Take a Hit

“I mean well when I say this, but are you fucking crazy?”

“It’s not that far from here,” I straightened out my shirt in the mirror.

“Phoenix is like- what- a three hour walk from here?” Halvo followed me out of the bathroom and into the living room. He woke up to the sounds of me getting ready for the first day of work. His hair stuck up in all directions and his old band tee was wrinkly.

“Just two,” I knelt down to tie my sneakers, “Besides, I walked to work every day in New York and I lived all the way up in Upper Manhattan.”

“The rich area?” He snorted.

I rolled my eyes, “The point is that I can handle it.”

“Might I remind you there’s no east coast breeze here. Your high 76 degrees in New York is our low- if we’re lucky. You’re going to get third degree burn by just stepping outside.”

I opened the door, “Look, I know it’s hot outside. But, it’s not like I haven’t been in these kinds of conditions before-”

Halvo slammed the door shut and looked at me wide-eyed, “I know my driving you freaks me out. I get it, I failed it twice back in high school. But why can’t you just take my car and drive there.”

“I don’t have a driver’s license, Halvo.” I raised my voice, “As nice as it’d be to just drive there or have you drive me. I can’t, okay. It’s not easy for me to even be near a car. You’re not a bad driver and you know that, but every single time I get in a car...”

“Lou...” Halvo asked softly, “Did something happen back in New York that you didn’t tell me about?”

I shook my head, knowing the answer was written all over me.

“Something with John?” He pursued further.

He only knew that John and I weren’t on good terms after that summer before college. I never told him about the car crash or leaving John at the hospital alone. God, I couldn’t bring myself to do it if I tried.

“Please don’t start this now... today of all days.”

“I just want to help-”

“Look, let’s just drop it. I’m going to be late for work...”

“Just look at me will ya?” Halvo tilted my head up to stare straight into me and search for the answer I probably was never going to give him, “Just tell me what’s wrong and we can fix this together, alright?”

I shook my head and pushed past him, “It’s not that easy.”


I almost forgot how it felt to be in control.

Being staff editor in the New York Times landed me the job of Editor-in-Chief in AZ Central's Phoenix division. Flipping through all of the articles that would be in the next week’s newspaper, I realized how much I missed newspaper work.

“You settling in there alright, Boss?” Nathaniel Winters, the managing editor, came in with two coffees, “I thought you’d might like something to drink.”

I smiled, “I think I’m doing alright.”

He set the coffee cup down on the desk and watched my fingers flip through the articles quickly until I stopped at one article with a title and picture that almost made me fall out of the chair.

LOCAL TEMPE ROCKERS RETURN HOME

It was a picture of John, smiling on stage. It hurt to look at it for too long. He was so much older with his short hair and faint facial hair. But, that boyish smile remained. Something left of his teenage years. I was trembling by the time I skimmed the article- highlighting his band’s return to Arizona, finishing up his tour.

“Something wrong with the article?” Nathaniel turned sideways to look at it with me, “I thought Lindsay did a pretty good job on this one.”

“No, no, no,” I vigorously shook my head, “It’s very well written. I-I’m just curious- this band- are they good...?”

He furrowed his eyebrows, “Yeah, I guess. They’re a pretty solid band. Great performers. I’ve taken my sixteen year old sister to a few of their shows.”

A secretary I haven’t learned the name of knocked on the door, “Miss Collins, you have a visitor in the lobby.”

I looked up at Nathaniel apologetically, but he just shook his head, “Don’t worry about it. If you need me, I’ll be in my office making the final touches on the newspaper layout.”

To the secretary, I said, “Send them in.”

She gave me a nod and walked away with Nathaniel.

I stuffed the article on John underneath the rest of the next week’s news and continued filing through them. There was another knock on the door, “Come in,”

I didn’t even have to look up to know who it was. From his dirty cowboy boots clinking against the tile and ratty black skinny jeans, I knew it was the last person I wanted to see right now.

“Last time I check, Halvorsen, I should still be mad at you,” I looked up and saw the box with a bow on top in his hand and hopeful look on his face, “You look pathetic.”

