Take a Breath

18 years of life have been leading to this moment. Every second I have spent breathing or walking on this Earth has directed me, slowly pushing me to the cliff. My toes wrapped around the cliffs edge and I took a shaky breath. I had to do this, it was the only way out. The only way to escape this wretched planet. I hope there's something better after death. Even if there's nothing and my consciousness just ceases to exist and I become fertilizer, that's okay. I'll do more for the flowers then I ever will for society. I've already written a letter to my parents. They might miss me... for a second. Then think I deserve it.. I'm not good enough. I never have been.

I pulled the noose towards me and slipped it around my neck. I could bring myself to eat a bullet, it would cause too much of a mess. My parents would be pissed. They may be more pissed if I break a rafter though... Who cares, they won't be able to take it out on me.

I tentatively lifted my foot, my heart pounded in my chest. It wasn't ready to stop beating, maybe I wasn't either. But I'm tired of being a goddamn disappointment. I can't seem to do anything right, here's hoping that will change with this attempt on my life.

I tensed my muscles ready to step off my cliff, ready for death to take me but I was stopped.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." A boy dressed in all black, with black hair and also black eyes said from the corner of the room.

Tears poured from my eyes, they were good tears. At least someone cared enough to try and stop me... Whoever this person was. "Wh-what?"

"I like your reaction... Most people scream and that's, well that's just rude. I'm almost just like you, how would you like to be screamed at every time you enter a room." He walked over to the chair I stood on and looked me in the eyes. "Besides you never want to jump, you want to kick the chair out from under you. There's less time to regret your decision."

I really couldn't even commit suicide correctly? "What are you?"

"Ah, that's what I was waiting for. I have a lot of names, many writers like to call me Damen... Which is one of my favorites, but my most common name is Death." He bowed to me as a gasp escaped my lips. "Still no screaming... Come on! I am literally here to kill you... Well, not really but next time I'm here I will!"

"Why no hooded cloak and scythe?" I murmured, barely able to make a sound.

"Well, I find when I'm in these situations that is not the best look... I could look like that if you wished, but I don't think the talking would go well. Besides, sometimes I just want to look pretty." He smirked at me and I giggled. "Now I suppose you want to know why I'm here... Since I'm not here to escort your sparkling little soul to it's new home." I nodded weakly. "Well, I'm here to stop you. You have such a bright future ahead of you, if the world lost you... Well, it wouldn't be good, I don't want to see it again. This world needs you in it."

"I'm not that special, I'm a mistake." I tried to wipe the tears from my eyes, but they were only replaced by new ones.

"No, you're not." He said gently and frowned, then sighed. "I can't convince you otherwise, can I?" There was a note of defeat in his voice, and I almost felt bad for shaking my head, but he couldn't change my mind on this.

"Well, then let me try a different approach." He smiled. "Think of your soul mate. What will he do if you're gone? He hasn't even met you yet and never will if you do this. How could you leave him alone in this world, never to experience the joy of being with the person who was created for you?"

"There's no such thing." I sniffled. "Soul mates don't exist, love is simply trial and error until you find someone who you can tolerate for the rest of your life."

"Boo." Death frowned. "Here let me show you... I don't mean to go all Ghosts of Christmas Present on you but I have to." He grabbed my hand and we were in a different place completely. A living room. There was a boy with brown hair and shining green eyes on his knees in front of his parents. They were screaming at him, and even from this distance I could smell the alcohol on their breath. He looked down at the floor and nodded along to everything they screamed at him.

"Are you listening!" The man shouted. "You listen to me when I talk to you, boy. I will not tolerate stupid, fucking kids nodding and pretending to listen."

"I-I'm not pretending." He muttered and looked up. I could see the fear in his eyes as he realized the mistake he made.

"You do not speak unless I tell you too!" He man roared and sent a fist flying into the boys face. He held his cheek and tried to choke back tears.

"Go get cleaned up and get your ass to school. We can't have the school wondering why your late again, can we?" The boy shook his head and scurried to the bathroom. There was makeup strewn along the counter and I assumed it was his mother's, until he picked it up and began working to cover the bruises. My heart broke for him.

"What are you trying to do?" I began crying, yet again. "Trying to show me, my life could be worse? That I don't have it that bad?"

"No, I'm trying to give you hope." He sighed again. "I visited him last week. He was in the same position you are. He was covered head to toe in bruises, cuts, and scars and ready to end it. But I was able to talk him down. Michelle, I gave him hope. I showed him that in a few days high school would end and in a few weeks he would be starting at Berkeley and he won't have to ever see his parents again. Because he meets a girl at Berkeley, and she's had her fair share of troubles, as everyone in this world does. She lets him live with her in the apartment she's bought near the school, she needed a roommate anyway. So, he never has to go back to these people ever again. He'll have a home year round to stay in."

"What are you trying to say?" I asked, it sounded as if he was describing my apartment and how the girl I had planned to room with and split the rent payment with bailed on me.

"What I'm saying is that you save this boy. If you go through with this he won't have anywhere to stay. He'll be forced to move right back in with those assholes in the summer. I don't believe he'll ever move back out." He looked at me with a sad desperation in his eyes. "If you don't believe you can help the world, or that your meant to do great things, believe this. This boy, Carter, can only take so much more, and next time I won't be able to stop him. The world doesn't need two more young lives cut short by pressure, heartache, or abuse." She caught one more glance at the boy pretending to be fine before the scenery changed and she was returned to her attic.

"Do you understand?" He asked and I answered with a small nod. "Okay, I'll leave you with one more bout of wisdom. Every human life touches thousands of others, you don't even mean to. The smallest things you say or do can change someones else's life forever. You will leave scars, there's no way to avoid it, but you could also save someone else. Your life is worth it, never throw something so precious away. You will never know your affect on others in this world unless you're rich or discover something great like the cure to cancer... But every human has a part in this world, no matter how small, and every life valuable. I can't promise that your life with get better or that it will be perfect, but I promise you can get through this. So, how about you take a deep breath, calm down, and make my job easier. I may be Death but I hate taking souls before their time." With that he was gone. I pulled the noose from my neck and sat down, and for the millionth time in such a short time I cried. The weight of the situation fell on my shoulders, I had tried to kill myself. Cease my existence. But it would be so much easier to just end it. No more stress, no more threatening due dates, no more sadness. Simply darkness.

Take a deep breath.

Calm down.

I can get through this.

I will get through this.