Stop Playing Around

“How’d it go?” Gerard asks.

“I have no idea. I don’t have any context to compare it with,” Frank replies.

“You okay?”

“No not particularly,” Frank says. Gerard can pretty much tell that Frank isn’t doing too well, he looks shaky to all hell, and pallid in skin tone. It’s his first job interview so it’s not completely ridiculous that he’s so anxious. Though Gerard is glad they didn’t pick a job he really wanted to start out with, because going by the state of him, Frank’s not going to be getting this job.

“Yeah I can see that,” Gerard nods, standing up. The office that Frank’s interview is held in is rather dismal. It’s the kind of place creativity and aspiration go to die a slow painful death. Frank should be glad he didn’t get a job here, he just doesn’t know that yet. The whole building reeks of dereliction.

“You don’t want to work here anyway,” Gerard says, standing up and looking around.

“Why do you say that?”

“This place makes my skin crawl,” Gerard shrugs, “there’s just no color in here. The walls are white, the floor is grey, the clocks are analog, and the windows are facing parking lots.”

“Is that bad?”

Gerard shrugs, “I don’t want to make any harsh judgments, but employees that work in places like these are the ones you find hanging in their closets by their off-grey neckties.”

“So not good?”

“Very very not good,” Gerard answers, “Don’t worry, though. We’ll find you a job.”

“Okay, but what then?” Frank asks. They walk down a hall that seems to be getting narrower and narrower as they walk along it like they’re in a nightmare. They might actually be, this place is suffocating.

“Well then you go to work every morning at seven, leave everyday at about six, eat cheap food that has no flavor, and go to bed in 300 thread count sheets.”

“You’re missing the part in between where I have to find an apartment.”

“That’s not going to happen for a long time,” Gerard says. “You have absolutely nothing to your name. Basically, you have whatever pennies you find on the sidewalk. That is how much money you have. Until we find you a job, that’s all you’re going to have. Once you find a job, you save up for a long time, and then probably find yourself a roommate and move out of my home.”

“You’re too good a person, Gerard. Way too good. You shouldn’t be so nice to me, even if it’s in a critical way.”

“I threw your PlayStation down a flight of stairs.”

Frank snorts, “Yeah you did do that. I was a prick that day.”

“You’re still a prick,” Gerard shrugs, “you’re just not as big of a prick.”

“Thanks,” Frank nods. They step out of the building and Gerard can breathe freely for the first time in over an hour. Most of Frank’s interview took place in the waiting room while they waited for it to start.

“So tell me, Frank,” Gerard asks, “was this whole bratty little boy character a façade to impress your father with how much of an asshole you were, or are you just a bratty little boy who never grew up?”

“That’s such a territorial question, like you’re trying to back me into a wall,” Frank says. “I’ve been accustomed to a certain way of behaving my whole life. A certain way or walking, of talking, or more accurately, not talking. I was never really allowed to talk to my dad, because whatever I said was unimportant or stupid. Usually both. We are our temperament aren’t we? Our environment is what decides that. The way we’re taught, the way we grow up, that’s who we become. No one is all good or all bad. I like to think I’m a good person who puts his foot in his mouth every time he speaks, but I’m not a good person in the way that I believe myself to be kind. I just don’t see myself as bad.”

“Then answer another question for me,” Gerard says, stopping on the sidewalk to look at him intently, “why did you really ask me to come with you today?”

“I was nervous,” Frank says, turning a shade of pink.

“No, that’s not a complete answer. I’m asking you an essay question, you’ve got to give me an appropriate answer. Sure, nervousness might have played a role in it, but you could’ve asked Brendon, or you could have sucked it up and done this by yourself.”

“Brendon kind of scares me. Besides he had to work.”

“Valid point, but still.”

“I just... Gerard, I don’t know that I’m ever going to be able to say sorry enough for what I’ve done to you. I have to try to rewrite my whole life, starting from a new square and I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. You are literally all I have right now. I would be living in a cardboard box if it weren’t for you, and I want to be able to show you that I’m trying. Really, I am. I just don’t know what I’m trying to do quite yet,” Frank states. Gerard nods and then starts walking again. Frank catches up after a second of being a little surprised by Gerard’s flat response.

