Your Inaccessible Light

We have all stopped walking now and the four of them turn to stare at me, their faces clad with expectant expressions.

“It’s nothing special,” I shrug, “Obviously I was ill on Friday. I was meant to be hanging out with him and his band on Saturday but I still wasn’t feeling 100% so I text him to say I couldn’t come. Then he fucking turned up at my house, deciding that we’re gonna spend the day together. I’d never been to LA before and I fancied going so I persuaded him to take me.”

“Oh my god, that’s adorable,” Harlee squeals, before glaring at Keegan, “Why doesn’t my boyfriend do that?”

“Why does my girlfriend give care more about Ronnie Radke that she does me?” Keegan sighs, shaking his head. We all laugh and then Harlee apologises, squeezing his hand reassuringly.

“It’s not adorable,” I correct, “We’re just friends that wanted to go to LA so we did.”

“But this is different Noelle,” Amber tells me, “Say if it was Tristan or something: that would be completely innocent. That’s just the kind of thing Tristan does because he’s sweet and caring and fun like that. Ronnie is not sweet and caring and fun. Ronnie does not just take girls on random trips. Ronnie doesn’t even have friends that are girls. Girls are objects to him.”

“She does have a point,” Tristan agrees, resting his elbow on Amber’s shoulder as we begin to walk again.

“I think you guys are wrong about him,” I say, “Sure, Ronnie’s insinuated that kind of thing a few times, but he knows I would never sleep with him.”

“Then what the hell does he want with you?”

“A friendship maybe?” I suggest sarcastically.

“It just seems so…not like him,” Amber frowns, and I can’t help but feel butterflies in my stomach. I like the idea that Ronnie treats me differently to how he treats other girls. It makes me feel special, like maybe I mean as much to him as he does to me. I shake the silly thought from my head as quickly as it entered.

“Can you do me one favour though?” Harlee asks sincerely.

“Depends what it is.”

“Next time you hang out with him, can I come too?”

“Fuck no!” Keegan gasps, “You think I’ll let you hang out with him knowing what he’s like…and what you’re like for that matter.”

“Come on baby,” she begs, staring pleadingly into his eyes, “I won’t let him try anything. Noelle will be there anyway.”

“Noelle hasn’t even agreed to it,” he argues. Harlee turns to me expectantly and I let out a small laugh before nodding.

“I’ll ask him but I can’t promise anything.” Keegan groans and shoots me a glare as Harlee jumps around squealing excitedly.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” she cheers and I laugh.

The next day at lunchtime, I decide to sit with Ronnie and his friends, promising Harlee that I will ask Ronnie if she can hang out with us one time.

“Hi guys,” I grin as I walk over to their usual table.

“Hey doll,” Ronnie says. I sit in between Max and Robert, as unsurprisingly, Coral and the clones are sat next to Ronnie. They give me a scowl as I sit down and I can’t help but smirk.

“Are you okay?” Ronnie asks, removing his arm from around Coral’s shoulders.

“Yeah, are you?”

“Yeah.” Coral whispers something into Ronnie’s ear and Robert, Bryan and Omar start having a conversation about some fight that went down last lesson. I turn to Max who’s giving me a knowing look.

“What?” I ask defensively.

“Heard you had a good weekend then?” he smirks.

“Why is everyone making such a big deal out of it?” I frown, making sure I speak quietly enough so that no one else at the table can hear.

“Because.”

“Because what?”

“Because Ronnie doesn’t do that kind of thing. I’m confused as fuck. Please explain to me what is going on.”

“We’re just friends Max,” I tell him firmly, “We had nothing else to do so we went to LA. What’s so weird about that?”

“I just can’t get my head around this whole ‘Ronnie being interested in a girl for something other than sex’ thing.”

“Have you asked him about it?”

“Yeah.”

“What did he say?” I ask curiously. I would love to know how Ronnie describes me to his friends.

“That I can’t tell you,” Max smirks, a devilish smirk creeping across his face. I roll my eyes but I don’t ask him again; I don’t want him catching on to the fact I have some sort of crush on Ronnie. I don’t even know if it is a crush. I hardly know him after all. Then again, having an overwhelming desire to be close to him and to kiss him, and feeling irritated as I watch him with his arm round Coral, can’t be described as anything other than a crush right?

“When are you guys next playing a show?” I ask, not just to Max but to the whole table.

“This Saturday,” Bryan tells me.

“Why? Are we so good you can’t wait to see us again?” Ronnie asks cockily, turning his attention away from Coral. It’s impossible not to smirk when I see the look of irritation on her face. God, when did I turn into such a bitch?

“No actually you jerk, my friends want to come and see you play.”

“Who?” he asks.

“Harlee and Amber.”

“Why the fuck do they want to come?”

“I think it’s something to do with the fact that, for some unknown reason, they find you insanely attractive.”

“Don’t tell him that; his ego’s big enough as it is,” Max mutters under his breath and I laugh.

“Well what can I say?” Ronnie smirks.

“Too bad you’re already spoken for,” Coral puts in, and if I didn’t know any better, I would have assumed she was only joking.

“I’ll text you about it later,” he tells me and I notice Coral’s grip on his arm tighten. In case it’s not already obvious, I really don’t like her.