Saudade

I never really understood the saying 'You don't know what you have until it's gone' until the day Andy didn't want to have anything with me anymore. But I think that's how it's supposed to be. We tend to live in constant movement not really thinking about the future or stopping to cherish those precious moments, we get focused on things we want that we forget what we already have.

But that's all I have now-precious memories.

And I suppose that's how everything starts, with a memory.

The year was 2009.

It had been a night out with my friends the plan was always to have a couple of beers, talk, laugh, and unwind, just like every time we met up at the bar, except that night had been different.

Every one who knew me, knew that I thrived on being on time. I always hated being late. But that night I was running late, really late and the bad part was that I didn't even have a good excuse, I had simply lost track of time and before I knew it I was already an hour late.

My friends kept sending me text messages asking me if everything was okay, when I finally replied and told them that everything was fine and I was on my way, they told me I was missing one hell of a night, apparently it was karaoke night at the bar.

Finally an hour and a half after we were supposed to me I arrived to the bar.

“I'm so sorry, I just lost track of time.” I explained as I sat at the table where my four friends were sitting at.

“Well we're glad you're here and that you didn't die.” Marie, my best friend said with a big smile, she had definitely been drinking.

“If I had, you guys would be drinking on behalf of me tonight.”

“Alright guys our next song requires two singers, a gal and guy.” The guy working the music announced after the last person finished singing.

“Vera you should totally do it!”

“There's no way I'm embarrassing myself.”

“You'll be sharing your embarrassment with somebody else, though.”

“She wants to do it!” My friends started to shout.

“Oh my god, I am going to kill you guys.”

“Vera! Vera! Vera!” My friends started to chant and soon the rest of the bar started to join in.

“Vera come on up.”

“I hate you guys.” I mumbled under my breath but made my way to the small dance floor at the front of the bar.

“Alright we still need somebody to join her.”

“Andy! Andy! Andy!” I group of guys at the back of the bar started to shout and I couldn't help but to smile, his friends had just done the same as my friends.

He walked up making sure to fix his glasses.

“We have such great friends!” he exclaimed sarcastically and I just couldn't help but to smile even wider.

“Oh yeah the greatest.” I replied.

The guy behind the turntable handed me a mic and said “I only have one so you guys have to share.”

“Wait, what song are we singing?”

He just smiled and I looked at the monitor and noticed the song title:

Barbie Girl.

“Are you serious?” Both me and Andy mumbled at the same time.

Hi Barbie
Hi Ken
Do you wanna go for a ride?
Sure Ken!
Jump in.

“That was great you guys! Who wants to come up next?” The MC asked after I handed him back the mic.

“That was great, and I totally took a video of it!” Marie told me as she waved her phone in front of me.

“I'm sure it will be a great video to laugh at later.”

“You make it sounds like it was the worst thing ever,” Elise, my other friend told me as she took a drink from her beer.

“It was a lot better than what Lucas did earlier,”

“Hey! You told me I was amazing!”

“I didn't want to hurt your feelings.” Marie said with a shrug and then we all laughed.

We continued talking about everything that had been going on in our lives since we last hung out-you see when it came to friends I only really hung out with Lucas because he also lived in the city so we would meet up for lunch or dinner from time to time.

Elise and Gabriel also lived in the city but their school and work schedules kept them too busy and tired.

Marie and I had been best friends since middle school and we were practically inseparable but our career choices put us different cities. She lived in San Diego finishing up her Masters Degree in Child Psychology, while I had chosen to stay in my home city after getting my Bachelor's in Art History although I worked for a fashion magazine writing columns about the hottest trends.

“I have some news to tell you guys,” Gabriel announced unable to hide his smile.

“Oh my god did you get the job?” Elise questioned with eagerness.

“Yes! I got the job with national geographic!”

“Congratulations!” We all exclaimed cheering.

“Thanks, I feel like everything is going like we planned when we were in high school.”

I remember feeling miserable while everybody seemed to be having the time of their lives, but they deserved it, they had worked hard for their careers and success. It was different for me, I had been born with a silver spoon in my mouth, I didn't have to worry about a successful career because I would always have my parents to fall on.

“I'm going to grab some fresh air.” I told them

“Do you want me to go with you?” Marie asked

I shook my head and gave her a smile.

I stood up and walked out the bar. The fresh night air felt nice compared to the hot summer wind from earlier that day.

“Barbie girl.”

I turned around and saw Andy leaning against the bar wall, as soon as I turned around he put his cell phone in his pocket.

“Oh, why hello Ken.” I replied with a small laugh.

“Getting some fresh air?” he asked

“How did you know?”

“Lucky guess.”

“Mind if I join you?”

“Not at all.”

I walked next to him and leaned against the wall as well.

“Designated driver?” He then asked.

“I guess so, didn't feel like drinking tonight. You a DD?”

He shook his head. “Straight edge.”

“Wow, really?”

“Yeah, healthier lifestyle.”

“That really sucks, I was really looking forward to having a one-night stand with you.” I joked
And he couldn't help but to laugh.

“You know I think that's the one thing people always bring up when I tell them I'm straight edge.”

“Promiscuous sex?”

“Yeah like it's cool not drinking alcohol or doing drugs but casual sex is jut such a shock.”

“I think that makes you a better lover.”

“Why thank you.”

“You're very welcome.”

I looked at the street and looked at the people walking by and then turned to look at Andy.

“So are you also a vegetarian?”

“Vegan, actually.”

“Oh my god, major props to you. I'm a vegetarian myself but I don't think I could ever be a vegan.”

“Why not?”

“Have you tried vegan cheese? That's not what cheese is supposed to taste like.”

Andy laugh and looked at me with a smile.

“Cheese is preventing you from becoming a vegan?”

“Yes! Cheese is like my drug. I cannot live without it.”

“I'm just going to have to take you to a vegan restaurant so you can see how great vegan cheese tastes like.”

“Are you asking me out on a date.”

“It depends.”

“On what?”

“What your answer-”

“Hey Andy we're getting ready to head out.” a guy shouted cutting him off.

“I'll be right there,” he shouted back.

“It was nice meeting you, Vera?”

“You too Andy.” I said taking his extended hand and shaking it.

He let go of my hand and looked at me for a bit as if he was trying to think of something else to say but instead he walked back into the bar to meet up with his friends.

I walked in a couple of moments later and I couldn't help but to feel this weird sensation like I had missed something.

“We were about to go looking for you, we though somebody might have taken you.”

“Do any of you have a pen?” I ask as I looked through my purse.

“Here I have one,” Lucas said handing me one.

“Thanks.” I said and pulled out a stack of sticky notes.

“What are you doing?” Elise and Marie asked curiously.

I ignored them and wrote my name and phone number on a sticky note

“I'll be right back,” I told them and turned out but to my dismay Andy and the rest of his friends weren't there anymore.

I walked out the door quickly and then noticed Andy getting into a cab. I don't know why I just didn't walk back into the bar and forget about him but there was just something in me that wanted to get to know him more so I ran to the cab and tapped on the window.

“Here.” I said handing him the note.

“What's this?”

“My answer would be yes.” I told him with a smile and walked away feeling...euphoric.