Lost Inside

“They know that Jetson and I are in contact with you.” Vanessa sighed. “Jetson swears that he didn’t tell them, but I have no idea how else they could know.”

Caleb had put his head in his hands. He wished Declan didn’t have to go into work. Vanessa’s visit was quite unexpected and he wished she had never come. It was two days after Christmas and Caleb was reveling in the fact that Declan his and their lives were going perfect since that Christmas eve night. Why did Vanessa have to come ruin it.

“Did you tell anyone else...about me?” Caleb finally sighed out.

“I told you that I wouldn’t and I didn’t. Jetson...Jetson told Taylor and I was so angry with him for not being able to keep his mouth shut and I know that Taylor has had no contact with our parents since we last met, so...”

“It all goes back to Jetson.” Caleb didn’t want to meet his parents yet and if Jetson told them that he was in contact with Caleb, what was stopping him from leading them to his house? “He wouldn’t bring them here, would he?” Caleb was terrified for the answer.

“I would kill him if he even dared to try. Mom and dad have called a million times trying to get it out of me where you are, but I haven’t picked up. It’s another reason why I didn’t spend Christmas with them; I could only imagine what that experience would have been like.”

Caleb sighed. What was he supposed to do? If Jetson told his parents where Caleb was, there was absolutely nothing he would be able to do to stop them from coming after him. Who did Jetson think he was? Clearly Caleb didn’t want them to know, so why did he tell them?

“Can I have Jetson’s number?” He finally decided. “I think he and I need to have a talk.”



Caleb was pacing his bedroom, a hyper Benedict running around his legs. The phone was ringing until it went to voicemail. This was the third time he’s tried to call his brother with the same response. Caleb realized that Jetson was attempting to avoid communicating with him, but how long would he be able to hold out?
It wasn’t until later that night when Declan was finally back home that Jetson finally answered.

“Caleb...hey...I uh...how’s it going?” Jetson sounded nervous and Caleb hoped to everything that he wasn’t on speaker phone.

“Don’t play dumb, Jetson, you know why I’m calling and I know why you haven’t been answering any of my calls.”

Declan pulled his attention away from his case files and came to sit beside Caleb on the couch, pushing Benedict onto the ground in the process.

Jetson sighed and seemed to almost stop breathing.

“Okay, well...I take it Vanessa talked to you...about our parents -”

“How could you do this to me, Jetson? You know how I felt about meeting even you and now you think you have the right to decide how I proceed from here?” Caleb was angry; his family was still betraying him years after his leaving. This is why he didn’t want to have any more contact with them.

“You have to talk to mom and dad, Caleb.” Jetson sounded angry. “You can’t tell me that you don’t want to; you’ve been sending them letters and gifts for fuck’s sake!” This rilled Caleb up more;
how dare Jetson feel entitled enough to get angry?

“This is my life, Jetson! You can’t make my decisions for me. Yes, I gave mom and dad a Christmas present, is that a crime now? This is why I haven’t attempted for any contact from any of you since I left; nothing has changed. You people don’t rule my life anymore, you can’t tell me how I feel and what I want! They abandoned me with nothing. How dare you assume you know what I want from those people?”

Declan took Caleb’s hand in his own and pressed a firm kiss to the side of his head. Declan knew that Caleb’s family was still a sore spot for him and he hated seeing the boy stressed out like this.
There was no response from Jetson for 53 seconds. Caleb had been breathing deeply as coached by Declan.

“I didn’t - I didn’t think It’d be such a big deal. You haven’t seen mom these past couple of weeks. She’s - she’s been singing around the house again and I caught her and dad dancing and they laugh now. I just wanted them to know that you were okay...that you were doing okay.”

“Did you tell them where I live, Jetson?” It was the one question he needed answered.

“Of course I didn’t. I’m sorry that I told them anything about you, really, but I promise you that I did not tell them where you live and I won’t tell anyone that, not without permission from you.”
Caleb sighed, relieved.

“Thank you, Jetson. I think...I think it would be best if I just...took some time to myself for a bit...okay?”
Jetson sighed on the other end.