“I know,” He sighed, “I’ve just been sitting around the house feeling like a shithead for interrogating you on your first real day back in Arizona...”

“And?” I raised an eyebrow at him.

“I’m sorry,” He set the gift down in front of me, “It wasn’t any of my business and won’t be unless you say so. To make it up to you, I bought you something on the way here.”

“I don’t want any-”

“Before you say anything or open it,” He stopped my hand from untying the bow, “Let me take you out for dinner.”

I pushed the articles to the side and said, “What do you have in mind?”

“In-N-Out. I thought it might’ve been a while since you had that.”

“You certainly know the way to my heart, Eric Halvorsen,” I chuckled, “God, it’s been years since I’ve had a Neapolitan shake.”

“Exactly,” He leaned over my desk so we were face to face, “So, how about we head downstairs to open that gift of yours.”

Being with Halvo was easy, it always was. With his arm slung over my shoulder and that small smile on his face, he made it feel like nothing was wrong. We didn’t fight this morning and we were heading out for In-N-Out.

“Open it,” He eyed the box in my hand once we got to the entrance of the building complex

I pulled off the lid to find a bike helmet. It wasn’t particularly fancy or anything- I mean, it was just a bike helmet. My eyes traced the black matte coating of the helmet and up to Halvo’s eyes that were squinted from his grin.

“Okay, this’ll make a lot more sense if you turn around,” He rested the palms of his hands on my shoulders and flipped me around.

Next to his bicycle I’ve seen in the garage was another one with a pale pink coat- not one of those clunky mountain bikes.

“A bike?” My eyes widened, “You spent your money on a bike for me?”

“Stop that,” He pulled my back towards his chest in a hug, “Just think of it as a make up gift for all of the birthdays that I’ve missed.”

“But... why?”

“Well, since I couldn’t bear letting you walk to work every day, I thought biking would be a good alternative to driving,” Halvo grinned and released me, “Ready to go?”

I swung my leg over the new bike and followed his lead. He talked about the multiple times he got pulled over on his bike and I thought back to the last time I rode a bike. It was probably during middle school. John and I would head to the park with Halvo trailing behind, trying his best to catch up. Most of my memories consisted of John and I leaving Halvo behind- even during that brief period in freshman year when we dated.

The sight of In-N-Out made my mouth water and walking into the fast food joint overwhelmed my senses.

“I don’t think I’m ever leaving Arizona again,” I said breathlessly at the sight of the fresh golden fries I missed so much..

Halvo chuckled, “Good.”

He ordered two neapolitan shakes and cheeseburgers with fries that were on the verge of spilling over the tray. We sat outside as the sun set and the temperature cooled.

“Can you believe it’s close to a decade since I had In-N-Out?” I grumbled with my mouth full of fries.

“Damn, we’re getting old, aren’t we, Collins?” He shook his head, “It’s just getting to that weird stage where all of your friends are getting married and having families even though you have your whole life ahead of you...”

“I don’t even know what I want for breakfast tomorrow, let alone what I want to do or who to I want to spend the rest of my life with,” I sputtered out, slowly pushing back the one name I always thought would be my forever.

“But, you have a steady job and you’re not THAT hideous,” Halvo popped a fry into his mouth.

“Hey,” I kicked his leg, “Back in freshman year, you liked my hideous self.”

He shook his head again, laughing, “Those were some weird years, huh?”

I laughed with him until something in my peripheral vision made my entire body go cold.

A tall lanky man hunching over the counter inside the fast food restaurant with a face that matched the picture in the article I reviewed this morning. As I turned my head slowly, he had tattoos that ran up and down his arms. Tattoos I never saw him get.

Oh god.

“I think we have to go,” I stuttered, my eyes still on the man.

“Lou...?” Halvo lightly touched my arm.

“Now, please.” I scrambled from my seat, pulling Halvo up with me.

He was turning, his head was turning. Turning towards us. His eyes slowly traced over people. Those green eyes. I almost forgot how much pain they caused me until they passed over me briefly- but then again with a cold hard stare, trying to figure out of those green eyes were deceiving him. I continued running, feeling those eyes burning a hole through me.

John O’Callaghan knew I was back.