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Lost Inside

Drunken Confessions

“Why would you wait until now to get Christmas presents?” Emilia giggled, jogging behind a frantic Caleb in order to keep up. It was three days before Christmas and he finally had enough money to buy decent presents.

“I’ve been dealing with a lot of family stress, okay. Now what do you want?” The boy growled, entering another packed shop in the overly busy mall. He hadn’t had to get Christmas presents in so long that he forgot that you shouldn’t wait this late to get something.

“I already told you what I want, it’s not my fault they’re sold out.” She let out another giggle; Emilia had gone Christmas shopping in October. Caleb growled at her. “Plus, shouldn’t you be worrying about what you’re going to get your honey bun?” She winked.

Caleb groaned. He hadn’t even begun to think about what he wanted to get Declan yet. The man had everything he wanted already. He could always get him another guitar, but those were expensive; Caleb had wanted to get something for his siblings too, but that didn’t look like it was going to happen.

Caleb yelled in triumph when he saw the mahogany and black bag that Emilia had asked for. He quickly snatched it before an Asian woman who had been eyeing it could. Emilia laughed and shook her head at Caleb.

“Merry Christmas.” He grinned cheekily at her.


They had been to almost every store and Caleb didn’t see a single thing that he wanted to give Declan. He was thinking about a nice watch, but that didn’t seem personal enough. He wanted to get Declan something that said how grateful he was for everything the man had done for him. Somehow as they walked around the city, they ended up walking by Declan’s office. Caleb saw the small instrument shop that Declan always spoke of; the man loved that place. Caleb suggested that they go in before they closed. This store wasn’t as packed as pretty much every other store in Manhattan, but there was still quite a lot of people.

Caleb scanned the rows, bypassing the CD’s and wind instruments until he reached the wall of guitars. Caleb was happy to see that a lot of them were custom, meaning that he didn’t have to worry about potentially getting Declan one that he already had.

“Are you getting him a new guitar? That man has way too many already.” Emilia stated, standing beside Caleb.

“I know, least I’ll know that he’d use it, plus he was talking about getting another one anyway.” His eyes scanned the rows upon rows of beautiful instruments until he stopped at a specific one. It was red and faded down a soft white at the top. Black and white realistic birds looked as though they had been painstakingly painted along the body, looking almost as if they were flying right off of the instrument. Caleb didn’t know why, but he knew that Declan would love it.

“I want that one. Emilia go get someone; I don’t wanna leave in case someone else comes and claims it.” The woman rolled her eyes but did as she was told, grumbling the entire time. A frustrated looking employee came not two minutes later and asked which one he would like.

“That one just came back in this morning; it had been sent to another store almost the same day that it had arrived here, like, three months ago.” Caleb didn’t know why the man was telling him this. but he guessed it would be an interesting story to some. “If you would like this wrapped, you need to purchase a case as well.”

Caleb didn’t want to buy a case, Declan didn’t need it, but he really wanted it gift wrapped for him. After consulting his bank account on his cell phone, Caleb realized that it was best if he didn’t have it gift wrapped.

As they left the shop, Caleb couldn’t wipe the grin off of his face; he might have just used every last cent that he had saved, but that was okay. He wanted Declan to know just how grateful he was.

“So you guys are coming to my Christmas party tomorrow, right?” Emilia asked, stuffing her purchases in the trunk before moving over to the driver’s seat of her beat up Chevy Cobalt; she was too attached to it to consider purchasing a newer one.

“Of course we are, why wouldn’t we be coming?”
Emilia grinned.

“Good, because I have something very special planned for you and Mr. Callum. I am so tired of seeing you two flirt your lives away, so tomorrow I am filling almost every inch of my house with mistletoe.” She tittered and pulled out of the parking spot and began driving down the street.

“You do realize that it’s not just me and Declan who are coming to this party, right? Chances are we’ll be kissing a lot of separate people before we kiss each other. If we kiss each other.”