“I really am sorry, Caleb. Just...call whenever you want.”
Declan pulled Caleb into his lap as soon as the boy hung up the phone and began rocking him and pressing kisses on his head. They haven’t kissed since Christmas eve. Of course now Declan was more open with his affection towards Caleb in the form of hugs and cuddles and kisses on every single other inch of skin on Caleb’s face other than his lips.

“What happened? I take it he didn’t tell your parents where you live?” Caleb shook his head. “Do you believe him?” ...Caleb shook his head. It hurt him to say that he didn’t trust his brother still, but he didn’t trust anyone in his family, even Vanessa. He wanted so badly to know for sure that Jetson didn’t let his address or the name of his living companion slip, but he was almost positive that Jetson had. Even if the boy didn’t tell his parents where his brother lived, the name Declan Callum might have slipped out.

“I feel like he might have...”

“Told them my name? Yeah, I’m thinking that too.”
Caleb sighed and buried his head in Declan’s chest with a groan. Benedict attempted to jump up on the couch and instead smacked his face against it and fell to the ground. This got a small smile out of Caleb.

“Why is my life so difficult? Am I allowed to say that since I know a lot of people have it so much worse?”
Declan chuckled.

“Yes, you are allowed to ask why your life sucks because it did...before you met me, of course, but that’s because I’m awesome.” Caleb poked the man’s side and let out a cute giggle. Declan pecked the tip of his nose. Caleb wanted to be kissed again. He loved feeling Declan’s lips on his but for some reason Declan hasn’t attempted to make another move on him and Caleb wanted to know why. He wanted to ask, but he didn’t want to sound stupid, plus he didn’t feel that he should have to ask to be kissed. Caleb really wanted to know what his relationship with Declan was now that they had shared that moment. He wanted to ask, but he was afraid of what Declan would say.

“You should make me feel better.” Caleb pouted, going with the one moment of nerve he’s had in over three days.

Declan’s eyebrows shot into his hairline. He had been looking for a reason to be close to Caleb again and really he knew that he probably doesn’t need a reason, but he’s still too much of a coward.

“Oh yeah, well...I did get you a dog, so what else do want from me?” All the while they were moving closer to one another.
Caleb’s eyes shifted from Declan’s eyes to his mouth and back again. So much temptation.

“I don’t know...what do you think will cheer me up?”

Declan couldn’t find words. Caleb was always so fearful and shy that the fact that he was practically asking to be kissed was sign to Declan that he had waited too long to make another move. He didn’t think he needed anymore words at this point.

It was just as wonderful as the previous time. Their lips meshed perfectly into each others, light yet firm. Caleb’s hands wrapped into Declan’s loose fitting tee while Declan held Caleb’s waist firmly with one hand and his cheek with the other. Declan wanted to make this boy his officially. They could continue to kiss and be close, but since they weren’t officially an item, Declan was afraid that someone was going to come along and steal Caleb from him. He was surprised that no one had tried already, well, other than Scott.

When they broke apart, Caleb’s face was dusted a light shade of pink and he had a shy smile on his face. Declan didn’t know what had been holding him back for so long, so he just went for it.

“Would you like to...go out with me sometime. I...should have asked already, but...like a...date.” He wanted to slap himself for sounding so nervous.
Caleb’s smile only grew bigger and Declan’s fears dissipated. Caleb could only nod, not trusting his own words. This was everything he had ever hoped for since...since he first saw who had taken him in. Was this really happening?

“Great!” Declan exclaimed. “Yeah...uh...I’ll make a reservation...or something...to somewhere....nice.”

Declan lifted Caleb off of him and placed him back down onto the couch. He jumped up excitedly and ran into his office. Caleb let out a small giggle and took out his phone to message Emilia. He was surprised that he had already forgotten the phone call with his family. Declan just had that effect on him.



Caleb was working until 3 and then he would be off until the 3rd of January, so Declan knew that he would have enough time to plan an amazing date. He was just freaking out because he didn’t know what he should do. Dinner and a movie? That was too cliché, but romantic nonetheless. What else was there to do? Ice skating? Watching the ball drop on New Years? Declan groaned and smacked his head against his desk.

