Toxic Waste
Round One
It's amazing, really. So many people can say they are on your side, or are your "friend," but at the end of the day...
They're gone.
Poof.
Like magic.
Or like some damn repellent.
After Tyler broke up with me, my friends were comforting at first, but one by one they went away. The last to leave, Bernadette (or Bee for short), flat out told me why they were all leaving my side: They wanted Tyler, and the only reason they were even "close" to me was because of Tyler. Don't get me wrong, I knew these girls were always shady, but I didn't actually want to believe that my paranoia could be so on point about this. I knew people were jealous that I dated him, but I didn't see why. So why did they silently hope that he would leave me? Oh wait...
They just wanted to jump him like a puma.
And if the rumors were true, Bee did. Whatever. I knew she'd be the one to worry about the most, no matter how often Tyler assured me he didn't like her. Well tell that to me now, kid, you two are practically fornicating in the middle of the food court as we speak. This little spell he's under won't last for long, he doesn't like anything exciting, or fun, or bold, or rebellious...Or...Basically he doesn't like a lot of things that I am.
You see, my mother died in a car accident earlier this year, and it hit me hard. We weren't terribly close, but everyone just kept telling me that I was so much like her, that I resembled her, that I almost WAS her....And that was a problem to me. My goal in life was to be the OPPOSITE of her, not be her twin! I was going to be an individual, not her. My mother went from being a fun-loving girl to a bitter woman. Almost everyone wonders what happened to change her so much, but I knew why: I don't think she was done living her life before I was born. She had the tendency to party a little, or so I've heard, and when she heard she was pregnant, she just turned her whole life around.
Touching, I know. But you don't know what else happened.
She became a machine. Work, work, eat, work, home, work at home, eat, sleep. Same thing, just a different day. Never once did she come to a recital. Never once did she make it to see me in my prom or homecoming dress. Never once did she compliment me on a change in my hair, or my face, or....Anything....
My dad isn't much better, and he never was much. He was absent almost as much as her. The only thing that he did different was attempting to make it to my little "milestone's" in life. He was there for pictures, a recital, and he noticed my most recent change: my clothes. He told me he thought that my new style matched me more than my old--praise God.
Then there's Tyler....
Mother approved, Father was iffy. Mother loved the fact that Tyler was born into a wealthy family, that he was a gentlemen (wasn't too grand of one, if you ask me), that he seemed to know what he wanted to do in his life and how to achieve it, AND that he seemed to know what my life (well, his "future wife's" ) would be like and when she would marry him and bare his fruit.
Hell no. I do not need to live with someone who is like my mother.
You could say that this is where the problems in my relationship with him started.
We both noticed, but we didn't do anything. We kept burying them, and burying them...and burying them....Until one day, which happened to be the day after my mom's funeral, he decided he couldn't take it.
"What happened to the old you, huh?" He shouted, "What happened to the girl with the dresses and skirts, and heels and flats? Where did you go, Kay?"
I snapped my head up at him. All the frustration I had in me was going to come out at that point, and I knew it. I knew I wasn't going to censor myself any longer, "Life fuckin' happened, Ty! I was NEVER a fan of dressing or being like I was. That was my MOTHER! She always wanted me to be a prim and proper woman, but I just...It was suffocating! I'm sorry that I'd rather be in leggings or a large flannel than a skater skirt and crop top! I'm sorry that I'd rather wear beanies than headbands with a flower! And my GOD, I'm sorry that you seem so damn disappointed in me, but what I'm not sorry for is finally taking a step into becoming who I want to be!"
He saw that I was crying, but he never reached out to comfort me. That's when it hit me--He was going to end it. He was going to leave me when I was in a dark place, but my God was I happy that he was. I didn't have the heart to end it with him, and I always knew that he would be the one to sever the ties.
"See," he gestures to me, "THIS is what I'm talking about! You are changing because of the funeral. I get that you are devastated, but this isn't the way to go abou--"
"No! Do NOT even try to pin this one her death! I was changing long before that, and you know it! You know that ever since February that I was changing, you just didn't want to admit it! And why not, Tyler? Didn't you want to know what was going through your girlfriend's head? Or did you realize at that point that you didn't even like me enough to try and figure it out?"
"You know, you forgot to put the EX before girlfriend! I can't take it, Kay, I can't--"
"STOP calling me Kay! It is the most revolting thing you and our friends have ever called me! My name is Kara! Not Kay, not Kar, just KARA!"
"FINE! KARA WE ARE DONE! I am not going to put up with this bullshit anymore!"
I smirk and laugh. "Good, don't let the door hit you on the way out, asshole."
And that, my friends, is only the first round to this battle...
It's the end of July now, and I have yet to figure out how I'm going to make it through my senior year alone. The people at my school don't seem to like me now that I am "weird". Please, tell me how deciding you wanted to be happy made you "weird". Go on. Oh, can't do it? Thought so.