Caleb didn’t want to tell her flat out that he didn’t want this to happen because he very badly wanted it to happen; he was just scared. What if he was mistaking Declan’s playful and flirty behavior as more than it was? What if Declan was just a touchy person? He didn’t want to risk that. Thankfully Emilia actually seemed to be taking his fact into consideration.

“Oh darn, you’re right. I don’t want some douchebag stealing you away, it would break Declan’s heart.” Caleb stopped himself from rolling his eyes. “Alright, no mistletoe, but I’m thinking of another way to hook you guys up.” Caleb couldn’t stop his eyes from rolling to the back of his head this time.

“Whatever, can we just go to your house and wrap all this stuff up?”

Caleb had warned Declan that he might stay the entire day at Emilia’s dealing with last minute Christmas things. Declan had forbidden Caleb from getting him anything too expensive, but of course Caleb never really listens to him much.

The two sat on Emilia’s living room floor, Scooter falling asleep on Caleb’s lap. The floor was covered in wrapping paper, bows, tape and snacks of nearly every kind. They were laughing about everything and nothing in general. Other than the 5 days that he had had with Declan in middle school, Caleb had never had a best friend. He had never had a friend in general. Caleb didn’t know that it would feel so good to have someone to talk to about anything and everything that came to mind. It was freeing. And yes, Caleb thought that he had a great friendship with Declan, but this was different; he couldn’t talk to Declan about his crush on him, that would be weird.

“Millie, gross! I don’t want to hear about your sex life with Adam, that’s just so gross!” Caleb shrieked, giggling into his hand. Emilia rolled her eyes, attempting to stuff a comfy looking throw into a box.

“Just because I have a vagina, doesn’t mean it’s gross.” Caleb shrieked again. “Oh hush, you baby, when you and Declan start doing the dirty, don’t think you can just come and give me details.”
Caleb’s face blazed bright red. He was thankful that it was only him and Millie, otherwise he would stuff himself into a hole and never emerge. He liked having a best friend.

“As if Declan and I are ever going to start ‘doing the dirty’, as you say.” Caleb scoffed. “He definitely does not think of me like that.” It saddened Caleb to admit it.

“And I am telling you that he most definitely does think of you like that.” Emilia poked Caleb in the side with a bottle of wine. “Speaking as a third person, I see the way that he looks at you and acts towards you and I am telling you that that boy wants in your pants so bad.” Caleb choked on his moscato. “I think you should be a big boy and start making some moves, see if he reciprocates...”

She wriggled her eyebrows, getting a piece of tape somehow stuck in her hair; Emilia absolutely hated wrapping gifts.

“And if he doesn’t reciprocate, then what? I’ll tell you what, things get awkward and he asks me to move out!”

“Or...or he admits his undying love for you and you guys have some really hot butt sex.” Caleb began giggling uncontrollably and snorted into his glass of wine. “Plus, if he kicks you out then you totally move in here and we’ll be awesome for like, ever!” The two friends giggle and pour more wine.


Declan was crunching numbers and going over case files in his office. He missed Caleb; the younger man had decided that he wanted to do some last minute Christmas shopping with Emilia. But Declan did have to finish all of this paperwork before the holidays or else he would be so far behind that there would be no catching up. Declan had thought that he would like being an attorney, but it seemed like there was more paperwork than defending the innocent.

The man sighed, rubbing his temple, feeling the migraine coming. He had already gone Christmas shopping a few weeks ago, but of course it was easier for him since he just had money lying around for whenever he needed it. Declan hoped that Caleb hadn’t gone all out and spent a lot of money on him, but he knew that the boy probably spent his entire savings. Declan groaned at the thought of what Caleb could have possibly gotten him; he would love it either way.

