I Found a Way

Alec:

The sun sank over the horizon, taking with it any warmth my bedroom held, turning it into the prison it had become every night for weeks now. The harsh white street light glared into my room, like a searchlight hunting for flaws. It was only fair that the harshest, most unflattering of all lighting would rest on me as I stood before the mirror. The glare emphasised my bony structure, leaving me with no other choice but to turn from the mirror in the hopes that I could escape my reflection. As I turned, the curtains fluttered closed, cutting off the only source of light in my room, shrouding everything in darkness.

Panic began to take over my senses as I realised who had entered my room- 'No, please, no-' I begged as my room grew colder and colder, icy fingertips reaching towards me, caressing my body, lifting me off the ground. My attempts at struggling were futile as the being entered my mind, ripping past my already weak boundaries and molesting my thoughts yet again, fingertips turned to claws, ripping my happiness to shreds as they replaced those memories with the worst experiences of my life, reminding me that, beneath the exterior I was worthless, pathetic, a waste of space.

Even Magnus thinks you're trivial, the voice hissed, bringing up the memory of that particular argument, warping it into something entirely different before moving onto the next and the next ensuring that he had twisted every experience I shared with Magnus before releasing me. I fell to the floor, curling up in foetal position, shivering from fear and cold as the demon lowered himself onto my limp form, straddling my hips and ripping my shirt open, before raking it's claws down my chest, as if trying to pair each stab to my mind with a stab to my body, emphasising the pain I felt on both accounts.

Only when the pain became unbearable, when my body felt limp and broken and my mind had been ripped to shreds did he leave my body, turning into that almost being he always had when he didn't possess me. I looked him in the eye, watching as he came closer to me before pulling my seraph blade out and plunging it into the thing in front of me. With a howl that chilled me to the bone, the demon exploded, covering me in ichor. The curtain fluttering open, the harsh street light now imitating a spotlight, with my weak, broken and spent form as the main attraction.

I groaned in pain, my fingers fumbling for my stele in the hopes that an iratze could ease some of the pain I felt, any of it. My fingers finally abandoned their search when they came into contact with my empty belt and it dawned on me that today I had opted against my stele during training, Great, I thought, Now what?

I dragged myself upright, wincing continuously as my body whined in protest - I was a mess and I needed to fix myself up before Jace came to drag me out of bed in the morning. I needed someone, anyone, to heal me. I fumbled for my cell phone, going through my contacts, hoping to find someone there - I was to weak to do pretty much anything else at the moment.

Clary? No she would go to Jace, who would kill me for doing this alone and not informing him, he felt it his duty as my Parabatai to do everything for me and, though I appreciated it, I didn't want him to see me in the position that demon left me in, it would break him

Izzy? No, she would react the same way as my Parabatai and,to top it off, would go to both him and Clary.

I sighed, beginning to lose hope as I realised everyone would go to someone and the Clave would eventually get involved... Unless- No. I couldn't. But- I sighed, tapping the number against my better judgement, knowing I had little time before I passed out from blood loss.

He answered on the first ring, 'Alexander?'

'Magnus, I know you're mad, but I need you- please,' I begged.

'I'm too busy to concern myself with your trivial shadowhunter affairs, Alec, perhaps your wonderboy would be a better choice?' Magnus asked, his tone biting.

'Magnus, please, I-I'm scared, I'm losing blood and-'

There was silence on the other end of the line before Magnus replied, voice chilly, 'Where are you?'

'My room.'

He hung up and I sighed, knowing I'd have to trust him as I leant against the dresser, closing my eyes and gritting my teeth as I tried to control the pain. I don't know how long I stayed there, hanging onto consciousness by the scraps of my nails when Magnus arrived, the portal he'd created vanishing as soon as he stepped out of it.

'Y-You know they'll sense that, don't you?' I reminded as he pulled out his 'health kit' as I'd named it, assessing my condition silently before setting to work, muttering spells and forcing potions down my throat until my body stabilised, the only physical remnant of it being the gashes the demon's claws had left, now only faint silver scars that shone in the artificial light that filled my room.

I got up, feeling sick and lightheaded as I walked stiffly to my wardrobe pulling out a shirt that was intact, studiously avoiding Magnus.

The warlock in question sighed, realising he'd have to initiate the conversation,'Where was your stele, Alexander?' he asked.

I refused to answer, closing my curtains, shrouding us in darkness once more.

'Alexander,' a voice whispered in my ear and I recoiled, whimpering, 'Please, not again, please.'

A ball of warm, orange light appeared as Magnus conjured it, worry etched into his face, 'It is only I, Alexander,' he whispered, kneeling and placing his hand on my shaking form in an attempt to soothe my rampant mind.