I sigh and scroll through my Instagram feed. Cute quote, nice workout tip...Whoa. Who is this?
I stop scrolling and stare at the picture. Just seeing the name makes my heart ache. My best friend moved away when we were in seventh grade. He was everything to me back then...Christian Steele...
Wait. He tagged me in the picture and the caption reads:
"It's been too long, but I'm coming home!" Add a few emojis to it, and you have the best news ever!
Well, it would be the best news ever, but he chose a horrendous picture of me from when we were kids. My childhood wasn't the best, in terms of body that is. I was a pudgy, little shit. He just never cared. And this picture proves it.
I have one arm draped across his shoulders, the other propped against my hip in a sassy manner, my hair is messy due to all the running we probably just got done doing (I think this was after we threw firecrackers into his neighbors' backyards), but I had the biggest smile on my face.
I scroll through the comments, and some of them make my small self-esteem become even smaller (never thought that was possible).
"Who's the pillsbury dough boy"
"Is that a girl or what?"
"My, my, my...Bae you were cute even back then!" Oh wait, that didn't have anything to do with me.
"Why not choose a more significant picture? I'm sure that you had more friends than...THAT"
Ouch.
I like the picture and comment, "I can't wait to see you! But you probably should've picked a better picture....I mean, I know it's hard to find one (especially if I'm in them), but come on! Maybe when we didn't look like absolute shit, Christian!"
That makes the picture blow up. Literally. Everyone and their mother begins to comment at me, saying there is no way I'm the girl in the picture simply because I was thinner.
Well, honey, that's what happens when you dedicate a lot of time at a gym after having an argument with your mother about how "fat" you are. After so much ridiculing, it finally drove me mad and I decided to show her.
And I did.
But that doesn't matter, what matters now is that he commented back to me, "I miss you, Kar Bear! I'll be at your house tomorrow morning, 10 on the dot! If you're even a second late answering that door, I will leave and never talk to you again."
"No need to be that harsh, Chrissy," I cringe at the nicknames we gave each other when we were six, "But you should know that I have issues waking up before noon nowadays."
"Sucks to suck."
"Rude."
"I know"
"I'll see you tomorrow, 10 sharp. I'll try my best to be ready!"
With a smile and an overwhelming feeling in my stomach, I finally realize that maybe my summer won't be as sucky as it was originally with him coming home. Maybe there's a chance to save it!
They're gone.
Poof.
Like magic.
Or like some damn repellent.
After Tyler broke up with me, my friends were comforting at first, but one by one they went away. The last to leave, Bernadette (or Bee for short), flat out told me why they were all leaving my side: They wanted Tyler, and the only reason they were even "close" to me was because of Tyler. Don't get me wrong, I knew these girls were always shady, but I didn't actually want to believe that my paranoia could be so on point about this. I knew people were jealous that I dated him, but I didn't see why. So why did they silently hope that he would leave me? Oh wait...
They just wanted to jump him like a puma.
And if the rumors were true, Bee did. Whatever. I knew she'd be the one to worry about the most, no matter how often Tyler assured me he didn't like her. Well tell that to me now, kid, you two are practically fornicating in the middle of the food court as we speak. This little spell he's under won't last for long, he doesn't like anything exciting, or fun, or bold, or rebellious...Or...Basically he doesn't like a lot of things that I am.
You see, my mother died in a car accident earlier this year, and it hit me hard. We weren't terribly close, but everyone just kept telling me that I was so much like her, that I resembled her, that I almost WAS her....And that was a problem to me. My goal in life was to be the OPPOSITE of her, not be her twin! I was going to be an individual, not her. My mother went from being a fun-loving girl to a bitter woman. Almost everyone wonders what happened to change her so much, but I knew why: I don't think she was done living her life before I was born. She had the tendency to party a little, or so I've heard, and when she heard she was pregnant, she just turned her whole life around.
Touching, I know. But you don't know what else happened.
She became a machine. Work, work, eat, work, home, work at home, eat, sleep. Same thing, just a different day. Never once did she come to a recital. Never once did she make it to see me in my prom or homecoming dress. Never once did she compliment me on a change in my hair, or my face, or....Anything....
My dad isn't much better, and he never was much. He was absent almost as much as her. The only thing that he did different was attempting to make it to my little "milestone's" in life. He was there for pictures, a recital, and he noticed my most recent change: my clothes. He told me he thought that my new style matched me more than my old--praise God.
Then there's Tyler....
Mother approved, Father was iffy. Mother loved the fact that Tyler was born into a wealthy family, that he was a gentlemen (wasn't too grand of one, if you ask me), that he seemed to know what he wanted to do in his life and how to achieve it, AND that he seemed to know what my life (well, his "future wife's" ) would be like and when she would marry him and bare his fruit.