He would love anything from that boy because he loved everything about him. Declan couldn’t deny it anymore and he didn’t want to. He was falling head over heels in love with Caleb Barnes. How could he not? Caleb was smart and kind, shy but bold and the most beautiful person Declan could swear he had ever laid eyes on. So why hadn’t he made a move yet? What could be worse than telling someone how you feel and finding out that they didn’t reciprocate your feelings? Declan didn’t know. He didn’t want to risk making things awkward between him and Caleb and if that meant bottling his feelings for the rest of his life then Declan was sure that he would do just that.

It was nearing midnight when Declan’s cell rang; it was Emilia.

“Millie? What’s up? It’s like midnight.” He heard the woman sigh on the other end.

“I know and I would be more than happy to be asleep right now but the love of your life is drunk and wants to go home. I’ve had too much to drink myself, so I don’t want to get behind a wheel, but Caleb complaining might just be the most annoying thing ever.” She chuckled. Declan

couldn’t help the smile that lit his face. Caleb wanted to come home...and he was drunk.

Declan had never seen Caleb drink, so he could only deduce that the boy probably only had a couple of glasses of wine and couldn’t take any more.

“I’ll be there in 10.” Declan was happy to have an excuse to get out of his office. He wondered if he had even planned on going to sleep that night.

The roads were pretty much empty from Declan’s flat to Emilia’s townhouse, so the drive was exactly 10 minutes. When Emilia opened her front door, she was pretty much supporting Caleb’s entire body weight. The young man giggled loudly and threw himself into Declan’s arms.

“Your Christmas present is staying here so you don’t get tempted to peek, but here are the others.” She handed him a bag of already wrapped presents. Declan unceremoniously threw them in his trunk before carefully placing Caleb in the passenger seat and buckling his seatbelt.

“Thanks for watching him. Talk to you tomorrow.”

Declan had never seen Caleb like this, so free. The boy was coming out of his shell, but this was a different side than his usual bubbly self. He giggled without restraint, told Declan that he was handsome and talked continuously about how good of a friend Emilia was.

Declan decided that it was best to leave the presents in the trunk for the time being and simply carry Caleb into the elevator and into their home. Caleb squealed and giggled madly while Declan lifted him bridal style. Caleb wrapped his arms tightly around Declan’s neck and nuzzled the man’s chin. Declan could feel his face heat up; he had only imagined what it would feel like to be this close to Caleb, he only wished the boy was sober.

“Mmm, you smell good, Dec.” Caleb purred into the man’s neck. Declan faltered in his steps, but continued onto the elevator. “You always smell good.” The boy took another whiff, burying his face in Declan’s shoulder.

Declan didn’t know what to do with himself, he definitely liked this much more than he should.

Declan wanted to be disgusted with himself; the thoughts he was having about the boy in his arms right then were anything but pure. Caleb placed the tiniest of kisses to the base of Declan’s neck and the man’s heart seemed to work overtime. Why was Caleb behaving this way?

Another, more firm kiss to Declan’s neck and he was placing the boy back on his feet and pushing him away. As much as Declan was enjoying this - way too much - he couldn’t even think about taking advantage of Caleb like that.

“Why you push me away, Dec?” Caleb slurred. “Do you not like me?” The boy frowned, his bottom lip quivering. Declan wanted to tell him how much he really liked him, but Caleb was drunk, he would most likely not remember any of this in the morning. “Why don’t you like me, Deccy? I love my Deccy.” And how badly Declan wanted that to be true.

“I...I love you too, Caleb, but you’re really drunk right now and I don’t want you to do anything you’ll regret.” He led the boy out of the elevator and into their flat. Caleb was pouting, a confused look on his face. A small smile lit Declan’s face; Caleb was adorable on too many levels.

“But if I love you and you love me, why won’t you let me kiss you?” Declan could feel his knees weaken. If only it was that easy.

“If you can tell me that you love me when you’re sober, then I’ll let you kiss me. Better yet, I’ll kiss you. Now let’s get you into bed.”

