Status: This isn't supposed to offend, I'm sorry if it does
Rainbow Pride
Chapter 7
Over the next couple of weeks, my bedroom became my safe haven, and sometimes not even food would encourage me to leave it. Things had gone down hill pretty fast, and no matter how much I tried to shake it... tried to feel something other than hurt and anger... I couldn't. Kaden and my dad brought me food, and I ate but the thought of having to leave my room scared me.
That all sounds like an extremely dramatic way to react to a word, but it wasn't just a word... it was hate and disgust... everything that I had had to deal with since everyone found out that I was gay. Nobody truly knows how much that word hurts, especially coming from someone that close to you... the only way anyone would truly understand is if it had happened to them, but even then it isn't the same.
My thoughts were all over the place for a while, I hit a rough patch of depression, and I closed myself off from the people that cared. It had been nearly two and a half weeks when I finally took that first step out of my room, and the only thing that kept me from running back inside and locking my door, was the fact that I knew my mum wasn't in the house.
I wasn't sure where I was going, but I ended up at Kaden's house anyway... his parents were at work, so I knew he was home alone, and I just needed... something. I knocked on the door, waiting a few minutes before the door swung open, and Kaden stood staring at me, a smile on his face as he let me in.
"How are you doing?" Kaden asked me as he sat down next to me.
"I'm okay... no that's a lie, I'm not okay but I will be," I replied looking over at him, "I'm sorry I've been distant recently, I just needed time to gather my thoughts and stuff."
"It's fine, I understand Landon... you don't need to apologize."
"I actually do, I over reacted... I let it... I don't know, I just know that I have to apologize," I mumbled although I knew that he could hear me.
"Hey, do you want to watch a film?" Kaden added abruptly changing the subject..
"Yeah, what you got in mind?"
"What about Godzilla?" Kaden suggested.
"We haven't watched that film in forever."
When we first became friends, we would spend hours in my room watching movies, and talking about comic books. It had been our thing I guess, that one thing that we shared without anyone else, and I guess now that we're dating all that stuff kind of has a much bigger meaning.
Once we were settled on Kaden's bed in front of the Television, he started the film and put his arm around me, which surprised me. Normally at his house he was guarded, but he probably knew that I needed the comfort that he always offered me, and for that I was grateful. He moved his arm when the front door slammed shut downstairs, signaling the return of his mum, and although it made my head swim again I understood why he did it.
The truth was, that after having to go through what I was with my mum, I didn't want Kaden to feel as though he had to tell his parents. I couldn't see him go through what I am, and I couldn't see him get hurt if his parents didn't approve, he was too important to me to let that happen. Although neither of us were ready to say it, I loved him and having him with me was enough.
That all sounds like an extremely dramatic way to react to a word, but it wasn't just a word... it was hate and disgust... everything that I had had to deal with since everyone found out that I was gay. Nobody truly knows how much that word hurts, especially coming from someone that close to you... the only way anyone would truly understand is if it had happened to them, but even then it isn't the same.
My thoughts were all over the place for a while, I hit a rough patch of depression, and I closed myself off from the people that cared. It had been nearly two and a half weeks when I finally took that first step out of my room, and the only thing that kept me from running back inside and locking my door, was the fact that I knew my mum wasn't in the house.
I wasn't sure where I was going, but I ended up at Kaden's house anyway... his parents were at work, so I knew he was home alone, and I just needed... something. I knocked on the door, waiting a few minutes before the door swung open, and Kaden stood staring at me, a smile on his face as he let me in.
"How are you doing?" Kaden asked me as he sat down next to me.
"I'm okay... no that's a lie, I'm not okay but I will be," I replied looking over at him, "I'm sorry I've been distant recently, I just needed time to gather my thoughts and stuff."
"It's fine, I understand Landon... you don't need to apologize."
"I actually do, I over reacted... I let it... I don't know, I just know that I have to apologize," I mumbled although I knew that he could hear me.
"Hey, do you want to watch a film?" Kaden added abruptly changing the subject..
"Yeah, what you got in mind?"
"What about Godzilla?" Kaden suggested.
"We haven't watched that film in forever."
When we first became friends, we would spend hours in my room watching movies, and talking about comic books. It had been our thing I guess, that one thing that we shared without anyone else, and I guess now that we're dating all that stuff kind of has a much bigger meaning.
Once we were settled on Kaden's bed in front of the Television, he started the film and put his arm around me, which surprised me. Normally at his house he was guarded, but he probably knew that I needed the comfort that he always offered me, and for that I was grateful. He moved his arm when the front door slammed shut downstairs, signaling the return of his mum, and although it made my head swim again I understood why he did it.
The truth was, that after having to go through what I was with my mum, I didn't want Kaden to feel as though he had to tell his parents. I couldn't see him go through what I am, and I couldn't see him get hurt if his parents didn't approve, he was too important to me to let that happen. Although neither of us were ready to say it, I loved him and having him with me was enough.