The man was currently in his office, trying to negotiate with police officers who had his client held in the jail cell overnight. He was in for an assault charge and the rich bastard hired Declan to get him off. Declan hated his job sometimes; defending idiots like this was one of the reasons why. Also, he would have much rather been at home cuddling with Caleb or stalking him at work.

There was a light knock on Declan’s door followed by his secretary, Mandy, walking in. She was young, tall and blonde and Declan was pretty sure that she had already named their children.

“Mr. Callum,” She batted her long eyelashes at him. “There’s a young woman here who says she works here and knows you, a miss Vanessa Barnes.”
Declan’s brow furrowed. Why did Vanessa want to see him? It had been two days since she had seen Caleb and told him about their brother ratting to their parents and she hasn’t tried calling since. Declan hoped everything was alright.

“Yeah, you can send her in.” Declan noticed the forced smile she sent his way and her very clipped ‘alright’, but he ignored it and rolled his eyes at her turned back. There was only one person for his eyes.

Vanessa gave the secretary a polite smile and closed the door behind her. She was dressed for work and clutched her small purse tightly in her hands. She sat almost rigidly and Declan knew that he was not going to like what she told him. Vanessa licked her rouge lips and looked straight into Declan’s eyes.

“I’m sorry, Declan, for what I’m about to say, but...I couldn’t tell Caleb yet.” Declan sighed and put his head in his hands. He wished he had never gotten involved in Caleb’s family because it was essentially all his fault that this was happening. If he had just minded his own business, then Caleb would still be in the dark about his family, just like he wanted.

“What is it, Vanessa?”
She cleared her throat and turned away; her eyes had misted.

“Jetson...I don’t know what’s wrong with him, but he called me frantically yesterday and -” She took a deep breath and turned her gaze to the man in front of her. “I think you need to take Caleb away and lose contact with the family.” Declan was taken aback. “It hurts me so much to say this because I have missed my little brother so much, but I understand what he is going through and why he doesn’t want to have contact with mom and dad. Jetson on the other hand, is still their little puppet, no matter how much he tries to deny it. He told them, Declan...they know where you live.”



Declan paced around his office, running a hand nervously through his hair. Another 35 minutes and he would leave to go pick up Caleb from work. How was he supposed to tell him? Declan had told Vanessa that she needed to be the one to sit with her brother and explain all of this, but she was headed to New Jersey to try and stop her parents from coming to find their son. She promised to message Declan with their response, but she was nowhere close to getting there yet and Caleb would have to know about this. Where were they supposed to go? Declan couldn’t just up and leave his job with no warning, not unless he never wanted to find another job in his profession ever again and Caleb too had a job that he loved.

If it came down to it, would Declan leave everything to be with Caleb? Yes...yes he would. Hopefully they could avoid that option.

Mandy popped her head into the office and sent him a worried look.

“Is everything alright, Mr. Callum?” She came in front of him and placed a hand on his arm. Declan quickly took a few steps back and went to sit back at his desk in order to not make it so obvious that he didn’t want her touch.

“Yeah, everything’s fine, Mandy. What is it that I can help you with?”
The young woman placed a folder on his desk.

“This is the case file that you asked for and your client is requesting that you meet with him as soon as possible to work on his case.” She paused before taking a seat on the chair across from his desk. “If you don’t mind me just giving you a piece of advice,” He did, but he let her continue anyway. “Whatever is going on in your life...with that girl or whatever, it all seems to be stressing you out a lot and you don’t need that kind of stress in your life. I’ve attended a few self-help seminars and they’ve all taught me that when something is creating turmoil and stress in your life, it’s time to hang that thing up, say goodbye and move on. Sometimes it’s not worth saving, no matter how much you might think it is.” It was more than obvious that she was telling him to ditch Vanessa and move on, but Declan saw it in another light. She had a point, sometimes things aren’t worth saving and perhaps if they are, they can be saved at a later time. Right now, Caleb’s family was the biggest stressor in the boy’s life and he needed to hang them up and move on without them.

