Madeleine. I’m sorry…” Madeleine sat quietly, consumed in her thoughts of her ex- fiancé. How he had cheated on her after everything, after all they had been through.

Tears began to form in her eyes at the memories of how he slowly destroyed her soul. Her tears turned into uncontrollable sobs. Charlie quickly made his way to her side, pulling her close to him.

“Hey. It’s ok. Please don’t cry Madeleine.” He said as he pulled her closer to him. She soaked his shirt with her tears as she fought for control over them. A loud banging sound came from the hallway, making Charlie quickly pull away from her.

“MADELEINE!” Harry sung out loudly, banging off the walls to find a sense of balance. Profanities slipped from Madeleine’s lips. She thought that he would be well out for the night, but of course he wasn’t.

“WIFEY!” Harry chuckled as he entered the kitchen seeing Madeleine sitting on a stool while his RPO stood a few feet away from her. He came up behind Madeleine and swiveled her around on the stool to make her face him.

His face fell once he saw her attempt to cover up her tears. Harry angled his head slowly at her. He kneeled down to her level. The same darkness she had seen the day before returned, covering his blue eyes. His expression hardened.

“Are you upset again Madds?” Harry chuckled with an evil tone. She turned her head away from him. He was mocking her. Why couldn’t he be the comforting man that had previously stood in his place.

“Oh Madeleine. It’s ok…” He lifted his hand and brushed a tear away. His touch was comforting to her, but she knew better. Madeleine continued to look away, not giving him the chance to use his well-known charm to make her crumble beneath him.

“I will fuck you too you know…” He mocked. “We need to have two ‘heirs’ as granny says!” Madeleine pushed him on his chest with enough force to cause him to hit the fridge behind him.

She stepped closer to him as shock over took him at her bold move. Her voice rose quickly as the anger built up within her. “Harry.” She nearly spat out his name. “You can fuck whoever you want. You can have all those mistresses you want.”

Madeleine had no idea where this fight within came from, but she was not done. “Until you give me the respect I deserve. You will never have me…” She looked deep into his eyes, seeing the reflection of her old self within them.

“I do not give a flying fuck about those so called terms! This is my fucking life and I will have a say in my own happiness. Get it through your thick ginger skull that I am your soon to be wife and can make your life a living hell just as much as you can make mine!!”

Relief washed through her as she spoke those words. Harry needed to understand that she would not give into anything anymore. She was to control every aspect of her life that she could. If she were asked to give up love for her country then she would do as she pleased. Whether Harry came to see that or not no longer mattered to her.

It was clear that she was in this by herself. All she needed was herself. Now it was time to fight for her and only her.

--

The next day Madeleine was set to develop her own staff here in England. She wanted people who knew how things worked in this country in order for her to be successful. She did not want people idly assigned to her by the royal family. Ultimately she needed people who would work to her benefit and not the benefit of the British royal family.

Along with Harry’s private secretary, Edward, she found a new personal assistant. Caroline Bellfleur was just the person she needed. She came with a successful background that would come to help Madeleine settle herself within England.

Edward was wary of her choice in Caroline, which added more fuel for her decision to choose her. Caroline was called back into the Madeleine’s apartment. She knocked on the door lightly as Madeleine came running to let her in.

“Caroline! Please come in. Make yourself at home.” Madeleine stepped to the side, allowing her inside. “Thank you your highness.” Caroline smiled sweetly back at her, wondering why she had been invited into the princesses private living space.

“Oh Caroline, please call me Madeleine. After all you will be around for a while now!” Madeleine hinted at Caroline as she turned around to face her. Caroline’s jaw dropped in shock.

“You – you mean I got the job?!” Caroline asked hopefully. Madeleine smiled widely nodding her head yes. Caroline squealed in excitement. “Oh my god! No way! This is just a joke right?!” Madeleine fell into a fit of giggles watching Caroline’s response.

“No I can assure you that this is not a joke! I knew right away that you were perfect for the job.” Madeleine replied through her laughter. Caroline was still in shock at her new offer. She had never imagined to even get an interview.

“Here Caroline, come join me.” Madeleine motioned to the table. “We have lots to discuss now.”