Your Inaccessible Light

Escape The Fate play several more songs, some of them covers and some original, before finally leaving the stage. It is not long until Ronnie appears at the table.

“What do you think sweetie?” he asks.

“Ronnie you guys are amazing,” I grin, resisting the overwhelming urge to hug him.

“You think so?” he laughs.

“Yes.”

“Good. You coming backstage to meet the guys?” he asks, reaching out for my hand. Thankfully it’s dark in the casino, otherwise he would see me blushing. Ronnie leads me through the crowds and out into the hallway. We walk through a maze of corridors until we get to the backstage area. I can hear another band playing on stage now, although in my opinion, they’re nowhere near as good as Escape The Fate. Then again, I am biased. I’m not sure if I’m excited about meeting the guys or not. I’m sure they’re nice people just like Ronnie, but I’m not used to hanging out with people with a reputation as bad as theirs. Ronnie pushes open a door that leads to a fairly small room. Robert is sat on an armchair and Max, Monte and Omar are on the couch.

“Guys, this is Noelle,” Ronnie mutters, motioning for the guys to make room on the couch. Omar and Monte groan before moving to sit on the floor. Ronnie, who is still holding my hand, sits down on the couch and I sit between him and Max. Max nods his head at me, a small smile on his face.

“This is the girl you told us about?!” Robert exclaims in shock. The other guys look shocked too and I suddenly feel even more nervous because I really don’t know what I’m getting myself into.

“What?” Ronnie cries defensively.

“Nice to meet you too,” I smirk, shaking my head at Robert. Robert laughs.

“When you said she was special, by that you meant she doesn’t dress like a whore?” Monte laughs. I should really take it as a compliment. After all, they’re suggesting I dress better than the other girls he brings here. I guess that’s not a bad thing.

“Dude, fuck off,” Ronnie frowns, sticking up his middle finger at his band mate, “So what if she’s the first girl I’ve brought here that’s actually dressed decently? Isn’t that a good thing?”

“It’s fucking weird man, I can’t get used to it,” Monte smirks, shaking his head.

“Yeah well you better get used to it,” Ronnie tells him and I feel butterflies in my tummy at the thought of getting to hang out with these guys more often. I notice Max look at Ronnie, giving him a questioning look, and Ronnie just smirks. Once again, that feeling in the pit of my stomach returns. I want to know what Ronnie’s deal is. I push the thought to the back of my head and focus on the conversation.

“What are we doing for the rest of tonight then?” Monte asks.

“Well, we’ve got ourselves a bit of cash, so you guys could go back to Max’s and I’ll get some…stuff then meet you there,” Robert suggests. You don’t have to be a genius to know what Robert means by ‘stuff.’ Alarm bells ring in my head and I start to panic. I can’t think of anything worse but the guys have already made their decision so there’s no getting out of this. We get up and head towards the parking lot. Omar gets into Robert’s car with him, and the rest of us get in Ronnie’s van.

“Are you crashing at mine too?” Max asks me. I look to Ronnie for an answer and he smiles reassuringly.

“If that’s alright,” I say nervously, because I can’t exactly go home at this time. I really don’t want to get involved with these people, but Ronnie reminds me so much of Austin I can’t resist, no matter how much I want to. My emotions are conflicted but I don’t know what other option I have.

“Sure.”

Max’s apartment is small and messy, but it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. His mum is out so we have the place to ourselves, although I’m not sure if that’s a good thing. I’ve never stayed with a guy before, let alone five of them. The fact that they’re drinking and smoking god knows what scares me a lot. I just want this night to be over. There’s a knock at the door and Robert walks in, followed by Omar. The guys all cheer when Robert holds up two packets of white powder. I feel tears well in my eyes and I try to blink them back. I know this is bad.

“Do you want some, or is that a stupid question?” Ronnie smirks.

“I’m alright thanks,” I mumble. The guys all take their fair share of cocaine, and it takes effect pretty quickly. For the next half an hour, they’re even louder and more insane than usual, which makes me feel more intimidated and shy than usual. I know the initial effects don’t last long, so I pray the time goes quickly. I sit cross-legged on the sofa, watching as they all sit at the table. I’m suddenly flooded with emotion, and I’m not sure whether I can hold back the tears any longer. They’re too engrossed in what they are doing to notice me leave the room. I find my way to the kitchen and pour myself a glass of water, trying to clear my head. Why in hell did I think this was a good idea? Don’t get me wrong, the guys probably aren’t bad people; I just can’t be here, I can’t get caught up in this. I hear footsteps and turn around to see Max standing in the doorway.

“Are you okay?” he asks. I nod, trying to work out if he’s still on a high, or if the drug is starting to wear off now.

“Not used to this, huh?” he smirks, leaning against the counter so we’re standing side by side.

“You have no idea,” I shrug, staring down at the ground. I hate feeling like this. I hate how I lose all my confidence as soon as drugs are involved.

“It’s okay,” Max reassures, “It’s wearing off now. You don’t have to be scared.”

“I’m not scared,” I say quickly, determined not to let him see me as weak.

“Okay,” he laughs, holding his hands up in defeat, “I’m just saying we’re not gonna hurt you.”

“I know. Sorry.”

“It’s fine. Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“What’s the deal with you and Ronnie?” he asks, and I shrug.

“I was wondering that myself.”

“Have you slept with him?” Max persists.

“God no!” I say quickly.

“Wow, girls are usually all over him. You’re...different.” As if on cue, Ronnie appears in the doorway. His eyes are bloodshot so I guess he hasn’t come down from his high yet. I do not have a good feeling about this.