Hell no. I do not need to live with someone who is like my mother.
You could say that this is where the problems in my relationship with him started.
We both noticed, but we didn't do anything. We kept burying them, and burying them...and burying them....Until one day, which happened to be the day after my mom's funeral, he decided he couldn't take it.
"What happened to the old you, huh?" He shouted, "What happened to the girl with the dresses and skirts, and heels and flats? Where did you go, Kay?"
I snapped my head up at him. All the frustration I had in me was going to come out at that point, and I knew it. I knew I wasn't going to censor myself any longer, "Life fuckin' happened, Ty! I was NEVER a fan of dressing or being like I was. That was my MOTHER! She always wanted me to be a prim and proper woman, but I just...It was suffocating! I'm sorry that I'd rather be in leggings or a large flannel than a skater skirt and crop top! I'm sorry that I'd rather wear beanies than headbands with a flower! And my GOD, I'm sorry that you seem so damn disappointed in me, but what I'm not sorry for is finally taking a step into becoming who I want to be!"
He saw that I was crying, but he never reached out to comfort me. That's when it hit me--He was going to end it. He was going to leave me when I was in a dark place, but my God was I happy that he was. I didn't have the heart to end it with him, and I always knew that he would be the one to sever the ties.
"See," he gestures to me, "THIS is what I'm talking about! You are changing because of the funeral. I get that you are devastated, but this isn't the way to go abou--"
"No! Do NOT even try to pin this one her death! I was changing long before that, and you know it! You know that ever since February that I was changing, you just didn't want to admit it! And why not, Tyler? Didn't you want to know what was going through your girlfriend's head? Or did you realize at that point that you didn't even like me enough to try and figure it out?"
"You know, you forgot to put the EX before girlfriend! I can't take it, Kay, I can't--"
"STOP calling me Kay! It is the most revolting thing you and our friends have ever called me! My name is Kara! Not Kay, not Kar, just KARA!"
"FINE! KARA WE ARE DONE! I am not going to put up with this bullshit anymore!"
I smirk and laugh. "Good, don't let the door hit you on the way out, asshole."
And that, my friends, is only the first round to this battle...
It's the end of July now, and I have yet to figure out how I'm going to make it through my senior year alone. The people at my school don't seem to like me now that I am "weird". Please, tell me how deciding you wanted to be happy made you "weird". Go on. Oh, can't do it? Thought so.
I sigh and scroll through my Instagram feed. Cute quote, nice workout tip...Whoa. Who is this?
I stop scrolling and stare at the picture. Just seeing the name makes my heart ache. My best friend moved away when we were in seventh grade. He was everything to me back then...Christian Steele...
Wait. He tagged me in the picture and the caption reads:
"It's been too long, but I'm coming home!" Add a few emojis to it, and you have the best news ever!
Well, it would be the best news ever, but he chose a horrendous picture of me from when we were kids. My childhood wasn't the best, in terms of body that is. I was a pudgy, little shit. He just never cared. And this picture proves it.
I have one arm draped across his shoulders, the other propped against my hip in a sassy manner, my hair is messy due to all the running we probably just got done doing (I think this was after we threw firecrackers into his neighbors' backyards), but I had the biggest smile on my face.
I scroll through the comments, and some of them make my small self-esteem become even smaller (never thought that was possible).
"Who's the pillsbury dough boy"
"Is that a girl or what?"
"My, my, my...Bae you were cute even back then!" Oh wait, that didn't have anything to do with me.
"Why not choose a more significant picture? I'm sure that you had more friends than...THAT"
Ouch.
I like the picture and comment, "I can't wait to see you! But you probably should've picked a better picture....I mean, I know it's hard to find one (especially if I'm in them), but come on! Maybe when we didn't look like absolute shit, Christian!"
That makes the picture blow up. Literally. Everyone and their mother begins to comment at me, saying there is no way I'm the girl in the picture simply because I was thinner.
Well, honey, that's what happens when you dedicate a lot of time at a gym after having an argument with your mother about how "fat" you are. After so much ridiculing, it finally drove me mad and I decided to show her.
And I did.
But that doesn't matter, what matters now is that he commented back to me, "I miss you, Kar Bear! I'll be at your house tomorrow morning, 10 on the dot! If you're even a second late answering that door, I will leave and never talk to you again."
"No need to be that harsh, Chrissy," I cringe at the nicknames we gave each other when we were six, "But you should know that I have issues waking up before noon nowadays."
"Sucks to suck."
"Rude."
"I know"
"I'll see you tomorrow, 10 sharp. I'll try my best to be ready!"
With a smile and an overwhelming feeling in my stomach, I finally realize that maybe my summer won't be as sucky as it was originally with him coming home. Maybe there's a chance to save it!
♠ ♠ ♠
Hey ya'll, new story. Whatcha think?