It didn't help, my mind had ventured back into the scenes of the previous three weeks, revisiting horror after horror mercilessly as I whimpered, trying to block it out, withdrawing from my surroundings, from myself. I barely felt Magnus' soothing touches as the memory of the demon threatening Magnus resurfaced, drawing a mangled cry from my lips- 'N-No, not him, not M-Magnus, t-take me instead.' I continued repeating it, a steady mantra as I retreated further and further into myself, hoping to escape the torture replaying in my own mind. I was still repeating it when I fell asleep, exhaustion dragging my heavy mind into a dreamless state of unconsciousness.

I woke to find a pair of arms wrapped around my body, in a bed that was not my own, in a room that was not my own. Panic kicked in and I shot up, reaching for my blade, my stele, anything.

A light kiss, along with a murmur of my name, was pressed to my ear and I relaxed, melting into the arms of the warlock who held me, feeling safe for the first time in weeks.

'I'm sorry, Magnus, I-' I began as last night's events began to flood back to me, wrecking the safe feeling I had grown accustomed to in Magnus' arms.

'Hush the apologies, my darling, it's okay, all I need is an explanation,' Magnus whispered, putting an end to my ramblings.

My eyes widened and my body tensed, 'Magnus, I can't, I-'

Magnus got up, turning me to face him, forcing me to meet his eye, 'See this from my perspective, would you, Alexander? First, I receive a call from the man my boyfriend was in love with for years, claiming that you and he were now an 'item' and that Clary and I were just there to experiment, then, after weeks without my beloved, I get a call dragging me to his room, only to see him close to death, I heal him, take him home and tend to him, draining myself, waking next to him to find he will not explain!' Magnus growled, glaring at me.

My mouth went dry, Jace said that? I had only asked him to get rid of Magnus, I-

'Magnus, Jace was lying, nothing- nothing ever happened between us. He and Clary are still going strong, I just- I begged him to get rid of you,' I mumbled, looking to the floor as I admitted the truth, unable to look my lover in the eyes.

Magnus sighed, 'I suspected as much, but why, my love, why?'

'I-'

Magnus snapped his fingers and all of a sudden, I was straddling him, his hands locked behind my waist as he raised an eyebrow.

'Yes?' he whispered, voice husky.

'I c-can't-' I began as he smirked, his lips making their way closer to mine as he leant forward.

'And why not?' he asked, leaving an open mouthed kiss to the corner of my lips, continuing a wet, hot trail down my neck and to my shoulder.

'B-because,' I began, floundering for an excuse as his touch overwhelmed my sense, leaving me to come apart at the seams.

I groaned, pushing him away, 'Stop it, Magnus!'

He smirked at that, 'I will... If you tell me,' he bargained, his hand travelling lower and lower down my torso.

'Fine.' I growled, 'Some stupid demon has been possessing me on and off nightly for the past few weeks, he threatened you so I made Jace get rid of you, happy?'

Magnus' hand stopped dead in it's tracks, 'And that demon hurt you that night?' he asked, voice deathly low.

I nodded, playing with the hem of my shirt.

'And he's hurt you similarly before?'

I nodded.

Magnus clenched his fists, 'Why did you not tell me, Alexander? Why cut me off? I could've helped!' he asked, sounding wounded.

'He threatened to hurt you, Magnus, I couldn't let that happen. I thought I could handle it, but it got out of control,' I confessed, pleading for Magnus to understand.

Magnus sighed, pressing a tender kiss to my forehead, 'At least I have you now,' he murmured, pulling me close.

I smiled as he buried his face into my neck, nuzzling it, inhaling my scent, 'What are you doing?' I asked, a giggle escaping my lips as his breath tickled my skin.

'I missed you, holding you, touching you,' he mumbled, caressing my sides, pressing chaste kisses to my skin, his hands finding their way to the hem of my shirt, pulling it off slowly, making sure I was okay with it.

I sighed, eyes fluttering closed as his hands began to dance over my torso, teasing me with his feather light touches but still overwhelming my senses.

'Magnus-' I began, 'No, we have to talk.'

Magnus sighed, pulling away, 'What is there to talk about?'

'Us, I need to apologise for Jace, for hiding things, for everything, I-'

'Hush, Alexander, if anything I should be sorry for taking Jonathan's word rather than coming to your aid,' he insisted.

'Put it behind us?' I asked, puppy eyes on maximum power.

He smiled, 'Put it behind us.'

The rest of the night consisted of us recounting the events of the past few weeks while lazily making out. I smiled, I loved this man with all of my being and this time I wasn't letting him go. Somehow, I'd found a way through the fear and the pain and now I was safe.