Caleb still looked confused as Declan helped him change out of his jeans and jumper into comfortable pajamas. Sober Caleb would be blushing a million shades of red at this.

“So I have to be sober for you to love me?”

Declan chuckled.
 “I love you whether you’re drunk or sober, I just want you to be sober enough to mean what you’re saying, okay?” Caleb giggled, grinned and nodded before throwing himself down on his bed and snuggling into the duvet. Declan chuckled and leaned down to press a light kiss on Caleb’s forehead.


Caleb felt bad. He shouldn’t have done it, but Emilia talked him into it. Hell, Caleb hadn’t even thought he would have enough balls to go through with it and yet...

...So Caleb wasn’t drunk. He had maybe half a glass of wine with Emilia before she talked him into acting drunk and throwing himself at Declan. Caleb had gone through with it. He jumped into the man’s arms, he kissed his neck and he admitted his true feelings; it was honestly all easier than Caleb would have imagined. And the response from Declan...

Caleb laid in bed, staring at the ceiling, finding it very hard to breathe. What should he do with this information? Declan said that he loved him...he said that he loved him drunk or sober. What should he do with that? Quickly rolling onto his side, Caleb picked up his phone and called Emilia. She was clearly still awake.

“Caleb? What happened? Are you sexed up?” Caleb scoffed, glad that Declan’s bedroom was upstairs so the man wouldn’t hear him talking to Emilia.

“No I am not sexed up but I am really confused and I really need you to tell me what to do.” Caleb was panicking. Emilia attempted to calm him down and demanded every single detail of what happened. Caleb relayed everything from the second Emilia closed the door behind the pair until that very second he was talking to her.

“Oh my god...” Emilia breathed out. Even she didn’t think confessions would be pouring out so easily. “He told you he loved you...oh my god.” She shrieked into the phone so loud that Scooter began howling in the background. “Okay, need to tell him tomorrow morning that you remember everything from this night and that you are madly in love with him and you wanna have his babies as soon as possible.” 
Caleb rolled his eyes. That was most definitely not going to happen.

“Why not? Caleb, listen to me, Declan wouldn’t just say something like that, even if you were really drunk and had no idea what he was talking about. In fact, it’s the perfect opportunity to tell you the truth because he’s convinced that you won’t remember it tomorrow morning anyway.” Caleb sighed, he could feel his head beginning to throb. “Look, okay, if you don’t want to tell him how you really feel, then how about you just start acting really flirty.”

“I don’t know how to do that, Millie!” Caleb was close to pulling his hair right out of his head.

“This is where I come in to teach you, grasshopper. Just...okay, tomorrow, tell him how wonderfully his shirt frames his muscles or tell him how you don’t understand how he can make bed-head look so sexy. Things like that.”

“I think you’re confusing me with someone with a shred of confidence. I can’t say that stuff to him!”
Emilia sighed.

 “Do you really love him? Like do you actually want to be with him?”

“Of course, Millie, that’s not the -”

“If you really want to be with this man, you can’t be the shy little boy who’s afraid of his own shadow, okay? That’s cute and all and you can go back to that after he’s yours, but hon, he’s not gonna be available forever. Declan Callum is a very handsome man with many women wanting just a minute of his time.” Caleb sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He knew all of this already. “I’m not saying this to get you down, but just imagine how you would feel if you kept all of these feelings bottled up and watched as he moved on with his life. How would you feel seeing him with someone else when you were so close?”

Caleb didn’t answer. He already knew how he would feel and he was sure that Emilia did as well.

Caleb wouldn’t be able to stand the thought that had he just complimented a ratty t-shirt, he would be the one holding Declan in his arms rather than a complete stranger.

And Caleb’s resolve was made. He would do everything in his power to be able to call Declan Callum his.
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Aw, I love my babies :3 They're just so adorable...I'm allowed to say that since they're mine!

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Josh Cutlip
Sarcastically Blunt
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