Change

I wake up crying every night. I can't get the awful pictures of my parents out of my mind. I have lost so much sleep, spending days in bed. I don’t really feel like doing much. The only thing I get up to do is go shower or use the bathroom. Other than that I am held up in my room like a prisoner. A prisoner due to myself. I am trapped with reoccurring images in my mind and I can’t seem to change it.

“Rein, May I come in?” My Aunt asks opening the door just a crack.

“Yeah.” I whisper from under my sheets. My Aunt takes off the covers and I get hit will the bright sunlight because she opened my windows. I squint and blink to adjust to the bright lights.

My Aunt sits on the foot of bed not even looking at me. “You need to stop this Reina.” Her voice wavering. I knew exactly what she was talking about. “I am done feeling sorry for you as I watch you mope around the house. If I ever even get to see you.” I look at her, my eyes wide with realization.

My actions since my parents died have been pitiful, and I strive on that pity that I receive from others. I just expect everyone to feel sorry for me, never for anyone to think anything different of me. My aunt’s works stung at first but she was right. I do need to get myself together. Sitting here heartbroken and teary eyed isn’t who I am, it never has been so why should I be anyone different now that my parents are dead. I needed to get back to be the smart and hardheaded girl that I always have been.

“You’re right, Anna.”

“Why not head on outside for awhile. Get some fresh air.” My Aunt smiles looking out the window.

“That doesn’t sound like a bad idea.” I say as I head upstairs to my room to change out of my pajamas I haven’t seemed to want to change out of yet. I grab a pair of cuffed blue jean shorts and a t-shirt from one of many soccer camps I have gone to and slide on a pair of Nikes.

I head inside the barn toward the horses. I stop once I get to the one I saw the other day, I don’t know his name but he seemed to like me. I ran my fingers through his blonde mane as he kept his eyes closed, relaxed and content.

“I’m surprised to see you here.” I turn around a bit startled that he was able to sneak up on me like that and not even notice that he was there. “Hi, by the way.” He smiles reaching over the gate to dump in water.

“Hi,” I say looking at his blue eyes. “Liam, right?”

“Yes, Reina.” He smirks as he says my name. “How’s the cave you call your room?” Oh, ouch. I look at him a bit shocked, “Sorry if that sounded rude but I am in that house quite often and I never seem to see you in there or around and it has been three weeks since you have been here.”

“Three weeks?” I say mainly to myself a bit surprised. That is how long I have been hiding inside my room from the rest of the world. “It has been that long?”

He nods looking at me like I am so odd. “You should consider getting out more.” Pity is what I have been receiving from so many people the past month but this kid hasn’t even seemed to consider that option with me. In a way I was kind of glad that he hasn’t.

“Yeah I know,” I say. I have heard that one too many times lately from Anna.

“Want to go somewhere?” Liam says dropping the bucket in the corner. “You look like you could use it.” I look at him hesitantly. “You can trust me, Reina.”

I nod and he leads me out of the barn, pulling his hair into his hat. “Get in.” He motions to the truck in front of us. We hop in and he takes off on a trail through the tall grass in into some woods.

“Where are you taking me anyways?” I turn to him and his mouth curls into a smile.

“A place,” He says turning off the truck after he parks it in the middle of the woods. Wow he is a lot of help. “I like to go here when I need to clear my head. I think you might like it.” He hops out of the truck and head up the hill calling my name for me to follow him. I hop out of the truck and onto the ground following right behind him as he stands at the top of the hill.

I move to stand next to him. I look up from my feet and I am quite surprised. I look around, taking in the view. It was actually quite beautiful. I follow a stream that leads into a grassy area and just on top of the trees the sun is starting to set all around us.

“Why are you showing me this?” I ask looking at him as I catch his blue-eyed gaze on me.

“I may not have lost both my parents, but I have a feeling I know just what you might be going through,” He says looking at me. “I like to come here to get away from everything and I thought, maybe you would like to know my hiding place.”

“So you just come here and—”

“Realize that I don’t need to feel sorry for myself.” He states. He must know just what my aunt and uncle think about me.

I turn to him and say a bit harshly. “Why would you be feeling sorry for yourself?”

“You aren’t the only person in the world that has lost someone, Reina.” He says patiently. “You do know that, right?”

“Yes.” I say crossing my arms becoming a little irritated with his bluntness.

“Then stop feeling so sorry for yourself.” He says turning to look at me my mouth gaping. “I probably sound like a huge ass to you right now and maybe it is just what you need. You are allowed to feel sorry for yourself but you need to realize that maybe it is time to move on with your life. That is what your parents would want, instead of the emotional wreck that you are at the moment. I have a feeling that behind all this sadness that has engulfed you is a beautiful girl with good heart.” He looks at me with a laugh, “And from your bluntness maybe a little hardheaded?”

“Why are you even trying to help me?” I state.

“Because, like I said, I sort of know how you feel.” He says shoving his hands in his pockets.

“How?” I ask, shifting from one foot to the other.

Liam ignores my question and just looks at me, his blue eyes burning into mine, a flash of sadness comes over them but he just shakes his head. “You are the first person to not feel sorry for me,” I say to Liam as he turns back towards the truck. “And I am glad you helped me realize this, Liam.”

He stops walking and looks back at me. “You’re welcome.” He states and turns back towards the truck making his way down the hill.

I look back at the setting sun and a breeze hits my face. I am happy for Liam and his bluntness at the moment.

“You coming, Reina?” He calls from the truck. I turn and make my way back as the sunsets and the sky grows darker. I didn’t really know who Liam was or what was from his past that caused him to know how I felt, but I was glad that he had the courage to call me out on me and my self pity.