They had attempted to move on without him, so why couldn’t he do the same?

Declan grabbed his jacket from its hook by the door and grabbed his briefcase and case file.

“Thanks, Mandy.” And he was out the door.

Caleb would definitely be angry and stressed, but Declan was hoping that the boy would sit and listen to him for just one second. Vanessa had said the same thing as Mandy, just not in so many words and Declan wished he had listened to her first and gotten out of there sooner. It was time to start another life, a life without the rest of the Barnes.



Caleb wasn’t expecting Declan to show up to the library before he was off, but it was a welcome surprise. Libraries were sort of going out of style, but New York was so large and the library was so intricate and bountiful that it was a popular tourist site and the second home of many college students. Caleb had been assigned section 13, upstairs history and was putting away some volumes when he caught sight of the handsome man strutting his way. Declan was as handsome as ever in his perfectly tailored suit and coiffed auburn hair; Caleb couldn’t stop the smile from making its way across his face.

“What are you doing here so early? I’m still on for another 20 minutes.” Caleb whispered, giggling when Declan pulled him in for a tight hug.

“I couldn’t wait to see you.” The older man smiled, taking Caleb’s hand and pulling him deeper into the library into a well hidden corner. “I have some...news.” Declan sighed, messing up his hair with his fingers.
Caleb’s happy mood shifted. Bad news? What kind of bad news.

“I know that this can just wait until we get home, but...I wanted to tell you, to...figure out if we’re going tonight.” If Caleb was confused before, it was nothing compared to how he was feeling right then. Not going home? Why? “I got a visit from your sister today.”

And Caleb immediately knew. The boy sighed and sank onto the ground, head in his hands. Declan immediately sank down with him and took the boy’s hands in his own, trying to look into his eyes. Caleb was adamantly avoiding Declan’s eyes; he refused to let the man see him cry anymore.

“I’m so sorry, baby.” Declan knew that Caleb would be upset, but he had hoped not to make the boy cry. Declan gathered the boy in his arms and let Caleb cry onto his shoulder. “I know this isn’t what you want to hear right now, but I promise I’ll make it okay.” Declan didn’t know exactly how he was going to do this, but he was going to make it alright somehow. Caleb didn’t deserve any of the hell that his family put him through and Declan would be damned if they caused him any more pain.

The couple sat on the floor in the corner for the rest of Caleb’s shift, after which, Declan walked the boy to the break room and stood outside while he grabbed his things and clocked out. Declan didn’t let go of Caleb’s hand for one second as they walked to the car and then drove to the flat. When Declan put the car in park, Caleb sat still in his seat, refusing to move.

Declan went around to the passenger side and took Caleb’s hands in his own. The boy searched his eyes for some sort of answer, his own were bloodshot and swollen.

“I won’t let anyone hurt you any more. I promise.”
Caleb gave a small nod and made his way out of the car. Declan immediately took him in for a tight hug and kissed the top of his head. If Mr. and Mrs. Barnes were at the flat, Declan was sure that he was going to hit someone.

Caleb was squeezing Declan’s hand tightly the entire elevator ride up to the flat, but thankfully, there was no one waiting for them in front of the door. The nerves took a real toll out of Caleb because as soon as he showered and changed out of his work clothes, he went up to Declan’s bedroom and fell right to sleep.

Declan sighed as he watched the boy rest. Declan didn’t understand how someone as innocent as Caleb could go through all of the trauma of his life. He had asked himself this question so many
times that it had become almost a chant; why, why why?

Declan raised himself from the bed and made his way downstairs into the kitchen to get himself something to eat. The phone rang halfway through his bowl of cereal; it was the doorman. Declan’s heart leapt into his throat; are they here?

“Mr. Callum, hello, Miss Retter is here to see you.” Declan let out a breath, but was immediately confused. Since when did the doorman call for Emilia? He normally just let her come up. “Also there is a Mr. and Mrs. Barnes here who say that there son lives with you.”