“So you’re trying to impress me?” Gerard asks.

“Not per se. I’m trying to not let you down,” Frank says, “I mean, you have faith in me that I’m going to be able to get a job, when even my own father didn’t think that highly of me.”

“Your dad was a jerk,” Gerard says, “your dad didn’t file his own tax returns on what was quite possibly a secret double life he was leading behind your back, and he didn’t give a shit about you.”

“My worst fear is that I’m going to end up like him,” Frank confesses. Gerard turns to look at Frank when he says that, interested in how he came to that conclusion, or when he came to it.

“Go on,” Gerard says when Frank doesn’t expand on his sentence.

“I don’t want to end up like him. That sounds terrifying. I don’t want to be infamous for mistreating people in third world countries. My father didn’t even hide the fact that he used sweatshops, there’s a million articles written about what a jerk he was. Man, he was just... what a fucking douchebag. I don’t wanna be like him. I would hate that. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. Like, he’s just such an awful person. He abandoned me the first time in my life when I actually needed him, he abandoned me, and I could never be like that. Then again, if I ever did turn out like him I’d be too busy being in love with myself to notice it happened.”

“So what do you want to be then?”

Frank frowns and shrugs, not saying anything for a long moment before he gets a smile and says, “I wanna be the very best. Like no one ever was.”

Gerard snorts, “So you’re a massive dork then.”

“Gerard, I live on your couch, I can literally see your DVD collection a foot away from where my head is every night. You want to call me a dork, fine, but take that up with the extended editions you have of Star Wars and Lord of the Rings,” Frank responds.

“I’ve never denied that status though. Besides, you should see my comic book collection.”

“Is that an invitation?”

“I don’t know if I trust you that much yet,” Gerard shrugs.

“With a comic book collection?” Frank asks, eyes narrowed at him.

“You have no idea how much value I put on superheroes.”

“Evidently not.”

Gerard would deny it if anyone asked him, and he’s good enough at hiding it so it’s not likely that anyone’s going to ask him in the first place, but he finds Frank attractive. Aesthetically. And maybe as a person too. He won’t own up to that though. He won’t own up to either, but especially the fact that he kind of likes Frank despite the fact that he’s a bit of a jerk.

Maybe it’s just because Frank really is a smart guy with a really good brain between his ears. Also a nice face between his ears, but that’s beside the point.

He likes the kid. So what? Frank needs his help and he’s got those puppy dog eyes which Gerard can’t believe he never noticed. They’re so big and brown and gorgeous.

When Gerard had invited Frank to live with him, liking him had not been part of the plan. The plan had been trying not to kill Frank or rip his hair out. He was trying to convince himself not to fantasize about kicking Frank’s severed head around, he never thought he’d like the guy. Gross. But then...

He reasons with himself that Frank only ever really showed him one side of his personality. He was never the real Frank, the one that Gerard’s getting to know. Gerard knows that that was still Frank, still the same person, but no one is just transparent. Gerard had thought that he knew who Frank was and that was his first mistake. He’s not the person Gerard thought, and he was wrong.

Gerard’s not really the person that Frank thought he was either. He always disregarded Gerard, thought he was an idiot who got by on his looks. Probably because he’d never had a proper conversation with the guy. He’s still somewhat of an idiot to Frank, but that’s mostly socially, he’s not an actual idiot. Well maybe a little bit. In an endearing way.

Frank’s told himself that he’s not allowed to like Gerard though. Gerard is the guy who’s nice enough to let him stay on his couch. Besides, he’s probably not gay. Frank’s not good at detecting these things. He is very bad at perceiving subtleties. You’ve got to smack him in the face if you’re trying to make a point.

That’s not the point though, Frank had told himself not to like Gerard, because that is crossing the line big time. He tells himself not to like Gerard that is, but that doesn’t mean he’s very good at listening.